Chapter Thirteen

Quite a few days had passed since Lucy and Dan’s pizza dinner, and she felt like it was the beginning of her journey to truly become a part of this pack. She and Dan spent much more time together, talking about whatever they felt like, and when conversation strayed too close to the things that made her the most uncomfortable, Dan stayed true to his word and steered the topic away once more.

The office was coming along nicely, and stripping off the paint and switching décor had become something that Lucy quite enjoyed. Jo suggested that once the house for Tom and Savannah was finished, maybe they could lend a hand in decorating their walls as well. Lucy rather liked that idea. She might even make a habit of this newfound hobby of hers, once all of the pack drama was over.

Life in the cabin couldn’t have been better, all things considered. Nick was the face of kindness; he offered her anything she needed and never made her feel like she was unwanted. She imagined that it wouldn’t be hard to call this man her mate, but she quickly discounted the notion. And Jo was always a joy to be around. She’d fallen into somewhat of a routine with Jo in the mornings, making coffee and setting the table while Jo whipped up breakfast, or cleaning up and tidying selves while Jo ran to the store to restock. They never made her feel like a third wheel, always allowing in the conversation if she was in the same room as them. And what’s more, they never seemed to care about her unwillingness to shift. Maybe it was the unconventional nature of their relationship that made them so open. Lucy appreciated them all the more for it.

Still, she couldn’t help but think that it would be nice to have a place of her own, someday. Even if she stayed, she needed to start rebuilding her life. She couldn’t do that with only a small room to call her own.

Her mind wandered idly to the bed that would be empty once Tom and Savannah’s home was finished. Maybe her new life had some room for Dan as well? Her cheeks flushed at the thought. She couldn’t imagine taking that vacant room, living so close to Dan without things spiraling out of control way faster than either of them could handle.

But maybe a little less control was a good thing.

“Lucy?” Dan called, walking over to where she was daydreaming. She tried to hide her flush, but knew she wouldn’t be able to in time. His face showed mild confusion before breaking out into a huge grin. “Thinking of me again, I see.”

She groaned quietly. “Hi, Dan,” she replied, feigning casualness. It wasn’t all that convincing, Dan’s grin only grew bigger.

He leaned forward, the scruff of his chin stubble tickling her cheek as he kissed it. Against her will, a shot of desire curled dangerously in her belly. “It’s not a bad thing to want me, you know,” he growled lowly in her ear.

“I know, I know,” she admitted as he pulled away. “It’s just… we’re at work, so…” Her words trailed off as something nefarious flashed in Dan’s eyes. It made her feel warm, happy, and more than a little bit aroused. He’d been having more and more of an effect on her as the days wallowed on, and she was excited to see how much these feelings grew as time passed. Dan Hart was clumsy, goofy, and dense at times, but then he had these moments were he oozed pure appeal. She couldn’t get enough of him.

Her bear settled contentedly within her, as if everything was right with the world. It made Lucy frown.

It wasn’t often that her bear didn’t protest against her. Though she’d gotten really good at keeping it from dominating her life, there was always just a little bit of resistance. Now? Nothing. It was completely silent, and when she and Dan touched, it almost seemed to purr.

“Is something wrong?” Dan asked, his face a mask of concern.

She shook her head, taking another step away. “No, I…” she began, letting her voice trail off when she couldn’t find the proper words to explain how she felt. She thought of asking him if his bear was acting strange, too, but anything after would veer the conversation into territory that she wasn’t okay with talking about. It didn’t seem fair to Dan to bring it up, only to shut him down once more, so she just stayed quiet.

“Well,” Dan segued, smiling even though his eyes still showed concern, “Got any plans for tonight?”

Thankful for the change in conversation, Lucy shook her head.

Dan grinned. “Great!” he said. “There’s this place I want to show you. I found it back when I was on patrol a few days ago. It’s a bit far for a walk, but I think it’s worth it.” Her brow furrowed, hoping that this long walk wasn’t an attempt to egg her into shifting.

“Or we can drive,” Dan continued, noticing the change in her expression. “Your call.”

Immediate guilt coursed through her and she mentally chastised herself for doubting him. “No, walking’s fine. I need to get out more and enjoy these warm days while I can,” she replied with a rueful smile.

He gave her a playful nudge with a small smile. “No need to look so guilty, Doll. I forgive you.” He winked and it made Lucy feel even more foolish. Now she was the one who’d become easy to read.

“I’ll bring dinner and Nick’s lent us his truck for the night if you change your mind. See you after work.” He gave her another quick kiss, this time on the lips, before setting out.

“Bye,” Lucy called softly, her voice hoarse with desire as she watched him walk away towards his mechanic duties. He always knew how to make her feel better, even when she didn’t deserve it. She appreciated that most about him.

Jo walked in with a few more renovation supplies, flashing Lucy a quick smile. “Everything okay?”

Lucy nodded, looking back to a pile of documents she’d offered to sort for Savannah while she helped Tom with their house. “Fine. Dan and I were just arranging something for dinner a little later.”

“Ah.” Jo didn’t say anything more, but the knowing look on her face was all Lucy needed to see. She lifted one suspicious eyebrow at the human.

Jo looked back innocently. “What?” she asked, spreading her hands.

“I know you’re secretly ecstatic that Dan and I are spending so much time together,” Lucy replied. “He’s a friendly guy, who wouldn’t want to be around him?”

Jo shook her head. “Whatever this is between you two, it’s not friendship,” she said with a smirk. “We’re not blind, you know.”

Lucy sighed deeply. “I’m know, I know. I like him too. Like, a lot.” It’s not that she was trying to keep their relationship a secret, but rather she didn’t want to put any labels to anything until she was sure this was a place she could call home.

“So why the big sigh?” Jo asked, her trademark expression of concern already appearing on her face.

Lucy shrugged, not sure Jo would be able to understand. “He’s a shifter. I’m not.”

“You are,” Jo corrected, confused.

“I mean, technically, yeah,” Lucy amended. “But what I mean is that he shifts and I don’t. I might as well be a human, same as you. Heaven knows I wish I was.” She sighed. “Dan doesn’t understand that.” Saying those words to Jo felt infinitely easier than when she’d tried to talk about shifting with Dan. Maybe it was because she was human. Surely she’d understand.

“Mmm.” Jo tipped her head back, eyes wandering as she contemplated how to best reply. Lucy was more than happy to give her the time to think. In the time she’d come to know everyone in Forest Haven, Jo was the most willing to listen of them all, and able to follow up with amazing advice to boot. Lucy figured it must be because she was outside of the shifter mentality, and it made looking at things objectively easier for her. It was probably why the other shifters valued her opinion so much.

With a small nod, it seemed Jo found a point to focus on, and Lucy leaned in. “I couldn’t think of a better relationship for me than the one I have with Nick. A life without him isn’t worth living, but it’s not perfect,” she began. “Do you know the one thing I find the most difficult about our relationship?”

Lucy shook her head, wondering what the answer could be. Like Jo had said, she and Nick were like a power couple; they worked perfectly together, for each other, and they were so obviously in love that it made Lucy a little jealous to see sometimes.

“It’s that he’s a shifter and I’m not,” Jo answered with a sad smile on her face. “The way he sees the world is so much more different than I do, and he can do a million things that I can’t. He has this vast, overwhelming part of his life that he couldn’t share with me, even though I know he so desperately wants to. It makes me feel a bit detached from the life we’ve built together, and while it doesn’t mean we love each other any less, it certainly can be hard at times.”

“It’s not all good,” Lucy retorted, hearing the defense in her voice. “And though I know Nick is kind and benevolent and embodies all of the things I wish I could be as a bear, even he’s currently in a feud with another pack.”

“Oh yes, I know,” Jo agreed, never losing her calm tone. “But a battle fought in defense is not a battle fought in anger or hatred or search for power, Lucy. He didn’t ask for this battle. Lucas and your brother—they did. That’s the difference. That nature is in them; it’s who they are. They only seek to dominate and control; they don’t care about those who care about them. Savannah and Dan left that pack behind them because of how different we’ve proven ourselves to be, and how different they are themselves. Do you really believe they’d have felt the need to sever ties so cleanly if every pack—every bear—was the same?”

Her gaze drifted off, looking someplace that couldn’t be seen by regular eyes. “The fact is, if the Northern Wind weren’t here right now, trying to terrorize us out of house and home, this pack wouldn’t have a single care in the world.” She smiled. “We’d probably be out in the woods somewhere most days, lazing in the sunlight or swimming in the lake.”

She finally looked back at Lucy, the smile falling away. “That’s the type of future I envision when I look passed all of the trouble that Lucas has caused for us. But right now we aren’t afforded the luxury or time to lounge about and twiddle our thumbs. We only have Lucas to blame for that. And it’s not because he’s a bear who has the instinct to fight and dominate.” She shook her head for emphasis. “It’s just because he’s an asshole.”

Lucy could hear the sadness and regret at what could be in Jo’s voice, and she immediately felt guilt-ridden. For as long as she could remember, Lucy had always been a bit jealous of humans. They didn’t have to live out their lives wondering if their thoughts were their own, or the product of some beast inside of them, and yet Jo was saying she’d give that freedom away to be more like… her?

It made sense that a human would see her abilities as something of a gift, but it also meant that she didn’t fully understand the risks and the consequences of using those ‘gifts’. The violence that always seemed to follow behind anyone who used them was too big a burden for Lucy to bear. “At least if I keep playing human then you won’t have to worry about feeling alone anymore,” she replied meekly, trying to lighten the mood.

Jo shook her head fervently, her eyes stern. “This isn’t about how I feel, Lucy. Your reasons are entirely your own, and I’m not here to try and change your mind. I just want to tell you that none of us can change who we really are.”

She chewed her lip, steeling her gaze before continuing. “You can’t keep pretending to be human. You can pretty it up with excuses of why you’re doing it, but it won’t work, all the same. The biggest flaw in my relationship is that I will never know all of Nick the way he knows all of me.” She looked Lucy directly in the eye. “You don’t have that problem. So why are you trying to purposely add conflict to what could otherwise be a perfect life for you?”

A shiver ran up Lucy’s spine, a bit of numbness settling heavily in her fingertips. She understood exactly what Jo was telling her, but she didn’t want to accept it. It was all just too much, too soon, too many ways that this could all go south. It was a mistake to talk about these things after all.

“Just think about it, okay?” Jo finished, the concern returning to her eyes. She placed a gentle hand on Lucy shoulder. “Remember that, for all the trials you faced, you would have never met Dan if it were not for the bear inside of you.” She stood, smiling. “I’d give anything to be offered the opportunity you have with Dan right now. I don’t want to see you throw it all away because one person tried to ruin your life.” With that, she departed the office.

Lucy sat in silence for a while after that, the paperwork she’d tasked herself with long forgotten. Jo had given her an entirely new side of the battle to consider. She’d spent so much of her life caught up in the fear of her bear and what it meant for her as a person that she hadn’t truly realized the possibility of what she could do with it and the good she could work toward. It was true, though Lucy had tried for so long to shun her bear half, she would always understand Dan in a way that Jo would never understand Nick. In so many words, Jo reminded Lucy that she was there, too, and to half-heartedly imitate the struggle she faced wasn’t fair to her. Realizing just how insensitive she must’ve come off, Lucy dropped her head into her hands with a groan as a pang of regret resonated in her heart.

Dan had tried to tell her that being a shifter wasn’t a bad thing, and though she understood the words he was speaking, she didn’t want to understand what he was saying at all. She remained emboldened by her original vow, never once letting anyone in. It was the only way to keep herself safe from falling into the same traps Dominic had. She’d seen aggression called power, violence called dominance, and the rage that tied it all together under the guise of protection. But what if Jo was right? What if that wasn’t the bear, but the rotten person that her brother was underneath? Did it change anything between her and Dom? She wasn’t sure.

Did it change anything between her and Dan?

Her bear’s first instinct was to trust Dan, and she had to admit to herself that she felt the same. Being with him felt right, like the single most right thing she’d ever done in her life. He wasn’t perfect, but he was close enough that she would be a fool to turn him away. At least now she was ready to listen. Jo had opened a floodgate of understanding in her, and it was long overdue that she’d let Dan speak his piece. She felt like she could trust him to protect her, listen to her, and make her happy, but could she trust that he wouldn’t urge her to use her shifted beast to enact violence on others in the way Dominic had made her do in the past? She didn’t know the answer to that either, but she was hoping the answer was yes.

Perhaps tonight, she’d be able to finally have a heart-to-heart with him about everything she and Jo had just talked again.

And maybe, just maybe, she’d find the courage to shift again.