Chapter Twenty-Nine

BRYCE

“Best Thanksgiving ever,” Bryce said to his mother as she handed him a cup of hot cider. “Thanks.”

She toasted him with her own cup. “It is pretty fabulous.”

“Is this from our apples, too?” he asked.

“It is. How amazing is that?”

“Completely. It’s crazy that everything was homemade. Even the alcohol!” Bryce had never seen so much homebrewed beer, and there had been fruit wine made from last summer’s blackberries, plums, and cherries. He had even tried the dandelion wine, finding it surprisingly delicious. Even the whiskey was from a distillery in town.

Bryce may have sampled more of the homemade spirits than necessary, but he sure felt great. He loved everybody here. Some more than others.

Dakota laughed from where he sat on a hay bale around the bonfire they had fired up after dinner had been cleared away. “Okay, fine,” he said to a question Bryce hadn’t heard.

Someone handed Dakota a guitar, and he bent forward to tune it. The fire threw red and yellow highlights onto his hair and turned his cheeks pink with the heat.

He closed his eyes and smiled as he listened to guitar. When he opened them, he looked right over and Bryce and smiled.

Bryce inhaled through his teeth, as the joy in Dakota’s face took his breath away. No one had ever looked at him like that before.

“Oh, honey,” Connie said softly from beside him.

Shit. He’d forgotten she was there. Fuck it. There was no point in trying to hiding it from her anymore.

“Yeah,” he said, an admission of something she hadn’t needed to ask. “I know. I wanted to tell you before. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t even know where to start.”

“He’s pretty amazing,” Connie said.

Bryce crossed his arms and looked down at her. Unblinking, she held his gaze.

“You’re taking this huge revelation scarily well,” he accused. “There was supposed to be more questions, possibly some crying and at least one or two ‘are you sure’s? I had it planned out.”

Connie quirked her lips. “You two are about as subtle as an elephant in a tutu. I may be old, but know goo-goo eyes when I see them.”

Bryce huffed a protest.

“Please,” Connie said. “You practically had little cartoon hearts floating around your head just now. And I doubt you’ve spent more than one night in your own bed since I got here.”

“Mom!” Bryce’s face flamed, and he looked away.

Connie laughed. “I’ve had a couple of weeks to get used to the idea. I was just waiting for you to tell me.”

They were quiet for a minute, listening to Dakota and the bonfire crowd trying to sing Van Morrison’s “Brown-Eyed Girl.” Voices faded out and joined in as people forgot and then remembered the lyrics.

“Are you okay?” Connie asked. “It’s a pretty big thing.”

Bryce barked a laugh. “Realizing I’m gay?”

“Are you sure?” Connie asked. “How’s that?”

How do you know for sure? he’d asked Dakota a few weeks ago; a lifetime ago.

“Yeah. I’m sure.” As much as it would have been romantic to say it was just something about Dakota, he was honest enough to recognize his attraction of men had always been there.

“I always had my suspicions.” Connie rubbed his back and leaned into him.

He put his arm around his mother, the person who had always been his biggest supporter and fan. The person who would always be there for him. “I didn’t. I felt like I got back-checked by Sidney Crosby. I did not see this coming.”

“You never do,” Connie said.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asked her.

She hugged him, and leaned her head against his side. “It’s the only kind of love I do believe in.”

Jake and Nikki showing up had thrown him for a major loop. They’d wanted to surprise him, and that they had. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them. It was just that they were from, as Dakota would put it, the real world.

They represented a lot of things he didn’t want to think about but knew he had to. He could feel his time in this little private space coming to an end. There were decisions he had to make, and responsibilities he had to face.

“Everyone is still here on Sunday, right?” he asked his mother.

“I think Amy and Andy are leaving fairly early. They have a long drive. And Julie and David are flying out around noon. Why?”

“I want to have a family meeting and talk about some stuff.” He’d have to get everything figured out by Saturday night then. He’d put the idea of him retiring on the table and see what they thought.

“Including Dakota?” Connie asked.

“Include him in the meeting?” That had never occurred to him.

“No. I mean are you going to tell your sisters and brother about you and him.”

“Yeah. I have too. Should I break it up? Say, I’ve realized I’m gay, and let that settle, and then bring up Dakota? Or just throw it all out there at once?”

“They’re pretty smart, Bryce. I think they’re going to make the connection.”

He could tell his mother was trying not to laugh at him.

The group around the fire burst into laughter, and Bryce ached to be over there, but something kept him apart. He wouldn’t be able to look at Dakota like he wanted to if he did. So for now, he’d get his fill of looking before he joined them on the hay bales. Just like he would put off facing the real world until Saturday.

Why couldn’t time to stop for a while?

Connie reached up and turned his face to hers. “Why do you look so sad, honey?”

Bryce sighed. “Because going back to the real world is going to suck. I don’t know how to make this work. Leaving aside the whole coming out nightmare, even if that were no big deal, could you see Dakota in Seattle hanging out with the wives and girlfriends?”

“No.”

“Me, neither.”

“I have to tell Nikki.” Over by the fire, Nikki was leaning against Jake. She saw Bryce looking at her and waved. “Maybe not about Dakota specifically, since god only knows what’s going to happen with that. But the whole ‘gay now’ thing.”

“I think you should,” Connie agreed.

He had a feeling was facing a big ‘I told you so,’ but it would be a relief for both of them, in a way.

All these years later and they still both felt guilty for not being able to make it work. It should have worked. He’d never had a better friend than Nikki.

But if he was gay, had been gay his whole life, then the divorce wasn’t anybody’s fault. Absolution for all.

Lori jogged up to them, slamming into Bryce. He barely moved.

“You’re like a mountain.” She grabbed his arm. “Hey, Connie. Come on you two. You have to sing. It’s the rules. First timers have to sing at least one song.”

She tried to drag him forward, but he held his ground with almost no effort.

“Ugh, you suck.” She butted her head into his arm. “Listen, Gigantor, don’t make me take you down. I might bruise you, and my brother would be pissed if I put a scratch on that gorgeous face of yours.”

She froze, darting her eyes at Connie.

“Don’t worry, she knows,” Bryce reassured her. He let her pull him a few steps forward.

“Yeah, well if you two don’t stop making goo-goo eyes at each other, people on other planets will know it.”

Connie burst out laughing. “That’s what I told him!”

“Listen to your mother. She’s very smart.”

Bryce put his arms around both of them. “All the women in my family are too smart. It’s a burden we men have to bear.”

They both punched him at the same time. “Ow.” They were close enough to the fire that Bryce could see his brother and sister sitting on a hay bale. Kelly sipped something from a coffee mug, and Keith chomped on a brownie.

“Keith! Girls are hitting me,” he complained.

Keith just laughed and waved him over. “You probably deserved it. Come on in. I’ve been told we have to sing.”

People shuffled over, making room for the three of them. Lori sat next to Dustin. Bryce made sure to sit out of Dakota’s direct line of sight. He didn’t want to accidentally make ‘goo-goo eyes’ at him, whatever those were.

The sound of the movie being played against the side of the barn could be heard over the crackling of the fire. It was some musical Bryce almost recognized, and the people watching it were singing along.

Someone passed him a plate with pies, cakes, and brownies on it, and a handful of paper plates. Everything looked delicious. He’d already had desert, but one more couldn’t hurt. Much.

Man, he was going to pay for this when he started training again. His workouts had been minimal at best since moving to Colorado, and his injury was only partly to blame.

“How are the brownies?” he asked Keith. “I can’t remember the last time I saw you eat something unhealthy.”

Keith laughed. “The brownies are awesome. Special Colorado recipe. Not for the kids.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” answered one of Dakota’s friends. “But they’re super potent, so just take like a little piece at first. Edibles will sneak up on you, man.”

Bryce really wanted to ask Dakota’s opinion, but there was no way he was going to look at the other man right now. “I better not,” he said finally. “I think I’ve had too much to drink.”

“Right on,” the guy said. “Then try the rhubarb pie. It’s insane. I made it myself.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Bryce helped himself.

“Okay, so what are we going to sing?” Rainbow asked. “You guys can pick. Whatever it is, someone here can probably play it.”

“I really can’t sing,” Bryce warned them. “I’m not just saying that.”

“He really isn’t,” Kelly added.

“Just pick a song, Lowery.” Nikki’s voice startled Bryce. He hadn’t seen her standing behind Kelly.

“I don’t know any songs.”

“I do,” Connie said. “Do you know Puff the Magic Dragon? I used to sing that to the kids when they were little. They should know the words.”

“Oh, yeah,” Keith said. “That’s right. You did.”

“Excellent.” Dakota strummed a few chords, looking for an easy key. “Okay, everyone ready?”

There were nods and murmurs of assent.

Dakota leaned forward to look at Bryce. “You ready?”

Looking at his smile, Bryce knew whatever happened after this, it was worth it. This moment was worth all the heartbreak to come.

“Yeah. I’m ready. Bring it on.”

The movie ended, marshmallows were toasted, and the fire burned to embers. Parents carried sleepy children to bed and the people who were staying found couches, open floor space, or a spot in a popup trailer to sleep in.

Bryce insisted that Jake and Robbie take his room, saying he’d find a couch to sleep on.

After everyone was settled in the big house, Bryce walked behind the barn to wait for Dakota where they had arranged to meet. His breath showed in the chilly night air; the moon a bare sliver in the dark sky. Clouds moved slowly across the sky from west to east. It was funny how quickly he’d gotten used to looking west over the hills to see what weather was moving their way.

He loved standing in the sunlight and seeing rain already falling on the furthest hills. When the sun from the clearing sky chased the black clouds it threw rainbows across the plains. The land that had seemed too open and a little barren to him a month ago, now showed him new beauty every day.

Stiff grass crunched under Dakota’s feet as he came up behind Bryce. “Hi,” he said, slipping his arms around Bryce from behind and pushing his hair aside to kiss the back of his neck.

Bryce hummed and tilted his head so Dakota could have better access. “Everyone settled in your place?”

Dakota rested his chin on Bryce’s shoulder. “Yep. Yours?”

“As settled as it gets.” He took a deep breath of the crisp air. “Gorgeous night.”

“Was it a good day, too?” Dakota’s warm breath curled underneath the neck of the sweatshirt he’d changed into.

“Perfect day.” He covered Dakota’s hands with his own, pulling them tighter around him. “I officially told my mother.”