Laird
The whiskey—expensive and nearly as old as me—was Dad’s favorite brand. I stared at the unopened bottle on my coffee table, a glass tumbler next to it ready to go.
It’d worked for him—drinking away the pain. Why wouldn’t it work for me too?
Yet the seal had remained intact for the last sixteen hours, while I slowly became one with the couch cushions.
The problem was, I couldn’t decide who to forget about first.
Everyone had left me.
Garrett.
My parents.
Reese.
Now Eli.
And I got it.
I deserved it.
I’d failed them all.
I couldn’t save Garrett.
I wasn’t enough for my parents—not without my brother.
I failed to protect Reese from Marco hurting her right under my nose, and didn’t deserve her even if she could forgive me.
Which she wouldn’t.
And Eli.
Motherfucking Eli.
He’d looked at me with those big, worshipful eyes the same way Garrett used to.
Like I could save him, so he could grow up to be a miniature version of me one day.
And he’d died too, a bad reaction to what was supposed to be his last chemo treatment before he was released.
Oscar whined and nudged me with his nose until he’d wiggled his head into my lap. I hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on after my shower, and his nose was cold against my side. He snuffled, staring at me with his soulful hound dog eyes, his ears spread wide like a superhero cape.
The only one who still loved me.
I rubbed his head absently, trying to summon the energy to lean forward and open the whiskey.
But it almost seemed too nice, too elegant to waste on a useless asshole like me.
I picked up my phone, scrolled to the text thread from Reese.
She hadn’t responded, and I hadn’t expected her to, but my fingers itched to reach out to her. To beg her for—for what exactly?
I didn’t even know. I just knew everything was better with her.
I was better with her.
My head throbbed and my mouth was gross and dry. I tipped my head back on the couch, studying a crack on the ceiling, the way it veered to the left of the fan before splintering into smaller cracks, like a tree branch.
The lights were off, and the sky had shifted to shades of purple, but I didn’t mind the dark.
Nothing worth seeing anyway.
I should probably get up and feed Oscar at some point though.
Maybe in a few minutes.
My head pounded louder, two thumps, a pause, then two more thumps. The same rhythm I’d told Reese to use during Shark Day.
I glanced at my phone again. I could call her, let it go to voicemail, and just listen to the sound of her voice. If I didn’t leave a message, she might not even realize I’d called. No harm, no foul, right?
More pounding.
Oscar jumped off the couch and headed for the kitchen.
Et tu, Brute?
I swore, if I listened hard enough, I could almost hear her saying my name.
I pinched my eyes closed.
Fuck. I was hallucinating now.
Oscar whined at the front door, his paw scratching against the wood plaintively.
“Laird!”
“Reese,” I muttered to myself. “Damn, I’m so sorry.” My hand clutched my phone until my knuckles paled.
“Laird!” The voice was louder this time, and Oscar barked sharply.
I opened my eyes slowly, wondering if I was dreaming.
My feet were unsteady as I stumbled to the door, my fingers clumsy as I twisted the lock.
The door opened a crack, and I stepped back, leaning against the wall for support.
“Reese?” I croaked, half wondering if I’d conjured her up.
Dark brown hair appeared first, tied in a messy bun, then those familiar long, tanned legs. She slipped inside, her expression solemn as she studied me in the darkened hallway.
Oscar danced around her legs, tail thumping like an out-of-control metronome, and demanded her attention. She stooped down to give his head a quick pat.
“What are you doing here?” My voice was monotone, empty.
Reese bit her lip, uncertainty lingering in her eyes. “Do you want me to go?”
“I—” I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat.
And then I moved, so fast I couldn’t second-guess the decision, wrapping her in my arms and burying my face in her neck.
Fuck, she felt good.
Her arms slipped around my waist, her fingers brushing against the bare skin of my back, and I shuddered at the warmth of her pressed against me.
For long minutes, I didn’t budge, just clutched her to me as if she was the only lifeline keeping me afloat, breathing in her familiar cherry scent.
I nuzzled into the curve of her shoulder, wanting to somehow get closer, to find that elusive comfort that only she seemed able to give me.
“Laird,” she whispered, loosening her grip and trying to pull away.
I didn’t let her, instead taking a step forward and backing her against the wall, so she had nowhere to escape.
“Please.” My voice cracked, and I shuddered when she squeezed her arms around me again. “Just let me hold you for a little longer. Let me pretend this is real.”
Her body softened in my embrace, and I burrowed closer, until she was wrapped around me like a fucking koala bear. I couldn’t handle there being any distance between us.
I just needed someone—no, I just needed her— to hold onto.
Time passed. Minutes, hours, eons. I didn’t know. But gradually, my muscles relaxed and my chest loosened enough that it didn’t feel like I was suffocating any longer.
I could breathe again.
“Laird.” Her voice was barely audible. “I’m so sorry about Eli.”
I turned my face so I spoke against the delicate skin of her neck, my eyes closed tightly. “It’s not fair.”
“No. It’s not.”
Reluctantly, I eased away from her. I didn’t let her go. I kept my fingers curled around her hips, but I gave her some space.
Her fingers skimmed up the plane of my chest, causing me to suck in a sharp breath, then she cupped my face and brushed her thumbs along my cheekbones. Through the darkness, she squinted up at me.
“You look like hell.”
I dipped my head in acknowledgement, then captured one of her hands in my own, lifting it and pressing a kiss to her palm.
“You look beautiful.”
She glanced down at her oversized Rodner sweatshirt and cutoff denim shorts, cheap flip flops on her feet.
I caught her chin, tilting her face back up. “You always look beautiful.”
She sighed, then took my hand and led me toward the couch.
When we reached the wall with the light switch, she paused and reached for it, but I nudged her forward, shaking my head.
“Leave it off.”
She sat on the cushion next to mine, but it was too far away. Hooking her under the knees, I scooped her into my lap, setting her down sideways across my thighs, and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t fight it.
I looped my arms loosely around her waist, and when she shifted to run her fingers through my hair, I could almost pretend that nothing bad had happened.
That Eli had been discharged home instead of to the morgue, that Reese’s wrist wasn’t still wrapped in a brace, that my own hand didn’t ache from the revenge I’d exacted on Marco’s face two days ago.
That things were right between us, instead of heavy with unsaid words.
“Are you okay?”
“No.” Maybe it made me a pussy to admit it, but lying had fucked things up between us once. I’d never lie to this girl again, by omission or otherwise.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” I saw her start to speak again, her eyebrows pulled down tight in a frown, so I amended my answer. “Not yet. I just… fuck. I just want to stay here in the dark with you and forget about all the bad stuff. Can we do that? Just a little longer?”
Her eyes searched mine in the dim glow of the moonlight filtering through the blinds. I held her gaze, let her see all the naked pain that I felt inside.
When she nodded, it felt better than winning the lottery.
I sunk back into the couch cushions, content just to have her here with me.
To not be alone.
Her nails scraped against my scalp, and I closed my eyes, turning into her touch and groaning softly.
She continued her ministrations, smoothing her hands over my head over and over, until slowly, achingly slowly, my nerve endings began to tingle from the attention.
When her nails dragged through my short strands again, I stifled a moan, but couldn’t stop my dick from stirring to life beneath her lap.
It was wrong, so fucking wrong, to be aroused at a time like this, but she was warm, and in my lap, and touching the edge of my face and the tender skin at the nape of my neck like she still cared deep down inside. Like despite all the wreckage of my life in the last week, a tiny part of her still belonged to me.
She traced around the edge of my ear, and I pressed my lips together at the sweet torment, trying to tamp down the sensation. But when she shifted in my lap, it was too much for my dick. He pulsed against the sweet curve of her ass, and from the way she stilled her motions, it hadn’t gone unnoticed by her.
Reese was only trying to comfort me, not turn me on, and I was fucking twisted to be getting off on it.
“Laird?”
My hips bucked at the husky sound of my name coming from her full lips as they hovered just out of reach.
“I’m sorry.” I sounded strained. “This isn’t what you came for, I know that, and I’m sorry. But you’ll never feel anything but right in my arms, and my stupid dick is just a little bit confused right now.”
Reese wiggled again, and I bit back a curse, my hands clamping down on her hips to hold her still.
“That’s not helping,” I bit out.
My hard length throbbed between us, and I willed it to calm down.
And I thought I just might win the battle until she raised up and turned so she was full on straddling me, her knees tucked along-side my hips, and her hands resting on my shoulders for balance.
I groaned when I felt the heat of her through her shorts.
She licked her lips, leaving them a little shiny in the moonglow.
“Let’s forget, Laird. Like you said. Let’s just stay in the dark and forget a little longer.”
And then before I could draw another breath, she reached down and whipped her sweatshirt off.