My chest is buzzing with a feeling I’m not familiar with. It’s hard to breathe. I’ve cleared my throat twice but it’s just getting worse.

Strapping Hannah into her seat, my fingers aren’t doing what I tell them to do like I’ve lost brain-to-muscle communication. “Can you click that for me?”

She nods and snaps the buckle into place without a problem.

“Could you always do that?”

Another nod.

Shaking my head I close the passenger door and head around to get in, but my eyes are trained on Jaimie’s house. Can’t see her in the window. Is she okay? Why does my chest feel like this?

“Hannah, stay there,” I point at my daughter and head for the house, clicking the key fob and locking the Audi as I go. At the door my fingers hover over the knob and I hear Jaimie crying inside. Closing my eyes I squat down and put my head in my hands. I have to get out of here.

Unlocking the Audi, I climb in fast. Start the damn thing and taking a deep breath, my eyes never leave her kitchen window. What is wrong with me? Fuck I can’t breathe.

“Why aren’t we going?”

“Hang on, Hannah, I need a second.”

After taking deep breaths for a good five minutes, I safely reverse out and drive like an old lady all the way home, telling myself, You’ve got a little girl in the car who depends on you to keep her safe.

At my house we go inside and Hannah heads for the couch, setting Lou next to her as she picks up the remote. “You good out here for a while?” She doesn’t answer me so that’s a yes. Locking the security chain out of habit, I head for my room and pace.

I know what Jaimie wants from me.

She wants in.

Well, I can’t let that happen.

I don’t believe in that shit.

I can’t. Not after what I saw and what I know.

Pulling out my phone I call Jason. “Hey, can you come over tonight to watch the news with me?”

“Sure,” he answers. “Just me?”

“Yeah, is that okay? Or do you have to bring your wife everywhere?”

He’s silent. “What the fuck was that about?”

“I’m just irritated.”

“That I’m married?”

“That everything’s changed.”

Jason exhales. “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. But don’t take that shit out on me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I don’t want to defend it.”

“Right,” I mutter, staring at the art on my wall. A few nights ago when I made them salmon and mashed potatoes, Jaimie said I need color in my home. This piece of shit painting is black and white, and it’s bugging the hell out of me now. “Are you coming?”

“Yes, with booze.”

“Lots of booze.”

“You want Mom to babysit Hannah?”

I blink a few times. “That’s fucking genius. Yes. I’ll call her.”

We hang up and in less than an hour Mom’s knocking on my door. I rush to swing it open and hug her as hard as I can. “Thank you!”

She laughs, separating to look at me. “It wasn’t necessary to try to take this on all by yourself, Justin.”

“I haven’t been alone. Jaimie’s been helping.” My voice trials off. Mom’s looking at me in that knowing way she does.

She glances over to the couch. “Hi Hannah!”

“Hi!”

Mom mumbles, shaking her head, “The invention of the television. She didn’t even look over. Now tell me about Jaimie.”

“Nothing to tell.”

She laughs under her breath, warm brown eyes refusing to accept that as an answer. “What’s she like?”

“She’s a lady. Very smart. Kind. Great with Hannah.”

“But it’s not serious?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not.”

In thought Mom bites her lips. “Do you care for this woman?”

I want to say no. I’m trying to deny it. “Yeah, I do. But it doesn’t matter.”

Frowning, she says, “I don’t understand you, Justin. Why doesn’t it matter? It’s the only thing that matters.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Being a Senator is what matters to me. Serving the people of Georgia and making changes we’ve needed for a long time, that’s what matters, Mom.” I jog my chin toward Hannah. “And now being a father matters to me. But I don’t want a wife.”

“If you did, would she be the one you’d want?”

“Fuck,” I mutter, grabbing my chest.

She rushes forward. “What is it? Are you in pain? Is your left arm numb?”

“No, my chest feels heavy today. I just…I don’t know what it is.”

Her frown relaxes and she sighs. “Oh, Justin. What happened to you, honey?”

“Mom, it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m just under a lot of stress.”

Shaking her head like I’m a lost cause she says, “Well, if you’re going to choose career over spending your life with someone, then I guess I can find solace in the fact that your career helps a lot of people.” She touches my cheek. “I’m so sorry about your having to wait until the next election for your turn. But I’m very proud of you. Don’t think I’m not.” I follow Mom to the couch where she asks my daughter, “Hannah, would you like to play in a yard today with real grass and everything?”

My daughter’s face lights up. “Yes!”

“Good. Come with me. We’re going to have some fun together.” She shoots me a look. “This Penthouse isn’t good for children.”

“Mom, don’t make me sorry I called you.” I grab the remote and click off the Disney channel.

“Oooooh, can I take her shopping?” Mom claps excitedly. “I always wanted daughters and now I’ve got three grand-daughters! I’m so lucky!!!” She holds her hand out and Hannah takes it, grabbing Lou on the way. Mom winks at me and whispers, “Thank you for calling me. I’m going to love this.”

“I’ll see you tonight, Hannah.”

“Okay,” she says in her twinkly voice as they head off together.

Mom calls back, “Do you have to watch the news? Can’t you just avoid it?”

“I’m not sticking my head in the sand.”

“Oh, alright,” she shrugs. “I’ll be sending you light, honey. I’m glad Jason will be with you.” Under her breath, she mutters, “Someone’s gotta be.”

“I heard that!”

She waves without looking back, closing the front door behind them.

Silence follows.

Grabbing my chest I clear my throat, wincing.

This is the first time I’ve been alone in my penthouse since I went to give that final speech in Savannah. I blink against the pain in my chest and yank my phone from my pocket, thumb hovering.

I have to call her. My hand is shaking as I dial. Seconds snail by. Her voicemail comes on and I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever heard it. She’s always answered, every time I’ve called. I’m not dumb enough to think she didn’t hear the phone. She doesn’t want to talk to me.

It will be hours before Jason gets here. Leaning against one of the metal frames I stay right here without moving as time slowly steals the sun.