At The Bohemian I’ve left word with the front desk for Jason to meet me in the bar when he gets here. Claire is sleeping in my room while Hannah watches television there. My Savannah driver has gone home with extra money in his pockets to ensure his silence. From the respect I saw in his eyes as he objected, I’ve little fear he’ll spill details about this morning to anyone. Nothing was done that I’m ashamed about – I just want to protect Hannah as much as I can. The media can be vicious or kind, and you never know which until it happens.

“Justin!”

I look over with relief as Jason explodes into the bar. We embrace as I tell him, “Thank you for getting here so quickly. Did you bring the Escalade?”

“Yeah, what else would I drive? My phone blew up but I turned it off. Something told me to hear it from you, first. Are you sick? God, please don’t tell me you’re sick. Did you find a lump somewhere or something? It’s in your balls isn’t it? I knew something was wrong even before you called. I had that gut feeling, you know?”

“I’m healthy. My balls are fine. Sit down, Jason.” I call out to the cocktail waitress, “Can you bring some water for my brother, too? Thanks.” We sit next to each other at a secluded table. He’s staring at me like the suspense might kill him if I don’t get on with it. “Remember Tanny?”

He frowns, “Tanny Walters? Waitress at Hob Nob and then The Vortex. I remember her, yeah.”

“She died two nights ago.”

“Oh my God. How?”

“She was walking home from work, in dark clothes and someone didn’t see her.”

“Fuck! That’s terrible. But why are you this upset about it? God, I haven’t seen her in, what, four years? How about you?”

“It wasn’t four. It was almost six. Remember when Jake first met Drew? We were twenty-seven, or almost. We had dinner at The Vortex. Remember I disappeared with Tanny, and you guys gave me a hard time?”

“You did that a bunch of times so I barely remember the one, but okay. Didn’t you guys hook up more than once?”

Ruefully, I nod. “We did. That was the last time.”

Jason mutters to himself, “Was that really almost six years ago? Yeah, I guess it was. Emma’s three now. Ethan’s just born. Sofia and Ben are…”

“Okay, let’s not do this right now.”

“Sorry. So, I still don’t understand…” His eyes change. “Oh shit. Are you about to tell me what I think you are?”

“I have a daughter.”

Like someone shot a cannon at him Jason hits the back of his chair. “Justin!”

“I know.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Raise her.”

Dumbstruck, his eyes go wider. “What?!”

Over the lump growing in my throat, I croak, “Her name is Hannah. She’s upstairs.”

“Whoa,” Jason breathes. “She’s upstairs? Your daughter…is upstairs. You have a child. And she’s in this building.”

If there’s anyone in the world who knows how fucked up this is, it’s Jason. He’s the good parts of me and I am his shadows. I’m not meant to be a dad. What kind of an example will I be?

“Jase…I’m scared, man.”

He stands up and motions for me to get out of my chair. “Come here.” With tears in my eyes I rise. He hugs me. “I’m here with you, Justin. Our whole family will rally around you for this.”

We pull apart with me choking on the words, “You wanna meet her?”

He quietly nods. “Yeah, I really do.” The cocktail waitress is approaching with his water. He shoves his hands in his pockets and tells her, “No, thank you. Sorry about that, but we have to leave.”

As he and I walk to the elevator, I fill him in on all the major details of what happened this morning. My speech. What the doctor at the hospital told me. Tanny’s home. He nods and takes it all in, not interrupting until the elevator doors open on my floor and I say, “And after what Jaimie said to me last night, you should have seen her face.”

“Wait, who’s Jaimie?”

Before I can stop myself, I snap, “Well, if you’d been around, you’d know.”

He grabs my arm. “Hey! I’m sorry, Justin. I’ve been distracted. Maybe now you can understand. I’m having a baby! You know how long I’ve wanted this?” He searches my stubbornness and his shoulders concede responsibility. “You’re right. I should have been here for you. I’m just being defensive because I feel like shit. Our cousins were there and I wasn’t? That’s not right. I should have been here.”

I take a deep breath. “It’s fine. I’m on edge. But yeah, you’ve been absent for a long time.”

“I’m really sorry, Justin. I won’t leave you alone again.”

Feeling forgiveness seep in, I shrug, “You know what? It doesn’t matter now. So much more is at stake. The campaign isn’t important.”

As I turn away he grabs my arm. “Hey! It is important! You’ve wanted this your whole life. And I have to say, I’m really fucking proud of you right now.”

A crooked smile appears on my face. “Thanks.”

“Now who’s Jaimie?”

I rake both hands through my hair, holding my head for a long time as I think of how to answer that. “She’s a woman who…” I stop, trying to understand my own opinion on this since I’ve never given it thought. “She’s a woman who got under my skin.”

His eyebrows go up. “That’s a first.”

“And she’s Senator Rothdale’s daughter.”

His laughter explodes in my face. “Of course she is! Only you would shit where you eat.”

I chuckle, “I like to make things as difficult as possible.”

“Do you care about her?” he asks.

The fact is, I do. I just don’t want to admit it. These months on the campaign trail have been interesting for me. I wasn’t aware of it at first but I worked harder at my speeches to impress her. Seeing her backstage every time – I was so furious so I thought it was a curse, but she keeps the bar high for me. When she didn’t show up to one of the events I felt her absence and didn’t do as well that day. I was distracted.

“I could.”

“Wow,” he breathes.

“But she thinks I’m a piece of shit. Said I’m only good for sex.”

He stares at my somber face, then busts up laughing again. “Isn’t that your dream?”

Grinning but irritated, I shove him in the chest. “Yes, but fuck you!” Jason can’t stop laughing so I grab his head and put him in a chokehold. “I go to the gym more than you, fucker, so don’t mess with me!”

My words die off as I realize Hannah is watching us. She heard my voice and opened the door on her own. Releasing Jason, he slowly straightens up, whispering, “Oh my God. She looks just like we did. Only prettier.”

She looks confused by how much he and I look alike. I’ve seen that expression thousands of times. “Hannah, this is my brother, Jason. We’re twins. You know what twins are?”

She shakes her head, and I hear her grandmother in the distance say, “Hannah, come back in and close the door, honey.”

“It’s okay, Claire. She’s with me.”

“Oh, Justin! Good.” Her voice fades on, “I heard voices and was worried.”

Grabbing Jason’s arm I pull him forward. “Hannah, this is my brother. Without getting into the science of it, we look the same because we were born at the same time. Well, I’m actually two minutes older, but that’s not important now.”

“Then why do you always have to mention it?” he mutters out of the corner of his mouth.

I mutter in the same way back to him, “Because I’m older than you, shithead.”

“Two minutes is not older!”

Turning, I raise my voice, too. “It is older! And I’ve always been more mature than you are so obviously I am your older brother.”

He groans and rolls his eyes. “Are not!”

“Are too!”

At Hannah’s laughter we both turn our heads and realize what idiots we are. This is the first time I’ve heard her laugh and my mouth slackens at the sound. It’s incredible. I grab Jason’s arm.

Squatting to be at her height, he smiles with wonder in his eyes. “Hello there Hannah. It’s very nice to meet you.” She shakes his hand like an adult would. “Wow. The family is really gonna flip the ‘f’ out.”

“You’re better at not swearing in front of children than I am.” Bending at the knees I lift my daughter up. “Hannah, are you hungry?”

She nods. Pushing a stray lock of flaxen hair from her forehead I turn to my brother like, can you believe this shit? He shakes his head.

“I don’t want to say this, but I kind of have to now.”

“What’s that?” he asks.

“Okay, I’ll be your kid’s Godfather.”

His smile bursts into a grin. “Yeah, I think you kind of have to now.”

We head inside to introduce him to Claire, and order room service before the long drive. She glances away from the television, with tired eyes that show no sign of surprise he and I are twins. I guess Tanny must have told her. Or she read about me online. That’s what I would have done were I in her position.

“Your phone has been vibrating,” Claire tells me as I set Hannah next to her.

“Let the fun begin.”

“Hey Justin, what’s Dad going to say?”

Dad’s been very proud of my running for Senate. He didn’t mind that I would outrank him if I succeeded. People in Washington have been congratulating him when I’ve said something on the campaign trail powerful enough that it reverberated back to them. I’ve only taken one of his calls because I’m doing this for me, not him. Or I was.

“I’m sure he’ll be disappointed.”

“He’s going to be upset he wasn’t here, more than anything.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.”

After ordering a bunch of random things from room service because I just want to get home and my patience is gone, I tell Claire, “We have a long drive ahead of us, so we’ll have lunch here.”

Hannah’s eyes are locked on the television set. Jason glances from her to me, and mouths, Wow. “I have to tell my wife.”

“It’s still weird hearing you say that word.”

“To me, too,” he smiles, texting. Glancing up he adds, “But I love saying it.”

Hannah’s eyes are glued to The Simpsons. I’m standing next to the bed, watching, too. After a moment she reaches over and takes my hand. In silence I stare at the difference in sizes. It’s crazy how tiny her fingernails are.

She turns her head, locks eyes with me, and gives me the ratty alien doll. I blink at it as she goes back to watching the cartoon.

God just played a sick joke on me.

He went and dared me to feel.