Chapter 12

Amara sat up quickly in the Council Chamber and was once again surrounded by perfumed smoke. On the bed of pillows across from her, Nova was just stirring. She glanced around. Grim faces met her at every turn. Nemoy looked heartbroken, yet understanding, but it was Neveah that she found the most comfort in. Something in her eyes spoke of an understanding no man would ever be able to ascertain.

As a woman, she had certain weapons to use against a man, and at times, they were necessary. Yet, using her body was a double-edged blade. It was effective, yes, but it cut her just as deeply, if not deeper, and she had a feeling that wound never fully went away. From the looks she was getting from Neveah and the other female elders in the room, it was a wound they had all experienced in one way or another.

“The second Trial is complete,” Nemoy said quietly. He didn’t seem to want to look her in the eyes. He looked to Nova instead. “Your fiancé fought valiantly for you, brother,” he told him.

“She was very brave,” his mother agreed, and for the first time, there was respect mixed in with the rest of the emotions in her eyes. Amara should have found that comforting, but instead she was having trouble breathing.

Worried, Nova took her hand and she fought not pull away. “Are you all right?” he asked, a frown creasing his brow.

Amara nodded a little too quickly. “I’m fine. I just…I need some air. I think I’ll go for a walk.” Unfolding herself from the pillows, she got to her feet and hurried out into the night. Darkness had fallen completely now and she took in three large gulps of the cool night air. But it wasn’t enough. Dashing around the corner, Amara held back her hair and bent over, where she was violently and thoroughly sick. When her stomach finally quit heaving, she wiped her mouth and pressed her back against the wall.

She needed to get away. Now.

Amara walked briskly down the gravel path through the compound. If she were being honest, she wasn’t even sure where she was going. She just needed to get away. She needed to escape the horrible feelings and things she did in that dream. Logically, she knew it wasn’t real. That it was all a simulation to see how far she was willing to go to protect Nova and the rest of the Pack.

But it had felt real. She could still feel Kal’s hands on her. Touching her, caressing her. She could feel his mouth on hers and against her skin. His tongue licking parts of her he never should have been able to reach. And she hated him for it.

After nearly fifteen minutes of aimless walking, Amara found herself standing outside the small, square building the Pack used to house their criminals awaiting trial. That was where Kal was being held. She snorted. Of course that was where her feet had led. It made perfect sense. And now that she was there, she wanted to see him. If only to see him rotting in a cell, all alone.

Striding forward, she recognized the guard on duty as Ivanah’s little brother, Iso. He couldn’t have been more than twenty. So young for such an important job. He probably didn’t even realize how important it was; what level of trust they must have had in him. To a young man who loved adventure, standing guard in one spot all night was most likely the most boring job he could imagine.

Well, she was about to shake things up a bit.

Iso nodded his greeting when he saw her.

“Can I go in?” she asked him.

He shook his head in apology. “I’m sorry, Amara,” he told her, and he sounded like he meant it. “My orders are strict. No one goes in.”

“Oh, come on,” she goaded, irritation coating her voice. “It’s not going to hurt anything. I’m not going to set him free or anything. Just let me in.”

Iso frowned, clearly uncomfortable. “I really am sorry, but I have my orders.”

“Let her pass,” a deep voice said from behind her.

Amara spun around, her eyes widening in surprise. “Nova?” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here? Did you follow me?”

“Of course, I followed you.” His voice held no shame. Only sympathy. He knew. “Nemoy told me what happened,” he admitted, confirming her suspicions. “I figured you would end up here sooner or later.”

“Oh.”

Nova turned to Iso. “It’s okay. Let her through.” The young man obediently stepped aside. “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked her.

Amara shook her head. “No,” she replied, and he winced. “I really need to do this alone.” She knew she was hurting him by keeping him out, but she had no choice. Regardless of what his brother had told him, her next conversation with Kal had to be done without Nova.

Though it pained him, Nova nodded.

Taking a deep breath, Amara started forward. When she reached the door, however, she hesitated with her hand hovering over the handle. She glanced back over her shoulder. “I love you,” she told Nova.

To her relief, he smiled, and there was no pain in it. “I know,” he said. “I love you, too.”

With that, Amara opened the door and stepped inside.

It was a small room, mostly open space and bars. Amara stood at one end of a narrow hallway, separated from the rest of the room by the steel bars of the two jail cells. The first one was empty. Kal sat on the flat bed of the second one.

Slowly—oh, so slowly—Amara made her way to the other end of the hall. She peered through the bars at the enemy. This Kal looked nothing like the one in her dream. That Kal had been clean, and fit, and in charge. He exuded power, even if most of it was just a sham. But this Kal, he finally looked like the rat that he was. His hair was dirty and matted against his head. Grime covered his face and skin, as if he hadn’t taken a bath in days, even though the cell contained a small shower. Even his clothes were disgusting. And the smell. The smell was like nothing she had ever experienced before; all body odor and human filth. He barely even straightened when he saw her, though she could sense that he had gone on high alert.

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” she murmured, gripping the bars and peering at him between them. “How does it feel to be on the other end of the blade now, Kal?” She could feel every malicious thought she’d ever had about him rise to surface. She hated him. So much. And she hated herself for what she had done with him in the dream. Even though she knew it wasn’t real, she could still feel it as if it were, and seeing him there in person turned her stomach.

Kal’s lips slowly curved up in a cold, cruel smile. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Princess?” he asked. “It’s not every day I get visitors like you.”

“You shouldn’t get visitors at all.” She glared at him, letting the hatred burn through her. “You should be dead.”

“Should I?” he asked, unfolding himself from the bed and standing. Instinctively, she wanted to take a step back, but she forced herself to stay put. “Should I be dead? And why is that? Because your boyfriend thinks so?” Reaching through the bars, he ran a finger down her cheek. It was just a whisper of a touch, but she could still feel the way the blade had sliced into her skin. “Tell me, Lovely, what is it that you think of me? Because I know you think of me.”

“What do I think?” she repeated incredulously, slapping his hand away. Kal laughed. “I think you’re a horrible, hateful, excuse for a man,” she told him, grimly satisfied when the smirk slipped from his lips. “I think you’re nothing but a little boy in search of Daddy’s approval and lusting after things you can never have. I think you hurt people to feel powerful, to feel brave. Which is ironic, actually, since hurting people like that makes you a coward instead.

“I think you feel like you have to prove yourself all the time. You feel worthless, and you’re convinced that the rest of the world will see you the same way. And you know what the sad thing is, Kal? There may have been a time when you would have been wrong. You may have been worth loving once, worth saving. Worthy of love from someone who actually wanted to love you.” The vein pulsed at his temple and a muscle ticked at his jaw. She was getting to him, and she knew it. And she didn’t care.

“You’re not worth loving, anymore, Kal,” she told him. “You’ve done too many horrible things. You’ve enjoyed doing them. What woman, what father, would want to love a man like that? And what self-respecting man would want the love of someone who could?

“You know how awful you are so you try to make up for it. But don’t you see? Look around you, Kal Vann.” She indicated the entirety of the room. “You’ve lost. This isn’t your world anymore. It isn’t your war. And your father isn’t coming to your rescue. You’re all alone. They’re going to execute you for your crimes. And nobody is going to miss you when you’re gone.”

For the length of a full minute, they stared at one another, glaring. The hatred that boiled between them was off the charts. Finally, Amara had had enough. Turning on her heel, she walked away from him, leaving him staring after her as she went back through the door.

She didn’t look back.