Five Months Later
I slid a giant pan of homemade biscuits into the commercial-sized oven and leaned against the counter. Exhausted and slightly swollen, I blew out a deep breath. My body wanted me to curl up and sleep for a few weeks. My boss wanted breakfast to be ready to serve to his customers. With a gentle heave, I pushed myself up and went back to work.
Henry had turned out to be a great lead. He owned the only sit-down restaurant in town and was tired of cooking everything himself. He also took is very personally if someone didn’t like his cooking. Now, he could just blame it on me and keep on going.
I stirred the pot of sausage gravy and then got back to the freshly squeezed orange juice. I’d do the rest as orders came in, but I liked to have the bigger stuff ready and waiting. It made it a little easier on me in my current state.
Henry walked through from the office and frowned at me. “You’re going to have to leave me soon.”
I shook my head. “I’m not a quitter. You’re stuck with me.”
He laughed and gently cupped my cheek. “Honey, my wife had five kids. I know the signs. You’re starting to swell.”
I sucked in a breath and got ready to chew him out, but he just laughed. It took the wind out of my sails. “Just my feet.”
“Hear Shellie tell it and that was worse than the labor some days.” He tapped his fingers on the countertop and nodded. “It’ll be okay. I’ll cook again for a few months, until you’ve got that little one taken care of. Shellie told me to tell you that you’ll have free childcare while you’re at work if you want it. You know our youngest is nineteen, now, and she’s missing babies.”
Tears formed in my eyes and I sighed, now used to the emotional rollercoaster after five months of it. “Thank you. Thank her, too.”
He stuck a spoon into the gravy and tasted it. “Damn. I tried to make it just the way you showed me, but it still didn’t taste like yours. I think you’re hiding a secret ingredient from me.”
“You watched me, step for step, just the way you watched me make the fried chicken and the chicken pot pie. And the cheesecake.”
“And I still think you hid something from me. Or you’ve got magic in your fingers. Either way, I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”
I hugged him, both of our large bellies getting in the way. “I’m not leaving yet, old man.”
He stole a muffin from the basket on the counter and shrugged. “Either way, I’ll miss you. Now, holler at me if you need help. I’m opening up.”
I nodded and got busy. Breakfast was the busiest time at Henry’s. Everyone stopped in on their way to work or school. I worked hard to keep everything on schedule and finish it without anyone getting yelled at by Henry for complaining about his pregnant cook.
I finished cleaning the last dish and took off my apron. I always took Micah to school, despite Kate’s parents offering to take him. He liked being at the restaurant and I liked having him close. My momma bear instincts had just kicked into higher gear with him. I knew the threats were gone, but it didn’t matter. I still worried.
I made my way into Henry’s office and through the door that led to a small storage room in the back. Henry had put a small bed in it for Micah to sleep on when I told him I’d be bringing Micah with me in the mornings.
I gently called his name and grinned when he sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Go brush your teeth and we’ll go. I have breakfast and lunch packed up for you.”
He stumbled away from me and came back a few minutes later, his eyes still tired. “What’d you make me?”
I ruffled his hair, messing it up before fixing it again. “Crepes with Nutella and strawberries. Just like you like with a dusting of powdered sugar. For lunch, you have leftover sausage gravy and biscuits, if that’s okay. If not, I can bring you something different, or I can give you money.”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s fine, Cammie.”
“Come on. Kate’s waiting for you, I’m sure.”
He nodded and walked ahead of me. He’d grown almost half a foot in almost half a year. His voice had also started to change and he was dealing with almost as many hormones as I was, apparently. There were days when he didn’t want to come out of his room, days when he didn’t like me, or anyone. Henry swore that it was normal, but I felt helpless at times with him.
I wanted to be the best parent for him, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I also didn’t know how to talk to him about the things that were happening to him. I kept debating asking Henry to do it, but I was afraid Micah would never want to talk to me again if I did.
I dropped him off at school and got a sullen goodbye before he slammed the door and ran off. I watched as he ignored Kate and hurried inside. She looked just as heartbroken as I felt and all I could do was meekly wave at her as she cast me a sad look.
It was such a change from how he normally was, but from all the research I’d done, it was normal.
Didn’t mean it didn’t suck. It also didn’t mean that I didn’t cry as I drove back to work.
I parked my large body at the counter and looked across at Henry. “He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He hates his body, probably. Probably hates everything else in the world. Not you, though. He loves you.” He tossed the toothpick he was chewing on into the trashcan and shrugged. “My boys went through the same thing. It was like living in a house with demons for a few years. We also couldn’t keep ourselves stocked in lotion or tissues.”
I shook my hands in front of me and shuddered. “Nope. No. None of that. He’s a little boy. He’ll be a little boy always.”
He laughed. “Sure.”
Meg, a waitress, looked up as the bell over the door rang. Her eyes lit up and her mega-watt smile came out. “Normally, we’re closed between breakfast and lunch, but I think we can make an exception for you.”
Henry growled and set his coffee cup down a little harder than necessary. “Woman, I’m going to make you start going back there to cook.”
“I don’t need food. I’m here to talk to Camila.”
Meg rolled her eyes and sighed. “Camila, you’re wanted.”
I froze on the barstool. Hair stood up on my neck and chills went down my back. I hadn’t heard that voice in over five months and I hadn’t planned on hearing it again until after there was a tangible baby I could show him. Not that I wanted him to come around. I felt like I had to tell him, but showing him beforehand was another thing entirely. My pride didn’t want to allow it. I was stuck on that seat, because moving meant showing him the large bump that held his growing baby.
Henry looked at me with worry in his eyes. “Cammie? You okay?”
I swallowed. Nope. I was panicking. I met Henry’s eyes and delicately shook my head.
“Okay, buddy, I think you’ll need to come back later. Cammie isn’t feeling too well.”
Jackson grunted. “I’m here now.”
Henry looked back at me and frowned. “Cammie, you come back around here. You can lay down in my office.”
Warmth appeared at my side and a large hand rested on the counter as Jackson leaned over and showed up in my peripheral. “I know you’re probably a little annoyed with me, but I’ve got to talk to you.”
His breath smelled like chocolate and wasn’t that just unfair? I was weak. I turned my head and looked at him, instantly crying. Angry at myself, I wiped them away.
He looked good. Better than good. It looked like he’d brushed his hair. His beard was gone and in its place, just a sexy stubble. Those black eyes didn’t move from mine as he frowned. “Don’t cry, Camila. Jesus, it kills me when you cry.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t make her cry then, asshole. Come on, Cammie, I’ll walk with you.” Henry came around the counter and put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s not good to upset the baby.”
My face burned and I thought about sprinting out of the place. If I could sprint. At my size, it was more of a waddle. The thought of waddling semi-quickly out of the restaurant while a Navy SEAL walked behind me made me giggle.
“Baby?”
Henry helped me from the seat, even as I still giggled. “She’s pregnant.”
Yep. Really pregnant. As I turned around, fully facing Jackson, his eyes went wide and then his face turned red. Something close to rage crossed through his eyes and then he pressed his lips together tighter than I thought possible.
I rested a hand on my belly and sighed. “Really pregnant. What are you doing here?”
Henry groaned. “I remember you. You came in here to ask about a job for Cammie a while back. About six months ago.”
I winced and edged towards the door.
Jackson reached out and caught my arm. “No, you don’t. You have a lot of fucking explaining to do.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“Don’t curse in front of a pregnant woman.”
I turned to Henry and grinned. “You’re old fashioned. Do you think the baby will come out swearing?”
He rolled his eyes at me. “You made a mess here, didn’t you?”
Guilty as charged. I slumped as I realized that I wasn’t going to get to run away. I threw my hands up and gestured towards the booths farthest away from Meg and Henry. “Yep. A big one. Come on. Let’s talk.”
Jackson kept his grip on my arm, like he didn’t believe I was going without a fight. “I’m really trying not to scream at you right now.”
I wedged my body into the booth and rolled my eyes. “Such a gentleman.”
He sat across from me and stared at me, his eyes roaming from the top of my head to my stomach, or what he could see of it above the table. “You were going to tell me.”
I winced at the hard tone of his voice. “Yeah, after the baby was born. I didn’t know why it’d matter before then.”
His face turned even darker red and I worried that he’d flip the table over. “What reasoning did you use to get to that conclusion?”
“Why would it matter if you knew about it? Were you going to run back here and take pregnancy classes with me? Work on breathing exercises with me? I figured you’d care about the baby, who won’t be here for another three months. So, I was going to tell you then.”
His balled his fists up and glared at me. “I would’ve cared. I do care. Jesus, Camila, who do you think I am?”
“Someone who would leave me, but not a child.” I blinked away tears and looked up at the ceiling, probably showcasing my newly enforced double chin. “Look, I thought I was doing what you’d want. Why are you here?”
He didn’t say anything and when I looked up at him, his eyes were on my stomach, so focused that I wiggled in my seat. That drew his eyes back up to mine. “The job finished up. I have time between assignments and this is where I wanted to be.”
An ache formed in my chest and I angrily shoved my hair off my forehead. Strands were escaping the bun I’d put it in and it was driving me crazy. “To be closer to Micah? He’ll love it. He’s missed you. He’s also going through puberty, and I’m pretty sure he hates me.”
Jackson winced. “You talk to everyone about that?”
I shrugged. “Adults.”
He ran his hand down his face and grunted. “That’s rough. It’s no wonder he’s angry at you, if he is. Boys don’t need that shit broadcasted.”
I rocked my head back and forth and mocked his deep voice. “I’m Jackson and I know everything about parenting boys. Fucking great.”
Henry cleared his throat. “Hormones.”
I scooted from my seat, angry at everyone suddenly. “I’m going for a walk and I’d like to be left alone. And if I hear one more word about hormones, I will lash out.”
I shoved the door open and headed towards the park down the street. The anger was already fading and tears had replaced it. I sniffled softly and rolled my neck. I ached all over. I was also tired. I shouldn’t have gone for a walk. I should’ve stayed on my butt, instead of my feet.
“Did you miss me?”
I jumped and spun around, nearly falling. Jackson caught me easily, his strong arms catching my weight as if it were nothing. It pressed my belly and larger breasts against his hard chest and I gasped as my body came alive. Along with that heady awareness was more annoyance than one woman ever deserved to feel.
“Let me go.”
Jackson grinned down at me and shook his head. “What if I don’t want to?”
Thump, thump, went my pathetic heart. “Why should it matter what you want?”
“Did you miss me, Camila?” He stared down at me with a soft look on his face that I didn’t understand.
I pushed at his chest and he finally released me. I hated that I missed his arms. “You don’t get to come back here and do that. You don’t get to make me tell you that I missed you when you didn’t miss me. You don’t get to hold me and act like you want me when you walked out on me and didn’t call or text or send a fucking telegram for five months. If this is some sick thought of you owing it to me to stick around since we’re going to have a kid together, forget it. I don’t want you out of honor or some other twisted shit. Just…leave me alone.”
“What if I missed you?”
I made it to a bench and sat down. “Stop it.”
He knelt in front of me and shook his head. “I came here for you. I want Micah, too, but I came here for you. Without you, I’d have a hard fucking time facing Micah. That constant reminder of you without getting to have you would kill me.”
I shoved him. “Dammit, Jackson, you don’t have to do this! We don’t have to have some shotgun wedding because I’m knocked up.”
He grabbed my face and forced me to keep my eyes on him. “I fucked up. I left because I knew I had to go back the job, and I thought that meant cutting it off with you. It killed me. You didn’t even look at me that morning and it felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest. I have been working nonstop to wrap up this case. If it hadn’t been a job for a senator, I would’ve quit and come back here sooner. I wanted to be here. With you.”
I was crying again and didn’t that just figure. I’d kept it together for nearly my entire life and suddenly I couldn’t keep a tear in to save my life. “I want a normal life, Jackson. Things are never going to be normal between us. We have a messed-up history and the present isn’t that great, either. You’ll leave again. I know you won’t be like our parents, but I don’t trust that you won’t hurt me.”
He scowled. “Normal? You’re never going to have a normal life, baby. You escaped a gang, adopted a twelve-year-old, and are pregnant with a baby by a man who works private security. You’re not meant for normal and that’s fine.”
I hissed at him and grabbed his hair. Tugging it, I just cried harder. “This isn’t going to work.”
He framed my belly with his hands and laughed. “It’s going to work, somehow. I’m going to be in your life, no matter what. We’re going to have a baby together. A fucking baby. I refuse to do some weekend parenting where I see you and some accountant you settle down with, raising Micah like it doesn’t eat me alive. You’re mine. Micah is mine. And this baby is mine. Fuck anything else.”
My heart beat faster than ever in my chest, the possibility of him actually being around settling over me like a freaking fur throw, warm and soft enough to lull me to peace. I’d never thought about him returning. I hadn’t even allowed myself to think about what would happen after I told him that we had a baby.
“Do you get that? When I have to leave for work again, my shit will be here. My life will be here. I’ll come back here every chance I get. I will come home and crawl into bed with you and make love to you until the baby cries or we pass out. I’m yours. You’re mine.” He tugged me off the bench and into his arms. “Can we stop this fighting now? I’m sure there will be plenty of it in the future and right now I have other things on my mind.”
“You’re serious?” My voice was breathy and I would’ve been embarrassed if I’d had time to think about it.
Jackson slid his mouth over mine, kissing my fears quiet. One of his hands lodged in my hair and the other stroked over my stomach. “I’m terrified of this, Camila, but I’ve never been more willing to run into that fear. I want to be here for this. I want to watch you carry our child. I want everything. I’m not taking anything less.”
More tears blurred my vision and I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d ever stop crying. I clutched his shirt in my hands and held on. “Don’t leave us.”
He stood up and scooped me into his arms. “I meant everything I said. I’m here. I just wish you’d bought a house that didn’t break when I touch it.”
I grinned into his chest, amazed at being carried, and then remembered that I had another secret that he’d probably need to know. “You’re sure you want everything?”
He glanced at me with a worried look. “Why did that tone of yours just make my balls clench?”
I sighed. “Well, it was self-defense…”
He shook his head. “Later. Honestly, so much later that I don’t know if we’ll ever get to it.”
“I killed Raptor.” I just blurted it out and then started crying again. “Sorry. I just… We’ve kept it a secret for so long and I thought you should know.”
“We’ve?”
“Yeah, me and Micah.”
His eyebrows rose straight into his hairline and he put me down. “You killed a man with Micah?”
I didn’t like his tone. “We didn’t do it together, you idiot. I did it and then cleaned it up and then Micah agreed to keep it a secret.”
He threw his hands up and shook his head. “And you want normal?! Jesus, Camila! You co-killed a man with a twelve-year-old! Thank God I’m back. I’m afraid to know what secrets you’d keep with a newborn.”
I smacked his chest and turned on my heel. “Go to hell, Jackson!”
He caught me in his arms and pressed a kiss to my hair. “I’m kidding.”
I pulled away and stormed down the street. “You can still go to hell.”
Henry laughed from behind the windows of the restaurant. I could see him mouthing “hormones” and flipped him the bird. He fell into a fit of laughter while Jackson chased behind me, apologizing and trying to distract me by touching me.
I covered my mouth to hide a grin. He was right. Maybe I just wasn’t meant for normal.