Seventeen Years Earlier
“We could watch a movie here.” My voice sounded too innocent, even to me, and I just knew he was going to change his mind. Not just change his mind, but go out with his brothers instead. Go out with anyone instead of staying in with the girl who could barely speak.
Cash grinned, his eyes roaming from my red cheeks to my wide eyes. “We could.”
I nodded and turned back to face the door. The more seconds ticked by the sillier I felt, just facing the door like some kind of idiot. I couldn’t face him, though. Not when he was looking at me like he was.
Cash opened the door and slid his arm out from around me. “I’ll find something to watch.”
I stepped aside, not knowing exactly what was happening or what I was supposed to do. Things felt different. It felt like Cash was making a move on me, but that couldn’t be right. He’d known me for years. He’d been married to me for two years and had never tried anything. I had to be just imagining. Wishful thinking, was probably what it was.
And there had been a lot of wishful thinking. I knew he was out of my league, so much so that it was like we were playing different sports, but it never stopped me from thinking of him. He’s always been gorgeous and cool. Everyone loved Cash. No one had even known my name. I was Cash’s friend. And then Cash’s wife.
The same guilt I always felt settled in my stomach and I knew he couldn’t be hitting on me. I’d sucked him into my problems and he was probably just waiting on his chance to escape. There was a reason he’d joined the Navy and stayed gone constantly.
“I’ll go turn the radio off.” I hurried through the house and out the back door. Sucking in air that felt as thick as peanut butter, I stopped for a second and just looked up at the night sky.
So many stars. Our security light had been an extra six dollars a month that I couldn’t afford so I’d shut it off with the electric company. It could be scary when there were noises in the back yard and I couldn’t see anything, but the stars were almost worth it. We had the best view in the neighborhood.
I only knew the dippers. Mom had freckles on her chest in the same shape and, on her good days, she’d told me about them and then pointed them out to me. Cash knew all the constellations. I’d heard him name them as easily as he said my name.
Another slow song was playing and I pictured myself in a different world. One where Cash came out and held me while we swayed to the music. Like an old married couple.
When we’d agreed to the marriage, I hadn’t thought about the possibility of wanting it for real. Two years and almost over six hundred nights of sleeping in an empty house and I couldn’t help but dream of something different. Something less lonely.
“Hey.” Cash called out from the back door. “You coming?”
I looked back at him and forced a smile. “Yeah. Sorry.”
He nodded towards the radio. “Shut that off, would you? I found a scary movie we can watch.”
I turned the radio off and went back inside, carefully stepped around Cash to get to the couch. I kicked my shoes off and curled up on the end I always sat on. “What movie is it?”
Cash handed me a beer and sat in the middle of the couch, so close that his thigh touched mine. “The second Scream movie is on. Have you seen it?”
He never sat that close to me. Never. I looked over at him and watched as he fiddled with the remote, tapping it against his leg to get it to work. He took a long swig of his beer and then glanced over at me, a smile tugging at one side of his mouth.
My heart started beating like crazy. “Um, no. I don’t think so.”
The movie started, the volume at a deafening height. Cash hit the remote on his leg again and turned it down. “Jesus. What were you watching that loud?”
My cheeks burned for no reason. “Nothing. It just does that when you first turn it on.”
“I should fix that next time I’m home.” He stretched his arm out along the back of the couch, inches from my head, and took another pull from his beer. “You can cuddle into me if you get scared.”
The movie started and I was grateful I didn’t have to think of a response. I was out of my element. I couldn’t tell if Cash had bumped his head and was just being weird or if he was making a move on me. It’d never happened to me before, so I didn’t know what to do.
Cash seemed to settle in, his eyes trained to the small TV with an impressive focus. Whatever discomfort I was feeling was missed on him. I tried to just watch the movie and forget everything else, but after the first scary moment, I was too terrified to watch.
“What are you doing?” Cash’s voice startled me and I jumped, making him laugh.
“Nothing, just watching the movie.”
“Your eyes were closed, Clara.”
I looked over at him and bit my lip before replying. “No, they weren’t?”
He grinned. “You scared?”
When I nodded, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his side. His arm wrapped around me and his hand rested on my hip. “I told you that you could cuddle into me.”
I stiffened instantly, more terrified of being in his arms than of the movie. I didn’t know what was happening, but it felt big.
“Relax, C.” Cash’s fingers flexed on my hip. “I won’t bite.”
For some reason, when he lowered his voice like he was, I didn’t believe him. I clasped my hands together in my lap and stared at the TV without blinking.
The next scare made me flinch and Cash held my tighter. His hand slipped higher on my hip, the tips of his fingers curling over the top of my thigh. I sucked in a sharp breath and shivered.
Cash froze and looked down at me, the heated look from before on his face again. “You cold?”
That was a joke. It had to be close to ninety degrees in the house. “No. The movie just scared me. How are you not freaked out?”
He reached over and took one of my hands so he could pull it over his stomach. His abs were rock hard under my hand and his muscles flexed as my fingers sank into him. “I’m not freaked out because I’ve got a pretty girl on my arm.”
I pulled away as much as I could, a shocked look on my face. “Don’t say that.”
He frowned. “Why not?”
“Because it isn’t true.”
“Clara…” Cash shook his head and smiled down at me. “You’re crazy. Come on. Watch the movie with me.”
I chewed my lip as the movie went on. I somehow got more comfortable in his arms, time softening my tense muscles. I kept my eyes closed, but he didn’t seem to notice.
I was just starting to really relax when Cash suddenly yelled, sending my heart into overdrive. I tightened my arm around his waist and blinked up at him. “What?!”
He just laughed, his whole body shaking with it. “Sorry! I just couldn’t help it.”
I frowned at him and tried to pull away. I felt like he was laughing at me and it made me want to run away. “You scared me half to death. That’s not funny.”
“It was funny. You should’ve seen your face.”
My frown turned into a scowl and a glare. “Let me go.”
“No.”
I pressed my hand against his side and tried to push away from him. “Yes. Let me go. You’re not playing nice tonight.”
Cash suddenly let me go, and when I jerked backwards, he followed me. He ended up laying practically on top of me, his arms bracing him on the couch and his eyes boring into mine. “I’ve been trying to.”
My heart was beating faster than ever. My body was wedged into the couch with Cash’s heavier one almost covering me. My mouth opened and closed as I tried to think of what to say in response to him. Even though I could definitely tell something was happening, I was still confused as to what it was. It didn’t seem possible that Cash would be starting something with me. Not in my reality, anyway.
“You going to let me nicer to you, C?” He lowered his voice and tugged his lower lip between his teeth. “I really want to be nicer now.”
Nicer sounded good, especially when he said it like that. My body was responding and I felt like a plastic bottle someone was turning into a middle school science project. Baking soda and vinegar had nothing on me. “Okay.”
Cash leaned even closer and eyed the buttons of my dress. “That’s not good enough, C. I need to hear it.”
I swallowed so loud that I blushed even harder. There was no way he hadn’t heard it. What did he need to hear? I wanted to give him whatever he wanted, desperate to keep him where he was, because even though it scared me, I liked the way it felt.
“Tell me you want me to be nicer.”
I met his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “I…I want you to be nicer.”
He lowered his face until he was so close my eyes couldn’t focus on his. His breath stroked over my mouth, making me gasp. The slightest movement of that sound brushed my top lip over his. It was the smallest touch, but it felt more significant than any other moment in my life up until that point.
“Clara, you’re beautiful.”
I opened my mouth to argue and he kissed me. His lips closed around my top lip and lightly pulled on it before moving to my bottom lip. Soft. His lips were soft. I was too stunned to react. I was there like a fool, my arms slightly raised, as if I was unsure if I was going to push him away still.
He pulled back just enough for there to be air between our mouths and groaned. “Tell me to get off of you, C.”
Me? Tell him to get off of me? Not a chance in a million years. As terrified as I was, Cash Crimson was kissing me. I didn’t know why he was doing it, but I wanted it. I wasn’t the girl who got what she wanted, but maybe, for a little bit, I could be. I could pretend to be one of his pretty girlfriends from before.
He read my silence correctly and kissed me again, firmer that time. In a move that defied reason, he shifted and his hand landed on my knee. Bunching my dress up and applying pressure, he opened my knees and sank between them.
I gasped in surprise and Cash swept his tongue over my lips. He tasted like mint but it wasn’t enough to distract from the feeling of his weight resting between my thighs. No one had ever been there before. It was as foreign as it was wanted.
My arms finally settled and I rested my hands on his shoulders. They felt so wide and strong under my fingers and I was finally getting a chance to feel them, so I did. I ran my hands over all of him that I could touch, tracing muscles and dips that fascinated me while Cash brushed kisses down my chin.
He kissed the skin under my ear and an unexpected moan broke free from my mouth. It seemed to tell him what he wanted because he kissed that spot again, sweeping his tongue over it until I moaned again. Embarrassment washed over me and I bit my lip, determined to be silent.
Cash looked up and groaned. “As much as I like seeing your mouth like that, I want to hear you, C. I want to know what you like.”
I thought I’d ruined it as he sat back. My thighs were still awkwardly spread, so I did my best to push my skirt down so nothing of mine was showing too much. As I watched, though, Cash reached over his head and grabbed his shirt, swiftly pulling it over his head and tossing it to the side. My mouth fell open, lip set free, hormones raging.
“Why’d you cover up?” He trailed his fingers from my ankles to my knees and then higher. When he got to my mid-thigh and ran into my dress, his smile was dangerous. “I like the buttons, C, but I’m afraid they’re going to take too long.”
Buttons. My brain circled on that word, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Buttons?
Cash grabbed the bottom of my dress in his hands and pulled, ripping the curious buttons off and leaving me bare, in just my panties, from the waist down. “Fuck. Get another dress like that, C.”