Dust clouds billow around my Audi as I pull up to Jaxson’s ranch, an hour north of Atlanta the next morning. He’s holding a steaming cup of java, resting on his forearm against the doorframe of a well-designed enclosed porch, wearing his usual faded blue jeans and white tank top under a denim shirt. I call to him as I stroll up, “You got more of that coffee?”

“Not for you I don’t,” he smirks. “You always gotta wear a suit now that you’re a big mucky-muck?”

I throw back at him, “You always gotta look like you need a shower?”

He laughs. “C’mon in.”

Clomping up the steps I shut the door as I catch sight of breakfast laid out for us. It’s almost noon but he’s got waffles, bacon, fresh milk, orange juice, and a quiche. “I thought Rachel doesn’t cook much.”

“She doesn’t,” he chuckles, pouring a cup of coffee for me from a thermos as I sit at the table. “You gonna razz me about my cooking skills again? Because last I heard you’re not so bad yourself. Cream?”

“You know what, since it’s fresh, yeah. Put some in there.”

“Do it yourself,” he smirks, sitting down and snatching a slice of bacon up, chewing on it as he talks. “Hannah at daycare?”

Helping myself, I say, “Yep. I was going to bring her but she’d want to stay all day and I have back-to-back meetings after this.”

He’s watching me with the wise eyes he’s known for. “If you’ve got a busy day, why the long detour? I’m not exactly around the corner.”

Stirring my coffee, I blow on it and take a hot sip. “I need to ask you some questions.”

“About?”

“Marriage.”

Jaxson’s eyebrows go up and he rakes a hand through his sandy brown hair. “Well now! Never expected to hear that word fall off your tongue without a bite to it.”

Grabbing some bacon, I pop it in my mouth and start cutting the quiche. “This looks amazing. You didn’t buy this?”

“You’re stalling. And no I didn’t fuckin’ buy it.” Jaxson’s from Atlanta like me but we couldn’t be more different. He likes to keep to himself, with his wife and son. Milk his cows, ride his two horses, chase loose chickens around. I’m in the thick of it with society. But there’s never been anything but ease between us. I guess that can be said of all of us Cocker Brothers.

I sit back and chew. We stare at each other, him patiently waiting until I can talk again. When I can, I just come right out with it. “Mom knows, Jax.”

“Knows what?”

“Dad cheated years ago.”

His emerald eyes darken as anger and surprise flash across his features in a subdued way. I can see his brain ticking. “You know about that?”

“Known since I was a kid. When did you find out?”

He lays his cup on the table and leans forward on his elbows, staring off at the ranch. Under his breath he says, “Recently.” His eyes cut to me. “You knew since childhood?”

“Yeah.”

“And you never told me?” His eyes narrow. “You tell Jason?”

“Never told anyone. Not even Dad knows I know.”

Jaxson whistles and sits back in his chair, staring off again. “Mom knows?” he whispers, emotions tied up. “Did they get into a fight? How are they doing?”

“She hasn’t told him. She’s kept it to herself. Found out back then. Listen, we’ve gotta talk about that later, and if you want, you can bring it up to her. But —”

“— Wait wait wait. I can’t just drop it like that. I have to know, why’d she stay with him? Why not tell him?”

“Said she didn’t want to punish him. Said it’s her fault.”

“What?!” He reels back with a grimace of disbelief.

“Okay, I guess I have to tell what you happened.” I launch into what Mom told me. Jaxson drinks in every word. When I finish he shakes his head, trying to wrap his brain around everything we, as their children, never knew was going on.

He fills me in next, explaining what happened with that doctor who mistook me for him, the one I said needs glasses.

We dig into the food, both starving after delving into the secrets of the past, and neither of us talks for a good five, six, seven minutes. Finally he asks, “So what about marriage? You feeling like you want to say something to Dad?”

“Nah, that’s between them. You know I keep my nose out of other people’s business.”

“Except Jason’s,” he smirks.

“Him I get to fuck with. We were in the womb at the same time. I was punching him even then.” We chuckle, but a somberness arises as I get ready to ask what I drove all the way out here for. I could have asked Jake, but he’s younger than me. I needed my older brother.

Hell, if I’m going to drastically change my life forever, I need Jax.

“I want to see what you like about marriage. One woman. Why you chose it.”

A smile comes over Jaxson’s rugged face. “Justin, what can I tell ya? Let me think about this a second.” He takes a sip of coffee then licks his lips and sets it down. “I used to look out at this ranch with a sense of pride that it was mine. Bought it out of college, as you know. Then Rachel came back into my life. She was here and then she was gone and the place didn’t have the same sunlight over it anymore. I couldn’t even see the sun.” He stares off, remembering what happened between them. “When my wife and my son are walking with me out there in the tall grass with a breeze blowing, man, Justin, there’s nothin’ like it. I used to think this place was enough for me, but without her, none of it means anything. I can’t imagine waking up without her by my side.” He stares at me to see if I understand. “I wouldn’t want to wake up. I’d do it for Ben, but I wouldn’t want to wake up if I couldn’t see her smile.”

“What if something happens?”

“You mean if one of us cheats?”

“Yeah.”

Jaxson gives me a crooked smile. “Not possible, man. We’re like this.” He clasps his hands together. “When stuff comes up and we argue, we just work it out. Talk about it. Yell about it. But I always tell her that even though we’re fighting and she’s annoying the shit out of me, I still love her. I love talking to her about damn near everything. Other women never kept my interest the way my wife does. Plus the sex is fucking incredible. Don’t want anyone else. It’s all about communication. So, you think you’re going to cheat because you’re such a slut?”

Chuckling at my reputation, I shake my head. “No. When I commit to something, I do it – you know that. The second I met her I stopped calling my list. Hell, I think that in my heart, when I sat down next to her at that bar in Boston, I’d already decided she was it. Then I fought it. Fought it like a motherfucker. Everyone thinks I’m a slut. Jordan and Jocelyn said they all think so over there, too. But I never cared about any of those women. I was just pissed off at the world. Stuff from childhood. I don’t know — I’m no therapist.”

Jaxson’s smirk grows to a grin as he shakes his head. “I never thought I’d hear something like that from you.” His eyes darken on a slow frown. “You’ve been a real dick sometimes, Justin. It’s because you were carrying around that secret all this time?”

“Guess so,” I mutter, eyes cast down.

“Can you imagine waking up without her?”

“I’ve been doing it for weeks.”

“How’s it feel?”

Gritting my teeth I try to keep the lump from growing in my throat. “Fuckin’ hate it. I think I need her.”

“You think or you know?”

I lock eyes with Jaxson and struggle to steady my voice. “I know I need her.”

“Then go get her.”