Chapter Four

 

Lenny

 

 

She looked as though she had seen a ghost.

“Len?” My name on her lips sent my heart pounding in my chest.

I watched as she scrambled to make sense of my unexpected appearance in her house. Our house.

Shock and confusion flashed across her face, marring her porcelain skin with fine lines.

Her perfectly arched brows narrowed over her deep chocolate eyes, begged for understanding. I watched as her chest rose and fell, her tight breast straining against the tight material of her thin cotton t-shirt as she struggled to steady her breathing. I knew then that she had seen the papers.

Her glassy eyes blinked furiously as though she were having trouble focusing.  Fresh produce littered around her feet. A jar of salsa lay on its side, resting against the heel of her boot.

I had hoped to get to her before things spiraled out of control, before Angela had the chance to fully destroy my life. I had failed. The evidence of my failure stood before me.

It pained me to not call Makayla, to warn her about the path of destruction heading my way. I reasoned with myself that she would understand, that I could get ahead of the storm before it hit.

The look in her eyes told me I had been wrong. So wrong. I watched helplessly as she struggled to make sense of the scene before her - me in her house. Our house.

Depending on the source of the information, I was said to be either dead, in rehab, or in the hospital recovering from an overdose. None of it true.

My shoulders, heavy with weight, plummeted in defeat at her pained expression. Our eyes were locked, neither of us willing to look away.

“Baby, go brush your teeth and get ready for bed.” Makayla’s voice cracked as she struggled to remain in control of her emotions, her eyes never once leaving mine.

“But mommy, I want to spend time with Daddy.” Breaking my gaze away from Makayla, my eyes landed on Avery.

My heart ached for my little girl. It wasn’t often I was able to come home for a visit.

It destroyed me to see my little girl so afraid of taking her eyes off me if only for a minute. Her fear that I may disappear before she returned ripped my heart to shreds. I never wanted this for her. I never wanted my daughter to feel so torn, fear of missing me left shadows of worry across her bright blue eyes. Worry no three year old should ever have to feel.  I never wanted this. I never wanted to hurt her. Either of them.

Avery was our baby, our little secret. A secret held by only our closest friends and family. A secret held so tightly that it kept me from being the father I wanted to be. The father Avery deserved.

“Don’t worry, Daddy will still be here when you finish,” Makayla assured her, giving me a pleading look, begging me with her eyes to stay, if only for our daughter’s sense of comfort.

That look alone was enough to nearly bring me to my knees. The fact that she even had to question it was enough to nearly splinter me into pieces. Fragments of my heart lay scattered across the living room floor.

“Daddy won’t be going anywhere, Pumpkin. Now do as your Mommy says. You don’t want swamp breath, do you?” Making a silly face, I sent Avery into a fit of giggles, beguiling my inner heartbreak.

My beautiful little girl bound over to me, wrapping her tiny arms around my legs in a firm embrace. I felt my heart freeze in my chest, the air in the room thinned as I struggled to pull in enough oxygen.

My hands clenched and unclenched at my sides, a fierce aching in my heart begged me to wrap my little girl in my arms and never let her go. I knew in doing so I would only frighten her. My emotional turmoil was too much for a three-year-old little girl to understand.

Unable to keep from touching her, I stroked her hair, petting away her fears and mine. I fought against my need to wrap her in my arms and promise her I would never leave her again.

Daddy’s never going away again. I silently promised, hoping and praying it was the truth. Terrified it would be a lie.

“I be right back.” She proclaimed and with more energy than any three year old should have late into the evening.

Avery bound off to brush her teeth. Her bright white toothy grin tugged my heart pulling a smile from my lips. She may have had my hair and eyes but that smile was all her mothers and it pulled at my heart.

“Len, what are you doing here? What happened?” Makayla began to recover. Slow steps brought her closer to me, her eyes searching me for signs, of what I wasn’t sure. The remnants of her trip to the local grocer scattered at the doorway forgotten.

I knew it was girl’s night. Every Thursday night was girl’s night. When I showed up I had planned to surprise her.

I spent a few hours catching up with Makayla’s mom, Stephanie, and spending time with Avery before reassuring Stephanie that I would stay with Avery until Makayla made it home.

It crushed me seeing the doubt in Stephanie’s eyes. The fear that I would disappear. I put that fear there. My action over the past four years had shaken the trust of my family. I knew they understood the why behind my actions, but it didn’t change the way they felt. Doubt still lingered.

I couldn’t blame them. I had a lot of work ahead of me to change their opinion of me. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I would prove to them that they could trust me again- believe in me.

Cautiously I stepped toward Makayla, afraid of her reaction to me being home. It had been so long.

“The contract- it’s canceled. I’m free.” My voice broke as I spoke, my resolve slowly breaking.

Every emotion I had ever bottled up threatened to spill over. The pain in my chest threatened to bring me down to my knees. White hot tears stung at my eyes blurring my vision.

Makayla’s eyes widened, her hand slowly rising to cover her mouth as tears welled up in her eyes.

“Free?” It was a whisper of a word, but I heard it.

I felt her emotions clear across the room, shock, disbelief, confusion, fear, all of them warring on her face.

Slowly, the space between us began to close. I could feel the heat of her body as we got closer, warming me like the rays of the sun. My heart ached with joy. I had missed her, more than I could ever imagine expressing. There were no words to describe the way the woman in front of me made me feel. I would know. I tried.

Nodding my head, I replied. “What you read, it isn’t true. It was Angela’s farewell gift to me. The final nail in the coffin.” My eyes begged for her to believe me.

My heart yearned for her to forgive me, to give me the benefit of the doubt. Deep down, she knew the truth. I just needed her to realize it.

I saw the tabloids. I read the death hoax and saw all of the ‘Close personal source’ reports. I knew the compelling story that was weaved against me. I knew the damage that it could cause. I would do it again, a million times over, so long as it led me here. In this town, this house, with this woman. Consequences be damned.

“My label dropped me, and then the reports flew out at lightning speed. It was Angela’s way of saving face and ensuring that I was never picked up by another recording label again.” The words poured out of me, like toxic waste, it felt cathartic to release them. Relief filled me, like a balm to the invisible wounds caused by the past week’s events.

“Are you okay?” Makayla’s eyes clouded with worry, her lower lip trembled.

This woman. My heart ached for her. I told her my career was finished and all she worried about was how I felt.

“Fuck them.” I meant it too.

I didn’t care about the label, the rumors, or my career. It was a small price to pay to come home to my family. To hold my baby girl. To hold Makayla. Every moment of it worth it.

Makayla’s legs began to quiver. In a rush I ran to her, scooping her into my arms before she had the chance to hit the floor.

I would always be there to catch her before she fell.

Always.

I held her in my arms as she fell apart. Tears of relief drenched my shirt, pelting my chest as she sagged in my arms.

Sinking to the floor, I held her close, our tears blending together as we wept.

She fit against me perfectly. She was the missing piece of my soul. I wasn’t whole without her.

We had fought so hard for so long.  The relief of the ending nightmare was insurmountable.

We could finally be together.