Chapter Six

 

Lenny

 

 

Today was undeniable the most amazing day of my life, next to the birth of my daughter. It was the first time in over four years that I was actually happy, truly able to breathe. Spending the morning in bed with Makayla and Avery was better than winning any of the music awards that crowded the walls of my apartment in LA. There was no high comparable to holding the two halves of your heart at the same time. To be able to reach out and touch the essence of my existence.

Avery had been the light of my life since the day she was born, if not before. Every step I took, every record I recorded was for her. My life leading up to this moment had been stepping stones, bringing me to this one place in time, when my world finally felt right.

The day I left Makayla, I left my heart. My everything. I never wanted to leave her. I couldn’t function without her. My world came to a screeching halt that day.

Now that I’m free and I have her back in my life, I vowed I would never let her go. The world could crumble around us and I wouldn’t care so long as I had my girls in my arms. That’s all that mattered to me. I would be there for them until my last breath. 

Last night Makayla and I lay in bed talking. It reminded me of old times, simpler times, and a time in which nothing else in the world mattered.

I knew Makayla was right when she begged me to go. “No regrets.” Is what she told me.  It didn’t make leaving any easier. When I walked away, I left my heart behind. My world.

I couldn’t tell her how I regretted leaving, she knew. We both did. But it would always hang over our heads, what could have been. All the ‘what if’s’.

I took the deal Howard offered me. I agreed to date his daughter exclusively in exchange for a record deal. I agreed to his whole song and dance, sacrificing my morals, my soul, and my heart, to provide for the life growing in Makayla’s stomach.

Never once did I touch Angela. I never laid an inappropriate finger on her. I never had the desire to touch her or any other woman, despite Angela’s unveiled attempts to seduce me.

My heart and body had always belonged to Makayla, the first and only girl I had ever loved.

To me Angela was a means to an end. The proverbial anchor holding me in place until I could be free. With Angela, there was an expiration date. A ticking clock, counting down the day until I was free.

I knew the men she dragged through our bed were her desperate attempts to make me jealous. It never worked. How could I be jealous of a woman whose sole purpose in life was to make mine a living hell? How could I be jealous of a woman I felt nothing for? A woman who felt men could be bought and sold like a commodity? A fashion statement?

It all started when Angela happened upon one of my shows, at a club, during my senior year of high school. After begging and pleading with her father he agreed to sign me to his label.

Angela wanted a rapper on her arms. One that would cater to her every whim. A young fresh face on the scene. I learned very quickly that whatever Angela wanted, Angela got. I was no exception.

And so I became known as Lenz. With a record label backing me, I created a name for name for myself as being a versatile artist that could not only sling lyrics at neck breaking speeds but harmonize and actually truly sing.

My versatility landed me on albums with the music industry’s biggest names, growing my brand. Within my first year on the scene, I was already a household name. 

Despite my instant rise to fame, the condition of the contract was clear. I would date Angela exclusively and keep my name clean.

That meant no scandals, no affairs, nothing that would cause Howard’s precious princess any distress. It also meant Avery was to be kept a secret.

The contract ensured that if broken, I would forfeit all earnings and be subject to a lawsuit large enough to bury me in court until I was old and gray. 

Was I grateful for the opportunity provided to me to have my music heard by millions? Yes. But at what cost?

I nearly missed the birth of my daughter. Feigning illness I postponed my tour, rushing home to see my beautiful baby girl enter this world.

My life up until this moment was running on fast forward. The record company kept me on the road which kept me out of Angela’s tight grasp, but barely. The tradeoff to forfeiting my life was in keeping my music on the air.

I watched my daughter grow through stolen moments home. Moments that threatened to shatter my heart knowing there were just that, moments. Stolen hours in the middle of the night. Stolen kisses from my daughter while at daycare. Early morning, Birthday party, surprises that lit my little girl's eyes like rays of sunshine.

The aftermath was never any less soul-crushing. The wicked tears that poured from my baby girls eyes when I told her I had to leave ate at my soul. Her whimpered pleas begging me to stay just a little while longer.

Every time I said goodbye I left a piece of myself with her. There was nothing left of my heart because she and her mother owned it all.

Makayla stood by me, like a rock. She held me steady. Never once did she make me feel guilty for my sacrifice.

She never badgered me, questioned my intentions, or asked anything of me other than to be true to myself.

To be true to our daughter.

She selflessly gave, earning nothing in return.

I poured every ounce of pent-up emotion into my music. Every soul-crushing sensation was bled into every record. My love for my family is what gave me a wall full of multi-platinum records. Makayla and our daughter were the foundation of my success. Their love created the very fibers of which I stood.

Makayla had been my hero, my savior. Every moment she spared allowing me to get to know my daughter through facetime chats and texted pictures and videos. Carefully disguised gifts, mementos from my daughter were crafted into my decor. Pictures my daughter drew fashioned into giant paintings adorned the walls of my apartment, disguised as abstract art.

Everywhere I looked when I was home I was reminded of her. My phone was filled with photos of the girl who owned my heart and the woman who gave her to me, the love of my life, Makayla.

“Daddy, is you ready for you party?” Avery’s bright eyes shined with happiness as she tugged gently on my pant leg.

“Of course baby girl. Are you ready to see your Grandma and Grandpa? I bet they will have a wonderful surprise for you.” Lifting my daughter into my arms I held her close, burying my face in her neck. I inhaled her scent, sweet cotton candy, and bubblegum. She smelled like home.

“You’re my prize daddy.” She giggled squirming in my arms.

Blowing raspberries in the crook of her neck I savored her girly squeals of delight.

“You’re silly, daddy.” She continued to giggle. Her tiny arms were wrapped around my neck nearly choking me.

“Daddies aren’t silly.” I intoned gently tickling her ribs.

Avery’s laughter filled the room and my heart, making it swell in my chest until I thought it might burst.

It felt unreal to have my little girl in my arms. To know that when I set her down I wouldn’t be going anywhere. I would never leave her side again.

I had enough money saved up that I would never have to work again. I had watched every penny I ever spent knowing my career could possibly be over at any moment.

The five-year contract wasn’t a guarantee, as Angela proudly displayed. It didn't stop me from taking advantage of every opportunity to secure a future for myself and for my daughter.

Before I left LA, I had a realtor place my apartment up for sale. I would no longer need it.

The house I purchased for Makayla and Avery here in Grand Rapids was paid off and large enough for our family to grow into.

The moving company had already packed my apartment. All of my belongings would be here within the week. I was finally home. Home for good. The deep satisfaction I felt was like no other.

Knowing I would wake up to Makayla in my arms every day and be able to play with my little girl was the best feeling in the world.  

“Let’s help mommy get the table set, everyone will be here soon.” With my little girl in my arms, I went to join her mother.

Our families were getting together to welcome me home and also giving me the chance to explain to them about the rumors they have heard. It was my chance to prove to them that I was here to stay.

Our families were all familiar with my deal with Howard and how Angela fit into the equation. I was thankful they had banded around me in support. They had all see the headlines in the papers. Tonight they were allowing me the opportunity to share my side of the story with them. Allowing me to dispel the speculation that surrounded my name.

I had never kept any details of my life from our family, but I knew there would be doubts when it came to drug use. How many famous rappers out there do you know that could honestly claim to be drug-free? I could only guarantee one, me.