Monroe
I spent last night watching the front door, certain Rhett would come in. He didn’t. Foolishly, I thought maybe he’d be waiting for me at work this morning with a hot cup of coffee. That didn’t happen either, and now I know why.
“Who’s the hot chick with Coop and his brother?” Sean asks, sidling up next to me behind the bar.
“No clue,” I lie. I knew who she was the second they walked in the door. I’d recognize her face from a million miles away. That pretty little blonde is the reason I lost the love of my life, and I can’t even be mad at him for bringing her here, because he has no idea the part she played in our demise.
“She’s been cozying up to Rhett all evening. Do you think they’re together?”
“Has she? I didn’t notice.”
Rhett and Coop walked in with her about two hours ago. They parked themselves in a corner booth—Rhett in the middle with Coop and her on either side—and they haven’t gotten up since.
Several times I’ve caught Rhett watching me, and each time he’s offered me a smile that I’ve politely returned despite the urge to spit in his drink, which is absolutely absurd because the man has done nothing wrong.
There’s no reason for me to be jealous. He and I aren’t together—haven’t been for quite some time—and my feelings for him are strictly platonic. Well, except for that fire in my belly I’ve been getting when he’s in the same room—which I’ll totally chalk up to indigestion related to my horrible diet—and the way my heart fluttered the other day when he took off his shirt. But any woman would react that way if she were staring at a half-naked Rhett, so I really can’t count that one.
“You’re a horrible liar,” Sean whispers.
“So I’ve been told.”
“He’s not touching her,” Sean adds. “Maybe they aren’t together. You think I’ve got a shot at that?”
He might not be touching her, but she can’t seem to keep her hands off him. Touching his arm while talking, leaning in close, brushing her thigh against his in the booth. That’s why I insisted Sarah take their table. I couldn’t watch it up close and not want to rip Blondie’s hands off of her pretty little body.
And she does have a pretty little body.
“Well?” Sean asks. “What do you think?”
With my hand on the tap, I turn a dry look to Sean. “Really?”
“What?”
“Men,” I mumble, grabbing the two glasses of beer for the ladies at the end of the bar. Once I check on all of my customers, I make a quick run to the bathroom. On my way back out, I spot Rhett sitting at my end of the bar. I’m shocked to find him alone. A quick look at the booth shows the woman talking with Coop, but her eyes are still very much on Rhett.
“What’s your poison?” I ask, nodding to the empty glass in his hand.
“Bud Light.” Rhett looks me in the eye. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask, refilling his mug.
“I don’t know. You just seem…off.”
He’s always been able to read me. Pisses me off as much now as it did when we were younger. “No, not at all.”
He nods, accepting my answer, but the uncertain look in his eyes remains. “Long day at Animal Haven?”
“Always,” I say, casting a glance down the bar. We’re relatively slow tonight, and my customers all seem to be drinking happily, which makes me not feel so bad about stealing a few seconds to talk.
“I was going to stop by this morning, but I got sidetracked.”
“I can see that.” I look over his shoulder, and he follows my gaze. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask who she is, but I don’t want to be too obvious. She must be important if she’s been in his life for the last six years.
“Yeah,” he says, looking me in the eye. “She made a surprise visit yesterday, stayed the night last night, and we spent the day at the ranch.”
I spent the day shoveling manure while she spent the day at his parents’ ranch. I love that ranch, and if I know Rhett, he probably took her to all his favorite spots—spots we used to sneak off to when we were wild, horny teenagers who wanted nothing but to be alone.
Oh God, what if they needed some alone time?
I grab a yellow rag and busy myself wiping down the top of the bar. “That was nice of Coop to let her crash on the couch.”
Rhett smiles. “Nah, she slept in my bed.”
“Oh.”
He watches my face fall, and his eyes widen. “No. No, not like that. She didn’t sleep in my bed with me. I offered her my bed because it was the polite thing to do. I slept on the couch.”
I stare at him.
“She’s my manager,” he says, as if that will justify why she spent the night with him. And then he blinks, probably reminding himself that he doesn’t owe me an explanation. “And she’s a little drunk right now. I need to get her out of here.”
She’s the manager? “I thought your manager was a man?”
Rhett nods. “Bill Atwood was my manager when I joined the PBR; that’s his daughter, Nikki. She sort of took me under her wing when I moved to Houston, and she eventually took over for her father.”
Holy shit. I know she’s the woman I saw him with at the anniversary party, but is she the woman I talked to on the phone? No wonder she wanted me out of the picture.
“Is that a normal thing, for managers to stay with their clients?”
Rhett’s lips twitch. “She didn’t stay with me. She stayed at Coop’s because she had too much to drink and I didn’t want her driving. And no, it’s not a normal thing.”
“That was very chivalrous of you.”
“You jealous, Mo?”
“No, not at all. Why would I be jealous?” I say, not even believing myself. “Are, uh…are you two close?”
Rhett’s playful smirk dies, and for a second I’m not sure he’ll answer.
“Mo, table two needs a fresh round,” Sean hollers.
I lift a finger to Rhett. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.”
I make quick work of replacing their drinks and take care of a few other people at the bar. When I make my way back to Rhett, he’s sipping his beer.
“Sorry, where were we?” I ask.
“You asked if Nikki and I are close.”
“Right. Are you?”
Rhett takes a deep breath, runs a hand through his shaggy hair, and nods. “We’re friends, Mo. She isn’t just my manager.”
That still doesn’t answer my question. Swallowing, I look down.
“That wasn’t the answer you were looking for, was it?”
I look up. “No, it wasn’t.” I want to know if you’re still sleeping with her. But it’s not really my business, is it?
“Mo.” Rhett shakes his head, and though he doesn’t say anything else, it’s written all over his face.
“It’s okay.” I push away from the bar. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
Leaning across the bar, he grabs my wrist. “She meant nothing to me. It was one time after you and I broke up. I was lonely and drunk.”
“The night of your parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary?”
Scrunching his brow, he tilts his head. “Yeah, how did you know?”
“Lucky guess.”
“I’m not even sure she remembers it happened,” he says, taking a swig of his beer.
Of course, she remembers it happened. How could she not? Every kiss, every touch, every promise Rhett gave is ingrained in my body. All I have to do is close my eyes, and I can remember the way his callused hands felt running up the side of my thighs, or the way the scruff on his jaw felt against my neck.
“Does it matter, Mo?”
The breath freezes in my lungs. A lie sits on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell him it doesn’t matter, that the past six years don’t matter, but they do. He matters. We matter.
“You’re an extremely attractive man. I figured there have been women in your life.”
“Now you’re not telling me what I want to know.”
Resting my elbows on the bar, I run my hands over my face. It’s now or never. I promised myself I’d tell the truth moving forward. No more lies. “You matter, Rhett. You’ve always mattered. Everything I’ve done has been with you in mind.”
“Mo.” He nearly comes across the bar, wrapping my face in his strong, warm hands. “We need to talk, baby, so bad.”
I press my hands to his. “There’s so much you don’t know, Rhett. You’re going to hate me.”
“I could never hate you.”
Never say never.
“What time do you get off?”
“Your brother is a slave driver,” I say. “I’m working until close.”
Rhett laughs. “It’s dead in here. Let me see if I can get you out early.”
“You don’t have to do that.” My words fall on deaf ears because Rhett’s already halfway across the room.
“Well,” Sean says, sliding up next to me. “Is he bagging the blonde?”
I thump him on the arm. “Do you have to be so crass?”
He holds his arm as though I actually hurt him. “Damn, you’re mean.”
“And for the record, no, he’s not.” I grab a glass out of the full crate and stack it on the shelf. “But she’s wasted, and she also happens to be his manager, so you’re going to leave her alone.”
“Damn.” Sean walks off, leaving me to empty the crate.
Once that’s done, I check on the customers at the bar and close out a couple of tabs.
“Haven’t seen it this slow on a Saturday night in a long time.” Coop leans up against the bar.
“I’ll take your word for it.” This is only my second weekend, so I can hardly make the call on what’s normal. “Hopefully we’re busier next weekend; I need the tips.”
“Rhett said you worked all day at Animal Haven before coming in tonight.”
I stop what I’m doing and look at Coop. “That’s nothing new.”
He takes a step forward and lowers his voice. “You told me you were going to get more help.”
“Help is hard to come by, and I can’t afford to pay anyone. I’m lucky I have the volunteers I do.”
Coop rubs his jawline. “I can help.”
My hands go to my hips. “When? You’re the only person I know who works as much as I do.”
“I’ll make time.”
“No, you won’t.” I place a hand on his arm. “Working at Animal Haven isn’t a hardship. I love it out there. Don’t worry about me. If things get too stressful, I’ll let you know.”
“Promise?”
I draw a cross over my heart.
“Good enough for me. Get out of here,” he says, nodding toward the door.
I frown. “Did your brother put you up to this?”
Coop holds his pointer finger and thumb about an inch apart. “Maybe just a little, but we’re slow, and you have to be exhausted.”
“But what if we get a rush?”
Coop looks down at his watch. “It’s almost midnight. I think we can handle it for a couple of hours.”
“You’re sure?”
“Go before I change my mind.”
I close out my drawer, instructing my customers to let Sean or Sarah know when they’re ready to settle up, and grab my purse from behind the bar. When I look up, I see Rhett and Nikki walking toward me.
Rhett has an easy smile on his face as I round the bar, and Nikki is oblivious to the world as she types away on her phone. She stumbles, but somehow manages to stay upright. How she walks in those damn heels, especially when she’s been drinking, I’ll never know.
“I see Coop let you off early.” Rhett grins, and I feel that smile from my head to my toes. “You still want to talk?”
“Sure—”
My words are cut off when a perfectly manicured hand shoves between us. “I’m Nikki.”
Sliding to the side, Rhett moves out of the way, and for the first time tonight, I get a good look at his manager. She’s looks different from the first and only time I saw her before tonight. Her hair is longer, breasts bigger, and her lips look like they’ve had more than a few collagen injections.
I take her hand but don’t introduce myself, because the last thing I want is for her to recognize me. Nikki wraps her delicate hand around mine. We do the obligatory handshake, but she doesn’t let go. Instead, she blinks once, twice, and then a third time, recognition flaring behind her overly made-up eyes.
“Wait a minute, I know you.” Her voice has the slightest hint of a slur.
I tug my hand out of her grip, intent on using her intoxicated state against her. “Um, no, I’m pretty sure you don’t.” How on Earth could she possibly remember me? She’s seen me one time—one freaking time—and it was years ago.
Squinting, she takes a step forward, and I take a step back. Hoisting her purse up on her shoulder, Nikki hiccups and points a finger at me. “Yup. Pretty sure I’ll never forget your face.” She scrunches her nose. “Monica, right?”
“Monroe,” Rhett offers, wrapping his hand around her arm. “Her name is Mo. Come on, Nikki. You’re drunk. Let me take you back to Coop’s.”
“Oh my gosh, you’re Mo!” She smiles brilliantly as she yanks her arm from Rhett’s grasp. “I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together when Rhett was talking about you earlier. You’re the girlfriend who couldn’t let go.”
Oh shit. “You must have me confused with someone else.” I fling the strap of my purse over my shoulder, prepared to leave before this bitch throws everything I hate about my past back in my face. Rhett needs to hear the truth, but he needs to hear it from me. “Rhett, I think I should—”
“No, I don’t. I never forget a face; it’s part of my job. You were the girlfriend,” she says.
I shake my head, but it’s too late, the words are already falling from her mouth.
“You were the one who wouldn’t quit calling. Looks like you got your wish; Rhett’s finally home, and from what I hear, he’s been spending all his time with you.”
Rhett looks at Nikki. “What do you mean she wouldn’t quit calling?”
“The girl. You know the one,” she mumbles.
“Enlighten me.”
“Rhett—” I attempt.
He holds up a hand, quieting me.
Nikki slaps playfully at his chest, but his face is devoid of any humor. I take a step toward the door.
“I told her you were better off without her, but she wouldn’t give up. She wanted to talk to you so bad, but I couldn’t let that happen because I knew you’d run back to her. Persistent little bitch must’ve loved you more than I thought.”
I hear a sharp intake of breath, but I’m not sure who it comes from. Maybe Rhett, maybe me. Quite possibly both.
“You and I hadn’t fucked yet, but it was only a matter of time, so I got rid of her. I did what was best for you and your career, and look at you—you’re a star.”
She shrugs and turns toward the bar as if she didn’t just turn Rhett’s life upside down.
Oh God, I think I’m going to be sick.
Anger and confusion blaze behind Rhett’s eyes. “What do you mean you got rid of her?” His voice is low, gravelly, and holds a warning that I hope to God Nikki heeds.
“What I just said,” she says, looking over her shoulder. “I got rid of her, told her to do whatever she had to do to push you away. You were better off without her, Rhett. We all know that. She was going to bring you down, and I couldn’t let that happen. She didn’t give up that easily though, which is why I made sure we gave her a damn good show at your parents’ anniversary party.”
Rhett’s frantic eyes find mine. “She wasn’t at the party.”
“Yes, she was.” Nikki’s head bobs. “And she made it just in time for our performance.” She runs a finger down the front of Rhett’s shirt.
Every emotion from that time in my life comes flooding back. It’s all too much, and I can’t process the look of pain and confusion on Rhett’s face. The air in the bar grows thick, stealing my breath, and I look desperately around the room. But my eyes seem to be drawn back to one person—one man.
Rhett is watching me. His eyes asking the question he can’t get his mouth to say.
What is she talking about?
My heart jack-hammers in my chest, threatening to bust out as the burn of tears prickles behind my eyes.
Shaking my head, I turn toward the door. “I gotta go.” And then I’m out, making my way to the front door as fast as I can, ignoring Rhett and Coop as they call out for me.
I’m halfway across the parking lot when I hear the front door fly open, but I keep moving, desperate to get to my car.
“Mo, wait!”
Oh God.
“Mo!” Rhett yells.
His hand wraps around my elbow, and I whirl around. We’re both breathing heavily. His eyes search mine, his expression shocked.
“What the hell was that back there? What was she talking about?”
“Please, Rhett.” I look down, heat infusing my cheeks. “I need to be alone.”
“No.” He tugs my arm, pulling my body flush against his. I take a small step back, not wanting to hurt his shoulder, not sure I can handle being that close. His left arm is still in a sling, but that doesn’t stop his right hand from sliding up my arm to wrap around the back of my neck. Using his thumb, he lifts my face to meet his. “I need to know what she was talking about.”
“Then why don’t you go ask her?”
“Because she’s drunk, and I’d much rather hear it from you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, and Rhett brushes away the tears that fall.
“God,” I whimper. “This is so embarrassing.”
“What? Why are you embarrassed? You have no reason to be embarrassed.”
“Yes, I do.” I sniff and lower my chin to my chest. “Because she’s right; you’re better off without me.” My voice cracks on a sob, and I pull away, but he reaches for me again.
He cradles my face and drops his forehead to mine. The familiar smell of him causes my heart to ache, and I cry for the stupid teenager I was and the foolish adult I’ve become.
“That can’t possibly be true. Mo, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you. Even after you cheated, I still wanted you in my life. But since that’s not what you wanted, I’ve tried to move on. Why do you think I’ve stayed away from Heaven and threatened my family within an inch of their lives if they mention your name?”
I laugh, though it sounds like a strangled cry. “Don’t you get it? That isn’t what I wanted. I was doing it for you.”
“Doing what? Mo, baby, I’m so confused. Please, tell me what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“The beginning, Mo. Start at the beginning.”
The beginning. The beginning seems so long ago. I step away, out of Rhett’s grasp, and tilt my head back. Hundreds of stars are scattered across the silky night sky. The moon is full and bright, sort of like my future with Rhett before it was ruined.
Despite all the revelations so far tonight, there’s a good chance Rhett isn’t ready for the truth. But I’m ready to give it to him.
I clear my throat. “Two months after you left for the PBR, and I left for college, my dad had a stroke. The doctors told me he’d never be the same again, and they were right. He was paralyzed on the right side of his body, and I had two options: I could either bring him home, where he’d require round-the-clock care, or I could put him in a nursing home—and you can bet your ass that second option wasn’t really an option.”
“Mo—”
“I was scared,” I say, cutting him off. “Scared and alone, and all I wanted was you. I wanted you to wrap your arms around me and tell me everything was going to be okay, and selfishly, I wanted you to come home. I called you three times that night. Left three voicemails begging you to call me back, but you never did.”
“Mo, I—”
“Please, let me get this out.”
Rhett nods, but he doesn’t look very happy.
“I figured you were busy, and with our crazy schedules, we’d gone several days without talking to each other before, so I waited until the next morning and tried again, only that time a woman picked up.”
“Nikki.”
I nod.
“She said she was part of your team, but I didn’t realize she was your manager’s daughter. I told her who I was and that I desperately needed to talk to you. She said you were busy—an interview or something. She promised you’d call as soon as you were done, but you didn’t, so I called back a few hours later. That time when she answered, I told her what had happened and that I needed you to come home.”
Closing my eyes, I relive that horrible phone call, which resulted in a lie that forever changed the course of this relationship.
“She told me I was being selfish,” I explain, keeping my eyes closed. “She told me how well you were doing, how hard you’d worked and all the sponsors you had. And she said that year was your chance—that you could win the world championship.”
I take a deep breath and open my eyes to look at Rhett in the dark. “But she said if you left to come home, you might never get it back. Your chance would have passed, and I’d have done nothing more than ruin your dreams right along with my own.”
Even now I remember how her words swirled around my grief-stricken brain. I’d felt so alone in that moment, so overwhelmed by the decisions I had to make.
“She told me to figure it out, to find a way to solve the problem,” I whisper.
Rhett’s jaw ticks, his hands clenching into fists at his side, but he doesn’t say a word.
“I didn’t know what to do.” I take a deep breath, remembering how bad it hurt to sit there, coming up with a lie significant enough to push Rhett away. “I wanted you with me, but she was right. You would’ve walked away from the tour to come home, and I couldn’t let you do that. I had to make sure one of us captured our dream, and I knew it wasn’t going to be me.”
The steady sound of the crickets chirping fills the silence while I gather my thoughts. “You called me the next morning. It was the first time we’d talked in a week—”
“Son of a bitch. She was screening all my calls.” Rhett pushes his fingers into his hair and turns away for a moment. He takes a few deep breaths and turns back. “Coop finally called the arena, demanded to talk to me, and told me about your dad. I ran straight to my truck, wondering why you hadn’t reached out to me, and when I called, you told me you couldn’t handle a long-distance relationship and you’d slept with Charlie Dixon,” Rhett says, his voice strained. “You said I needed to forget about you. Worst day of my life.”
I shudder at the memory, at the sound of his voice when he begged me to tell him it wasn’t true, and then again when he yelled out to me as I hung up the phone.
“After that call, I spent the next hour throwing up in the bathroom. I hated myself for what I’d done. I picked up the phone a hundred times to call you back and tell you it was all a lie, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. And then after a while I realized it didn’t matter—”
Rhett takes a step forward, his face twisted in pain. “Come on, Mo, didn’t you know me at all? You weren’t thinking about me, about us, because if you had been, you would’ve known my future meant nothing to me if you weren’t a part of it.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice breaking. “I was just so confused…”
He pushes his fingers into his hair and turns away. “You lied to me.” He stops and turns back, the disappointment in his eyes hitting me square in the gut. “You didn’t sleep with Charlie Dixon.”
I shake my head and watch the look on his face transform into anger. “You took what we had, and you let someone manipulate it. You made a choice about what was best for me without consulting me, and then you lied about sleeping with another man!” he yells, his voice getting louder with each word.
“My father had just had a stroke!” I shout back. “I didn’t know what was going to happen to him, and I had no one. The life I’d planned for, yearned for, was gone. You were so far away—and then suddenly I had someone telling me what I needed to do. I know now I made a mistake, but I was drowning! I wanted you to be happy.”
“Happy? Do you know what that did to me?” In three giant steps, he has me backed against the side of my truck. “Do you know how bad that screwed with my head? It’s all I thought about. Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured Charlie Dixon sinking his dick inside of you. I saw him holding you and touching parts of your body only I had touched.”
“I’m sorry.” Tears flow down my cheeks. “I was wrong.”
“Finally, something we agree on.”
I flinch, wishing I could rewind time and take back my lies.
“You broke my heart, Monroe. I was in love with you. We may have been young, but we’d talked about our future, and I wanted that more than anything.”
“I did too.” I reach for him, but he takes a step back.
“Don’t,” he warns. “Don’t touch me.”
“It was a terrible time for me, Rhett. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry.”
“A mistake?” He rears back as though I’ve slapped him across the face. “You lied to me, and you call that a mistake? God, Mo, do you know how hard coming home has been for me? Since that day, I’ve dreaded every trip back to Heaven for fear that I’d see you with Charlie. I’ve avoided my family, I’ve secluded myself from my friends, I’ve fucked nameless, faceless women because I couldn’t fill the gaping, black hole you left in my goddamn heart.”
“You have to understand—I was trying to do what was best for you,” I cry, my words turning into sobs.
Rhett hangs his head. He takes a breath and blows it out slowly. “When I saw you the other day with my dogs, something sparked inside me—something I hadn’t felt since our last phone call—and I knew right then that no matter what I told myself, every attempt I’d made to put you in my past had failed. It’s felt so good to have a friendship with you again. I convinced myself I could look past what you’d done if it meant having you as part of my life, but I’m not sure I can get past this.”
“Yes,” I plead, stepping toward him. “Yes, you can, because there’s more, Rhett. God, there’s so much more you need to know.”
His eyes grow wide, his lips turning up in a sardonic smile. “How much more could there possibly be? I’m not sure I want to hear what else you have to say, Mo. I don’t know how much more I can take.”
My mouth drops open. He has to hear me out; he has to know I tried to fix us. “You have to try, Rhett. This matters. We matter.”
He shakes his head and gives me his back, walking toward the front of Dirty Dicks.
“Where are you going?”
“I need some space, Mo. I need to think, and I can’t do that here. I can’t do that when I’m around you.”
“You can’t leave,” I beg. “You can’t walk away without letting me finish.”
When Rhett’s eyes meet mine over his shoulder, I feel like my insides are being ripped out. “I’m not walking away, Mo. You did that six years ago.”