Chapter Twenty-Three

DAKOTA

Dakota wasn’t sure if he hoped Connie couldn’t see Bryce’s hand plastered on his ass as they hurried to the barn, or if he hoped she could. Either way, he was pretty sure she was on to them.

Bryce practically shoved Dakota into the barn, dragging closed the heavy doors behind them. Late afternoon sunlight stretched across the floor from the opened back doors but did little to chase the chill from the crowded space.

Only two of the six stalls were used for livestock. Two goats Dakota kept more out of habit than anything else shared one of the boxes. The other one was empty now, but Dakota’s friends often used it to isolate sick or injured animals, or as temporary housing for livestock in between permanent homes.

Furniture and boxes filled the other four stalls. Not only the overflow items from the big house Dakota and his friends had moved that day but older boxes and treasures Dakota’s parents and Tommy had been unable to part with over the years. Dakota wondered what ghosts from his past haunted the corners. He knew that one day, he and Lori would have to go through it and make a final decision about which bits of the past to hold onto and which to let go.

Bryce, too, Dakota guessed. It had been strange to see evidence of Bryce’s claim to the orchard staring up at them from the pages of a photo album. In a lot of people’s eyes, Bryce actually had the stronger claim to the land than he did, blood being thicker than water and time.

Not letting go of Dakota, Bryce dropped down onto a couch that had, up until a few hours ago, lived in the living room of his house. He tugged Dakota down onto his lap.

Dakota straddled Bryce, his arms looped loosely around his neck. It was a little scary how comfortable he felt sitting like that. Bryce was just so sturdy and incredibly sexy.

Bryce wrapped his hands around Dakota’s hips, his thumbs rubbing in the crease of his thighs. Part of Bryce’s height came from his incredibly long and muscular legs. When Dakota sat on his lap, he had to tilt his head up for the kiss Dakota was more than happy to give.

Bryce deepened the kiss, his fingers slipping up under Dakota’s shirt. Dakota tried to lose himself in the moment - Bryce’s body warming up the air between them, his fingertip leaving goosebumps in their wake as the trailed across the small of his back – but the knowledge that Bryce’s mother was in the house kept nagging at his consciousness.

With a soft nip to Bryce’s lower lip, Dakota pulled away. “Wasn’t this morning enough for you?” he asked with a smile trying to not make it look like a rejection.

Bryce’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. Dakota loved all the traces of Bryce’s past that were written on his skin. The still-angry-looking scar from his knee surgery was merely the most recent.

His nose had been broken and reset several times, leaving a bump Dakota liked to trace with his fingertips. Likewise, his collarbones and shins bore testament to multiple breaks and fractures.

Hockey sticks had split his cheeks, and skate blades had carved scars into his skin in multiple places. His perfect smile owed more to cosmetic dentistry than genetics.

One night, Dakota had lavished attention on each bone as Bryce numbered past concussions, breaks. and bruises: skull, ribs, fingers, toes, elbows, cheekbones, and jaw.

Hours later, sweaty, breathless, and sated, Bryce declared the mind-blowing pleasure worth every second of pain he had paid for it.

“I never can get enough,” Bryce answered. “I have a lot of lost time to make up for. Besides, I’m not working out nearly as much as I used to. I have a lot of extra energy.”

“Are you telling me you’re going to get fat?” Dakota made a fake shocked face.

“You bet,” Bryce said, patting his still-rock-hard stomach. “And probably bald.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“I can’t wait. Will you still want to kiss me? Will you still need me? Will you still feed me when I’m sixty-four and fat?” He smiled to show he didn’t really expect an answer and slid his hands back under Dakota’s shirt.

Dakota shivered more at the realization that he wanted to say yes despite having only known the other man for five days than at the cold air on his rapidly over-heating skin.

Desperate, he cast about for some way to change the subject. “If you want me to keep feeding you that long, you’re going to have to come out to your mom at some point.” Oh shit. He hadn’t meant to say that.

Bryce’s smiled faltered and his hands quit their exploration of Dakota’s back. “I know,” he said quietly. “Just give me some time, okay?”

One on hand Dakota felt like shit for pushing. He’d known he was gay from a young age. His parents had been incredibly open, liberal people with friends of every race, gender, and sexual identity, and his knees had still been knocking together when he’d actually had to say the words ‘I’m gay’ to them. How much harder would it be for Bryce?

On the other hand, he’d sworn to himself he would never be anyone’s dirty little secret ever again.

“Of course. I didn’t mean you had to do it right now. Just eventually would be nice.” He slipped off Bryce’s lap.

Bryce didn’t let him get far, though, wrapping his arm around Dakota’s shoulders and pulling him tightly against his side.

“I will tell her, obviously. I’ll tell my whole family.” He raked his fingers through Dakota’s hair. “I’m not ashamed or anything. I’m just scared, I guess. It could change a lot of things.”

“How do you think they’ll take it?” They hadn’t talked about Bryce’s family much at all. He knew Bryce was the oldest of five, dad left when the twins were babies. For all he knew, they were raging homophobes. Bryce response to his revelations that he was gay indicated that wasn’t the case, but you could never predict how family would react.

“I don’t know,” Bryce answered. “I don’t think they’ll disown me or anything.”

Not when you’re supporting all of them, Dakota thought cynically.

The chill seeped through Dakota’s t-shirt. He’d been sweating in the house after hours of moving. He shivered against Bryce.

Bryce glanced around the darkening barn. Standing up, he pulled a soft-looking quilt from the top of a box.

Angling himself against the arm of the couch, Bryce settled Dakota between his legs and tucked the blanket over both of them.

Dakota relaxed against Bryce’s chest, suppressing a sigh.

Bryce rested an elbow against the back of the couch, running his fingers softly through Dakota’s hair. His other hand rested on Dakota’s stomach beneath the blanket.

In the quiet of the barn, Dakota could hear mice rustling through the straw lining the floors of the stall, and the soft thump of one of the barn cats jumping off a box on the hunt for the mice.

The force of Bryce’s exhale ruffled Dakota’s hair. “When I’m with you,” he said, “everything seems clear, and I know what I want.”

“Yeah? Really?” Dakota tried to twist around and look at Bryce, but Bryce tightened his arm. Dakota got it. Some things were easier to say when you weren’t face-to-face.

“Yeah, really. I know I want to be with you.” Bryce’s hand on Dakota’s stomach stilled.

Dakota’s lungs froze.

After a few long seconds, Bryce poked Dakota hard in the ribs. “Breathe.”

Dakota inhaled, and to his complete surprise, Bryce laughed. Actually, it was more like a giggle. “What’s so funny?”

“You. I didn’t mean to scare you. I wasn’t implying that you had to want me back, in more than the way you obviously do.” His hand slipped down under the waistband of Dakota’s jeans and he ran his fingers lightly through the soft hair there. Dakota’s cock stirred. It didn’t care that they were having a serious discussion.

“I just mean, when we’re together, I know that it could be really good. And that I’m definitely gay.”

“But?” Dakota hooked his arms around Bryce’s knees.

Bryce exhaled. “But. There are a lot of people depending on me. And it’s a lot of money to walk away from. I don’t have a lot of years left. You know what the average retirement age from the NHL?”

Dakota shook his head, knowing Bryce wasn’t really expecting an answer.

“Twenty-eight, give or take. I’m way past my prime.”

“Only in that one specific world. Far from it in the real world.” He dug his fingers into Bryce’s thighs one at a time.

“You keep saying that, but hockey is my real world.”

“I know.” He did know. He just didn’t like it. But he had zero claim on Bryce. There wasn’t one thing Dakota had to offer that Bryce could get more of and better from someone else.

“It’s easy to say you’re gay here on the farm when it’s just me and you. What’s going to happen when you’re back on the team?” Dakota wished he could shut himself up. He’d lost his brain to mouth filter somewhere along the way. Why did he keep pushing it? Being in Bryce’s arms fried his synapses every time, even when they weren’t doing anything.

“Believe me, that’s been on my mind constantly. Part of me wants to call everyone I know and tell this huge unbelievable thing I’ve found. And part of me wants to stay in this cocoon alone with you forever.”

“I don’t think that’s an option.”

“Not really, but it’s nice to dream.”

Dakota knew that fan in the airport had only been the tip of the iceberg. In certain circles, Bryce was a public figure. Just because Dakota hadn’t recognized him, didn’t mean he could be anonymous outside the farm.

“Are there any out professional athletes?” Dakota wracked his brain trying to name any professional athletes at all Michael Jordan? Did he still play? Of course, Dakota mostly knew him from the Space Jam movie. He felt Bryce shrug.

“No. Not really. Not anybody active in the NHL, NBA, NFL, or MLB.”

Dakota craned his neck to give Bryce a look.

“Pro hockey, basketball, football, and baseball.” Bryce tilted his head. “Of course, there must be some who are in closet. And clueless idiots like me. There’s this rookie on my team, moved to Seattle with his boyfriend. Apparently, everyone knew but me.”

“Yeah? Is he cute?” Dakota asked.

Bryce laughed. “Yeah, he is actually. And much closer to your age than I am. He was having boyfriend problems when I left. Should I give him your number when I get back?” He looked at Dakota, trying to keep his face expressionless, but Dakota could read the worry in his eyes.

“Nah,” he said, settling back down against Bryce. “I like my men over the hill and fat.”

Bryce pulled Dakota up higher against his body. He ran his hands up and down Dakota’s thighs, squeezing the muscles. He nudged Dakota’s head to the side so he could glide his mouth along his jaw and place soft kisses and bites on his neck.

Dakota murmured in pleasure. This was a much better idea than talking. Obligingly, he tilted his head to give Bryce more access to the sensitive underside of his jaw. He reached up to wrap his hands around Bryce’s biceps. He’d never been a fan of the overly muscled type, but after a week with Bryce, he was a zealous convert.

“You know,” Bryce said, pulling his mouth off of Dakota after way too short of a time.

Dakota grumbled his displeasure.

Bryce ignored him. “I’ve been on the road for twenty years. I married the girl who lived next door to the house I billeted in. Except for Nikki, I’ve only had short-term things that didn’t work out.”

“I wonder why,” Dakota said snidely.

“Lots of reasons,” Bryce replied, not rising to the bait. “But now I could have a home. Now I know what it feels like when you are with the right person.”

“And you think—” he couldn’t say it. He wasn’t arrogant enough to think that Bryce meant he wanted to settle down with him.

“I think that it could be you.” Bryce dropped a kiss on the top of Dakota’s head.

Holy crap. Bryce sounded so sure of himself, so positive that he wanted Dakota. Something fluttered painfully in Dakota’s chest. It felt like hope, so he squashed it down quickly.

For the past week, he’d been the expert; teaching Bryce how to do everything from how to give a blowjob to how to drive a stick shift. The blowjob lessons were going better than the driving lessons. To be fair, there had been more of them.

Now, for the first time, Dakota felt each bit of the ten years separating them. Twenty years ago, he’d been four years old, and Bryce had already been living on his own and earning a salary.

“You can’t know that. You’ve only known me five days. Barely. And a good half of that time, we’ve been naked.”

“I think that helped a lot with knowing.” Bryce sighed. “I know it’s ridiculous. And I keep telling myself that. But it doesn’t seem to be making a difference. I swear I felt it the moment you took off your motorcycle helmet. Shaking your hair out like some sexy shampoo commercial.”

“I did not.”

“Yeah, you did. It was great. I remember thinking, ‘Well, if this is the last thing I see before I die, that’s not too bad.’”

“You did not.”

“Desmond Tutu says ‘We are made for goodness. We are made for love. We are made for friendliness. We are made for togetherness. We are made for all of the beautiful things that you and I know.’ So we were made for love. And fate brought us together.”

Dakota grabbed Bryce’s hand and pulled it to his mouth, kissing his palm gently. He tangled their fingers together. “You are banned from reading. I’m going to wake up one day, and you’ll be in the yard leading a drum circle and burning sage.”

“Too late. I’m hooked. Look,” Bryce said, “I knew Nikki for five years before we got married and it still didn’t work out. And, not to make you stop breathing again, I never felt with her the way I do around you.”

Something inside Dakota clenched at those words. The feeling in Dakota's heart had to be imminent heartbreak. Bryce was going to make Dakota fall in love with him and then leave, just like everyone else had. And it was going to hurt just as badly, maybe even worse. Yes, definitely worse.

An unexpected thought rose up from a previously silent part of his heart. Heart? Soul? Mind? Dakota couldn’t tell. He’d have to ask Bryce; he was the expert in this sort of thing now.

It will be worth it.

Sure, Dakota had imagined a future with Bryce. How could he not when he’d gone to sleep and woken up with Bryce every day for the last week? Was that love? Infatuation? A response to desperate loneliness and fear?

It will be worth it.

Would it, though?

Bryce wasn’t in love, Dakota knew. He had simply imprinted on Dakota, like a baby duckling bonding with the first person it saw as it popped out of its shell.

Dakota had popped Bryce’s…shell. That’s all. “I’m the first guy you’ve ever done anything with. The only guy you’ve done anything with. What if it’s not me, but just men in general? You should be with other people.”

“You’re not the only person I’ve ever been with,” Bryce reminded him. “Just the only man. But I’m not a kid, and I know the kind of person I like. And I’ve dated enough to know that what we have is good.”

“Well, I haven’t.” There. He’d said it.

“No?”

“No. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I don’t have a lot of experience with dating and only one long relationship and that was a fucking disaster.”

“Embezzling Kyle? That guy?”

“You remembered his name?”

“I remember every second we’ve spent together,” Bryce said simply, like it was an incontrovertible fact.

So it wasn’t just Dakota that replayed every conversation, every kiss, caressing them until they shone in his memory. “Me, too,” he confessed.

“So tell me about this asshole. Looks like we’re at that part of this relationship.”

So they had a relationship. Granted, it was a relationship with an expiration date, not quite the happily ever after of fairy tales, but Dakota had never believed in that anyway. Endings were never happy.

“Okay.” Dakota was glad he couldn’t see Bryce’s face. Then he wouldn’t have to see Bryce’s reaction when he learned what an idiot Dakota had been. He gave Bryce the short, but brutal version.