Fourteen
Gavin and Diego dropped us off at Jude’s house, even though I wanted to go back to my own apartment to think.
“You’ll be safest here, Luz,” Diego said reasonably when I tried to protest. “Just in case someone comes looking to retaliate—not that there are many males left in the Arm Gard pack at this point but you never can tell.”
Gavin simply gave me a long look. “Remember what I told you,” he said before they pulled away.
Jude looked at me. “What did he tell you?”
“Nothing. Well…it was something he said after he asked if I wanted to save you, that’s all.”
“And what did you say?”
“I said of course I wanted to save you. How could I not?” I looked up at Jude, who looked much paler than usual if that was possible, and then back down to the sidewalk under my feet. “He…he said that if I gave you my blood to heal you I would have to be very careful. Because if I even took one drop of yours, the bond between us would be completed and I would never be free of you.”
“Do you want to be free of me?” Jude tilted my chin up gently, forcing me to meet his eyes.
“I don’t know. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you saved me tonight but…but I still have some problems with the way you lied to me and honestly, with what you are. God, that sounds terrible.” I pulled away from his hand and sat down on his front porch steps, wrapping my arms around my knees. “I’m so tired,” I whispered and it was true—now that the adrenaline rush of my horrible encounter had faded I was exhausted. The night was only half over but I felt like it had already lasted a million years.
“Now is not the time to talk about this.” Jude offered me his hand. After a moment’s hesitation I took it and let him help me up. “Stay here until you’re rested,” he said. “I will leave a note instructing Rosie to wake you before nightfall if you wish to avoid seeing me again.”
“Oh, Jude—it’s not that I don’t want to see you again,” I protested. “This last week and a half while we’ve been apart has been horrible. I just…I don’t know.”
“You need time. Time to heal and time to think.” He waved a hand over the front doorknob and the door swung silently open. I would have exclaimed over the neat vampire trick but I was too tired to care if he turned the whole damn house upside down at that point.
“I guess so,” I said. “That and a place to sleep. A hot shower would be nice too.”
“You shall have everything you need and everything you desire,” Jude promised. He looked so tired and beaten, standing there in front of me that I longed to put my arms around him and tell him everything was forgiven and that we were going to start fresh. But too much had happened to me that night and I was still unsure of what he’d gotten out of my pain and misery. He was right, I needed time to think. So I kept my hands to myself and followed him as he led me silently back to the guest bedroom I had used before.
“There are some of my shirts in the drawer,” he said, nodding at the large oak dresser beside the bed. “Also some clothes in your size hanging in the closet. I had Rosie help me pick them out before…when I still hoped you were coming back.”
“Oh, Jude…” I felt tears stinging my eyes and blinked them back with an effort. “Thank you,” I said. “For everything.”
“I will always love you,” he said simply. “Rest well.” Then he closed the door behind him and left me alone.
I stared at the closed door for a long while but finally I made myself go into the bathroom. I needed a hot shower before I passed out and I felt horribly soiled by the blood that had spattered on me when Gavin had killed Engle.
Stripping off the bloody poet shirt, I stepped under the steaming-hot spray and lathered myself up. I noticed that the shower had been stocked with all my favorite body washes and hair care products, which should have made me think how thoughtful Jude was. Instead, it reminded me that he’d lied to me about his telepathy as well as his need to feed on emotions in addition to drinking blood. Could I really be in a relationship with someone who had been so untruthful with me? I honestly didn’t see how I could. What else hadn’t he told me? It was just too much to handle, especially considering a bond between us would be forever and completely unbreakable.
By the time the shower was over and I was toweling off, I had pretty much decided that being with Jude was impossible. Still, when I went to get dressed for bed, I didn’t take any of the lovely clothes in my size that were hanging neatly in the closet. Instead I got one of Jude’s T-shirts from the drawer—a black one that hung down almost to my knees. It smelled faintly of him and I wondered if he’d put it on briefly before folding it and putting there in the drawer for me to find. If so, I was grateful. As always, his scent had a calming influence on me and when I snuggled down between the crisp, clean sheets, I was able to slip easily into a dreamless sleep.
“Miss Luz? Miss Luz, I’m sorry to wake you up but I have a note here from Mr. Jude that says I have to.”
“Hmm?” I rolled over in bed and looked up to see Rosie staring down at me with concern. “What…” I cleared my throat. “What time is it?”
“Going on seven o’clock at night and you been sleeping all this time. I was hoping you’d wake up on your own but I couldn’t wait anymore. Mr. Jude’s note said to wake you while it’s still light outside and you know the sun will be setting ‘long about eight.”
“Okay,” I mumbled, sitting up and stretching. “I’m, uh, I’m getting up. Just give me a minute.”
“All right. You find me in the kitchen when you’re ready. I’ll have some nice soup waiting for you.”
I started to say I wasn’t hungry but then my stomach growled. It wasn’t surprising really, considering I’d slept almost the entire day away, but it was still embarrassing.
Rosie laughed. “All right. Hurry up now because it’s my homemade potato soup and you want to get it while it’s hot.” My stomach growled again as if to answer her and she left the room, laughing as she went.
I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and forced myself to get out of bed. I was stiff and achy from sleeping so long and decided to take time for another quick shower. After standing under the hot water again I felt more like myself.
I went through the closet until I found a plain denim skirt that came almost to my knees and a dark red blouse made of some silky material with small gold buttons down the front. There were also some cute black kitten heels with a designer label that made my eyes pop. They were just my size and I slipped into them, thinking that Jude must have spent a fortune, just on the off chance that I would come back to him. There was no bra to be seen but someone, I was guessing Rosie, had purchased a pack of plain white cotton bikini panties in my size. I put on a pair, glad to feel covered.
I never wear much makeup but in rummaging through the top dresser drawer, I found my favorite brand of face powder and a sheer lip gloss I’d been wanting to try for ages but had never gotten around to buying. I made use of both items, wincing when the lip gloss stung my cut lip. Weres heal fast but my system was still depleted. The marks from the silver manacles were evident on my wrists too but there was nothing I could do about that. Also, the wrist I’d shredded with my teeth still looked and felt pretty raw but maybe it would start to heal along with my lip when I got some food in me. I fluffed my hair, making sure my curls weren’t frizzy, and went to find Rosie.
She eyed my outfit appreciatively, lingering on the red blouse. “Well, well, don’t you look nice? Mr. Jude said that color would suit you down to the ground and looks like he was right.”
“Thank you.” I sat down at the table, blushing a little, and picked up the spoon that was sitting by a big bowl of heavenly smelling soup. “Is all this for me?”
Rosie nodded. “You look like you can use it and don’t tell me different, either. I’m guessing you and Mr. Jude had a rough night last night.”
“You could say that,” I said, dipping into the soup. It was, as promised, utterly delicious—creamy and buttery and perfect. For a few minutes I was completely absorbed in eating but finally I looked up and thanked Rosie for her wonderful cooking.
“It’s a pleasure to cook for you, Miss Luz,” she said gravely. “I just hope I get the chance to do it often. Are you moving back in with Mr. Jude now?”
“I-I don’t think so.” I looked down at my half-eaten bowl of soup, feeling my appetite abruptly disappear. “We seem to have some…irreconcilable differences.”
“What? That he’s a vamp and you’re a were? Or is it because he’s a white boy and you’re Latina?”
“Neither one of those.” I took another sip of soup even though I didn’t want it. “I…it’s hard to explain.”
“Mr. Jude did say you felt like he’d done you wrong, not telling you all about himself right away. But I think he was just afraid to scare you off,” Rosie offered gently.
I looked up from the aimless pattern I was drawing with my spoon on the surface of my soup. “How much do you know? Does he tell you everything?”
“No intimate details, if that’s what you’re worried about, missy,” she said tartly. “But he’s lonely and sometimes he needs someone to talk to. Besides, we’re pretty close after what he did for me and my family.”
“What did he do?” I asked curiously. I remembered her saying something vague—something about Jude getting her justice when no one else would or could—but I’d had no idea what she was talking about at the time and I still didn’t.
Rosie heaved a sigh. “Well, it’s a long story and it ain’t very pretty but I guess you deserve to know, seeing as how I’ve had my nose all up in your and Mr. Jude’s business. I have a granddaughter—about your age, maybe a little younger. She’s a real independent girl and wanted to make it on her own. You know—get out in the world and do for herself instead of just marrying an alpha and settling down to have kids.”
“That’s very brave of her,” I said quietly. “I know from experience it’s not easy going against the way you were brought up to make it outside the pack.”
Rosie nodded. “Oh yes—in my day it would have been unheard of. But today’s girls are so much freer. Her parents disapproved of course but I told her to go for it and have some fun with her life. But then…” Her wrinkled face grew grim. “Then her pack got a new pack master—a real he-man type, you know what I mean?”
“Sounds like pretty much any alpha male I’ve ever met,” I said, taking another bite of soup. “A lot of them have more testosterone than brains.”
“Well, take that idea and double it and you’d have this clown.” Rosie sounded angry. “Anyway, he demanded that every were in his territory show up and pay him tribute. My granddaughter didn’t want to go but her parents pretty much made her—after all, they thought it was just going to be one night of kissing Mr. New Pack Master’s behind and then they’d hear no more about it.”
I swallowed hard, thinking of the ascension ceremony I myself had endured. “And what…what happened?”
“Well, you could say that things didn’t exactly go according to plan. See, the new pack master took a shine to Belinda—that’s my granddaughter. So he claimed her as his mate and told her she would have to give up her life and come to live with him. Of course she refused—she had her own business she built from the ground up and she didn’t want anything to do with him.”
“I’m guessing he wouldn’t take no for an answer,” I said dryly.
Rosie nodded. “You’d be guessing right on that one, child. He sent his alphas over to burn down her shop and kidnap her. Then he moved her into his house and kept her chained up—no better than his prisoner! I don’t even like to tell you what he was doing to her every chance he got.”
I was pretty sure from the angry, hurt and disgusted look on her face that I could guess. Here was just another example of abuse within the pack—a pack master had too much power and too few rules to hold him back from doing anything he wanted. Really, it was no better than the feudal system humans had used during medieval times. The pack master was king and the alphas were knights but everyone else was just a serf. And women were even lower—just property the pack master could use any way he wanted to.
“Anyway,” Rosie continued, breaking my train of thought. “He held her for two, three months and wouldn’t let her go. She managed to call me once or twice and she was crying and crying. But no one would help her—they were all too afraid of that damn pack master to cross him.” She sighed and ran a hand over her wrinkled face. “Well, so one night I was in here in the kitchen after she called me and of course, I was bawling my eyes out too. Belinda always was my favorite—my little lamb I used to call her—and I just couldn’t bear to think of her being abused that way.”
“So Jude heard you crying?” I asked.
She nodded. “Sure did. He came in here and got the whole story out of me—it wasn’t hard because I was pretty upset. So he said that he would go and talk to that pack master and make him give back Belinda. But I said that wasn’t enough—that he ought to be punished.” Her bright old eyes flashed and I was suddenly glad we were on a friendly basis—Rosie was tough. “So, Mr. Jude asked me what did I want done to him. I was so angry at the way he had done my precious little lamb that I said, ‘He ought to be skinned alive. Somebody needs to nail his hide to a damn tree!’” She chuckled and shook her head. “I should know better than to talk that way to a vampire—they take everything so literal.”
I felt numb all over. “Rosie—your granddaughter Belinda, was she a member of the Clear Water pack?”
“Oh yes, that’s where she lives.” She nodded. “Anyway, when I found out Mr. Jude had taken me at my word and actually done it, I felt real sorry.”
“You did?” I asked. “For the pack master?”
Rosie frowned. “Of course not! That nasty man got what he deserved. And let me tell you, Belinda is still recovering from what he did to her. They say he may never shift again but I say too damn bad. My little lamb may never be the same again either.” She dabbed at her eyes with a folded napkin. “No, I felt bad for Mr. Jude. See, I don’t know if you know this, but he’s a different kind of vampire. He doesn’t just know things about people—he can kind of taste the way they’re feeling. So when he does something like that, it affects him a lot more than it would you or me. Not that either one of us is up to taking on a pack master but you get what I mean.”
“I get you,” I said numbly. “So…you think Jude doesn’t like the, uh, taste of someone else’s pain when he hurts them?”
Rosie shook her head vehemently. “Oh no, child—that’s like bitter medicine to him. Makes him sick and tired for a long time afterward, too. If I’d known he was really going to do what I said, I would have asked him to do something quick to that pack master instead.”
I didn’t like to think what forms of “quick” torture Rosie had in mind for the evil pack master but my mind wasn’t really on that, anyway. I was remembering how Jude had admitted to skinning the leader of the Clear Water wolves and the way he’d assured me that he had a reason for everything he did. Well, I had just learned his reason and it didn’t have anything to do with feeding on the pack master’s pain at all. It seemed almost too good to be true but I needed to know for sure.
I looked at Rosie. “So you’re sure Jude doesn’t like the, uh, the taste of negative emotions?”
“He told me when he hired me it was because he liked my happiness,” she said, smiling. “Of course, I didn’t have any idea what he was talking about back then—back before I knew him. I thought he just meant I had a good attitude. But later on I found out, he really did like the way my feelings tasted.”
“So…he feeds on you?” I asked uncertainly. It would certainly explain Jude’s need to have a full-time maid when he was the only occupant of his house.
“Not in a nasty way,” Rosie hastened to assure me. “And he doesn’t take my blood—my goodness, certainly not. He doesn’t need much of that anyway, even if he is a vampire. But he likes to sit and talk with me and when I’m feeling happy or contented or good, that sort of fills his tank. Do you see what I mean?”
“I do,” I said. “I see what you mean.” I saw a lot of other things too. Like the fact that I had been completely wrong about Jude for one thing. I’d assumed that he wanted to be near me because of my horrible past and my angst. Now I realized that I must be a pretty bitter pill for him to swallow whenever he was near me.
“What is it, child?” Rosie put her hand on mine. “You look like you’re thinking hard and not liking whatever conclusion you’re coming to.”
I cleared my throat. “Well, I…to be honest I was wondering what Jude sees in me at all. I’m not a very happy person a lot of the time so it can’t be very comfortable for him to be around me. What does he want with me anyway?”
“Child, he loves you.” Rosie stroked my hand. “Don’t you know that by now? I’ve never seen him look so low as since you left him. He’s been moping around here looking like death warmed over and missing you ‘til it most makes him sick. He needs you, Luz, and I’m guessing maybe you need him too.”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “He lied to me. I just wonder…what else is there about him that I don’t know?”
“Ask me anything and I swear I’ll answer truthfully.”