Seven
“Why hello there. You must be Miss Luz.”
“Uh, yes. Yes, I am.” I stared blankly at the little old black lady wearing a pink and purple flower-print housedress who was standing in Jude’s front doorway, staring at me.
“I’m Rosie, the maid.” She gave me a smile that lit up her whole face and showed teeth that were too even and white to be anything but false. “I think I was having the day off last time you came.”
“I guess so.” I still felt rather at a loss. Jude had never told me he had a maid though I supposed it wasn’t that surprising. After all, it was a hell of a big house and he surely had better things to do with his time than spend it cleaning. But what really shocked me wasn’t that he had domestic help. It was the fact that, under the sweet scent of a generous application of baby powder, my nose was telling me that Rosie was a were—and a full-blooded were at that.
I was sure she could tell the same thing about me but she didn’t say anything about it. Instead she looked me up and down, still smiling. “My, don’t you look nice? Let me just admire you for a minute.”
I fought the urge to blush as she stepped back and took in my appearance. I had dressed to impress tonight in a deep red dress that was cut low in the front and even lower in the back. In fact, it was impossible to wear a bra with it so I was being extra careful of the way I moved so that silky fabric that covered my breasts didn’t slip off my shoulders and reveal more than just my neck and back. The dress ended around mid-thigh and I had on a pair of black open-toed heels that made me several inches taller to go with it. Since I was already so short and Jude was so tall, I felt like I needed something to level the playing field. Besides, the heels made my legs look long and slender and sexy and gave my walk a confident strut that I liked. My hair was down, the curly ends brushing against my bare back and my makeup, while minimal, was absolutely perfect.
I had taken hours to get ready but it felt like longer than that while Jude’s maid stared at me. At last, after a long moment of scrutiny, she nodded at me in a friendly way. “Yep, real nice. Well, come right this way, Miss Luz. Mr. Jude said to take you straight in to the study.” She turned and headed down the hallway, leaving me to follow her in bewilderment.
“Uh, you keep the house beautifully,” I said, feeling that I needed to make some conversation.
“Oh, it ain’t hard, child. Not like there’s much to do ‘sides sweeping and dusting. And I don’t have to cook like I did at my last job on account of vamps don’t eat.” She grinned over her shoulder at me.
“I guess that would simplify things a lot,” I said helplessly, wishing I could think of more to say. We walked the rest of the way in silence and stopped in front of the same carved wooden door that I remembered from last time.
“Well, here you go. Hope you enjoy your visit, Miss Luz.” She nodded at me and was turning to go when my curiosity got the best of me.
“Wait.” I put a hand on her arm, waiting until she faced me. “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling awkward. “I know it’s none of my business but I guess I’m just surprised to see a were working for a vamp.”
Her bright eyes flashed. “You’re a were too, missy—my nose tells me so. So I could just as well ask what you’re doing visiting a vamp same as you can ask what I’m doing working for one.”
“I’m sorry I offended you—forget I asked.” I dropped my hand but she grabbed it in both of hers. Her grip was warm and dry, her skin worn smooth as a baby’s with age.
“Now, I didn’t mean it like that, child, so don’t go gettin’ your back up.”
“I’m not,” I said, surprised.
“Well, all right then.” She smiled. “I like you—mostly because Mr. Jude likes you. And he’s been powerful lonely an awful long time so seeing him find a lady friend does my old heart good.”
“I’m, uh, glad to hear it,” I said, not sure how to take her revelation. At least now I knew that Jude didn’t invite women over to his home to party all the time. It was nice to know that we were exclusive—at least as far as Rosie knew. I found myself smiling back at her.
“As for why I work for him—I have my reasons. Mr. Jude has been powerful good to me and my family. He got us justice when no one else could. You know?”
Of course I didn’t know—I had no idea what she was talking about. But I nodded at her anyway and that seemed to be good enough for Rosie.
“Well, now, I best be getting on. Tell Mr. Jude if he needs anything he can call me but to make it quick. I’m about to go for the night. All right?”
I nodded again. “All right.”
“Good.” She pressed my hand briefly before letting it go. “You have a blessed day, Miss Luz, and it was mighty fine to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” I said, actually meaning it. She might be a little strange but it was clear that Rosie was devoted to Jude. And it was a relief to meet another living soul who saw him as a decent person instead of as an evil, bloodthirsty vampire who was ready to kill and maim at the drop of a hat.
Rosie grinned at me with a mouthful of false teeth and shuffled off down the hallway, humming quietly to herself. Shaking my head, I turned toward the door and let myself into the study.
Jude was sitting on the low leather couch as still as a statue, staring into the fire that was crackling quietly to itself on the hearth. In the firelight his marble pale skin was painted with gold and crimson. I caught my breath at the beauty of his profile.
My small intake of breath seemed to rouse him from whatever reverie he’d been lost in because he looked up at me, smiling. “Luz. It’s good to see you again.” He rose in one fluid motion and was standing in front of me almost before I could blink. Taking my hands in his, he stared into my eyes. “You’ve outdone yourself tonight. I’ve never seen you looking more beautiful.”
I felt my cheeks getting hot at his compliment. But I needed to keep my mind on the subject at hand instead of thinking how deep his green eyes looked and how good he smelled. I took a deep breath. “I came to talk, Jude. I need to ask you…”
“Of course you can have some of my blood. I’m so glad you’ve decided to do another exchange with me.”
I pulled my hands away. “Don’t read me like that—I don’t like it.”
“Forgive me. It was just one of my flashes—you were thinking about it so strongly it came through before I thought about it.”
“Are you sure that’s all you see? Just the surface of someone’s mind?”
He shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling under the black T-shirt he wore. “Just their most recent thoughts, yes. And it doesn’t even happen very often. In fact, this is only the second or third time I have caught flashes of your thoughts and you know if it happened every time I touched you I would know much more about you than I do.”
I blushed again, thinking of how much and how intimately he had touched me. But I needed to get something out of the way before I let myself be carried away in the moment. “I do want to do another blood exchange,” I said, looking up at him seriously. “But after I tell you why, you might not want to.”
“Why would I not want to?” As he spoke, he led me over to the couch and seated me on it. “Would you like some wine?”
“Um…sure.” I was determined not to get off track. “You might not want to because I want to try again to shift—to change this next full moon.”
He shook his head as he poured me wine that was so dark it looked black in the firelight. “And why would that bother me?”
“Because,” I said patiently. “The whole reason you wanted my blood in the first place was because I’ve never shifted. You said there was more power in it that way so after I shift…” I shrugged. “It won’t be as…as potent, I guess.”
Jude sat beside me and offered me a delicate long-stemmed crystal glass half filled with the dark wine. It smelled fruity and rich. I took a small sip and made an appreciative noise.
He nodded at my glass. “Do you like it? I was still young when it was made.”
“It’s delicious,” I said truthfully. “But you still haven’t said how you feel about me shifting.”
“I think you should do what makes you happy. I suppose the only thing that concerns me is the fact that you’ll be more interesting to your own kind when you can change and you might forget about me.”
His response surprised me. “How could I forget you? You’ve helped me so much.”
“I hope that isn’t the only reason you’d try to keep me in mind.” He took the wine glass from me and held both my hands in his much larger ones.
“So…you won’t mind if my blood changes flavor or potency or whatever?”
“Luz, I have a small confession to make. It isn’t your blood I am as interested in as you. It’s true that having never changed your blood has an energy about it that is rare and delicious but I would have been just as eager to spend time with you even if you had been shifting every month for years.”
I frowned. “They why didn’t you say so? Why make such a big deal about the energy in my blood and how you wanted to taste it like fine wine?”
“Because we are what we are. Think about it.” He squeezed my hands gently. “If I had let you know that I, a vampire, wanted to get to know you, a were, you would have turned me away without a thought. I had to find a way to make you come to me.”
“So that you could put me under your spell?” I was only half kidding and more than a little angry about his deception.
“So that I could make you feel for me what I immediately felt for you.”
“And what…what was that?” I asked breathlessly. He was very close now, still holding my hands and looking down into my eyes and I could smell his warm skin and see the firelight glinting against the razor-sharp tips of his fangs as he spoke.
“Desire. Lust. Need. Call it whatever you care too—I only knew that I wanted you so badly I could barely breathe. As I want you still.” He leaned down and captured my mouth in a long, intense kiss that sent shivers all the way down to my toes.
I could feel my nipples peaking under the silky material of my dress and my pussy getting wet beneath my small satin panties. But I still hadn’t said everything I needed to say. Reluctantly, I broke the kiss and looked up at him. “So my blood isn’t like a drug for you?”
He laughed softly, a low rumble from deep in his chest. “No more than the rest of you, which I find completely intoxicating. The way you look, your scent…your taste.” He kissed my ear, flicking his tongue over the sensitive lobe until I shivered. Then he pulled back and looked at me. “Why do you ask? Has someone been filling your head with nonsense?”
“It was my brother’s idea, actually.” I sighed. “He’s just…he’s really not happy about me, uh, dating a vampire. If that’s what we’re doing, I mean,” I added hurriedly.
Jude looked thoughtful. “I suppose that is as good a word for it as any. Though in my day we would have called it courting.”
“Well, he’s not happy with our arrangement. I wouldn’t have told him but I’m closer to him than the rest of my family and…and I guess I just hoped he would understand.”
He gave me a serious look. “You cannot really expect your family to understand or accept the bond between us, Luz. If my own family was still alive they would feel much the same as yours does. My parents were vampires of a very ancient bloodline—the idea of me desiring to spend time with a were would have been repugnant to them.”
“It’s pretty much the same in my family,” I admitted. “At least I think it would be. I don’t think Diego has told anyone else yet—but he might after the fight we had.” I told him briefly about the accusations my little brother had flung at me, including the idea that the attack on me was an attempt by the Clear Water pack to get to Jude in retaliation for his treatment of their pack master.
Jude frowned and shook his head when I told him. “I thought of that myself—it was the first thing in my mind, in fact. But careful checking reveals that the Clear Water pack had nothing to do with your near abduction.”
“But then who—”
“I don’t know but I am still working to find out—still trying to find the other man who attacked you. I should never have let him go in the first place but I was so sure he had been hired by the Clear Water wolves I thought I had no reason to hold him.” His eyes flashed. “In the meantime, I want you to know that you are well protected both day and night.”
“Thank you.” I assumed that meant he was employing other people to watch me since he couldn’t be around to assure my safety himself during the day. Still, it was nice to know my trust in him wasn’t misplaced.
“Is that all you wanted to speak about?” Jude buried his fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck and stroked my throat with his thumb in a slow, rhythmic motion that made my pulse race.
“I-I guess so.” Suddenly I was having trouble thinking straight. “Why?” I asked breathlessly. “Did you have something else in mind?”
“What I have in mind is tasting you and not just your blood.” Jude gave me a slow, hot smile that seemed to melt everything inside me.
“Are-are you going to want to do that every time we meet?” I asked hesitantly. “I mean, you really like it that much?”
“I love it.” He leaned forward and murmured in my ear. “Love the way you look when you open for me, love the way you taste when you writhe under my tongue. But most of all I love the way you give yourself to me so completely and the soft little sounds you make when I’m licking your pussy.”
“I…do I?” I hadn’t been aware of making any sounds the two times he’d gone down on me but I wasn’t really surprised. Jude was right—I sort of lost control of myself when he did that but in a good way.
“Mmm-hmm.” He kissed my throat, his breath hot against my sensitive skin. “But tonight I don’t want to do it here.”
I pulled away, looking at him in confusion. “What—you want to go to a motel or something?”
He laughed. “No, nothing like that. I meant I don’t want to taste you or drink your blood sitting here on the couch.” His voice dropped. “I want to take you to my bed.”
“Oh.” I bit my lower lip, not sure if I was ready for this. But Jude’s next words calmed me considerably.
“Not to make love to you—although that would be a great pleasure indeed. But simply because I want us to take our time someplace more comfortable. Of course if the idea bothers you—”
“No,” I said quickly. “No, I-I don’t mind. In fact it sounds nice. More than nice.” I looked at him shyly, feeling the blood burning under my skin again. The idea of lying down with him, of feeling that long, hard body pressed against mine, was making me incredibly hot. So hot I was afraid he would be able to tell. Casually I crossed my legs, trying to ignore the throbbing below my waist.
“No, Luz, don’t do that.” Jude put a hand on my knee, urging me to uncross my legs.
“Don’t do what?” I asked, wishing my voice didn’t sound so shaky.
“Don’t hide your desire from me. I love the scent of your lust.” He stroked my knee as he spoke, sliding his large hand up my thigh, under the hem of my dress. “Don’t pretend not to feel for me the way I feel for you,” he whispered, his fingertips stroking lightly over my inner thigh.
“How do you feel?” I asked, trying not to moan as his seeking fingers found my panties and he cupped the mound of my sex in his hand.
Jude gave me that slow, dangerous smile. “As I told you before—I want you. All of you, Luz. And I can’t wait any longer to have you.” Without warning he picked me up and walked out the door with me in his arms.
The long hallway was a blur. I didn’t bother to see where we were going because I didn’t care. I just buried my face in the side of his neck and breathed in his warm, spicy scent. Some people say vampires are cold blooded but I had never found that to be true of Jude. He was always warm to my touch and I ought to know because there seemed to be no way I could get enough of touching him.
When I looked up again we were in a bedroom with a high, arching ceiling and no windows. The room was dominated by a huge four-poster bed. It looked as though it had been specially built to accommodate Jude’s height and it was draped with cream-colored satin sheets that looked incredibly soft and decadently inviting. A little way from the foot of the bed was another fireplace with a small fire flickering to light the room. As with the study, the room was cool enough to make the fire seem like a pleasant necessity despite the heat of the August night outside.
“You must spend a hell of a lot on air-conditioning,” I murmured as Jude sat me on the end of the bed. “Do you have a fireplace in every room of the house?”
He shrugged. “Only a few, actually. I like the light a fire gives—it’s warm and natural. I am fully integrated into this century but I still dislike the glare of artificial lights. Does the fire bother you?”
“Not at all.” I snuggled against him, my face pressed against the side of his chest. “I think it’s very romantic.”
“I’m glad you think so.” He kissed the top of my head and then ran one long finger down my shoulder. I leaned my head to one side, giving him greater access and to my embarrassment, the red fabric of my dress slid down my arm, baring my right breast.
“Sorry!” I was about to pull the dress back up but Jude stopped me.
“I’ve never seen your breasts,” he murmured, kissing the side of my neck. “So beautiful—may I?”
“I-I guess.” I sat still with my heart pounding as he slid the other side of my dress down, baring me from the waist up. My nipples tightened at the sudden chill and the embarrassed excitement of having his gaze on me.
“Beautiful,” he murmured again and then slid to his knees in front of me. He was so tall that, though I was sitting on the edge of the bed and he was kneeling on the floor, we were still eye to eye.
Jude bent his head and laid a light kiss on the slope of one breast before tracing a wet, warm trail to my nipple. I moaned breathlessly as he sucked it into his mouth and teased it into a tight peak with his tongue. The twin points of his fangs pressed delicately on either side against the soft skin of my breast—a promise of things to come later. He spent a long time tasting and teasing both breasts, licking and sucking my nipples alternately, which seemed to send sparks of pleasure directly to my pussy. I was getting so wet and hot I didn’t think I could stand it much more and when Jude looked up, I could see the lust flaring in his eyes, which flickered from pale green to burning red over and over.
“I want to see all of you,” he said, tugging gently at the fabric of my dress pooled around my waist. “Will you let me undress you completely, Luz?”
I nibbled my bottom lip nervously. He’d seen a lot of me but never like this. Never in bed with nothing between us at all. A sudden memory of the last time I had been naked before a man flashed across my brain. I had been so helpless, so frightened…
Jude must have seen the uncertainty in my face because he leaned forward and kissed me gently. “It’s all right. You can stay as you are if the idea upsets you.”
I pushed the bad memory away with an effort. “No. No…I want to. Want to be naked with you.” I blushed as I said it but made myself continue doggedly. “It’s just…I think I’d feel better if you were naked too. Could we do that?”
He gave me that slow, lazy grin, his eyes hooded with lust. “I would love to do that with you. Would you like to undress me first?”
The idea made my pulse jump with sudden heat. “Yes, I think I’d like that. Here…” I got him to switch positions with me so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed and I was standing between his legs.
I started by pulling off his black T-shirt, tugging it over his head and enjoying the sight of his muscles rippling in the firelight as it came off. Next I attacked his belt buckle and jeans. Jude didn’t help me at all, even when I had a little difficulty with the zipper. He just sat there, regarding me with half-closed eyes with what I could best describe as a look of patient lust.
I was glad he was letting me lead. As I pushed his jeans down his narrow hips and long legs, I felt my fear receding and my desire returning. I was in control of the situation—not threatened in any way—and it made all the difference in the world.
Jude kicked off his shoes as the jeans came off and at last I had him down to nothing but a pair of dark blue silk boxers. There was a hard ridge where he was pressed against the soft fabric. Even to my inexperienced estimation it looked extremely large.
I hesitated, my hand on the waistband of the boxers, and looked into his eyes. He smiled at me, not saying a word, and showed just a hint of fang under his sensuous upper lip—a dare. It was a dare I wanted to take him up on.
I pushed the boxers down and watched as he kicked them away before I raised my eyes to the area I was most curious about. His cock was long and thick, rising from a small thatch of dark blond curls like an exclamation point. It was darker than the rest of his marble pale skin, capped with a broad, mushroom-shaped head that was shiny in the firelight with a clear fluid I supposed must be precum.
I looked up at Jude. “Can I…do you mind if I touch it?”
“Do you want to?” His question surprised me a little. But then I realized he was trying not to rush me or make me do anything I didn’t want to.
I nodded. “Yes, I do. As long as…if you could just stay like you are and don’t move?”
He nodded, a little smile playing around the corners of his mouth. “I’ll do my best.” Then he leaned back a little, giving me better access to his body. “Do what you want with me, Luz. I’m yours.”
The way he opened himself to my exploration seemed to give my desire wings. I had never felt more powerful, more in control, than I did as I reached down to circle him with my hand. I couldn’t quite get my fingers all the way around him and Jude groaned softly while I tried, gripping his heated length carefully as I learned him the way he had already learned me.
“So soft,” I said, marveling at the silky texture of his skin. Touching his shaft was like having a bar of heated steel covered in velvet in my hands. “Like rose petals,” I murmured, looking up at him.
“Your hands are so warm.” He shifted his hips a fraction, thrusting up into my circled fingers. “You are driving me wild, Luz.”
“I want to taste you,” I told him, looking into his eyes while I stroked him up and down. I was beginning to find a rhythm and I was enjoying the feel of his hot, silky length in my hand. “I want to taste you the way you tasted me.”
“You’re in control,” he murmured, his deep voice hoarse with need. “Do what you like with me, Luz.”
His words gave me a hot little thrill of pleasure. But there was something else I wanted to do before I started. Stepping back from him a little, I pushed my dress the rest of the way down my hips and kicked it to one side. Then, taking a deep breath, I hooked my thumbs into the thin elastic straps on either side of my panties.
Jude shook his head. “You don’t have to—you know that.”
I smiled at him. “But I want to.” Slowly I pushed my panties down until I could step out of them and stand in front of him completely nude.
Jude took a deep breath as he looked me over from top to bottom. “So lovely,” he said hoarsely. “You take my breath away with your beauty, Luz.”
It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me and even nicer was the fact that I suddenly knew he was right. I looked down at myself, at the slopes of my breasts and the soft curve of my abdomen and I was able to see myself as he saw me. I didn’t see breasts that were too small or a stomach that wasn’t flat enough or legs that were too short. I saw smooth skin, bathed in the flickering glow of the firelight, the tightness of my nipples, the wetness of my slit and I liked what I saw because Jude liked what he saw.
I came to him again and put my hands on his legs. I drew my nails lightly up his thighs, making him growl softly, until I reached his shaft. Then I took him in one hand and bent to drag my tongue over the flaring, plum-shaped head. He was salty and slippery and utterly delicious. From the corner of my eye I saw his big hands fist at his sides as I licked him but to his credit, he never touched me. He simply sat there as I teased and tasted him, letting my tongue explore up and down his shaft and even dip quickly into the shallow slit at the tip of his cock before moving on once more.
As I licked and sucked and teased, I experimented with my hands. Cupping beneath his shaft, I cradled his balls in one palm, stroking them carefully with my fingertips until his big body trembled with suppressed need.
“Luz, please…” His deep voice was ragged with lust.
“Yes?” I looked up, meeting his eyes, which were glowing a steady red now.
“I need you.” He dipped his head and captured my mouth in a hot kiss for a long moment before going on. “I want you to drink from me,” he said. “From my neck.”
I stepped up to him and nuzzled my face against the warm skin of his throat, breathing in his spicy fragrance. “How?” I whispered, kissing his neck. “Do you have something to cut yourself with?”
“You’re a were—your teeth are sharp. Bite me.” His voice was a low, lustful growl and I had the sudden realization that giving blood was almost as pleasurable for him as taking it. I wondered briefly if it was the same for all vampires and then decided I didn’t care. I only wanted Jude and no one else mattered.
I was a little reluctant to sink my teeth into him, though, until I felt his large, warm hand against the back of my head, urging me gently forward. I looked up at him. “You really want me to?”
“Yes. Do it.” He inclined his neck toward me with more urgency.
At the sight of the strong column of his throat bared for me—only for me—a feeling of almost savage lust rushed through me. Leaning forward, I sank my teeth into him just at the place where his neck met his broad shoulder.
Jude groaned and pulled me close, crushing my breasts to the flat planes of his chest and branding my stomach with his thick, hot length. The warm taste of dulce de leche filled my mouth and I lost myself in the pleasure of drinking from him until I didn’t know what was happening anymore.
He dragged me up on the bed with him and we lay on our sides on the cool satin sheets, facing each other and still pressed tightly together. I had my legs wrapped around Jude’s and I didn’t even care that I was riding his thigh, pressing my bare pussy hard against him as I licked and sucked his neck.
At last, the small bite wound healed and Jude pulled away from me a little.
“Your turn?” I asked, my voice breathless with need.
“My turn,” he confirmed, stroking my back and shoulder blades. “I want to drink from your neck as well.”
I wondered if it was some kind of vampire ritual but frankly I didn’t care—I just knew I wanted him close to me, wanted the press of his big body against mine and the warm, silky feel of his bare skin rubbing against me.
We had been lying on our sides but I sat up now and leaned over him. “Do it,” I said, giving his words back to him. I turned my head to one side, offering my throat.
He bared his fangs with a low growl and struck, sinking them deep into the tender flesh of my neck. The sharp sting was accompanied by an intense burst of passion and I moaned aloud and grabbed him, digging my fingernails into his broad shoulders as I gave pain for pain and pleasure for pleasure.
Jude sucked at my neck, his big hands exploring me as he did—stroking my breasts, tugging at my nipples, sliding down the curve of my hips until he came to rest with one hand cupping the heated mound of my cunt.
I gasped and bucked against him as he pressed two thick fingers into my wet depths and fucked me with them. God, it felt so good, so right. I couldn’t seem to get enough of him, of the feel of him filling me, and yet I wanted more.
“Jude.” I moaned his name as he lapped and sucked at my neck. “Jude, please, I want you…want you inside me.”
He pulled back reluctantly, his lips crimson with my blood. “I don’t know if you’re ready for that, Luz.”
“No, I am, I really am,” I insisted even though a tiny voice at the back of my brain whispered that it wasn’t so sure. But I refused to listen to it, refused to hear the warning it tried to give. I’ve been waiting for this moment for years, I argued with myself. I don’t want to wait anymore.
Jude stroked my cheek. “Why don’t you let me taste you first? Let me make you come once or twice before we try anything else.”
I looked into his eyes. “You know I love that but it isn’t want I want right now—isn’t what I need.” I lowered myself to the bed and reached for him. “Please, Jude…fuck me.”
His breath caught in his throat in a ragged gasp and then he was on top of me, spreading my legs with his and covering my smaller, slighter form with his big, hard body.
At first everything was all right. I was eager for him, anxious to have him inside me, to finally get rid of my hated virginity once and for all. But then the present began to melt into the past and the memories came flooding back. Like sharp fragments of a shipwreck just below the surface of my mind they came—flashes of a trauma I desperately didn’t want to remember. His hands on me, forcing my legs apart. His laughter in my ear. His weight on me—pressing me down until I can’t breathe…
“Luz?” Jude looked at me in concern.
I shook my head. “I’m fine—don’t stop.” Not real, I told myself. It’s not real. It’s just a bad memory. I can get through this—I have Jude’s blood in me—I’ll be all right.
Jude went back to kissing me and I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to remember the warm feeling of safety and the delicious, sweet dulce de leche flavor of his blood. For a moment it seemed like it was working. But then I felt him opening me, spreading the sensitive lips of my pussy with the head of his cock, positioning himself at my entrance to thrust inside me, to fill me with himself.
“Such a sweet little cunt—so damn tight. Can’t wait to ride you tonight, little girl,” an ugly voice rasped in my memory. “There’s nothing like virgin pussy to make a man feel like fucking. And you’re going to love every minute of it, Luz, I promise you that.”
“No!” I gasped, pressing against the broad chest that rose above me, trying to get away from the hard, masculine body that was smothering me. “No, God—please don’t! Please don’t do it to me!”
Panic had me by the throat. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I fought for freedom like a wild thing, desperate to get away. Beneath me the stones of the ancient altar bit into my back, bruising and bloodying my bare skin and overhead the full moon hung, shining and indifferent to what was happening so far away below it. But I didn’t care about that—all I cared about was getting away.
I pushed at the man on top of me and wriggled desperately, gasping and begging as I did. But he was too strong, too big. There was no one to protect me, no one who cared if this happened to me. No one to stop him and soon it would be too late…
Suddenly I was free—the hateful weight lifted off me, the threat removed. I jumped off the altar—No, it’s a bed, not an altar. Don’t care, have to get the hell away from here!—and ran.
But instead of finding myself in the middle of the woods, I hit a wall—literally. I looked up frantically, expecting to see a full moon overhead, but the wall was attached to a ceiling. There was no moon, no altar, no sharp twigs and grass beneath my feet. And no man waiting to harm me.
There was only Jude, standing there naked, one hand held out to me and a look of pain on his face.
“Luz, it’s all right. It’s all right now, it’s over.” He whispered, as though he was afraid any loud sound might spook me and set me off again.
“Jude?” I looked at him uncertainly. I hadn’t had a flashback that intense in years. It had seemed so real. So horribly vivid and true—like the past was coming forward to eat me, to swallow the woman I had become and change me back to the scared, thirteen-year-old girl who had been irrevocably changed that awful full moon night.
“Luz, I am sorry. So very, very sorry. I should have known…should have seen you weren’t ready.” His voice was raw.
“I-I thought I could do it.” I crouched down where I was, wrapping my arms around my knees, covering and protecting myself at the same time. “Why couldn’t I do it, Jude? I have your blood in me but it didn’t help. It didn’t help.” I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. The tears wouldn’t come.
“Luz…beloved…” He took a step toward me but I shrank away and he stopped. Instead he sat on the floor facing me.
“Why?” I whispered again and I wasn’t just talking about the flashback. I was talking about the whole evil mess, the night that had started all of this pain and trauma for me. Why had it had to happen? And when would I ever be able to forget it so completely that it could never bother me again? Inside my brain a familiar mantra began. Have to forget. Have to forget. It never happened. Have to forget.
“Because.” Jude sounded tired. “My blood has a calming effect—to a certain extent. It can help you deal with the symptoms of your panic, but not the underlying cause.”
Have to forget. Have to forget. It never happened. I put a hand to my throat. “I-I don’t know what you mean. Who can tell what causes panic attacks? They just…they just happen.”
“Oh, Luz.” He shook his head and inched closer to me. “Please…” He held out a hand and I realized he wanted me to take it. With an enormous effort, I forced myself to do just that. Jude closed his fingers lightly around mine, clearly letting me know I could withdraw my hand at any time.
“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t know what came over me. I just got so…so upset.”
“You were upset for a reason.” Jude ducked his head to look intently into my eyes. “Who was he, Luz, and what did he do to you?”
“What are you talking about?” I felt a cold sweat starting along the ridge of my spine.
“You need to talk about it if you are ever going to get over it.” Jude squeezed my hand lightly. “I know something happened but you have it buried too deep for me to see. Please, let me in.”
“This is ridiculous.” I snatched my hand away and stood up quickly, taking a step away from him. “I just…I just get upset sometimes, that’s all. It’s not a big deal.” Have to forget. Have to forget.
“It is a big deal. Luz, please.”
But I refused to stick around and hear any more of his nonsense. Keeping myself covered as well as I could, I grabbed my crumpled dress from the floor and pulled it on. Jude watched me gather my things in silence, still sitting on the floor with an unreadable expression on his face.
“I have to go,” I said, turning to him with my hand on the knob. “I’m sorry things didn’t…didn’t work out.”
He nodded his head gravely. “I’m sorry I triggered your panic response. I let my lust for you overcome my better judgment.”
I waved his apology away. “It’s my fault. I don’t know why I get so upset. I…” But I couldn’t go on so I just shook my head.
“Luz…” Jude got to his feet and approached me very slowly. He was still naked but not hard anymore which made it a little less scary. “It’s not your fault,” he said, when he’d closed the gap between us. “None of this is. So don’t apologize.”
“I have to go,” I said again. A worried thought crept into my brain. “I…do you think I’ll be able to change at the full moon?”
“I don’t know,” he said tiredly. “If I had to guess I’d suppose it would depend on how closely what happened to you is related to your ability to shift.”
Have to forget! “Stop talking like that—nothing happened to me,” I said sharply. And already, it was like nothing had. I could feel my shattered and tattered brain coming back together and sweeping the whole ugly memory under the rug of my subconscious. In a minute I would be completely fine again—if Jude would just shut up about past trauma and panic responses, that was.
“Luz—” he started again but I wasn’t going to stick around and hear anything he had to say.
“Goodbye, Jude. Maybe I’ll talk to you later.” I stalked out of his bedroom and hurried down the long hallway, finding my way out of the huge house by blind instinct. All I knew was that I had to get away, had to get anywhere but here. Once I was back safe at my own apartment I could splinter into a million jagged pieces if I wanted to but I couldn’t do it here, not where Jude could see me, not again.
Never again.