Monroe
Rhett’s eyes are ringed by dark circles, the dark strands of his hair are sticking this way and that, and the stubble across his jaw looks like it hasn’t seen a razor in days.
I hate seeing him like this.
“You told me you slept with Charlie, hung up on me, wanted to call back and tell me it was all a lie, but you couldn’t make yourself do it. That’s where you left off.”
His voice cuts through the air, along with a sharp gust of wind, and I look him in the eye.
“It took a few weeks, but my head finally cleared enough to catch up with my heart, and I knew I had to come clean. I knew I couldn’t live the rest of my life with you thinking the worst of me, and I shouldn’t have let Nikki tell me what to do; I just didn’t know how to go about telling you. It couldn’t be over the phone. I wanted to talk in person, show you how sorry I was. Then Coop called one night and told me you’d be in town for your parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary party.”
Rhett’s face pales as I speak.
“I spent the last of the money in my savings account to buy a dress—”
“And I showed up with a date.”
I’ll never forget the pain that ripped through me when Rhett walked in with a beautiful blonde. “I couldn’t believe you’d moved on so quickly.”
“I hadn’t,” he says softly.
“At the time, I didn’t know who she was, but I recognized her the second you two walked into the bar last week. It was Nikki.”
“Shit,” he groans. Pushing his fingers into his hair, he steps off the porch to pace alongside his truck. “We weren’t together,” he says. “She was the daughter of my manager, learning her father’s trade, and I didn’t want to show up alone and risk seeing you there with Charlie.”
“When I saw you out on the dance floor with Nikki, I realized I’d already lost you.”
He shakes his head, confused. “You hadn’t lost me. I was hurting, but I would’ve forgiven you. I would’ve taken you back.”
“I lost you long before I broke up with you, Rhett. One look at you and I could tell your time away from home had changed you. Your shaggy hair was gone, styled in one of those preppy spikes we always made fun of, and you were wearing a suit. Every other guy at the party was in flannel and denim, but not you. You were in a tailored suit, Rhett.”
“I was still the same person.”
I shake my head, swallowing hard as the memory passes through me. “It didn’t seem that way, and I didn’t fit with you at all. I was so proud of you, though—proud that you’d gotten out of this town and made something of yourself, and proud that you looked happy, even if your happiness wasn’t shared with me.”
“God, Mo, why didn’t you come talk to me? Slap me across the face and force me to listen to you?”
“I was going to…” I tell him. “I was waiting until you were alone, so I hung back from the party, watched from afar. But she wouldn’t leave your side. At one point she spotted me watching you, and I thought for sure I’d been caught, but then she smiled, wrapped her hand around your arm, and pulled you onto the dance floor. She kept touching you and pressing herself close to you, all while keeping an eye on me. Looking back, I think she knew exactly who I was. I’ve never wanted to punch someone so badly in my entire life. I wanted to rip her away from you, scream that you were mine, but I’d already made sure that wasn’t the truth.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Finally you stepped away, and I followed you.”
“Jesus Christ,” Rhett huffs, stepping back onto the porch. “Mo, I don’t know what you saw, but—”
“I saw everything.”
His head falls.
“She followed you into the woods. I saw the surprised look on your face when you realized she was behind you.”
If I close my eyes, it’ll put me right back there in the trees—the smell of grassy earth, pine needles, and my dime-store perfume. So I keep my eyes open.
“You reached for her hand, and it felt like you were tearing my heart out of my chest.” My voice cracks as I sob, and I put a hand over my mouth, trying to hold it in. “God, Rhett. I watched you pull her close, push her up against a tree, and—”
“Stop. I get it; I was there,” he growls. “Jesus, Mo, why did you watch that?”
“I had to,” I whisper. “It was the only way to keep from throwing myself at you down the road, from begging you to forgive me and take me back. I had to let you go, Rhett.”
The clouds roll in, bringing some much-needed rain. The first drops fall, offering nothing more than a slight drop in temperature.
“Shit, Mo, I—”
“Seeing you with Nikki was awful, but it was my fault. I’m the one who pushed you toward her, so please don’t apologize. If I hadn’t lied to you, I know you wouldn’t have slept with her.”
“I don’t even know what to say. This is all so screwed up.”
“That’s the whole story. I needed you to know I’d planned on making it right.”
Lips pressed together, he nods. “I’m really sorry you saw that. I’m still processing how you got to the point where you thought you were protecting me by pushing me away. I’m trying to get there, Mo. And I’m relieved you didn’t cheat on me, but you still destroyed us, destroyed me, and I don’t know how to get past that.”
“What would you have done if you’d found out I had to sell dad’s business and quit school so I could take care of him?”
“I would’ve come back.”
“Exactly.” I stand up and take a step toward him. “You would’ve dropped everything to come back and help me.”
“Of course I would’ve, Monroe, because that’s what people do for those they love. They don’t push them away or create irreparable damage, they support them and love them, even if it costs them something in return.”
I flinch at his words but refuse to let them tear me down. Look at him now—all he’s achieved. Of course I did the right thing. “And what would you have done? Gone to work at your dad’s ranch?”
“I would’ve made an honest living—”
“You know as well as I do that you wouldn’t have been happy here,” I argue. “Your life is out there, riding bulls and chasing the buckle.”
“My life was you, Mo. That dream I was chasing was supposed to have you in it.” His breaths come out in harsh pants, as though he just ran a mile, which is pretty much how I feel.
Several seconds pass as we stare at each other, neither one of us making a move, and I know this might be my last chance to lay it all on the line.
“Rhett.” I reach for his hand, and he doesn’t pull away. I lace our fingers together. “I’m still in love with you. A lot has changed over the years, but my love for you has remained constant and steady. However you feel about me now, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I would never do anything to hurt you again.”
Curling his fingers around mine, Rhett tugs me forward until my body is pressed against his. I can feel his heart beating against my chest. The soft patter of rain pings against the gutters. There’s a gust of wind and a couple of raindrops hit my face.
Rhett lifts his finger, wipes them away, and leans his forehead against mine.
“I want to believe you, but I’m not sure I’m there yet.”
I nod, laying my head on his shoulder. I take a deep breath, inhaling his warm, spicy scent, trying to catalogue everything about him that I can.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get there, Mo.”
Swallowing, I shift and kiss his cheek. He sighs, moving his face a millimeter to the left. I press my lips to the corner of his mouth. His warm breath fans the side of my face, and I pull back before I push him too far.
His hand curls around the back of my neck, and he brings my mouth to his for a gentle kiss. There’s nothing passionate about it, and all too soon he opens his eyes and steps back.
“I’m sorry, Mo.”
I lay my finger against his lips. “You have nothing to be sorry for. This is on me, and I’ll just have to live with it.”
A tiny sliver of my heart had hoped he’d grant me forgiveness—and if I was real lucky, another shot at his heart. Disappointment races through me. Walking away from Rhett after coming clean feels even more final than hanging up after telling a lie.
Hands shaking, stomach twisted, I take step after step toward my truck. A crack of lightning streaks through the sky, followed by a roll of thunder. Rain drips from my hair, seeping through my clothes and shoes, and I have to fight the urge to look back at Rhett. I can’t. If I do, I’ll drop to my knees and beg for any crumble of love he can salvage for me, and we both deserve much more than that.
This is it. We’re finally done.