Curled up on my eggshell couch with a fire warming the room and a glass of Pinot Noir warming my stomach, I tell Kate, “Justin bought up half of Bed Bath & Beyond and Gap kids that day. And over the past week, I’ve only come home to sleep. I’ve been with him every moment except when my dad gave his speech here. And Justin texted me about half a dozen times while I was gone.”

“Why haven’t you stayed at his place?” she asks between sips of her own glass of wine.

“I did one other time, but it’s too hard not to have sex.”

“Stupid question coming at you in two seconds,” she dryly informs me.

“We’re both terrified she’ll walk in.”

“Lock the door.”

Shrugging, I peacefully stare at the gorgeous flames. “We started with random, pseudo-anonymous sex in public places. I think we’re enjoying getting to know each other.”

She’s silent for too long.

“What, Kate? What are you thinking?”

“That you’ve tripped into the friend zone.”

Chuckling I take a sip and tell her, “Friends don’t make out like we do.”

“I’m just saying, Jaimie, what if he’s using you?”

I nearly drop my glass from the punch of that horrific sentence. “Jesus, thanks a lot.”

“I’m just worried—”

Angrily I cut her off. “—You were telling me he liked me and to believe I’m worthy of a man like him. Now you’re saying he’s just using me? Like I’m some dish towel or something?”

“No! It’s just...don’t you think it’s strange how quickly he’s become like a boyfriend? You’re seeing him every day! Didn’t you say he told you never to care about him.”

“He said something like that, yes,” I whisper, escaping into my wine. “Didn’t he say it while he was inside you.”

“I think he was just scared.”

Groaning, “Oh, no, Jaimie, listen to yourself.”

“What?”

“You’ve got the love goggles on.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Have you paid for anything?”

“Of course I haven’t! Just the food that first night, but he didn’t ask for that. I was getting take-out already.”

“Nothing else?”

“No, not one thing. Not even a coffee. You’re being harsh, Kate. And you’ve really switched tunes on me.”

“I just think the timing is fishy.” She sighs and takes a loud sip of her wine. “I don’t want you getting your hopes up if he’s just rebounding from finding out he’s a dad. Using you to ease the blow of this whole thing. Are the reporters still lurking at his building?”

“No, they’ve given up since he won’t give them comments to print.”

We’re silent after I tell her this, but the air is different now. I look forward to these calls. Drinking wine with my best girlfriend over the phone makes me feel like she could be in the same town as I am, not in an entirely different state.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I was just doing what I’m supposed to.”

“Well, quit it,” I smile, relieved. “I’m going to read a book and go to sleep.”

“Okay, Jaimie. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

When the phone goes dead, my hand floats over to the cardboard box to set it down. I’m not reading anything tonight. I lied. She’s just made me look at something I’ve been avoiding.

Is she right?

I think she is. That’s what’s terrifying.

I haven’t allowed myself to dwell, but there have been signs that Justin is holding me at arm’s length. I’m not worried about the sex. I know we’re both on the same page about it. With Hannah grieving and spending afternoons with her grandmother who is fading quickly, it’s been important to both of us that no doors be locked and she can feel safe. She’s cried herself to sleep four times, completely inconsolable. The one day I visited Claire with them, Hannah screamed and wouldn’t let go of her grandmother’s wheelchair. It was heartbreaking.

But I have felt distance from him at times.

“He’s got a lot on his mind,” I murmur as I take a sip of Pinot, staring at the flames for a long time.

“Oh, stop it,” I groan as memories hit me of three separate occasions where I’ve walked in on him talking on speaker with his brothers and Hannah. All three times he’s hung up quickly. Thought it was my imagination the first time.

But it’s hard to think that on the second.

And the third.

Sometimes we have to lie to ourselves. If we don’t, we have to make changes we’re not ready to make.

My phone rings and I glance to see Justin’s name on the screen. Snatching the phone up I answer, “Hey there.”

“What are you doing?”

“Enjoying a glass of wine and a fire.”

He hisses through his teeth. “Oh, that sounds good.”

“Jealous?”

His voice is deeper as he says, “Very. I wish I were there.”

“Come over.”

He chuckles, “Can’t. Hannah just fell asleep.”

“Did she cry tonight?”

“No, just looked sad. One of her better nights.”

As a spark flies out and extinguishes mid-air, I bring my wine glass to my lips. “Sorry I had to go. Needed to put some things together for my dad.”

Justin’s sexy voice sobers up. “Almost the election.”

“How are you doing with that?”

“Good,” he lies.

“Do you want me to call you out?”

“No,” he exhales. “Let me pretend I’m fine with it.”

“Okay.” More sparks crackle as a piece of charred wood breaks off from the rest. “You want me to come stay the night?”

There’s a long pause and I start to climb off the couch in anticipation of a yes.

“No, I need to catch up on some things. Now that I’ve got my desk in the main room, it’s staring at me. Giving me shit for not paying attention to it since a child took over my life.”

I relax back onto the couch and tuck my feet under me. “Good, I didn’t feel like driving anyway.”

He laughs. “Oh really? You didn’t want to come?”

“Nope. Was just doing it for you,” I smile.

“Who’s lying now, Jaimie? Okay, have a good night. I’ll call you later tomorrow.”

“Okay. Go be productive for once.”

“My secretary says she doesn’t remember what I look like.”

“Good night Justin,” I whisper, picturing him staring out at the city like he so often does during calls.

“Night gorgeous.”

The phone goes dead and I hold it to my heart.