Rhys

“What do you mean you can’t find her?” X is bellowing into the phone when I walk into the kitchen the next morning. “Find her!”

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Seri’s missing.”

“Well, she said she was going off the grid.”

“What did you just say?” he asks, slamming me into the wall.

I’m not letting him push me around this time, so I slam my hands into his chest and make him stumble back. I know it was more surprise than brute strength that caused it, but I puff my chest out a little anyway.

“When I saw her in the office, she said she had enough contacts through you to go off the grid, and make sure you couldn’t find her.”

“And you chose until now to tell me this? You know we’re in danger.”

He starts to advance on me again, but I hold my ground. “She used to work for Metro, so I wasn’t worried about her.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your feelings, but I’m worried about her and that’s all that matters.”

“Maybe you should have let her know that before she ran. Or forced her to hear the truth.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Yes.”

“Viv’s different when she’s with you and that’s a good thing, but she’s still fragile, and I’m going to keep an eye on you until I know she’s being taken care of.”

“Noted.”

The woman in question walks in, looking between the two of us, as we’re still standing defensively. “What’s going on?”

“Just having a chat,” X tells her.

“Did you put your hands on him again?”

“You don’t need to fight my battles, Vivs. And, X and I are good.”

“Yeah, we are. Thanks for the info about Seri. It’ll give me some other avenues to search in.”

“If I’m wrong and someone has her, I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it, man.”

“Seri’s missing?” Vivienne asks, once he leaves the room. “This is all my fault! If I hadn’t kissed X, she’d be here with us.”

“You kissed him?” I ask.

“Yes.”

I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does. “Oh.”

“Is that a problem for you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Men,” she says, throwing up her hands, and turning to walk out.

“Can you tell me why?” I ask, wrapping her in my arms from behind once again.

“I wanted to feel wanted, and I wanted to want someone again. I thought kissing him would make me feel that way.”

“That’s a good reason.”

“You’re not going to ask me if it worked?”

I want to, and at the same time, I don’t. “Is this one of those questions where either way I answer is going to be wrong?”

“No,” she says, turning around and stepping away. “I need to know if some stupid kiss is such a big deal to you that you’ll let it affect what’s happening again between us.”

She’s right, and I know it. It’s one kiss that happened before we were even close to being together again. “I won’t let it affect us.”

“Good. For the record, I didn’t feel anything when I kissed X, but I feel everything when I kiss you.”

I cradle her head as I push her into the wall, and kiss her for all I’m worth. It’s not a kiss meant to claim, because we already belong to each other. It’s a kiss of acceptance, happiness, and love.

“I would’ve been okay if that wasn’t the case.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Hearing you say the words made me realize I didn’t need them.”

Her stomach grumbles, reminding me of where we are right now. “Sorry, I need some breakfast.”

“I can use a toaster, but that’s about it.”

“Good thing I insisted on cooking lessons from my last cook.”

“I’d love you even if you couldn’t feed me.”

“I know. I’d love you even if you couldn’t toast the bread.”

“Perfect.”

We’re not, but right now, I’m letting myself believe we are. Illusions can be dangerous and this one will probably kill me in the end, but I need it now.

Viv

After breakfast, there’s still no one coming forward to give us information, so I suggest we hang out inside the mini maze of topiaries in the backyard. I want some privacy for an idea I had. It came to me when I was in the shower, masturbating, because how could I not do that when I saw Rhys getting dressed this morning? I’m so hot for him, even when he’s fully dressed, and I almost orgasmed just from looking at him naked. My bruised and beautiful man, who doesn’t know just how beautiful he is on the inside.

“I would ask if you’ve lured me out here to have your way with me, but I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”

“Not exactly.”

“That’s a little ominous.”

“I was hoping we could experiment a little.”

“I’ve tried everything, but if you want me to tie you to a bush, and spank you, I’m game.”

“Sorry, but no,” I tell him with a laugh, but not completely sure if he was joking.

“Please tell me you don’t want to tie me to a bush.”

He says it playfully, but I see the fear in his eyes. So yeah, he wasn’t joking. I want to hunt down and kill every person who took what didn’t belong to them.

“Not unless you want me to.”

“I don’t.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of us seeing how far we can go without it freaking you out.”

I’m not sure he’s going to agree, because he starts moving back and forth like he’s ready to run. I won’t stop him if he does, because I need him to want this and not do it because he’s forced. If he can’t do it, we’ll have to figure out something else.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

I can’t help but laugh. “You say it like making out with me is a car race, or something.”

“Making out with you is a privilege. One I will never take for granted again.”

I take his hand, and lead him to one of the benches surrounding a fountain in the middle of the topiaries. As we sit across from each other, straddling the bench, I reach out and place my hand on his cheek. He turns his head to kiss my hand and I sigh in contentment.

Lifting my other hand, I place it on his chest. “Is this okay?”

“We made out against the wall outside the bar,” he reminds me.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, and thank you for asking.”

One day, I hope I won’t have to ask to touch him and love him, but until that day I’ll ask. I’ll ask him a million times until it comes to that day, if that’s what he needs.

“I love your body. All the bumps, and ridges, and bulges,” I tell him as I explore his chest and shoulders over his shirt.

“The main bulge loves having your hands on my body.”

“Yes, but he’s not the one I need to win over, is he?”

“You’ve won all of me over already. It’s my own mind I’m battling right now.”

He looks away, so I lean forward to kiss his cheek.

“We’re in this battle together now.”

Instead of answering me verbally as I lean away from him, he reaches behind his back, and pulls his shirt over his head. I drink him in, willingly letting him grip me by the knees, and pull my legs over his.

“You were too far away, Vivs.”

“You’re in charge here, so it wasn’t my place to move closer.”

“I don’t want you to ever think you have a ‘place’ or need to act in a way you don’t want to. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way with me.”

“I chose the wrong word there, because I know you don’t expect me to be one way or another. I’m just scared to do the wrong thing.”

There, I said it. I had to say it, but I hate it. I hate knowing I can’t be this close to him without him bringing me here. I hate that I can’t wake him up with my mouth on him, and most of all I hate that I can’t fix him. I want to fix him so badly, but I know he has to fix himself.