Rhys

She’s trying hard not to cry. Her eyes are shining, and she’s swallowing hard. It’s because of me, and I hate it. I hate that she’s crying when she’s trying so hard to do everything I need.

“Vivienne, please don’t cry.”

“Don’t call me that. Call me Vivs, or even Viv, but not that. I hate that name.”

“What did he do to you?” I ask, realizing we’ve been focusing on me and I still don’t know what happened to her.

“He made me feel small. Unloved, unwanted, unneeded for anything but public appearances. Stupid, plain, boring, frigid. You name an insult, and he’s probably said it to me.”

“He’s a motherfucking liar. You are none of those things.”

She shrugs. “I think so, but I don’t know for sure.”

Sometimes, when the person you love is hurting, you put aside your own fears for a moment, and do everything you can to help them. Right now, I can give her something she needs, and I have to. No matter how I feel later, or even during, I need to help her.

“I’m going to make love to you until you realize how loved, wanted, and needed you always are. You are intelligent, gorgeous, interesting, and hot as fuck. When you walk into the room everything seems brighter—and better. I’m going to show you that.”

“You’re not ready,” she insists, shaking her head no.

I pull her all the way to me, so my cock lines up with her pussy. “I’m ready. I know you can feel how ready I am.”

“We already talked about this. I don’t want you doing this just for me.”

And she thinks she’s not an amazing person? Damn, this woman is so much more than she realizes. If I can give her something—anything—that shows her how great she is, I will. I have no choice but to give that to her.

“I’m doing this for us. I need to do this. Please let me love you.”

“If you’re sure, you know it’s a yes.”

I’m sure I need to do this, but I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it. I can’t think of her as just a quick fuck, because she’s not. But anything else scares the shit out of me. I just need to focus on how much I love her.

I tell myself these things as I unzip my pants, and pull my dick out. When I reach into my wallet for the condom I keep there, and check the date on it, I remind myself of how much I love her. As I roll it on, I look into her eyes and see that love reflected back at me.

While I’ve been having my inner turmoil, Viv pulled her dress over her head, and removed her bra and panties. Just looking at her makes me hard enough to come, but I need to make this good for her and last as long as my mind and body will allow.

“I need to be on top,” I tell her, placing my shirt, and her dress, on the bench. It’s not a bed, but it’s the best I’ve got right now.

“Okay.”

She lies down, her legs open over the bench, and her pussy glistening. She’s ready for me, and physically, I’m ready for her too.

I keep my eyes on hers as I lower myself over her, and line my cock up with her pussy. I want this. I’ve wanted this since the day I understood why my body reacted to her as a teen. She’s a gift. A beautiful, perfect gift.

That’s what I think of as I slide inside of her. She arches her back and grips the bench, but doesn’t try to touch me. I don’t know how she knows—or understands—but she does. My hands are braced above her head on the bench, and I begin to move.

I allow my body to take over, feeling how good this is as I keep my eyes locked on hers. I feel the tension in her body, knowing it’s because she’s holding back from touching me or moving, but not able to voice the words allowing her to do as she pleases. It’s hard enough to hold eye contact right now.

“Do you want to stop?”

“What? Why would I want to stop?”

“Because you’re not here with me. You’re going through the motions, but you’re not enjoying it.”

Fuck. I should’ve known I couldn’t fake it with her. “I’m sorry,” I tell her, sliding out of her and dropping to my knees. “I’ll finish you off.”

She stands up, and pulls her dress back over her head. “I don’t need finishing.”

I’m screwing this up. Just like I knew I would. I can let her walk away again, because she doesn’t need my mess in her life, but I won’t let her think it’s because I don’t want to make her scream.

“I want my mouth on you, Viv. I want to lick and suck you until you scream my name again. I want to taste how sweet you are, and know how lucky I am to be allowed between your legs.”

“It’s not fair. Not if you’re not coming, too.”

“Life isn’t fair. I’ll get myself off after.”

Her eyes go dark, and I know she likes the idea of me jacking myself with my hand. In another time we watched each other, but I can’t invite her to my private party right now. I just can’t. I’m barely holding it together with her right now, and if I give her that control and let her watch me, I know I’ll lose it.

Viv

We have to be able to get past this. I don’t need sex, as evidenced by the last few years, but I want it. I want it with Rhys, and I know he wants it with me, too. He just can’t get out of his own head long enough to enjoy it. I know he’s slept with women this past year, and I’m trying hard not to blame myself for this problem happening right now. Because, blaming myself for not being a nameless woman in a bar is not going to help us.

I know what to I need to do. I don’t like it, but it’s the only thing I’ve got right now.

“I have a better idea.”

Moving to the fountain, I place my hands on the upper tier, letting the water run over my hands, as I kneel on the lower bench. In this position he won’t be looking in my eyes. It might just be enough to make him comfortable.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to be what you need.”

“You’re not like them.”

“Right now, I am. Take me the way you need to.”

I’m not looking at him, but I can feel his hesitation like it’s touching me. I grip the stone tighter, knowing this has to be his choice, his decision. Everything has to be his, and although I don’t know if I can go along with that forever, right now, I can do this for him.

“I’m sorry,” he tells me as he moves behind me, lifting up my dress. “So sorry.”

Neither of us speaks as he thrusts into me, or during any of it. He rubs my clit, and I come, but there are no words, or kisses, or anything remotely intimate. Yes, he’s inside of my body, but it’s not me he’s thinking of. It’s not anyone. I’ve let myself become someone with no face and no love.

I said I wouldn’t allow myself to be used again, but for this, with him, I can do it. I know he loves me, and I also know he’s hurting. I can’t do this forever, or I’ll lose myself again, but I can do it for now. For us, I can do it.

“I’m sorry,” Rhys whispers in my ear again as he comes, and then he’s gone.

He’s not behind me, and I hear his footsteps as he runs from the fountain. I try to hold back my tears, but I can’t. I need to let all my pain, and fear, out while I’m alone. I pull my dress down, and sit on the edge, dipping my feet into the fountain. My teardrops blend with the water as I allow myself to grieve—for the past, the present, and maybe even the future.

“Viv?” Rhieve asks from behind me.

I know I was shaking as I cried, and there’s no way my eyes aren’t red, but I turn toward her anyway. I’m pretty sure this won’t be the last time she’ll see me falling apart, and I’m not ashamed of feeling. Bad or good, I want to feel.

“Hi.”

Because she’s as trained as I am in faking smiles, I almost miss her cringe when I turn toward her. Almost.

“I saw Rhys running back to the house.”

“He was done with me,” I tell her with a shrug. Two can play this game.

She cringes again, and I look to where she’s gazing, seeing my thong on the ground. Awkward for her, because he’s her brother, but I’m not ashamed of what happened out here. I would have changed how it went down, but I’m not sorry it happened. I can compromise myself, but I won’t allow myself to second-guess my choices, or worry what other people think about me.

“He cares about you. I know he does. It’s just…there are complications.”

“He told me.”

“That makes me feel a little better, but I have to warn you, things are going to get worse for him. It’s why I was looking for the two of you.”

“What did you find out?” I ask, a sense of dread making its way through my body.

“It’s better if we wait until everyone’s together. We’re meeting in the kitchen in a few minutes.”

“How bad is it? Can you tell me that?”

“It’s bad. Just bad.”

I follow her back to the house, grabbing my underwear as discreetly as possible, and shoving them into my pocket. Standing up for Rhys is something I’ll always do, no matter what we hear in this meeting.

“Good, we’re all here now,” X says, as we walk inside.

Rhys is already there, and I move to stand next to him. He won’t look at me, but I’ll stand next to him, regardless.

“We’ve figured out who attacked the compound, and how,” Faith tells us.

“Who? Stop stalling, and tell us what the fuck is going on! I need to get back to Vegas with Micah.”

“The people were sent by a man whose girlfriend Rhys slept with a few months ago. They followed him there.”

Oh my God. No. “Do you know who it was?” I ask Rhys.

“Nope. No clue. You know I only fuck women I know nothing about.”

“Rhys!” Rhieve admonishes, but I wave her off. I know he’s doing this to push me away, but it’s not going to work.

“I’m not going to walk away, just because you insult me.”

“Then I’ll have to do the walking.”