Chapter 20

Brooke

So, how bad would today go?

That was my recurring thought as I brushed my teeth this morning, and drove to work. Now, as I walked into the office and waved hi to Deidre, who had a phone at each ear, it was my thought once more.

How bad would today go, and how could I make it go better?

The situation was impossible. I’d seen how Jake reacted yesterday, and Mark was probably going to take the news even worse. Although it did seem like Mark had thought I’d picked Jake, so surely me giving him this offer couldn’t be worse, could it? Guess I’d have to find out.

When I entered the office, both of them were on opposite ends of the room, not speaking. Jake looked even worse than he had last night. He only gave me a curt nod, while Mark didn’t acknowledge me at all. Nevertheless, I steeled myself, then walked up to him.

“So lunch today, would you?”

Mark turned to look at me with narrowed eyes.

“If you’re going to tell me that you picked Jake, then you can just tell me here.”

His angry blue-eyed gaze darting to Jake, he said, “You guys can just get it over with.”

“I already told you,” I said, “That is not what the lunch is to tell you, okay? Will you just give me a chance?”

Impulsively, I grabbed his hand.

“Please, can you just give me a chance?”

Mark’s hand was tense under my grip. He shot me a sidelong glance, then his face softened.

“Yeah, guess I could do that.”

“Good,” I said, giving his hand a squeeze, “Thank you.”

Mark pulled away his hand, his gaze already going suspicious.

“Yeah well, don’t thank me yet. First I have to hear what this lunch of yours is about.”

I nodded, trying my best not to let my nervousness show.

“And you will.”

Uncanny. Oddly enough, the hostess put me at the same table I’d been sitting at when I’d broken the news to Jake. This time, however, there was no light small talk, no easy joking.

As soon as the hostess had left to get us water, Mark had focused his steely-eyed gaze on me.

“So. Spill it,” he said.

“Okay, so,” I began.

I trailed off, gazing into his cold eyes. How should I begin? I’d hurt him, I could see that. I didn’t want to hurt him any more than I had already.

“I didn’t choose Jake,” I blurted out.

Mark’s face registered joy, then confusion.

“What? Then why in the office were you two—”

I put my finger to his lips.

“Let me finish. I didn’t choose Jake, because I like you, Mark. I like your irreverence and your playfulness. I like how you blew my mind in bed. I like how laidback and fun you are.”

The muscle in Mark’s jaw was working, with his eyes he scanned my face nervously.

“So then,” he said slowly, “You’re saying that you chose me.”

“Kinda,” I said, taking both of his hands and staring into his eyes, “I chose both of you.”

Immediately, a mask of coldness descended on Mark’s face.

“That wasn’t what we agreed on,” he said.

“I never agreed to that,” I shot back, “You two just forced it on me. It wasn’t what I wanted—and it isn’t what I want now.”

Mark tore his hands away, placing his closed fists on the table.

Through he clenched jaw, he said, “Then what the hell do you want, Brooke? Cuz I sure as shit can’t tell.”

“Water,” our waitress said with a nervous laugh, placing two glasses down in front of us.

“Just give us a minute, sorry,” I said, with a nervous smile of my own.

She happily raced away, while I returned my attention to Mark.

“What I want is—both of you. I care deeply for both of you. As attracted as I am to you, Mark, I can’t deny that I have feelings for Jake, too. Is it that hard to understand? He is your best friend too, after all.”

“Was,” Mark corrected me coolly, “And if you think for a second that I’m down to do some weird-ass shit with Jake there just because you’re involved, then you are crazy wrong.”

“That’s not what I said,” I replied, getting annoyed myself, “All we’d have to be doing is what we are now. I’d be with you and then you’d be okay with me being with him, too. Because he makes me happy, Mark. Just like you do.”

“So basically, you want me to be a-okay with another guy fucking you, is that it?” Mark said, his eyes scanning mine.

“No,” I said, “Not just another guy—it would be Jake. Who used to be your best friend, and can be your best friend again, once we get this mess settled.”

Mark turned his gaze out the window, at the grey mass of pedestrians waddling by in the rain.

“So that’s why you went to lunch with Jake. For this.”

“Yep,” I said, and he sighed.

“Guess this is better than you just having picked him.”

“Yeah?” I said, hopefully.

He shrugged, giving me a broken smile.

“It’s always better to tie than to lose.”

“So, you’ll consider it?” I asked.

“Consider what? Are you even being serious?” Mark asked, “I mean, how would this ever work? Two guys and you? And not just some casual thing, but a real relationship?”

“I can’t say that I have much experience in it,” I admitted, “But I did read an article my friend Karly sent me. Apparently, it’s a thing in real life, called ‘throuples.’ It’s a couple, but with three people. I could have date nights with just you some nights and just Jake other nights. I don’t know, I can send you the article if you want. It sounded like they all lived a pretty charmed life.”

Mark rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure. Just how those couples who open their relationship are totally fantastically happy—until they split up three years later.”

Seeing my hurt expression, he patted my hand.

“Sorry. I know I haven’t been in the best mood these past few days. It’s just—” He shot me a miserable look. “Damnit, I really like you Brooke, and seeing you with Jake like that is just near unbearable.”

“I’m sorry, too,” I said, shooting a forlorn look at his hand on mine, “I never wanted it to end up like this.”

Mark patted my hand again, letting out a sigh.

“Well it has. So I guess we’ll just have to deal with it.”

Our gazes met, and he nodded sadly.

“So, what did Jake say to it?”

I shook my head.

“He said he’d think about it, but he probably couldn’t do it. Basically, what you did. He even said that you’d probably be against it too.”

Mark nodded thoughtfully, smiling ruefully.

“Yep, the little bastard knows me pretty fucking well.”

I tried to laugh, but found that I couldn’t even make myself smile. My proposal was looking to be a total flop. What if both men decided I was more trouble than I was worth, and actually fired me over this?

“So,” Mark was saying, his hand taking mine, “If Jake and I don’t agree to this.”

“I can’t be with either of you,” I burst out, pulling away, “I’m sorry, I really am. But that’s how it’ll have to be. It’s either both of you or neither of you. I’m sorry.”

Mark nodded slowly.

“Yeah. I understand. I just hope you understand too—what you’re asking of us is pretty crazy. I mean, there’s a reason they write internet article about those ‘throatles’ or whatever they’re called. It’s because they’re one in a million. I mean, show me an article where they talk about a ‘throatle’ that’s lasted decades, not years.” He shook his head, “It all just seems too crazy to be doable.”

“It’s ‘throuples,’ Mark,” I corrected him, “Couples—throuples, get it? And I do understand. I don’t even know if I could do it myself, all I’m saying is that I want to try. It seems completely crazy to me. But then again, back in the day, sex before marriage was seen as pretty crazy, too.”

He chuckled, interlinking his fingers between mine.

“Yeah, I guess it was, wasn’t it?”

Then, he rose.

“Where are you going?” I asked, surprised.

“I need to walk to clear my head,” he said, frowning, “You just threw a whole lot of stuff at me right now. Stuff to think about. I won’t decide today, but I certainly won’t be able to sit through a meal with you after all you told me. Sorry.”

Catching my glum face, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Cheer up, Brookie, the fact that I’m slightly considering it at all is a testament to just how much I like you.”

“Really?” I said, smiling.

“Really,” he said.

He kissed me on the lips this time, offering me his arm.

“Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

Outside, he gave me another peck on the cheek. Then, he paused, staring deeply into my eyes.

“You know, Brooke Foley, you’re really something—you know that?”

And then, just when I was sure he was going to kiss me again, he turned away and left.

Back at the office, Jake was pleasantly surprised about Mark’s reaction.

“I was a bit worried he’d take it really angrily,” he said.

“Oh, he did at first,” I said, “But he was also happy that he still had a chance, I think.”

Jake smiled ruefully.

“Same as me, I guess.”

I studied his face.

“So, I guess it’s still early to ask,” I said, and he shook his head.

“The more I think about it, the worse I feel about it. I won’t say no outright to you, Brooke. But it isn’t looking good.”

“Yeah, of course, I understand,” I warbled, his words smacking into my gut.

I was going to lose Jake—and at this rate, maybe even my job, too.

“Hey,” Jake was saying, lightly patting my shoulder, “Don’t worry. At the end of the day, you’re still a great nurse and an irreplaceable part of this team.”

I smiled wanly back at him, trying to look like I believed him. But truthfully, all I was wondering was whether he’d still think that once he’d talked to Mark. Already, I’d lost the two men I had feelings for, due to my ridiculous proposal. Was I going to lose my job over it, too?