Chapter 2

 

One thing had never changed, even after all this time; they were still crazy about each other, stuck in what Cormag called the 'honeymoon' phrase.

They didn't often switch it up; Casen was a natural bottom and loved having Tam take control in the bedroom...or the kitchen, or the bathroom or the living room. But the moments Tam asked for what he wanted without the need for words, did something to his heart. Just knowing Tam trusted him to give him what he needed and know what that was meant more than any words could say.

Casen shifted closer and lay his head against Tam's chest, lying over his body. The blanket was soft over their naked skin, the sofa was comfy, and he had his husband right next to him. He couldn't have been happier or more comfortable if he'd tried.

“Tell me a secret,” he asked, hugging Tam's arm as he settled where he was.

“Hmm…any kind of secret or a specific one?” Tam replied, humouring him.

“You choose.”

Tam thought to himself for a moment, silently brushing their fingertips together, almost as if it was a comfort blanket rather than a conscious movement. It made Casen feel light and special, to see that just an hour alone with him had eradicated all of the tension from his shoulders. Though he'd put it there, by bringing up Cormag's words, he was glad they'd talked about it.

“Alright, how about the first time I went out to the field? You remember the one I took you to?” Tam suggested, while lifting his left arm up and around his shoulder.

Casen nodded and took the move as an invitation, moving further into his arms. He lay his chin on his chest and watched him talk.

“I was twelve and had my first crush on a guy. But I wasn't allowed out after six, because I was getting up at four every day to work on the farm before my classes,” Tam explained, with a serious look that he loved. “I had to sneak out at eight o'clock. I'd met the guy at the market, when I was buying feed for the pigs.” He laughed, as if that had any bearing on how impossibly gorgeous he was. “I was in overalls, covered in muck and nowhere near looking my best. But he was hot and I felt lucky that he wanted to see me again.”

Casen tried to imagine an unattractive version of his husband. Even with overalls and dirt, he couldn't see it being possible.

“We met up in the field, in the long grass, and spent an hour talking. I'd never been kissed by a boy before, so I was really excited. We ended up necking for two hours,” he admitted, looking him in the eye and getting that embarrassed smile that made him tingle.

“Really?” he asked, not surprised in the least.

“Yeah. No one knows about that, because he was one of Levi's friends,” he said.

Casen couldn't say how special it made him feel to know something not even Levi knew.

“Levi got to go to a normal school, but our parents were good friends,” Tam said, giving a slight shrug, although he smiled the entire time he talked. “I never kept secrets from him, but I'd been making out with his friend behind his back. Neither of us could risk telling him, since the guy wasn't sure if he was gay or not and I hadn't come out to anyone yet,” he confessed, with a look that said he regretted keeping it a secret.

Casen smiled to himself, glad to see that he took those kind of things so seriously. He'd been raised to believe that it was better to ask for forgiveness than to seek permission. If there was anything he thought his parents wouldn't like, they would rather he and Mack confessed than for them to find out in some other way.

“What happened?”

Tam laughed and shrugged. “Nothing. We had the one day and, a week later, he stopped by to tell me he'd been thinking about it and he just didn't like boys that way. I figured that making out with me had been more about testing himself and trying to figure out if it was the snogging itself or who he was snogging that mattered most,” he admitted, with no anger or regret.

“So he was straight?” Casen realised, not that surprised. Hadn't he once thought himself straight, then questioned everything when confronted with Tam? Not that he thought Tam was some incredible 'turns-a-man-gay' machine, but he was the kind of beautiful, good soul that appealed to people. He could see why that might confuse a guy or two along the way.

“Yeah.” Tam laughed again in a short bark of sound. “Ended up dating this really popular girl at his school. They're still together; got married, had kids and they run the fishing store in the village,” he confessed, with a warm smile and happiness in his voice.

Casen smiled and settled by his side, wondering how it was even possible for Tam to be so beautiful inside and out. After everything he'd been through, he'd have every right to turn away from life and people, to be a raging ball of hatred, but he was the exact opposite.