Chapter Twenty

 

                                  Makayla

 

 

My nerves took flight like a swarm of butterflies in my stomach when I heard the car door shut. Lenny had messaged me letting me know he and Avery were on their way home. Knowing and being prepared were two different things.

I paced along the living room nervously. My palms damp with moisture. I fought to keep from wiping them on my dress. My mind raced as I mentally checked the boxes on my to-do list.

Dinner was prepared, that was the easy part. The cranberry citrus glazed lamb chops with roasted new potatoes and fresh crisp asparagus lay waiting on the dining room table. I knew it was one of Lenny’s favorites. The shiny silver domes over the top kept it warm as I waited.

Candlelight flickered along the walls casting a romantic glow. A bottle of wine sat in the chiller, breathing, ready to pour.

I had taken the time to straighten my hair. It hung in board straight ribbons down my back. My eyes were lines in a smoky black, highlighting the deep wine shadow on my lids. My thick long lashes were curled making my eyes appear wide and bright. The matte wine lipstick I chose paired well with the sexy, thin strapped dress I wore. Its backless design dipped low, skirting along the crest of my rear. The front hung loosely, giving a teasing glimpse of the valley of my breasts. The body of the dress clung to my curves like a second skin, stopping mid-thigh.

It was racy.

Something I would have never seen myself in. It made me feel sexy, desirable. The matching heels laced up my ankle, pulling the look together. I was overdressed for a casual dinner at home. I didn’t care.

The light sounds of music poured through the speakers of the stereo, setting the mood. The deep melodic voice of Berry White wafted through the room.

My heart shuddered in my chest as Lenny walked in with a sleeping Avery in his arms. He paused in the doorway, his eyes locking with mine. The air in the room pulsed around us.

We stood, taking one another in. The tension from this morning was gone – replaced with something new, something indescribable. Need, in its rawest form. His eyes devoured me hungrily. My heart felt like it was going to burst in my chest. Avery was pressed against his chest. Her tiny arms wrapped securely around his neck as though afraid to let go. Her sweet face was buried in the curve of his neck. There was no mistaking the heat in his eyes. I felt the blush creeping up my neck.

Licking my lips tentatively I nodded my head toward the dining room. “I’ll be waiting.” My voice came out much huskier than I expected sending another wave of heat through me. My cheeks surely flaming by now.

“I’ll be right down.” I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed deeply causing my lower abdomen to clench.

Casting a sly smile in his direction I pivoted on my heels, giving him a flash of my bare back. I didn’t miss the deep growl that reverberated from deep in his throat. He was as affected as I was.

His steps were hurried as he rushed up the stairs to tuck our daughter into bed.

I busied myself in the dining room. Pouring us each a glass of wine and uncovering the food. “Keep it together, Mak.” Bracing my hands on the table in front of me I took long calming breaths, inhaling through my mouth and exhaling through my nose.

The warm caress of heat along my neck sent a shiver down my spine. The pads of Lenny’s fingers followed the sensation down. His fingers trailed along my spine, dipping along the slope of my lower back before stopping at the hem of my dress. My back arched in offering.

Warm moist lips lay kisses along the curvature of my shoulder. My grip on the edge of the table tightened. The warm press of his body against mine had me melting against him. A firm arm banded around my middle, holding me up.

“You’re mine, always.” His words washed over me, sending raging need through me. I was. I was his completely.

“Always,” I moaned out as his lips latched on to the sensitive skin of my neck. I didn’t miss the rock hard bulge that pressed between the globes of my ass.  Lenny sucked and nipped at my flesh, claiming me.

Satisfied with his mark he released me, slowly, allowing me to gain my bearings. My legs wobbled like a newborn calf.

“Dinner looks amazing.” The heat in his voice told me he wasn’t referring to the dishes of food placed around us.

My legs shifted, thighs pressing together to ease the tension building between them. “Thank you.” My voice was breathy. I didn’t care.

With his arm around my waist, he led me to my seat, helping me to sit. I whimpered in protest, needing more of his touch, of him.

Lenny chuckled lightly placing a kiss on my crown. “Later.” He promised.

I didn’t want later. I wanted now. I pouted causing Lenny to laugh harder. He took his seat across from me. With a pointed look, he lifted his glass tipping it in my direction. “To new beginnings?” It came out as a question.

Raising my glass I saluted him. “New beginnings.” The surety in my voice put him at ease. I took a tentative sip, my eyes never leaving his.

We enjoyed our dinner in companionable silence, stealing heated glances at one another. Light easy small talk flowed between us with ease. It was almost easy to forget the talk we needed to have. The issues we needed to discuss.

The evening was going so much better than I had expected. I didn’t want to disrupt it. I didn’t want to spoil the good mood surrounding us. Taking a deep calming breath I gathered my strength, shrouding it around me like armor.

I rose holding my hand out for him to take. “Come with me.”

Lenny’s hand slid into mine. He rose, allowing me to lead him into the living room. Guiding him over to the couch I motioned for him to sit. I took the seat beside him, twisting so that I was facing him.

“I’m really sorry about before.” I began. Lenny’s brows rose meeting in the middle in confusion.

“I’m sorry for taking my insecurities out on you and allowing them to rule my emotions. I don’t want you to leave. I never want you to leave.”  Lenny’s hand found its way into mine. He waited patiently allowing me to speak. Understanding donned on his face.

He didn’t try to stop me or tell me it was okay. He and I both knew my actions were anything but acceptable. He was allowing me to own it. Not making excuses for me. I loved him even more for it. With his hand in mine, he gave me the strength to continue.

“When you left I always hoped you would come home. We never talked about our plans after you left. Part of me believed it was because it meant nothing had changed, you were coming home when your contract was up. But there was part of me, an insecure part, which believed it was because you would find someone better.” Lenny opened his mouth to speak. Pressing my index finger to his lips I silenced him, offering him a small smile.

”Insecurities are natural. What I should have done is talk to you about it instead of holding it all in. You and Lisa both have careers you love while I was just a mom. It killed me. I felt as though I wasn’t good enough for you. That I had nothing to offer you. I was wrong.” Lenny wiped away the beads of moisture that leaked from my eyes. His own eyes misting over shining with more love than I knew what to do with.

“I was insecure about my body. I have a mom’s body now. Not the body I had before, the body you once knew. I have stretch marks, cellulite, and gravity has not been my friend. In my mind, my body wasn’t good enough for you.” The tears began to flow more freely now. The pad of Lenny's thumb was no match.

“Your body was made for me. It’s exactly what I want. What I desire. You grew our daughter inside of you. You gave me the greatest gift ever imaginable. What you call stretch marks I call the roadmap to my heart. There’s not a part of your body I don’t find desirable. You’re it for me. No one else could ever light a candle to the flame that burns deep inside of me, only for you.” Lenny’s lips kissed away my tears, igniting sparks in parts of my heart I never knew existed.

“You have the greatest job of anyone imaginable. You’re a mother to our daughter. You are raising a tiny human being and doing an amazing job of it. Avery is everything I could ever ask for and so much more. Despite raising our daughter, you’re still going to school. You are still reaching for your goals. You never stopped. You are the strongest most determined woman I have ever met. I am so proud to call you mine.” His words shattered me. His love poured from him filling my hollow heart.

“I love you so much.” I cried falling into his arms. “I love you more than anything in this world!”

“I love you, most, Babe.” His words were whispered in my ear and echoed in my heart.

Pulling back he pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I met with a label here in Grand Rapids. The meeting went well. They want to sign me.” His words came out less confident sending a sharp pain through my chest. I did that. I stole his happiness.

“I’m so proud of you, Babe. I really am. And I’m happy for you. I hope they give you everything you ask for.” I smiled, meaning it. I really did want him to get everything he ever wanted. I wanted him happy, no matter what.

“They agreed to everything. Avery can even come to the studio with me. There will be minimal travel. I’ll be home every night unless I’m on tour and you both get to come with me.” His smile was filled with childlike excitement as he spoke.

“That sounds amazing, Babe.” I meant it.

“They’re going to let me make my own music. I get to call the shots in my career. There’s no hiding. No secrets.” Rushing him I pressed a kiss to his lips. Lenny met my kiss with fervor.

“We're going to get everything we ever wanted, Babe.” The surety in his voice gave me the confidence I needed to tell him everything.

Extracting myself from his arms was painful. I didn’t want to leave the security of his embrace. I was putting all my trust in his love for me.

Lenny released me giving me a questioning look. “I’ve been lying to you.” The words fell from my lips like a bomb going off. Lenny sat back alert.

“Explain.” He intoned.

“Since the day you were served, I’ve been receiving threatening letters from Angela.” I cringed at the look on his face. Shock and disbelief mingled with confusion and hurt. It slew me.

“What are you talking about?” His voice was hard, his body rigid.

“They were left on my windshield, in Avery’s backpack, wherever.”

“What did they say?” His hands curled on themselves in his lap as though he didn’t know what to do with them.

“They threatened everything from having Avery taken away sighting child abuse and neglect and child endangerment for having you in our home. Down to letters saying you were a drug abuser with a long history of overdose and physical violence.  The last letter I received was a letter stating she was willing to testify in a court of law in order to have Avery placed in protective care if I didn’t leave you. It was on my windshield when I left the restraint after girl’s night.” Lenny was up, shooting out of his seat. He paced the floor angrily; his fists balled up at his sides. His chest heaved as he struggled to calm himself down.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He demanded his voice harsh and bitter cutting like a blade into my soul.

“I was afraid. I didn’t know what to do. I hoped that if I ignored it, it would go away.” My excuse sounded weak to my own ears.

“So you wanted to handle it on your own. You wanted to give into her. You didn’t even tell me what was going on.” He accused shooting me a scathing look. “Your answer to everything was to leave me. To throw away everything I fought so hard to keep. Everything I fought to get home to. You discarded it like yesterday’s trash at the first sign of trouble. You threw us away at the first hint of trouble.” He shot daggers in my direction.

He was right. I did. I had no excuse for it. 

“I’m sorry.” My voice cracked as tears streamed down my face.

“You’re sorry? Sorry for what exactly? For throwing me out like I didn’t matter? For throwing our relationship away as though it was garbage? What exactly are you sorry for Makayla?” He shredded me with his words. I had no rebuttal. He was right. I threw everything away because I was scared.

“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing I could mutter.

“No, Makayla, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for thinking you were different. I’m sorry for believing we could survive anything together.” His hands flew up in the air as he tossed daggers in my direction.

“We can.” I cried out begging for him to see reason.

“No, Makayla. We can’t. I can’t be here. I can’t do this. You crossed the line.” He pivoted, turning on his heels as he marched angrily toward the front door.

“What about us? What about Avery?” I bellowed following behind him, unwilling to lose him.

“There is no us, Makayla. I’ll be here for Avery, that won’t change. But I can’t live here. I can’t be here with you.” Snatching his keys out of the bowl on the entry table he stormed out of the house, taking my heart with him.

I fell to the ground in a heap. I bawled my eyes out. Hating myself for my careless actions. Hating Angela for destroying my family. I had never felt so empty and alone. It was all my doing.