Eight
A fat orange moon was already riding high in the sky when I stepped into the woods that made up the hunting grounds of the Armenia Garden Estates wolf pack, otherwise known as the Arm Gard wolves. This had been my family’s pack for generations—even back before weres had made their presence known to the human world.
The pack was made up of around twenty-five to thirty families who lived in the Tampa Bay area, most of them middle to upper-middle class and it had a very definite hierarchy that was pretty much set in stone.
Above all the wolves was the pack master who could do just about anything he wanted and get away with it. Then there were the pack alphas—always males—who led the hunt each full moon and gave direction to the younger wolves. Under the alphas were the betas—males who didn’t have quite enough testosterone to make it into the upper echelon and under them were the females, who were always considered inferior to the males. And then there were the children and immature pack members who had yet to make their first change.
The ability to shift comes around the same time as puberty so it sometimes happened later for males and earlier for females but no matter what their age, no one was allowed out to join the hunt under the full moon until they could make a complete shift. It goes without saying that yours truly had never been on a hunt although I desperately longed to go.
My own family was mid-level status and always trying to move up the ladder. At one time I knew my parents had hoped for a lot more from their children but all my brothers, with the exception of Diego, had been too easygoing to be alphas. Diego, alpha through and through, had joined another pack entirely—a decision that had caused my father not to talk to him for months.
Of course, worse than having a child who defected to another pack was having a child who couldn’t shift at all—me. Sometimes I thought my parents would never live down the shame. Luckily, my older sister, Esperanza, had done better than all the rest of us toward raising the family status by marrying Frank—who was about as alpha as they come. And now that Frank might be next in line for pack master, my parents could look forward to a huge leap forward in the social pecking order.
It was something they desperately wanted, I knew. In the past the Velez family had produced pack masters and alphas like crazy. It was only in the past few generations that we’d become so middle of the road. My dad had been groomed to be an alpha and my mom had been raised with one goal in mind—to marry an alpha and produce more alpha children. In that, they had disappointed each other but they stuck together grimly, mainly because, like a strict Catholic congregation, there isn’t much divorce going on in a wolf pack. You mate for life and you deal with what comes.
Being stuck like that is probably why my parents felt the need to scrape and claw their way to the top. In their view, if you saw a chance to advance up the totem pole, you grabbed it in your teeth and ran with it because that chance might not come again. And any chance would do.
But enough about my family—the moon was calling me and for the first time I felt like I might be able to answer it. I was completely nude, my clothes folded neatly on a large rock nearby. You can’t shift with clothes on, unless you don’t mind ruining them. Tonight I had been wearing an oversized T-shirt and baggy jeans. I wanted to blend in later, after the hunt when everything is very casual. But first I had to prove I was fit to be in the hunt at all. I had to shift—had to let my inner wolf come out, but I wasn’t sure I could do it. My breathing was already getting labored and I hadn’t even tried yet.
Just like the Bar exam, I told myself. There’s nothing sexual about shifting so you should have no problem. Concentrate…concentrate…
Closing my eyes, I remembered the taste of Jude’s blood and the calm sense of safety and security I had when he held me and let me drink from him. Of course it was impossible to think about his blood without thinking about him. He’d called me several times after our little incident, as I was beginning to think of my abortive attempt to have sex, but every time I put him off. I was sure he knew I didn’t have other calls coming in or company coming over or any of the other lame excuses I used on him. But he didn’t complain when I said I had to go—he wasn’t angry or accusatory. In fact, all I could sense from him was patience.
I had the feeling that Jude thought he would wear me down eventually. He thought if he was patient and understanding enough I would come back to him and tell him all about the big bad thing that had happened to me and we would work through it together and live happily ever after.
Yeah, right.
What had I been thinking, getting involved with a vamp in the first place? Diego had been right—I should have stuck with my own kind, even if my own kind didn’t want me. Of course, if I could shift successfully tonight, that might change but I still didn’t think I was going to be able to find a man who wanted to live a life of passionate celibacy. Because no matter what else happened—whether I was able to shift or not—I had decided to give up having sex—excuse me, trying to have sex—for good.
Oh, there were some things I would miss—the feeling of a man’s body pressed against my own for one. Jude’s body, a little voice whispered in my head but I pushed it away. And the sweet release of orgasm when he touched me and tasted me. But I had a vibrator that could make me come just as effectively and I was going to stick with that. Of course a vibrator can’t hold you and kiss you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear but that was just something I would have to learn to live without.
To me, no more sex equaled no more painful flashbacks and fewer panic attacks. No more reliving that night I’d tried so hard to forget and push to the back of my mind. It was worth it, worth it, a thousand times worth it as far as I was concerned.
But of course that meant no more Jude.
There was another thought to push away. The back of my mind was getting crowded.
“Stop it and concentrate,” I told myself in a low voice. I had to do this. If I could do it just once, I knew I would always be able to do it. Once you let the wolf come out the first time, it’s always close to the surface for the rest of your life. In time, shifting becomes as natural as breathing. So once was all I needed to live a normal life and reclaim my status in the pack—for me, anyway.
I took a deep breath. It was now or never. The moon was high and the pack was in full cry. I could hear them howling in the woods, running through the dense undergrowth, and I wanted with all my heart to be one of them. I wanted what had been denied me and tonight I intended to stretch out my hand and take my birthright.
Closing my eyes, I let my mind fill with the howls of the pack and the sweet memory of Jude’s blood. I can do this. I passed the Bar and I can do this too, I told myself fiercely. I remembered Jude’s eyes, his calming words spoken in that deep voice and then…
Then I felt myself changing. My bones shifted in their sockets, my hands and feet became paws. All at once I was on all fours. My face lengthened to a muzzle and my nose was suddenly a thousand times more sensitive. Fur flowed over me, erupting from my human skin and covering me like a protective coat.
Finally!
The human thought was swallowed by my expanded senses. I could see in the dark and the scents of the forest were all around me, green and rich and growing. Every little rustle in the underbrush meant something to me—it was like I had been deaf and blind all my life and suddenly I could hear and see. I was finally alive.
I lifted my nose to the moon and howled, long and loud, announcing my presence to the pack. I was finally my true self—my wolf self—and I couldn’t wait to let them know.
Far in the distance I heard an answering howl that ended in a question. The pack was wondering if it was really me. If after all these years I had finally managed to become one of them. Joy rushed through me as I ran to meet them, to become a part of them as I had longed to do for so long.
I was coming home.
My first hunt passed in a blur. After the pack had met and accepted me we ran together under the full moon. Despite my age I was new and still unsure so I ran at the very back of the pack with the other new wolves and stayed away from the alphas. Once or twice I thought I caught a scent from the front of the pack that bothered me—something that shouldn’t have been there. But my unease was quickly swallowed up in the excitement of the chase and the kill. We pulled down a deer and several rabbits and feasted—well, the alphas did anyway. I barely managed to snatch a mouthful of the warm, bloody meat but it was still the best thing I had ever eaten. It was the taste of success after years of failure.
After the run and the hunt, the pack broke apart and went back to their respective clothes. Before I went to shift back to my human form and get dressed, I made sure to touch noses with my parents and my older sister, Essie. I felt a definite sense of approval and excitement from them that made me feel warm all over. I could smell that Diego was around somewhere—or maybe one of them had just talked to him recently—but I didn’t see him. It hurt me that my little brother hadn’t come to congratulate me on my first shift but I had already decided I would call him later and apologize. And maybe during the next full moon he and I could run together alone, as I’d always wanted to do.
I found my clothes and reversed the process with ease. Fur flowed inward, my paws became hands and feet and my face flattened out to human-normal. My long, curly black hair grew from the top of my head down to the small of my back in an instant and I stood up from the crouched position I found myself in. I was me again but so much more. I could feel the wolf inside me like a second self and I knew I would always be able to call her when I needed her. I was finally a real werewolf and nothing had ever made me happier.
Grabbing my clothes, I began to dress. I wanted to catch up with my family and spend some time basking in the company of the other pack members. It was like I had been looking in through the gates of an exclusive club my entire life and someone had finally given me a key—I couldn’t wait to get in.
I was still topless and pulling on my baggy jeans when I heard voices behind me.
“There she is. Little Luz Velez, all grown up.”
My breath caught in my throat and all the joy inside me died an instant and painful death. Can’t be him. Diego said he’d be gone. Please, God, please… Holding my T-shirt to my bare chest, I turned to see who was standing behind me.
“Hello, Luz. Long time no see.” James Engle, the Arm Gard pack master, was standing there. He was nude and though he must be in his late forties by now, his body was still hard and toned. He was flanked by two of the pack’s alphas—one of them was my brother-in-law, Frank. But I didn’t care about that—I had eyes only for Engle.
My heart was beating in my throat and my stomach was rolling but I forced myself to nod at him. “Hello, pack master.”
He took a step forward, looming over me in a way that made my stomach lurch. “So I see you’ve finally come into your own. Or have you been shifting someplace else all these years?”
“No.” I swallowed and shook my head. “No, this…this was my first shift.”
“Well, don’t worry about it. From now on it’ll be like riding a bike—you never forget how.”
“Th-thank you,” I muttered through numb lips.
“You know, you look just the same. Still so petite…so pretty.” Engle came closer and bent to sniff me. I wanted in the worst way to run away but I couldn’t—I was rooted to the spot. I could feel my breathing begin to accelerate and my chest was getting tight as the panic tried to take hold but I fought it grimly.
Don’t lose control! So he’s here—so what? It was years ago—he’s probably forgotten and just wants to congratulate you on your shift. It’s okay—it’ll be okay.
“I see there’s something else that hasn’t changed.” Engle’s voice broke into my frantic mantra, shattering the small amount of calm I’d managed to gather to me like a rock tossed carelessly into a still pond.
“I…what do you mean, pack master?” I looked up at him, thinking he looked the same too. Same bristly crew cut, same cold gray eyes that were just a shade too close together to be handsome.
Engle grinned at me, looking for a moment more like a snake than a wolf. “You’re still a virgin.”
I clutched my shirt tighter to my chest, wishing I dared to put it on. But I was afraid I would flash Engle and his crew if I did and I didn’t want to give him any ideas. From the look of those cold, gray eyes, though, he already had some ideas—none that I would like.
The pack master laughed at my attempt at modesty. “And here I thought it was too good to be true. But you’re still untouched. What’s the matter, Luz—didn’t anyone measure up after me?” He cupped a hand under my chin and raised my face, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Have you been saving yourself for me for all these years, waiting for your first shift to finish what you started?”
“You started it, not me.” My paralysis broke and I took a step away from him. Engle pursued.
“It’s my right as pack master. You know the law of ascension.”
“It’s a sick law,” I spat. I was still backing away but Engle was coming after me, a gleam of lust in his gray eyes.
“It’s my right. You’re my right, Luz—your virginity is still mine to claim. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, now that I’m about to step down.”
“Leave me alone.” Panic was about to choke me but I knew I had to keep it together. I looked hopefully at my brother-in-law but Frank’s face was like stone—no help there. Well, I’d never liked him much anyway. But what the hell was I going to do? I knew instinctively I couldn’t outrun them—they were alphas and used to taking what they wanted. Any other female in the pack would just submit but I couldn’t make myself do that. Couldn’t let Engle finish what he’d started so many years before.
“Now, Luz, just stay right where you are.” Engle held out a hand to me, grinning. His teeth were long and yellow in the moonlight. “Just think about this. You’ve had your first shift so you’re officially part of the pack now. And since I’m your pack master, you have no choice. Just submit like a good girl and I promise I’ll make it good for you.”
I couldn’t believe this nightmare was happening all over again. I could feel a cold sweat breaking out all over my skin and my breath was already coming short but I knew if I let the panic take me, Engle would get me for sure. He wouldn’t care if I was having a panic attack while he fucked me as long as he got what he thought of as his due—the virginity I’d denied him fourteen years before by not shifting.
“No,” I gasped, stumbling backward, praying I didn’t fall. “No, please…”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Engle?”
The new voice came from behind me and it was blessedly familiar. I turned to see Diego standing there, shirtless in the moonlight. He had an ugly expression on his face and his pack tattoos made him look like he was part of the shadows.
“This is none of your concern, cub,” Engle said sharply. “I’m claiming what’s mine—get out of the way.”
“That’s my sister you’re talking about—not some bone you want to gnaw on, Engle.” Diego crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the pack master.
Engle returned the glare with interest. “Speak with respect to your pack master, boy, or I’ll have your tongue ripped out.”
“You’re not my pack master, you fucking asshole.” Alpha-male aggression whipped through the air with a smell like ozone and musk. There was going to be a fight if someone didn’t back down and since Diego was outnumbered three to one, it was probably going to be ugly.
“Diego,” I whispered urgently, stepping closer to him. “No—I don’t want you getting hurt for me.”
He didn’t even look at me—he was too busy locking eyes with Engle. “Just get out of here, Luz. I’ve got this.”
I desperately wanted to do just that—to run away while Diego had Engle and his alpha goons distracted. But I couldn’t. Couldn’t leave my little brother to be torn to bits for my sake.
Just as I was deciding I would have to fight by his side and hope for the best, two large shadows detached themselves from the trees and came to stand on either side of Diego.
“Yo, Diego, que tal?” one of them growled.
“Yeah, you having trouble with this fucking cabrón?” the other asked.
Diego glared at Engle. “Nothing I can’t handle, hermanos. But I’ll let you have a piece of the action if you ask real nice.”
The two weres on either side of him erupted in guttural laugher and I felt relief rush through me. Diego must have risen higher in the ranks of Los Lobos than I’d thought if his two alpha pack mates were willing to help challenge the leader of another pack for him. They didn’t look like they were backing down anytime soon and I felt sure they could beat Engle and his alphas in a fair fight. The Lobos aren’t known as the toughest pack in the Eastern U.S. for nothing.
Engle must have been thinking the same thing I was, because he finally stopped advancing. “This is Arm Gard territory,” he said angrily. “You can’t do this.”
“Looks like we’re fucking doing it though,” Diego said, making his alpha pals laugh again.
“She’s mine.” Engle pointed at me. “Now that she’s finally shifted, her virginity is mine to claim.”
Diego growled low in his throat. “Bitch, you better back down if you don’t want me claiming your virginity. Let’s see how well you fuck with my foot up your ass.”
Engle looked angry enough to explode. Even in the moonlight I could see how red his face was. But there was nothing he could do—Diego and his crew were younger and obviously tougher. In a fair fight, they would rip out Engle’s throat.
“Listen up, cub,” he said to Diego. “I don’t care if she is your sister—Luz is mine by pack law. And I will have her virginity before I step down as pack master.”
“The fuck you will!” Diego lunged forward and I had the satisfaction of seeing Engle flinch back. Apparently he wasn’t so tough when his victim wasn’t ten inches shorter and a hundred pounds lighter than he.
“This isn’t the end of this matter—just wait until I talk to your pack master.” He pointed at Diego and his voice became more formal. “The burden for this night’s shame falls on you and you alone, Diego Velez. As pack master of the Arm Gard wolves, I name you culpable.”
“Bite me, pendejo,” Diego growled but I could see that he was shaken. Engle had invoked the Rite of Blame and pointed the finger directly at my little brother. Now, until their conflict was resolved, if any other pain or shame befell Engle—no matter who did it—by pack law Diego was the one who would be punished for it. And the punishment for harming a pack master was not light—death or banishment was the best he could hope for.
It was an old law, even older than the law Engle was using to claim my virginity, and it had been put in place to protect pack masters from being harmed or assassinated by underlings without a formal challenge. Of course Diego could challenge Engle but I prayed he wouldn’t. A formal challenge would mean my little brother would have to fight every alpha in the Arm Gard pack before he could get to Engle. As tough as he was, even Diego couldn’t win a fight like that.
Apparently satisfied that he’d made his point, Engle turned, flanked by his own alphas, and walked back into the forest.
Diego frowned. “Go after them and make sure they don’t get any cute ideas,” he told the two alphas who stood on either side of him. Without a word they did as he said, melting back into the darkness as if they were part of it.
I sagged in relief as I saw them disappear into the dense foliage. God, I was in so much trouble and I knew in a minute it would hit me. But for right now all I could feel was a massive wave of relief that Engle had been stopped from finishing what he had started so many years before.
I didn’t get to enjoy my relief for long though. Before I knew it, Diego had me by the shoulders and was shaking me. “What the hell is wrong with you, coming here tonight? Didn’t you get my message?”
“What message?” I asked stupidly.
Diego frowned. “The one I left on your phone telling you not to fucking come—that it wasn’t safe.”
The truth was I had stopped checking my messages a while ago because most of them were from Jude and it made me feel guilty to hear his voice. So it was entirely possible that I’d missed the call from Diego, but I wasn’t about to let him make this all my fault.
“You told me it was safe. You said Engle would be gone,” I accused him.
Diego shook his head in frustration. “He changed his plans—said he has too many loose ends to tie up to leave right now.”
I felt myself go cold. I was a loose end—no doubt about it. “I don’t know what his problem is,” I said in a choked voice. “I just…I just wanted to shift like a normal were. I just wanted to run with the pack.”
“Yeah, and I can see how you did it, too.” Diego pulled my hair out of the way, baring the healing bite marks on my neck. “You swapped more blood with that fucking vamp, didn’t you?” He spat on the ground in disgust. “I can’t believe you— It’d be better to let Engle have you than to see you wind up with that bloodsucker, Jacobson.”
I felt sick inside. “You don’t mean that.”
Diego sighed and ran both hands through his hair until it stood up in wild black spikes. “Oh hell, Sis, you know I don’t. But you’re messing in shit you don’t understand. I mean, Jacobson—you don’t even want to know what I found out about him—or what I had to do to get the information. Fucking vamps.” He made a face.
He was right—I didn’t want to know. Hearing more bad things about Jude on top of the mess I was already in was more than I could take.
“I’m not seeing him anymore,” I said shortly. “That ought to make you happy.”
My brother looked slightly mollified. “As happy as I can be under the circumstances. Look, you’re going to have to do something to protect yourself—move away or something.”
“I can’t do that,” I protested. “I’ve never lived anyplace else but Tampa in my life. Besides, I shouldn’t have to.”
“Yeah, but Engle isn’t going to take this lying down—he’ll stir the shit with my pack master and then who knows what’ll happen? I might not be able to keep him off you next time. You know he’s the one who hired those two humans to kidnap you the first time?”
“He did?” A cold chill climbed up my spine like an icy finger. “But-but why? I hadn’t even seen him in fourteen years before tonight.”
Diego sighed. “Yeah, but I guess he’s been thinking about you that whole time. Don’t you get it, Luz? You’re the one that got away. You ruined his ascension ceremony back when he was first stepping up as pack master and he doesn’t want to step down without making that right—in his mind, at least.”
The shock of what Diego was telling me made me feel numb. “Why can’t he just leave me alone?”
My little brother shook his head. “I don’t know, Sis. Maybe because you’re still a…you know.” He blushed.
“A virgin,” I said numbly. “And as long as I am, I’ll never get rid of Engle.” A plan was beginning to form in my brain. A horrible plan that I hated. But I could see no other way out of my troubles—no other way out from what Engle had planned for me.
“Look, don’t blame yourself.” Diego patted my arm awkwardly. “It’s not your fault he’s a sick fuck.”
“Thanks, little brother.” I started to give him a hug and then realized I was still topless. Diego looked away, red-faced, as I turned and quickly pulled on my T-shirt.
“Luz,” he said, when I turned back to him. “You have to go someplace safe. Maybe back home. I know you don’t want to but if you’re under Dad’s protection, not even Engle can touch you.”
“Diego,” I said gently. “Who do you think volunteered me to be the ascension sacrifice in the first place? I can’t go back there—it’s not any safer for me than just walking up to Engle and handing myself over.”
His face went pale. “Aw, come on, Luz—there must have been some kind of misunderstanding. I’m sure Mom and Dad wouldn’t do that to you on purpose.”
I shrugged. “You said it yourself—they’ll do anything for pack status.”
“Yeah, but that was then and this is now. They’ve changed,” he insisted.
I looked down at my bare feet in the dark grass. “I wish I could believe that. I hope you’re right but I can’t take that chance.”
“Luz, they love you.”
There was a lump in my throat I couldn’t swallow. “And God help me, I love them too. Even though they did what they did. I love them and hate them both—does that make any sense?”
He sighed. “No. But I don’t think this kind of thing ever does.”
“You’re right about that.” I straightened my shoulders. “I have to go.”
“Go where? Look, Luz—come stay with me.”
“In a house with a bunch of unmated alpha males? I might as well move into a frat house.” The Lobos generally stuck together, ten or fifteen of them in one house, and I was pretty sure Diego didn’t even have a room all to himself. In an environment like that, the scent of my virginity would be like a putting a steak in front of a starving man and expecting him not to take a bite. “You’d spend all your time defending me,” I pointed out.
“At least I’d know where you were and that you were safe. Well, as long as you were with me,” Diego amended.
“Thanks, little brother, but that won’t work and we both know it. Look, don’t worry about me. I’ll find someplace to go. Maybe I’ll rent a hotel room for a couple of days until things die down. Engle will forget about me again if he doesn’t see me for a while.”
“I don’t think so. He didn’t see you for fourteen years and he still wants you.”
“Well, he’s not going to get me.” I leaned forward and kissed Diego on the cheek. I would have hugged him but I didn’t think I could stand to be that close to anyone male after my run-in with Engle—not even my brother. “Thanks for defending me tonight,” I said. “I know it sounds melodramatic but you saved me from a fate worse than death.”
“Aw, Luz…” He blushed again.
“I mean it—you’re my hero. I just hope you don’t get in trouble for it. I can’t believe Engle invoked the Rite of Blame on you.”
“Yeah—now I have to hope that stupid hijo de puta doesn’t even stub his toe or he’ll be howling to my pack master for reparations.”
“I’m so sorry, Diego. I feel horrible about that.”
“Fuck it.” He frowned. “Stupid outdated pack laws. When I get to be pack master of the Lobos I’m going to do something about them.”
“You do that.” I gave him another quick kiss and turned to go. “I’ll see you later.”
“At least let me walk you to your car.”
Since we were still on Arm Gard territory, I was glad to accept. We were almost to the small dirt road that served as a parking lot when Diego spoke again.
“Hey, you’re not going to go back to Jacobson, are you?” His voice was suspicious.
I pulled my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door. “I told you—I’m not seeing him anymore.”
“Good.” He saw me safely into the car. “Because you don’t want to know—”
“No, I don’t,” I interrupted him hastily. “Look, Diego, I need to go if I’m going to find a hotel room before it gets too late. It’s already close to two.”
“Yeah, okay. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
Diego nodded and shut the car door behind me. I blew him a kiss and started the engine, amazed at my own powers of deception. Of course I was going back to Jude—he was the only one who could help me.
The only one who could get Engle off my back once and for all.