Chastity and I had talked off and on during the week about me being an Initiate. I really wanted this and the opportunity to be selected by a Dom. The Doms at Seven seemed different than what I was used to, and if any of them play like that Dom, Colt, then I would be a very satisfied woman.

I already had the idea in my head that Chastity, and especially Wade, didn't want me to have anything to do with Colt. They warned me on my first night at Seven, and this week whenever we talked about Initiate Night. The two of them seemed to have silent conversations while I was right there. It reminded me of my folks and how they acted once things came to light.

One night this week while I was lying in bed, I overheard one of their conversations. The headboard of their bed was just on the other side of my wall, and I could hear everything.

“Leeds is excited about being an Initiate. Hopefully, an experienced, but nurturing Dom will select her,” Chastity said.

“I don't give a fuck who picks her, as long as it's not Colt. I'm thinking about saying something to him, though then I fear that would make him interested in her.”

“Oh, Wade, do you think it's wise to say something to him? I'd hate for it to cause a rift between you guys.”

“Baby, I'm serious. I've known Colt a lot longer than you, and Leda doesn't need to get involved with him. He could really fuck her up. He's an excellent mind fucker, and he’d run around like a tornado in her head.”

I frowned when Chastity hadn't said anything to defend me, and Wade spoke again.

“Is Leeds still burning herself with the hot water?”

My heart began pounding.

“No, not to my knowledge.”

“Good. I expect that you'll support me on this matter, Chastity. We need to keep her away from Colt. Did she stop cutting too?”

“She hasn’t cut since college, Wade.”

I didn't want to listen anymore. I had rolled over and pulled the pillow to curl around my head, effectively blocking out the sounds of my friends.

* * *

As I walked onto the slightly elevated stage, I was filled with excitement and eagerness. I was one of the ten women who were the Fall Initiates. It was quite an honor to be an Initiate of Seven, and I was happy to be one of the available submissives. Chastity had gone over the club rules with me, and even though I think she was excited to nominate me as an Initiate, I had detected hesitation on her part over the past few days.

Donning a card that said “Number 3” pinned to my sheer top, I carefully moved to my designated spot on the stage. I had kept my head down as someone called Colt Grantham to the stage for his selection.

My heart was pounding as I stood still, head downward and waited…and waited. I could feel his presence before I saw his feet enter my line of sight. His shoes were polished, and I couldn’t help but notice that the hem length of his pants was perfect. This told me one of two things about Mr. Grantham: he either had someone handle his wardrobe, or he had impeccable taste and awareness of how to dress.

His shoes and legs moved past me pretty quickly, leaving a trail of his spicy cologne hanging in the air. He spent a fair amount of time lingering around submissive Number 4 before he moved on. The sound of his shoes became distant, and he eventually made another pass behind all of the submissives. As the slow, calculated thudding noise of Colt’s well-polished shoes began making their way toward me, I parted my lips to help my breathing even out. Again, he paused near submissive Number 4 and moved past me again without slowing down.

Of course.

Why would he slow down or stop? I was just some submissive who was a friend with a member. None of these Doms knew anything about me other than that I was “Number 3” and blonde. The other submissive Initiates had probably at least been to Seven on a guest night or have scened with an existing Dom here. I had only visited the club once…and the scene from last weekend has been burned into my memory.

“Number 8,” Colt announced.

Damn.

At least I wasn’t poor Number 4. She probably had her hopes up since he hung around her for a while. I listened to five other Doms make their selections before my number was called.

“Number 3. Come, love,” a deep voice called my number as his black boots filled my vision.

I took his offered hand, and he led us off the stage. Once I was on the solid, hardwood main floor, he spoke.

“Eyes.”

I looked up and saw a confident and friendly face. A small smile crept onto his face as he met my eyes.

“Follow me, love,” he instructed.

With my head lowered just enough to show respect but making sure that I didn’t fall, I followed him down the hall and around the corner into a room. He pointed to a spot on the floor and asked me to stand there. The door to the room clicked shut, and he took up a spot on the edge of a desk.

“Eyes. You can call me ‘Sir.’ What’s your name, love?”

“Leda, Sir.”

“Leda. That’s a pretty name,” he said as his eyes roamed my body. “What are Leda’s hard limits?”

“Bondage, Sir. Rope, specifically, Sir…pinching my sides, and sight deprivation, Sir.”

I swallowed hard, hoping it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t play with me tonight. I was eager to experience a Dom of Seven. He nodded slowly as he eyes continued to roam.

“That won’t be a problem tonight, Leda. Do you have locations on your body that I should avoid or injuries that I should know about?”

“No, Sir.”

“What’s your safe word, Leda?”

“Metal, Sir.”

“Metal, it is. Undress, Leda. You’ve been a naughty student, and your teacher is going to give you a special punishment after school.”

“Yes, Sir.”

I quickly removed my clothes as he unbuttoned his shirt at the cuffs and proceeded to pull it off. When his shirt came off completely, I saw the same tattoo that I’ve seen on Wade and Colt.

He guided me to the desk and bent me over. I barely got into position before I heard him pull the belt from his belt loops. The leather made contact with my ass, and while it had alerted my body, I was hoping he’d make it sting a bit more. By the time he hit my ass for the twentieth time, I had pulled my bottom lip between my teeth.

“Are you a bad girl, Leda?”

“Yes, Sir. Very bad.”

The belt continued to kiss my flesh. It felt incredible, and I internally was hoping he’d use more force.

“Bad girls get their asses beat, Leda. And then they get fucked in the ass.”

It all sounded splendid to me, and I welcomed the ass beating. My pussy was drenched, and my clit was swollen. Much to my disappointment, the swinging belt slowed, and he began rubbing over the spot on my ass where the belt had hit. His aim has been spot on. But, he wasn’t stopping, was he?

“Be still, love, while I fuck this ass.”

My heart pounded, and I felt a pang in my stomach. Inwardly I urged him to continue punishing me. I was ready to take more of a punishment with that belt. I needed it.

My chin slid forward on the desk as he entered my ass. He grabbed a handful of my hair and proceeded to fuck my well lubed ass. Tears welled in my eyes as he grunted and came.

Damn. He was done.

As he pulled out, he ran his hand gently, too gently, over my aching ass.

“I’ll get you taken care of, love. Just give me a moment.”

I remained where he left me as he moved around the room. He came back to me and pulled me to lie across his lap. For a very brief moment, excitement raced through my body as an inkling of hope flittered through my mind; maybe he wasn’t done.

As the cooling lotion was spread across my ass, the hope that he wasn’t done with me, extinguished.

“Does that feel better, love?”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you for caring for my wounds.”

I knew it was the protocol for the Dom and sub to spend some time together afterward. At least, that’s how I understood that these things worked and what I had experienced. In the prior clubs I’ve played at, I had only played with Service Tops. Many times, I was just one of several subs that the Top would play with that evening. While aftercare was always provided, it never felt genuine to me. I hadn’t developed much of a connection with any of the Service Tops, so aftercare seemed, well, lacking.

Or maybe my expectations were simply unrealistic.

This Dom seemed to be doing all of the right things: he held me on his lap afterward, snuggled me against his warm skin, stroked my hair, gave me some water and cared for the wounds he inflicted.

“So, Leda, this week I will send you via email some questions for you to answer. Based on your answers, I’ll devise a training plan for us to work on so I can get you fully initiated into Seven.”

“Yes, Sir,” I replied.

We parted ways for the evening, and I roamed around the main room for a while. My mind was racing, and as much as I wanted some air, I refrained from going outside to the huge patio deck. It was dark out, and there were woods not even twenty yards away.

An old-fashioned parlor styled sofa sat against a wall in a dimly lit corner of the main room. No one was near it, and since it sat in the shadows, I felt like it was the perfect place for me right now.

I flopped down on the plush, velvet sofa and gazed around the main floor. I had no idea where Chastity and Wade were. I’m sure they were off having fun. Perhaps they were off testing out that spider gag.

Leaning over, I braced my elbows on my knees and stared at the floor. Looking at the floor was an easy way to hide. No one could see me then, and realize something was wrong with me.

Something obviously was very wrong with me. I was always left unsatisfied. I always wished they could go harder or longer…or darker. I loved kinky play, but I loved an element that went way past the kinky play scene. I loved where the line of pain and pleasure became blurred. Where pain became so great, that it turned into total bliss. I wanted that element in my life. I had it once with a Service Top while I was in college. I remember the scene vividly, and it was the first time I had experienced sub space. Ever since then, I had been chasing that element. I wanted that, but with someone I could connect and build a D/s dynamic with.

And now that I was starting the initiating process, I really wasn’t sure if that would ever be a possibility. I learned that the Dom who picked me was named Ray. He seemed nice enough and wanted to work with me this week on building a plan so he could get me fully initiated.

Then what? Does he keep me? Does he find me a permanent Dom? Does he release me after I’m initiated? How long does he have to initiate me?

Out of despair and frustration, I rubbed my forehead. My “Number 3” card with the safety pin attached to it, sputtered out of my hand, caught a little drift in the air and slid under the sole of a very polished dress shoe. Before I looked up, I noticed the pant hems were perfectly tailored…just like the pant hems of Colt Grantham, the Master Dom of Seven.

Colt crouched down, collected my “Number 3” card and held it out toward me between his thumb and index finger. Without taking the card from his offered hand, I glanced up at his face and felt an incredible pull towards this man; legend of Seven.

“Are you Number 3?” he asked me.

His voice was low, and I could detect confidence as well as a hint of frustration, or annoyance. Shit, was my presence that bothersome to him?

“Yes, Sir. I, um. I’m Number 3. Or was Number 3,” I fumbled with my words.

I had carefully reached out to take the card from his hand when he pulled it back toward his chest and smirked at me.

“You’re still Number 3. I don’t see the Dom who selected you anywhere near you.”

“Oh, um. He took me to a room, and he said he’d email me some questions this week and that he’d base his plan to fully initiate me when he had my responses.”

His eyes danced around in mine with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Do you know which Dom selected you?”

“Ray, Sir.”

The corners of his mouth turned upward a bit, but he hadn’t taken his eyes off me.

“Did he play with you?”

My cheeks grew warm, and my voice hitched in my throat. All I could do was nod and follow it with, “Sir.”

“What kind of scene did you have?”

He was kind of forward, I thought. But for some reason, words began to formulate and tumble out.

“Classroom scene. I was the bad student, Sir.”

He nodded, and his eyes slid down my body. He motioned for me to stand and I obliged his request. He motioned for me to turn away from him so that my back faced him.

“Raise your skirt, lower your panties.”

What?

I was immensely embarrassed, yet did as he asked. He ran his hand over my raised, welted skin from Ray’s belt and exhaled a short laugh. It almost sounded like he wasn’t impressed with what Ray did. Truth of the matter, nor was I. My mouth was as dry as a desert, and I could feel the heat build between my legs. Colt gave my ass cheeks a playful pat and said, “Pull them up.”

With a beet red face, I carefully sat back down on the soft cushions and returned my gaze to the floor.

“Was he too rough?”

My head completely forgot where I was, and a short burst of laughter flew from my mouth before I could catch it. I quickly looked up at him and apologized for my lack of manners. Colt continued to stare at me as though he was deep in thought about something.

“Not, hard enough?” he asked cautiously and tilted his head to the side.

“If I’m perfectly honest, no, Sir. It wasn’t hard enough.”

I quickly looked back at the ground and decided to continue to let my mouth spew crap.

“It’s not him, of course. It’s me. I’m broken, or something.”

Colt reached over, took hold of my chin and pulled it toward him, so I was looking at him.

“You’re not broken. At least not yet, Number 3. What’s your name?”

“Leda, Sir.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Leda. I’m Colt Grantham,” he said.

“Master Dom of Seven,” I commented.

There was a playful spark in his eye. He still held my chin with his tattooed hand.

“I was here last weekend and saw your scene with the spreader bar and chains. That was incredible. I had seen that type of scene done before, but with fleece lined cuffs and straps that had stretch to them.”

“Fleece lined cuffs are for weekenders; people who just toy with this lifestyle.”

“I agree, Sir.”

“People like…Ray,” Colt added.

I detected that Colt wasn’t really fond of Ray or his tactics.

“So, Leda. Are you a weekender? Just toying around and looking for a quick fix?”

“No, Sir. I’m just looking for something rare and hard to find,” I sighed and looked back down at the floor.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Something dark,” I said honestly.

“Well, Leda, I think you may have found it.”

His touch. There was something about his touch. The way he held my chin in his strong hand, sent a flurry of feelings through my body. His touch was like no other that I've ever experienced. It was almost energizing, yet dangerous.

As I sat there with my chin captured between his thumb and index finger, I tried to think of what he meant; I wasn't broken, yet.

He kept staring at me, but I broke eye contact when I noticed movement that was very close to us. Standing ten feet away was Chastity and Wade. Chastity looked worried, and Wade looked pissed off, his hands resting on his hips.

Colt let go of my chin and leaned back in the cushion of the velvet couch. He placed his arm behind me on the top of the couch and stared back at Wade. What on earth?

“May I help you, Wade?” Colt asked Wade calmly. “Did you and your girl have a reservation for this couch?”

It was a moment before Wade replied and it seemed like he was willing himself to calm down.

“Evening, Colt. We’re her ride,” Wade finally replied.

Colt looked at Chastity and then to me.

“Wade’s girl is your sponsor,” Colt deduced.

Chastity and I both nodded and said “Yes, Sir,” at the same time, making Colt laugh. That laugh. Something was underlying in that laugh.

“Well, what if she isn't done and ready to leave yet, Wade?” The tone of Colt’s voice was still even and calm, whereas Wade’s sounded like he was on the brink of losing control. Suddenly, Colt reached out and twirled a lock of my hair with his long finger. “I was just getting to know my new friend here.”

Wade took a step forward and said, “She looks like she’s done.” Wade didn't even look at me but focused on Colt. I took that as my cue to stand.

Foreboding would be the word that I would use to describe the look on Colt’s face, but he also looked slightly amused.

“You better go, Leda. It's a long way back to the city,” Colt said as he stood and extended his hand, offering me my Number 3 card.

Taking it from his hand, his fingers brushed mine and sent a wave of energy through my body. I thanked him and politely nodded my head slightly before walking toward Chastity. Why did she look so worried? It wasn't like he took me to a room, though I think I would have welcomed it.

Wade walked in front of Chastity and me to the car. Behind me, I heard those polished shoes on the hardwood floor. They weren't fast paced, but rather slow and calculating, just as they were on the stage. I glanced over my shoulder slyly and saw Colt walking behind us with his hands in his pockets, watching us.

As we descended the stairs from Seven, Wade’s pace picked up as we neared the car. He pulled open the door to the backseat and glared at me. I glanced back at the massive porch to Seven. Colt was standing there, leaning on a pillar, watching. Wade diverted his attention to where I was looking and was practically breathing fire when he looked at me again.

“Get in the car, Leda.”

I did as I was told and felt like I had done something terribly wrong this evening. I wanted to make it right. They were both quiet until we got out to the main road.

“Did I embarrass you guys tonight? I'm sorry if I did. It wasn't my intention.”

“Leeds, honey, no. You didn't do anything wrong,” Chastity said.

“How was your scene with Ray? Ray is a great Dom. Very experienced, I think he will be a good Dom for you during the initiation process,” Wade suggested, his voice trying to return to normal.

“Ray was nice, but I was hoping for a Dom with more of a heavy hand,” I said.

The sound of hands squeezing a steering wheel made me gaze toward the front seat. Wade’s fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter as he glanced at Chastity. Chastity coughed and cleared her throat as if they were having another one of those silent conversations again. It was starting to piss me off.

“I don't think you need a heavy-handed Dom, Leeds,” Wade finally said, and I snapped.

“I know what I want and need, and it's impossible to find. I'm not a child and can make decisions on my own, Wade!”

“I know what happened to you as a child, Leeds! You do not need a heavy-handed Dom!”

“Wade!” Chastity yelled.

I was shocked and couldn't move or speak. I stared out of the window and fought off tears as an apology after apology seeped from Wade’s lips. As the dark mass of trees passed along the windows, I was lost.

“I knew you’d try to move and make noise, just like you did the last time. Do you want me to tell your parents you’re not listening to Grandpa?”

He shook me like a rag doll, and I tripped over my shoelaces before tumbling to a pile of dried leaves.

“No, Grandpa. You don’t have to tell them. It just hurt.” I began crying.

He walked closer and stroked my hair before he picked me up.

“Leda, shhh. The sooner you stop crying, the sooner it will be over with. You know Grandpa doesn’t like it when you cry.”

I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my purple sweatshirt and nodded.

“We’ll have ice cream sundaes afterward, Leda.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. I did like ice cream.

“That’s my girl. Now, I brought something to help keep you from moving much. It won’t hurt you but will help keep you in place. Ok?”

He picked up some rope from the ground and showed it to me.

“I won’t move, I promise.”

“Ah-ah, Leda. You’ve promised that you wouldn’t move the last time. We’re going to try my rope this time. And if you’re a good girl, maybe next time we won’t use the rope. Deal?”

I eyed the rope cautiously but eventually nodded as he walked toward me with it.

* * *

Wade pulled the car into the driveway and shut the car off. I followed them to the door of their home, despite having my own key now.

“Leeds, wanna have some ice cream and watch a movie?” Chastity asked as we walked inside.

“Thank you, but I think I’m a little tired. I’ll take a raincheck though.”

I just wanted out of their sight and to spend the rest of the evening alone. Chastity pulled me into a gentle hug and squeezed me.

“I’m proud of you, Number 3. Ray will be good for you, honey. You’ll see,” Chastity said in a motherly tone as she let go of me.

All I could do was force a smile and nod. I wished them a good night and headed to my room. As soon as the door clicked shut, the tears in my eyes began to build. I hated how I felt and was more pissed off that the tears were getting ready to fall. Dammit.

A lump had formed in my throat, and I was angry. I was hurting and wanted the feeling to go away as soon as possible. Luckily, I knew exactly how to make the pain go away.

Without hesitation, I knew what needed to be done to soothe this ache. I turned the faucet on, and while I waited for the water to heat, I quickly pulled my clothes off. I kept my mouth tightly shut so that the sounds of me crying wouldn’t be heard.

“Hurry up and heat up, dammit,” I urged the water under my breath.

I stood under the spray of the hot water and felt the anger begin to slowly recede. With my fingernails, I made a rapid back and forth motion on the inside of my thighs.

“Mmph,” I whimpered.

I watched as the blotches of red began spreading on my flesh. The scratch marks that I had just made on my thighs were now raised irritated welts, and some spots bled. I shut the water off and stared at what I had just done.

It had been years since scratched myself like this while under the scalding water. I sniffed hard, hoping to clear up my runny nose. With shaking fingers, I ran my hand over the angry welts. The angry welts that I created. I wiped the condensation from the mirror that the shower created to clear up a spot. I turned so that my back was facing the mirror and I looked over my shoulder to see what Ray’s damage was.

Damn. My ass wasn’t at all red from the session with Ray.

As I looked at the red, puffy welts on my thighs, I realized that I was staring at what would be considered a relapse. Years, it had been since I’d scratched myself like this. I had made my thighs bleed in the shower.

I pulled on some panties, a tank top and grabbed some Neosporin and Band-Aids and headed back to my bedroom. I plopped on the bed and began doctoring my wounds.

I pulled on my soft pajama pants and crawled into bed, even though I was wide awake. Silently, tears fell from my eyes, soaking my pillow case. I pulled my legs up to a familiar, comforting position and tugged the sheet up over my body.

The TV in Chastity and Wade’s room finally shut off, and I found myself hyper aware of their conversation.

“Wade, I don't understand why you're so worried. All they were doing was talking.”

“He was touching her, Chastity. Did you fail to see his hand on her jaw or twirling her hair? He shouldn't have been doing that when Ray selected her. I don't want Colt fucking around with Leda. He's dark.”

“Remember, Wade, Leda likes the dark.”

“Leda thinks she likes the dark. She's just been scene playing with Service Tops. She plays with one of them, they meet her needs and send her home. Not a ton going on there. Colt, is a different breed. A whole different monster.”

“I think you hurt her with your comment about knowing what happened to her. That was something I shared with you, and I can't believe you threw that in her face, Wade.”

“I apologized.”

I gripped my sheet as they talked about me inches from my head. I felt just like I had when my parents found out. Feelings of helplessness and anger crept back into my mind.

“James, how did this happen right under our noses? All these years your sick father has been hurting her! Did you see the marks he put on our daughter?” my mother screamed at him.

I sat in my room listening to my parents arguing downstairs as they blamed one another for not having noticed.

I had been careless. The day before I had come home from visiting my grandfather for the summer. This summer had been particularly violent, and my hips and sides were bruised from his hands. In the kitchen with my mother, I reached upward to pull a glass from the shelf, and she saw my bruised sides as my t-shirt raised up, revealing my summer excitement. She retrieved my father and made me show him my sides.

I felt like an outcast that night…which is about how I was feeling now, too.