I finished up in the bathroom and headed out. Instead of going back to the room with Antonio in it, I went the other way and moved around the handful of people sitting at the too-close-together tables to get to the small gumball machine at the front of the restaurant. I bent over slightly to look in at the different colors and then to the machine next to it, the one with sticky hands. For some reason, I always looked at them.
When I first accompanied Antonio, I looked at them to imagine which ones Helena would like. Would she like the neon pink one or the purple one? Or maybe she’d be a gumball girl. I was. After finding out the truth, I looked at them, imagining her doing the same, trying to get the one she wanted the most.
Helena, my daughter. Would she like the yellow gumball best? Like me?
A hand brushed over my ass and I jerked upright, thinking it was probably Antonio, coming to look for me. I turned to see if he was pissed, but it wasn’t him.
Instantly, I felt horrible for the man before me. He’d just screwed himself over and he had no idea.
“Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” He turned on a bright smile and looked me over. “I’m Blake. You are?”
I gasped as Rattle grabbed the man from behind by the back of his shirt and yanked him away from me. “Just let him go. It’s fine.”
Blake struggled and tried to yank himself free. “What the fuck’s your problem, man?”
“Please! Let him go. I can handle it. Don’t do this!” I moved around a small table and grabbed Rattle’s arm. “Let him go.”
Snake grabbed me and pulled me away from them while Rattle dragged Blake towards the back room. He turned at the last second and shoved him towards the bathrooms.
Snake held onto me and stuck his head into the back room. “Carver. We’ve got a problem, man.”
Antonio was on his feet and at my side in a second. He glared at Snake’s arm around me until Snake snatched it away. “It’d better be a fucking big problem for you to be touching her like that.”
“Some fucking asshole grabbed her ass while she was looking at the machines. Tried to come onto her.”
I watched the change come over Antonio and stilled. Now that I knew him, it was terrifying to watch. The real man was never too far from the surface, but as messed up as he was, he loved me. He didn’t show the nightmare to me unless I pushed him too far. Or unless something like Blake happened. He had no problem showing me how he would fight for me if he needed to.
Antonio grabbed my arms and dragged me into his chest. His eyes were vortexes threatening to suck me in and suffocate me. “He touched you?”
I grabbed at his shirt and shook my head. “Please don’t do this, Antonio. Please.”
He stroked his hands down my hair and back and smiled. He was no longer Antonio. He’d become Carver, the man without a conscience. “Come on, baby. Let me show you how much I love you.”
I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, my heart beating so hard that I knew he could feel it against his chest. Tears filled my eyes and I begged him. “Please, please, please. I don’t want this. I don’t want this at all. Please don’t. I’ll do anything. Let him go, baby. Please, just let him go.”
He captured my face in his hands as the sound of flesh slapping flesh sounded from the bathroom. Another reason we ate at Mr. Hernandez’s place. He didn’t complain about the fights. Not that you could call them fights.
“I would do anything for you. I would fight anyone for you. I would kill anyone for you. I see you, Clara. I see the way you watch me sometimes, wondering about how I feel for you. I’ll do anything I have to, to show you the truth.”
I balled my fists and hit him. “I don’t want this, Antonio! Please, don’t do it!”
He shook me and then passed me off to Snake. “Hurt her and it’ll be you Hernandez is scraping off the bathroom floor later.”
I thrashed in Snake’s arms and cried out. “Please, don’t!”
Antonio slapped me lightly across the face, not hard enough to hurt, but sharply enough to get my attention. I was panting, feeling wildly out of control. I wanted to throw up. I knew what was coming. I’d seen Carver in action before. I couldn’t see it again.
“Clara, get ahold of yourself. That man in there touched you. He disrespected you and me. I can’t let him get away with that. It’s going to happen, no matter what.”
My body shook but I made myself quiet down. I chewed on my bottom lip and stared at the man I’d been with for more than ten years. My mind warped because I knew there was nothing I could do to stop him. There never was.
“That’s my girl.” Antonio grinned and pulled me forward to kiss my forehead. “Time to take care of business, baby.”
Snake walked me forward until I was in the open doorway of the bathroom, staring in at the three men. Rattle held Blake with his arms behind his back and Antonio stood in front of them, his hands clasped behind his back.
I held my breath and dug my nails into my palms, blood red nails biting into my skin.
“You touched my woman.” Antonio’s voice was dark and dangerous as he inched closer.
Blake’s face was bright red, flushed with anger and fear. “So what? Let me the fuck go, asshole!”
Wrong response. Not that it mattered. No matter what response he gave, Antonio would be merciless. Maybe his response was the best. Go out in a blaze of fury, because he was definitely going out.
“You want to know what I do to disrespectful fucks who touch my woman?” Antonio grabbed Blake’s face and squeezed until the weaker man cried out from the pain. “I dislocate their jaws so they can’t close their mouths and I rip out all of their teeth before beating them to death. You want to know the best part?”
Blake had gone pale and was aggressively trying to get away from Rattle. He couldn’t speak with his jaw clamped, but the sounds he made were obviously apologetic mumblings.
“There’s nothing you can do about it. You’re weak and helpless. You signed your death warrant already and now it’s time to pay up.” Antonio dug his fingers into the side of Blake’s face and then yanked down with all of his strength.
The sickening crack was followed by a scream that would haunt me for the rest of my life. They always screamed, but every scream was different and every scream stayed with me. I knew that I would die still being able to identify Blake’s scream from the waiter’s at Philly’s, from Antonio’s cousin, Benito.
I jerked, trying to turn away from what was happening, but Snake grabbed my chin in his hand and forced my face in their direction.
“Be careful with her or you’ll be right here next,” Antonio barked out in our direction before turning back to Blake.
I watched as he held out his hand and Rattle slapped a pair of pliers into his palm. My stomach twisted, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I’d already pushed him as much as I was willing to. Anything more and he could hurt her.
The first tooth was always the worst. To make a believer out of the person he was torturing, Antonio went for one of the front two teeth to get started.
I closed my eyes and jumped when the screaming started, even louder. Time ceased to exist in those moments. It felt like forever as I stood there, eyes slammed shut and hands balled into tight fists at my sides. Snake’s hand on my face was tight, his fingers biting into my skin, but I stayed silent. Deep down, a part of me was afraid to find myself in the same position, forcibly losing all my teeth as two grown bullies watched and laughed.
Blake screamed until he passed out. Antonio hated when they passed out. He wanted to inflict the most pain possible, while they were aware of who was doing it. He was a monster.
I heard Snake grunt and then Antonio’s softer hand was on my face, his bloody fingers stroking my cheek. He leaned down and looked into my eyes. “I would do anything for you, Clara. You know that, right? You know that I would do anything for you?”
I swallowed and nodded. “Stop this for me. Please.”
His mouth tightened and he shook his head. “Take her back to the table and wait for me there.”
I was torn. I was thankful for the chance to leave, but I was terrified, too. I knew there would be punishment if I left. There would already be repercussions for the way I’d been acting in front of other people. I couldn’t pile on more transgressions.
I wanted nothing more than to leave, but I couldn’t. I jerked against Snake’s arms again and stood up taller. I faced Antonio and stared into his blood splattered face. “No. I’ll stay.”
His eyes crinkled in the corners. I’d pleased him. He wrapped his fingers around my throat and stroked my skin. “I’ll be quick.”
He was true to his word. Yanking the rest of Blake’s teeth out, he did it while the man was still out. Then, he pulled the gun he kept at his side out and nodded for Rattle to drop the man on the ground. Without blinking an eye, he twisted on a silencer and then put three bullets in Blake’s head. Then it was done.
Rattle shrugged out of his jacket and reached out for Antonio’s. They went on top of Blake’s body and stayed there, left for some faceless cleanup crew to handle.
Antonio used the small sink to wash up, watching me through the mirror as he rinsed his face and hands. With his sleeves rolled up and his hands clean of the blood, he looked like a magazine shoot. “You two can finish the meal and meeting. I’ll be heading home with Ms. Clara now.”
I’d pleased him. Helena was safe for another day. Because at the end of it all, that’s what I was doing. Keeping my daughter safe. Putting myself through hell, doing things that would earn me a special place in the real hell, if it existed, and living with Satan himself on earth. All to keep her safe. I’d do it all and more. I just hoped there wasn’t too much more. I wasn’t sure I’d come out the other side.
Snake released me and I scowled at him before leaving the bathroom. I stood with my head down in the main part of the restaurant, my eyes on the cracked flooring. I could hear the sounds of fucking and it made my stomach turn. How those men could hear what Antonio had just done and keep up their erections sickened me.
“Come on, baby. I’ll take you home.” The devil himself wrapped his arms around me and kissed my bare shoulder. “You want to stop and get some of that ice cream you like?”
I could feel bile moving up my throat, but there was nothing I could do. I swallowed it down and met his eyes with a smile. “Sure.”
He snapped, and four huge men, his own guards, filed out of the back room and preceded us out. Their eyes moved everywhere as we went, making sure none of Antonio’s many enemies was lying in wait. We were quickly ushered into the back of his car and then rushed away.
Leaving the site of a murder to get ice cream. There was something significantly wrong with that. Another little piece of my soul was rotting and chipping away. There wasn’t anything I could do, though.
So when he looked at me after the driver pulled us up to the little ice cream shack, I just told him Helena’s favorite ice cream flavor and hoped that what I did was worth it.