Chapter Two

Dan tried to laugh but the sound hitched in his throat. Truth be told, he had started feeling a bit lonely a good while ago. He thought it was strange at first, considering just how often he was surrounded by the other members of the Forest Haven pack, but he soon realized that this was a different kind of lonely. It was a loneliness that ached in him whenever he saw Nick throw his arm around Jo, or when Tom and Savannah shared a knowing glance. It was the unspoken connection he saw in others, but never in himself.

Following the other bears’ steads, Dan stepped outside, wandering off towards the woods. He took a deep breath of cool morning air, centering his wayward mind once more. He knew he was being ridiculous, maybe even unreasonable given the circumstances, but there was something in him that longed for a mate. Even as his bear raised its head in interest, he shook his own.

Nick had a love, taboo as any bear could imagine, concerning mating with a human like Jo, but even Dan could see that the two were meant for each other. There was no sense questioning the how of it. Savannah was much like Dan in that she’d usurped the Northern Wind to join Forest Haven, and had managed to find her own love in the process. Dan hadn’t spoken much on it, but he hadn’t expected them to last after Tom found out the truth. Surprisingly even they persevered.

Dan could run over the flaws of every pairing he’d ever witnessed, but it wouldn’t stop him from believing with all of his heart that he was different. He may not be human like Jo, but he felt he was something so much worse. He may have left behind a terrible pack for this new one like Savannah, but he had true blood on his hands that could never be washed away.

Thinking back, Dan realized he’d never seen a true mating in the Northern Wind pack. Not even their leader, Lucas, had a mate to call his own. Many had died during the pack’s travels without knowing the touch of another bear, let alone the love of one. Dan had a feeling he knew the reason why.

The Northern Wind was a vile pack, built on manipulation and fear, trapping the impressionable and making them believe that there was nothing better out there for them. Lucas wouldn’t hesitate to lie, shout, or even maim to keep his bears in line. Dan was nearly convinced that there wasn’t a compassionate bone in his ex-leader’s body, and he feared that that darkness in Lucas had seeped into every one of his followers as they blindly shadowed him into oblivion. Lucas was tainted, never to know true happiness. The Northern Wind was tainted. And Dan hadn’t escaped in time - He was tainted too.

“Everything okay?”

Dan jumped. He’d forgotten to scout the area for anyone nearby, looking down to see Jo’s face smiling lightly up at him.

Her smile grew. “It’s not often that I can surprise a shifter,” she quipped, lifting an eyebrow. “Pondering something heavy there?”

Dan suppressed a groan, cursing his lack of instinct. He’d have to be a better bear if he was going to be on extended patrols for the next few weeks. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if someone slipped through due to his clumsy scouting.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t expect all of my plodding around to bother anyone.”

“Oh no, you didn’t,” Jo replied, kindly before her face fell concerned. “Is everything alright? You look a bit…” She trailed off, tilting her head a bit as she took in his features. “Miserable.”

“I’m fine,” Dan answered, averting his gaze. “I was just thinking about… stuff.”

“Stuff,” Jo mimicked, eyebrow rising once more. “Helpful as ever.”

Dan couldn’t help but smile. “I’m always helpful!” he jabbed back, lightly. “I just don’t really get into all the feelings and things like other people do, so… yeah, stuff.” He shrugged. He’d established himself pretty early on in the pack as a joker of sorts, never really taking anything too seriously unless it had to do with the Northern Wind. It was different and amazing for him. He didn’t have to hate and he didn’t have to intimidate. And in all this newfound playfulness, he found that it was easier not to question things unless it shattered the illusion that he’d never done anything wrong. It felt… nice. He wasn’t ever much used to sharing his feelings with others anyway. Lucas beat that habit out of his bears very early on.

Letting out a long sigh, Jo stared up at Dan and he could see her contemplating whether or not to press the issue further. “Well, do you at least know if Nick talked to Tom about the house?” she finally asked, changing the subject.

Something deep within Dan unclenched in relief. “He sure did,” he responded with a nod.

“And he’s okay with it?”

“Definitely,” Dan answered. “He was a bit wary at first, but that’s just how Tom is, you know? After a bit of explaining, he couldn’t wait to tell Savannah the news.” A pang of something like sadness hit Dan in the chest as he finished speaking, a distant look filling his eyes.

Jo’s eyes shone with clarity, taking in Dan’s somberness. “Ah.”

Dan’s gaze snapped to hers, instantly defensive. “Ah? Ah, what?”

Jo smiled in polite understanding. “You want a girl.”

“I, of course I don’t,” Dan bluffed, averting his gaze. “Too much work, not really my thing.” He tried to laugh off the unease, but the chuckle tumbled clumsily from his lips.

Jo grinned. “It’s okay to want someone, Dan.” Dan waited a beat of silence to see if Jo would let it go, but she only stared intently at him, waiting patiently for his response.

Letting out a long sigh, he ran a hand through his hair, dropping the poorly executed façade he’d fabricated. “Fine,” he muttered. “You want me to admit that I get a bit lonely sometimes? Then yeah, I do.” He stared off far into the trees, unable to look Jo directly in the eyes while the confession spilled from his lips. It was easier to say it that way. “I see what you and Nick and Tom and Savannah have. It’s something special. It’s something I want, too.” Finally stealing a glance her way, he gave a small shrug. “I want a mate.”

“That’s not a bad thing to want,” Jo replied softly.

“I know,” Dan said. “But wanting and getting are two totally different things.” He let a smile permeate his voice to take away a bit of the sting. “It’s not like there’s too many shifters about to pick and choose from these days, you know what I mean?”

Jo chuckled. “I suppose not, but remember that fate has an odd way of working itself out. Keep an open mind. You never know who might come walking through those shop doors one day.” She grinned up at him. “Nick certainly didn’t. And look at us now.”

She turned to make her way back to the shop. “You deserve happiness, Dan, same as the rest of us. You’ll find it, in time.”

Hearing her walk back to the shop, Dan kept his eyes cast out across the forest. He wanted so desperately to believe in what Jo had said, but logic outweighed the faith he held in his heart, and he couldn’t shake the dark thought that mated life would never find a place in his home. Even if by some stroke of luck, fate found him worthy of love after the wrongdoings he’d committed, there were only two packs within spitting distance of this territory—Forest Haven and the Northern Wind. Everyone in Forest Haven was happily mated and if he was destined to be mated with anyone in the Northern Wind, he’d have felt something long before leaving Lucas behind. His pickings were null.

Dan’s shoulders rose and fell with another long sigh, his bear growling softly with the same defeated emotion that he felt in his heart.

***

It took a lot of self-hype, but eventually Dan worked himself back up into his usual jovial spirits. He finally felt he was able to be around the rest of the pack without bringing down the mood, striding through the garage doors with a smile on his face.

He raised his hand in a wave at Nick who was working on an old Junker car when he managed to trip over a wrench on the floor.

Nick grinned. “Not exactly graceful, are you?”

Dan snorted confidently. “With my crack-whip wit and amazing sense of humor, I don’t need to be.” Though he kept his personal thoughts about his life in the Northern Wind to himself most days, he much preferred being in his bearskin to the human equivalent. He missed the long bouts of time he’d once been allotted to thunder recklessly through the woods, never having to worry about where he was stepping or what he was banging into. As the bear, it was either move or be moved, and it wasn’t often that he had to worry about the latter.

In human form, none of that applied, and he found his movements to be a fair bit clumsier, his longer limbs giving way to small obstacles way easier than his bear form would ever allow. It was true that he hoped pairing his gauche movements with his light-hearted humor made him seem a bit endearing, but he couldn’t help but feel that it also made him a bit of a liability around the shop. He didn’t break things easily, but it was only a matter of time before he ruined something that couldn’t easily be unbroken. With his luck, it would probably be something expensive.

“At least you didn’t knock anything over this time,” Nick laughed as Dan picked up the offending wrench. With a grimace, he recalled the last time he’d tripped over. He’d somehow managed to knock over three toolboxes and a can of paint Nick was using to spruce up the inside of the shop. Grunting solemnly, he quickly sat down at the nearby workstation before he screwed anything else up.

The mirth wavered in Nick’s eyes, his smile falling a bit. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Dan replied a bit too sharply. “Why does everyone keep asking me that today?”

Nick raised and inquisitive eyebrow. “Sorry,” he said, returning to his work. “Just asking.”

Dan didn’t respond, the beginnings of guilt creeping up his back. He knew he shouldn’t have responded bitterly — and to his own alpha, no less — but people were all too interested in his feelings all of a sudden, and it put him on edge more than he cared to admit. He didn’t do feelings well.

Still it was no excuse. Forest Haven was nothing like the Northern Wind; they cared about every bear’s wellbeing here. It wasn’t a matter of prying because of distrust; Nick and the others genuinely cared about how Dan was feeling. Just another thing he wasn’t used to.

He opened his mouth to apologize when Nick looked up from his work with a blank, non-committal look on his face. “How about a drink in town later?” he asked before returning to his work. “Maybe clear your head of whatever’s bothering you?”

Dan shooed off the initial defense that welled up in his chest. Again he reminded himself that Nick only wanted to help and he should be appreciative of such a kind alpha who cared about his pack this much.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he mumbled, his lips tilting up into a small smile. The bar in town was usually quiet, it’d be nice to cut loose with another bear and take the edge off.

“Great,” Nick replied, standing up. “Mind if I let Tom know, see if he wants to join?”

Dan grinned, finally feeling a bit more like himself than he had all morning. “Not at all, boss.”