Ten excruciating seconds passed. Each of them was spent in contemplation, torn between running and staying, the coward’s way out or the path of the brave. The most terrifying part was I didn’t know which direction was which.
Just when I almost gave in to my fears and turned to escape, the door flew open to a smiling Aly. She surged forward and hugged me hard. “You came,” she murmured at my ear, the sound of her voice filled with more restraint and caution than it had been last week when she’d casually dragged me inside. Tonight, her welcome was edged with tension. She pulled back, her face close to mine. “He’s here.”
Fear clogged my throat, and I fought against the urge to rock up onto my toes to look over her shoulder, to scour the room for the raging green eyes I knew I would find. “I know. Does he know I’m coming?”
Almost in sympathy, she nodded. “Yeah. He wasn’t happy about it, but he promised he would leave you alone and let you enjoy yourself. Are you going to be okay?”
I hefted out a breath. “Maybe I won’t be tonight… but one day I will be.”
It was a promise, a commitment to the friendship we had made.
She squeezed my hand. “I know you will.” She reached for the gift and my purse. “Let me take those.” She piled the gift in an overflowing mound against the wall and set my purse on a table collecting personal items. “Come inside. I want to introduce you to everyone.”
My pulse picked up a notch. Was I ready for this? Warily, I peered inside. The one person I was searching for was nowhere to be found.
Exhaling, I let Aly take my hand and lead me in. She snapped the door closed behind us. “Hey, everyone,” she called to the small circles of people chatting in groups in the great room of the house. “I want you to meet one of my very good friends, Samantha. Samantha Schultz.”
It was as if she was making a declaration. As if I was important, my presence required. No doubt, Aly knew I needed the encouragement to stand here and endure the faces that turned my way.
A few of those who didn’t know who I was came right up, shaking my hand and introducing themselves, telling me how they knew Aly and Jared. All of them were pleasant. Nice. Just like I’d expect any friends of Jared and Aly’s to be.
“Hang on one sec.” Aly lifted her index finger and backed away, disappearing into the crowd taking up most of the kitchen. Five seconds later she came out of it hauling a blushing blonde by the hand, the girl with the biggest smile smeared across her entire face. Her cheeks were lit up in a pinked glow that could give my constant blush a run for its money.
Aly had their hands woven together in a show of solidarity.
“This is my sister, Courtney, the birthday girl. Courtney, this is Samantha. I don’t know if you remember her?” she prodded, and I was pretty sure Aly had already filled Jared’s little sister in on who I was and the significance I bore, if it could be considered significant at all.
But to me, it had been significant.
That was the hardest part. Every second I’d spent with Christopher had felt that way, as if I was experiencing the most vital, meaningful moments in my life.
It cut me to the core that they’d turned out to be a sham.
I stretched out my hand, trying to keep it from trembling. “It’s so good to see you again, Courtney. Happy birthday.”
I thought it was adorable that Aly had claimed Jared’s sister as her own, and from the timid joy that exuded from this beautiful girl I could tell it meant the world to her.
Instead of accepting my hand, Courtney stepped forward and hugged me. “I remember you.” Her voice was soft and sincere. She pulled away and self-consciously tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear, glancing up at me under lashes with a shyness I rarely witnessed anymore. “Wow… you are so pretty.”
Quiet laughter trickled from me, and it was my turn to be self-conscious. “Not half as pretty as you.”
Instantly, I felt a kinship with Jared’s sister, could sense how real and unsure of herself she was. As if maybe she was almost as uncomfortable as I was with this whole situation.
I knew little about her, other than what Aly had filled me in on during coffee the previous week. After Jared’s mother had died, she’d gone to live with her grandparents for close to two years. Their father had been in no state to take care of a little girl, too consumed with the loss of his wife.
But when Jared and Courtney’s grandmother died, Courtney had gone back to her father, who’d immediately packed them up and moved them to California, while Jared had still been in juvie, estranged from his family. It had been only a few months since Jared and his father had reconciled, and he was just now reestablishing a relationship with his little sister.
No wonder she seemed so anxious, ill at ease, and yet still like she wouldn’t want to be any other place in the world.
Seemed I wasn’t the only one with her past catching up to her.
I let my attention glide around the room. Silver and black balloons and streamers were strung up all over the place, and laughter rang against the walls, echoed in from outside.
Clearly, today’s celebration was about moving on and embracing the future. There was no question about it.
Hope blossomed inside me. My thoughts from earlier hit me. It was time for me to embrace my future, too, to finally let go of the past.
“Oh my God! Look who’s here!” An enthusiastic voice rose above the crowd, and Megan cut away from the three people she was talking with near the sliding glass door that led to the back. She shot forward and threw herself into my arms. She squeezed and rocked me like I was her oldest friend and she hadn’t seen me in years, and I was laughing when I hugged her back.
“It’s good to see you, too.”
Megan turned to Courtney. “Now you’re officially having the coolest party in history, because all of the coolest chicks are here.”
Courtney looked around the big, open space, all the rooms overflowing with people. “I know. I can’t believe they did all this for me.”
“And why in the heck wouldn’t they?” Megan asked. “All Jared and Aly have been talking about is you finally getting here.”
Courtney blushed harder, but the most heartfelt kind of joy gleamed from her ice blue eyes.
God. I wondered if it was hard for Jared to look at her… or for her to look in the mirror… because she looked almost exactly like I remembered their mother.
“Sheesh… I feel like an outsider over here with you pack of gorgeous blondes,” Aly teased, holding on to Courtney’s hand, swinging it between them, her grin bouncing around the three of us.
I exaggerated an eye roll. “Right. Because you’re absolutely hideous.”
Aly’s laughter echoed around the room, and I couldn’t help my smile. Comfort enveloped me and I was suddenly thankful I’d come, even though I knew facing Christopher without running for my life was going to be difficult. But somehow I knew it was going to be worth it. Aly made me believe this was where I was supposed to be.
Aly looked over her shoulder. “Come on outside. The steaks are almost ready and I need to see if Jared needs any help. Would you like something to drink first?”
Megan groaned toward the ceiling. “Oh my God, go for the punch that Karen made. Aly’s mom is some kind of wonder bartender, and she made a huge bowl of punch to prove it. Best thing I’ve ever tasted. And believe me, it has a kick to it. Two glasses in and I’m already feeling it. I’m pretty sure you’re going to need a very tall glass.”
Was it that obvious I needed something strong to calm my nerves?
Considering I couldn’t stop looking around the room, and I was sure it was totally clear what… or rather who… I was seeking, I guessed the answer was a resounding yes.
Ignoring the turmoil inside me, I let a grin pull at one side of my mouth. “Since you seem to be the connoisseur of all things alcoholic, I doubt you’d steer me wrong. I’ll grab one and meet you out there.”
Aly frowned in concern. “You sure?”
“Yes. Completely.”
She hesitated.
“Go on.” I shooed them with my hands. “I’ll grab a drink and meet you outside.”
“Grab me one, too,” Megan called as she trailed Aly and Courtney out the back sliding glass door.
“Got it,” I hollered, chuckling under my breath, still not understanding how it was possible that I’d found myself in the midst of such easy affection, with such good people who welcomed me right into their fold without a second thought.
Well, all except for the one who’d managed to wring me inside out. The one who seemed to matter above all else. Because no matter how hard I tried to minimize his importance, the idea of really facing him continued to pump and feed the agitation that stirred and stewed within me, like some unseen force was calling me deeper into the promise of the unknown.
I seemed all too intent on throwing myself headlong into it.
As I chewed at my bottom lip, my gaze again traveled the room, which was thinning out, everyone heading out back when Jared called that the food was ready and dinner was set up on a buffet table outside.
All of that anxiety that had followed me through the week had gotten all mixed up with the ease I felt every time I was in Aly’s space. Still, the one face I was so terrified and completely desperate to see was nowhere to be found.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t feel him here.
His overwhelming presence was strong. Tremors rolled through me as I made my way into the kitchen, my head downturned as I said a quiet hello to two guys from Jared’s work who were on their way out.
I stood at the counter in front of the bar, staring down at the round slices of oranges floating in the glass bowl.
Get a grip. You can do this. You’re strong.
Grabbing two clear plastic cups, I filled them with ice from the bucket, scooped the red punch into the ladle, and lifted it to fill a cup.
Liquid courage.
I felt my own smirk right before the breath hit me at the back of the neck, and I froze. Chills flashed across my flesh, drenching my skin in a ripple of delicious sensation that quickly gave way to a cold flush of dread.
I sucked in a staggered breath. With shaking hands, I set the cup aside and let the ladle slip so that it clattered around in the glass bowl. The cold granite was unyielding as I made a vain attempt at digging my fingers into it to keep myself from falling when my knees went weak.
Again, I’d thought I was prepared for the onslaught of emotion Christopher sent barreling through my senses.
But the truth was, there was never a time in my life when I’d been prepared for him.
Behind me, I could feel his body towering over mine, an inch away. Dark and consuming. One step back and I was sure I’d sink into the raging sea of this man and forever disappear. Right into a black hole of nothingness.
He edged forward and forced my stomach into the counter, the length of his hard, hot body pressing into mine. I gasped and clung to the edge, his presence crawling over me, sucking me in with the intention of spitting me out.
I wanted to be strong, to turn and face him, to assert that he no longer had any control over me. To pretend as if every inch of my skin didn’t come alive with his close proximity.
But instead I felt myself faltering, and fear seized my heart when I realized I was going to crumble at his feet.
I wasn’t even strong enough to stand.
The sickest part of it all was that he had me pinned. Literally. This demon of a man was keeping me from falling to the floor.
He leaned in closer, brushing his mouth across my ear. Shivers raced through me, and I clamped down my mouth, trying not to inhale the potent nature of the boy who’d rocked my entire world. The one responsible for the huge, gaping crack in my foundation.
The fault.
And the fault was his.
I’d be wise to remember that.
His words were sharp and not in the least unexpected. But they stung nonetheless. “Thought I told you to stay the fuck away from me. You’re not welcome here, Samantha.” He drew out my name in a whispered taunt, coaxing me to look at his face, which felt like it was less than a millimeter from mine.
God, I wished I hadn’t.
A sharp breath wheezed down my throat when our eyes locked, and I drew in everything that was Christopher Moore. My mind and body lit up in recognition when I was struck with his distinct, unforgettable scent.
But tonight, there was a hostility saturating it, more intense than ever before.
Pure sex bidden by a brilliant, raging fury.
Like he’d consume me and there’d be nothing left.
Ashes.
That’s what had remained after he was finished with me the first time.
After he’d promised me forever.
Maybe I’d been that stupid, naive girl then, but I definitely wasn’t her now, and I wouldn’t allow him to reduce me to a stammering, blubbering mess.
Resistance lifted my chin in a firm set of defiance, my heart thrumming too hard and my stomach feeling as if it might spill over. I wrenched out of his grasp. I wanted to scream a million insults at him, to make him feel as small and foolish as he had made me feel, but I remembered my mission. This was about forgiveness. About regaining that part of me that had been lost to Christopher. About moving on.
“I’m here because your sister invited me. Because she came to my home and asked me to be here. I’m here because she’s my friend and I’ve always considered her to be, even after you took her away from me.”
Christopher blanched, and a surge of hurt flared in his searing eyes, before he recovered with a sneer. “I took her away from you?” He snorted. “Seems to me you have a pretty poor memory” – he leaned in close – “Sam.”
He said it hard, with an emphasis that drove another stake straight into my failing heart. So desperately I wanted to be courageous, but he knew my weaknesses. He knew I hated when he called me Sam. But even more, he’d hated when anyone else called me that.
It was a clear slap to the face.
Moisture gathered in my eyes, and I tried with everything in me to blink the tears back, but the first one fell, hard and fast. I squeezed my eyes, looking away to the floor. I pressed my hands to my chest, trying to hide the way it heaved and shook, but the tremors just took over my body.
Could anything be more humiliating than this? Christopher watching me fall apart?
“Fuck,” he cursed, and even with my eyes shut, I could almost see him shift, the way his body shrank and he fisted his hair. His voice lowered. “Goddamn it, Samantha, what are you trying to do to me?”
Tentatively, I cast a timid glance up at him, because there was nothing I could do to stop myself. He wore the most tortured expression I’d ever seen, his brow all twisted and his eyes the deepest forest green.
Why did he have to be so beautiful?
And why did I still have to love him so much?
He jerked his face away for two anguished beats before he leveled his gaze back on me. All traces of emotion had been erased. “Stay out of my way, Samantha. If you think you have a right to be here, then fine. Stay. But don’t think for a second this means anything. You’re dead to me.”
My entire being quaked with a jolt of pain.
There should have been no surprise. He’d made that abundantly clear when he’d stared vacantly across that room at me all those years ago, the trace of a smirk on his face confirming I’d meant nothing to him at all. I realized once I got older that it’d probably gotten him off, giving him a sordid sense of pleasure attained only in my misery.
Every single promise he’d made me had been a lie.
And the one he’d just made?
That’s the one I needed to remember.
I was dead to him. Nothing. I’d always been. All these years I’d spent hurting and longing and wondering had been nothing but a waste.
I’d known it then and I knew it now.
Christopher Moore was a bastard.
When they found out I was with him, my parents had begged and pleaded with me to see reason, to open my eyes and realize the direction I was allowing my life to go, warning me I was conspiring with the devil.
As I stood there staring up at all his glorious beauty, the man outwardly too perfect to be real, his black hair unruly and chaotic, his green eyes vicious and cruel – and his body – his body an altar of temptation, I realized their warnings hadn’t even come close to the truth.
I’d sold my soul to Lucifer himself.