The world seemed to come into focus all at once. She opened her eyes. It was so light in the room, it almost blinded her. She blinked rapidly.
Where am I?
Sitting up, she looked around. She was lying in an enormous bed. White billowing drapes fell down the sides from the four posts above her. Everywhere she looked, the room was white. White furniture. White marble floors. White doors.
Doors. They must lead out of this room.
She hopped off the bed, staring down at the long white flowing dress somebody had put her in. Placing her hand on her chest where she’d felt the dagger pierce her heart, she found there was no trace of a wound.
What happened to me? Am I dead? Is this… is this Heaven?
She needed answers. There was nothing for it. She walked over to the doors, her bare feet whispering on the floor. Pushing it open, she stepped out into a huge open space. There was nothing above them but dashes of blue and clouds. Surrounding the room were huge windows with white, flowing curtains to match the ones that were on the bed.
There was a man in white standing with his back to her. His hands were folded behind him, his brown hair cropped short. She took two steps towards him, faltering when she noted there was a man on his knees beyond him. Her chest tightened, heart pounding in her ears.
“Az,” she whispered.
She broke into a run but was brought up short by the man in white’s voice.
“He cannot hear you.”
“What?”
“He is unaware of your presence because you and I need to have a conversation.”
“Who are…”
She stopped. Staring at the back of the man’s head, it dawned on her. She was in the presence of God himself.
“Yes, dear girl, I am the Creator.”
Her eyes fell on her angel. His tear streaked face tore at her heart. She wanted to wrap her arms around him. Hold him until his tears faded. She wanted Az so much it hurt.
“Why is he crying?”
“He thinks you are dead. He is begging me to return you to him. I did not think I would see my son this way.”
“Am I dead?”
“You were.”
She wasn’t sure what to say or do. Why would God want a conversation with her? And why had he brought her back for this? Was he going to allow her to be with Azrael like she desperately wanted?
“My son loves you. He has devoted himself to you and only you.”
“You sound surprised.”
“It is not what I intended. You see, Azrael needed to learn his place. To understand why he was given his duty. He carries souls to their resting place. He was tired of bringing death to your world.”
She wasn’t quite sure how to respond. She still thought his methods were cruel and unjust. Az hadn’t deserved any of it.
“You would not understand why I chose to punish him in this way. Lucifer had too much influence over him. But that is not what I wished to speak to you of.”
“Then what?”
She paced away, unable to look at her angel any further. His suffering caused her physical pain. She felt helpless, utterly powerless to give Azrael the comfort he needed. To reassure him she was alive.
“Your influence over my son was unexpected. Yet, you are the very reason he has returned home. He fulfilled his purpose, but I fear he will not continue his duty if I do not return you.”
He took a step away from Az, keeping his back to her.
“He was not supposed to fall in love with you. You were a means to an end.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” she muttered, not caring if he heard her or not.
All she wanted was for this conversation to end.
“Tell me, why do you care for my son?”
“Don’t you know the answer to that already?”
He was God. Didn’t he know everything already? Why was he asking such a question?
“Explain it to me in your own words.”
Turning again, she stared at Az. Her heart contracted in her chest. He looked so broken. She closed the distance between them. She knew he couldn’t see her, but being so close to him set her skin on fire. She just had to get through this conversation and then, maybe God would finally allow her to be with her angel. He was hers and nothing would ever change that.
“I love him. Beyond all reason or explanation. He is the world to me. We saw each other for who we really are. He has suffered through an eternity of pain. By making me the vessel, you allowed me to see all angels for what they are, but with Az, it’s different. Somehow, whatever you did, it bound us to each other. Can’t you see he’s suffering again without me?”
She resisted the urge to stroke Az’s hair.
“All I want is him and all he wants is me. Is that hard to understand? Is it too much to ask that you let me be with him? Whatever else you want him to do, he’ll do it. Just don’t leave him like this. I can’t stand it.”
There was silence for a long moment.
“Why did you do this to me? Why did you choose me?” she asked. “My whole life I felt disconnected somehow. Adrift. Until him. He gave me a reason to live. A reason to be. We hated each other at first, but hate somehow turned to love. It’s that love which allowed him to do what was necessary to save the world.”
“I didn’t choose you, Alice. I made you and I gave you to your parents to raise. They had no idea their daughter would house my punishment for my son. I created you to withstand its presence. You were born to be the vessel. Born to die at the hands of my son. It was the only way he’d truly learn who he is. The one to carry souls to their final resting place. He is death. It had to be at his hands.”
A tear slid down her face. This was God’s real plan.
“He needs me,” she whispered. “Don’t you see? I will help him carry out his duty. Help him stay the course. He belongs to me and I to him.”
The entire time she’d been there, she’d not heard anything Az had said, but all at once, the sounds of his sobs echoed around the room.
She turned, but he was gone. Looking down at Az again, she realised God had done as she asked. Given her back to him.
“Please, Father,” Az whispered.
His head was still bowed. He didn’t know she was there. She reached out, cupping his cheek with one hand. Az stiffened.
“Is this a trick? This feels like her, but I cannot believe it.”
He raised his head to her slowly. Tears still welled in his eyes. Her heart pounded.
My angel. Still as perfect as the day we met. I love him like nothing else.
Silence permeated the air as they stared at each other.
He reached out, tugging her down to the floor. His mouth crashed down on hers. He pressed her down onto the marble floor, kissing her like he was drowning in her. His body covered hers. The familiar weight of him made her heart contract.
“Alice, my sweet Alice. You’re alive. You’re real. I love you so much. I didn’t want the moment we said those words to each other to be our last, but now… now you’re here.”
“I love you,” he whispered before he claimed her mouth again.
It was all she could do to let him take her under. She wanted to end his suffering at her death. There had always been something drawing them together. They needed each other. Even after he’d had to end her life, death couldn’t keep them apart. He’d once told her she’d resent him when the time came, but she had never once felt that way. She’d understood. The Darkness couldn’t be allowed to destroy the world.
He tugged her dress, pushing it up until it was pooled at her waist. He ripped off her underwear, his fingers sliding up her inner thighs. She arched up against him, desperately wanting to feel his touch yet hesitant because of where they were.
Really, Az? On the floor, right now? I love you, but I only just woke up. We should talk.
She didn’t get a response. She couldn’t deny his wild need made her feel wanted. His mouth against hers felt like home. He tugged at his own clothes, just enough to allow him to spring free. She cried out when he pushed inside her. She gripped his back. His pounding was merciless. Her whole body was on fire.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much.”
“Never leave me again. I cannot live without you, Alice. You are mine.”
The floor wasn’t the most comfortable place to have an angel fuck your brains out, but she let it slide. He pinned one of her arms above her head, his lips fused to hers. This was where she belonged. With her angel. Nothing could separate them again.
It didn’t take much for them both to cry out from a mutual conclusion. She panted beneath him, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. He peppered kisses across her chest and collarbone.
“Mmm. I think we’ve established that now. You did just fuck me to make sure.”
“Mmm, and I want to fuck you again.”
He rested his forehead against hers.
“I wasn’t sure if He would bring you back.”
She wrapped her arms around his back, holding him to her.
“He and I had a conversation before He let you see me.”
Az raised his head, staring down at her with wide eyes.
“Here, I’ll show you,” she continued, cupping his face.
She’d done this before when she’d shown him the visions she’d had of the Darkness. Only now, it was her conversation with God. It still felt so surreal. She’d had a conversation with the being who’d created everything.
“He asked you why you cared about me?” Az said.
“Clearly a human falling in love with an angel was weird for Him.”
He shook his head, stroking her face.
“Mmm, it is not as if it hasn’t happened before, but you and I are different. We belong together. Now and always.” He frowned for a moment. “There’s something different about you.”
“Well I did die and come back to life.”
“No. It’s not that. You’re still human and yet…”
He pulled away from her, sitting up. She felt bereft immediately.
It was her turn to sit up. How could she be immortal? She was human, wasn’t she? It made no sense.
“Your conversation with Him. He said I would not continue in my duty without you. You haven’t forgotten that I’m immortal. He’s brought you back permanently. Forever. We really do have forever. Just like you wanted.”
She looked down at her hands. There didn’t seem to be anything different about her, yet she felt different on some level. The truth of what he’d said sunk in.
I’m immortal.
“He let you come home. He wants you to stay here, doesn’t he? To fulfil your purpose.”
Looking up at her angel, she felt a little dumbfounded. Did God expect her to remain here with Az, in Heaven?
“Does that mean I can’t ever go back to Earth? What about my parents? I don’t want them thinking I’m dead. Oh, but if He’s made me immortal then I won’t age. I won’t be able to see them. Az, how is it even fair of Him to ask this of me? I know I asked Him to let me stay with you, but I didn’t imagine it would be here, in Heaven.”
He put cupped her face, brushing his thumb across her bottom lip. He gave her a soft smile, his green eyes glinting.
“Alice, we can see your parents. You forget, I’m an angel. As they age, I will make it appear though we are aging too. You don’t need to worry about those things.”
“You should know by now, I’d do anything for you. You are my world.”
She edged closer to him, hating any sort of distance between them.
“With you by my side, I will do as He asks. He doesn’t have a say in what we do outside of that time. He knows I am yours to command. Always, my sweet Alice, always.”
Her heart was in her mouth. The Az before her was different to the one she’d met all those weeks ago on that park bench. He was open and free with his affection. He didn’t suffer in the same way. He had saved the world from destruction and now he was home.
Could she really make this place her home too? Could Heaven be where she lived out the rest of their lives by each other’s sides? Was there really any question of what she wanted to do?
No. There’s no question. I love him. Azrael is mine. I am his. That’s all that matters. The rest is inconsequential.
“I love you, Az. I’ll be wherever you are. Forever. All I want is you.”
The way his eyes shone at her words made her heart sing. He reached for her, picking her up off the floor. He walked her towards the doors she’d come through and back into the bedroom. He set her down before tugging her dress off. He discarded his own clothes at the foot of the bed. They lay in the soft sheets together. Az clutched Alice to his chest. She felt the hammering of his heart against her fingertips. This was where she was meant to be.
“My heart is yours,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head.