SASSYPANTS
The morning after he arrived, Landon’s bags weren’t even unpacked when he suddenly put his coffee down and walked over to where I was standing by the sink.
“You said you’re going to see her today, right?”
“Lilith? Yes.”
“I want to meet her.”
Surprised by the sudden request, I said, “Like…today?”
“Yes. I need to see her. I want to go with you.”
I swallowed. “Okay.”
Later that day, my heart felt heavy as we drove to Lilith’s house in Landon’s father’s car. He’d borrowed it until he was able to go out and purchase a vehicle, which he planned to do later this week.
It was my normal day of the week to see Lilith, so the only thing out of the ordinary was that Landon was accompanying me.
His nerves were evident. It reminded me a lot of the ride we’d taken home from the restaurant in L.A., the night he confessed his sordid past to me. He was completely having a silent conversation with himself. Even though I wished he were talking about his feelings in that moment, I knew that he needed the quiet time to process his own thoughts and gear up to see my child for the first time.
As nervous as I was for him to meet Lilith, the pure relief I was feeling from having finally told him balanced everything out. It made me realize just how much my harboring that secret had been eating away at me.
When we pulled up, Lilith was already waiting for us out front. Her hair was getting longer; it was almost down to her butt, and I suspected she was growing it out to match mine.
I’d given her a heads up over the phone that she was going to meet Landon. I didn’t think she would have appreciated me surprising her. She liked to be prepared for things, especially if she deemed them important. I knew she’d been dying to meet him. Her curiosity about him was actually quite adorable.
From the moment he put the car in park, Landon’s eyes were glued to her. We both got out and approached the front steps leading up to the farmer’s porch where she was waiting. I smiled to myself, noticing she was more dressed-up than usual. Landon wasn’t the only one thinking about making a good impression, apparently.
As we got closer to her, the expression on Landon’s face became one of wonder. I knew exactly what he must have been thinking. She looked exactly like me—well, the old me. The main difference was that her hair was lighter and longer than mine was back then. But her face was identical to young Rana.
Lilith tapped her foot against the wood. “Well, well, well, California boy finally got on a plane to see us.”
Landon was getting his first taste of Lilith’s spunky personality.
“Well, well, well, I didn’t realize I had a little sassypants waiting for me. I would’ve done it a lot sooner.” He held his hand out to her. “I’m Landon.”
“Really? I kind of already know your name.” She smacked him five instead of shaking his hand. “Rana only talks about you all the time. She laughs a lot when she thinks about you, too. I guess she thinks you’re funny or something.”
“Is that so?” He paused and was smiling while taking in her face.
Lilith interrupted his stare. “Earth to Landon.”
“I’m sorry. You just remind me of someone.”
“Is it Miss Piggy? Because someone at school said that once.”
“No. Definitely not. You’re much prettier than Miss Piggy. Whoever said that doesn’t know diddly squat.”
“Dudley who?”
“Diddly squat.” He chuckled. “That means they don’t know anything.” Landon whispered to me, “And apparently, I know shit about talking to kids.”
“I heard that,” Lilith scolded.
“I’d better watch my language, then. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Rana said the F word once.”
His eyes widened. “She did?”
“Yeah. She slammed her hand in a door. She didn’t mean to swear. It just came out. I know not to repeat it. It was funny, though.”
“She hears everything,” I told him before turning to her. “Guess what, Lilith? Landon is here to stay. He moved his stuff. He lives here in Michigan now.”
“Are you moving in with Rana?”
He looked at me, unsure of how to answer. I nodded to let him know he should tell her the truth.
“I am.”
“I hope you know how to cook. Rana can pretty much only boil water.”
Looking amused, Landon glanced over at me. “I have it covered.” He was learning what a little pistol she was.
“So, Lil, I was thinking we’d show Landon our favorite yogurt spot.”
Landon’s eyes lit up. “What’s this, now? Sounds like I’ve been missing out.”
“Rana likes to throw a bunch of chocolate on the sugar free, fat free yogurt.” She giggled. “Her diets are really funny.”
He laughed. “That sounds like cheating to me.”
When we got to FroyoLand, Lilith was quite entertained by Landon’s attempt to get his money’s worth by piling almost every topping over a mountain of three different kinds of yogurt. Since it was a flat price, you could fill the cup as much as you wanted. Landon had definitely gone overboard.
Lilith challenged him. “There’s no way you’re gonna eat all that.”
He lifted his brow. “Wanna bet?”
“I love bets. How much?”
“How much you got?”
“Two dollars.”
“You’re on.”
“How about this, Lilith. If you win, I’ll make it five.”
“I’m cool with that.”
He winked. “I bet you are.”
It was hysterical to watch Landon gorging on the yogurt. He was pretending to love it, but I could tell after a while he was getting pretty sick. Lilith sat watching him with her chin leaning against her hands. She was thoroughly entertained. We’d both finished our own yogurts well before Landon even made a dent.
He held onto his abs, exaggerating an upset stomach. “Okay, Sassypants. You win.”
Lilith clapped and jumped up and down in her seat as Landon handed her a crisp, five-dollar bill from his wallet.
I noticed that she’d been carrying around a small bag with her, which was unusual. “What’s in the bag?”
“It’s a gift for Landon and the paper I wrote about you, Rana. I got an A on it. I was gonna read it to you.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Landon leaned in. “And I’d love to hear what you wrote.”
“Okay.” She looked uncharacteristically bashful when she asked, “What do you want first? The gift or the Rana thing?”
“Let’s hear what you wrote.” Landon winked.
Lilith adjusted her glasses and opened the notebook. She cleared her throat and began to read.
“Rana by Lilith Anastasia Allen.” She looked up at me once. I gave her a reassuring smile before she continued, “We were asked to write about someone we admire. I am writing about Rana instead. Because she’s funnier than Amelia Earhart or Michelle Obama. And no one else is going to write about Rana. Who is Rana? Well, she comes to visit me once a week and spends time with me for no reason. I don’t even really know where she came from. Mars, maybe. But that doesn’t matter. There are a lot of places in the world that Rana could choose to be, but she chooses to be with me. Sometimes she probably doesn’t have the time or maybe isn’t feeling good. But she shows up anyway. Except this week, but I forgive her because she’s in California with a boy she has a crush on. His name is Landon, and he owns a lunch truck with really cool sandwiches. Like not bologna. Really cool ones. But back to Rana. Her hair is really, really long, and if you want to know what she looks like, look up Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. That’s her. One time she came to see me with two different pairs of shoes on. I didn’t tell her because I thought it was funny that she didn’t notice. And another time, the tag was still hanging off of her shirt. I didn’t tell her that, either. She’s also late a lot and smells like bus fumes. Even though she is a mess sometimes, she still finds the time to see me, to ask me how I am, and to play with me. She’s not perfect, but she taught me that it’s okay not to be. Do you have a Rana? If not, I feel really bad for you. So, I don’t want to be Rana when I grow up. Because there’s only one Rana. And she’s my friend.”
I knew she didn’t mean to make me cry, but I couldn’t help tearing up. Landon grabbed my hand and squeezed it. He knew how much her words meant. It made me so happy that she considered me a friend and recognized my devotion to her, even if she had no clue where it originated.
“That was amazing.” I wiped my nose with my sleeve. “Thank you for choosing to write about me.”
Landon rubbed my back. “Seriously, Lilith, I think if I didn’t already know how awesome Rana is, I would totally want to meet her after that.”
“You want your present now?”
“Sure.”
Lilith handed him the bag.
Landon reached in and took out what looked like a bun of artificial hair that was almost the exact shade of brown as his own strands.
What the?
His mouth hung open. “This is…wow. What is it?”
“It’s a clip-on man bun.”
“Where did you get that?” I asked.
“Online. I had a gift card from Christmas. I didn’t use the whole thing, just part of it. I’ve been holding onto this present for a while.”
Landon was trying not to laugh. “How do you know about man buns?”
“This girl in school…her dad has one. Some boys were making fun of him. Ava told them off and explained that it was actually a cool thing. Before that, I thought only girls wore buns.”
“Your mom didn’t question you buying it?” I asked.
“No.”
“Put it on,” I insisted.
Landon struggled to open the clasp. Unable to contain my laughter, I took it from him and proceeded to clip it onto his head.
He flashed a crooked grin. “How do I look?”
Truthfully, he looked pretty hot with it.
“Buntastic.” She laughed.
“Well, I will proudly wear this and think of you, Sassypants.” He turned his head toward me fast, causing the bun to fall out.
The three of us were cracking up.
On the ride home, Lilith and Landon bonded over music. He let her control his phone as she scrolled through songs. She took the front seat while I sat in the back.
Landon pulled up to her house and put the car in park.
She reached her hand into her pocket and took out the five-dollar bill that he had given her.
“I know I won, but I want you to keep it and use it to buy Rana something pretty.”
“No. You won this fair and square.”
“You let me win. You could have totally eaten it all. Look at you. You’re huge.” She exited the car before he could argue with her and ran toward the steps to her house.
After she was out of sight, Landon turned to me after I moved to the front seat.
“Well, I think we found your missing nose. She looks just like you did.”
“I know.”
“It was like looking at you.” His eyes were filled with emotion. “She’s an amazing kid—so clever and compassionate.”
“Well, I can’t take credit for any of it.”
“Sure, you can. She admires you and clearly appreciates the time you spend with her. And honestly, some things are innate. She has a very similar spirit to you, even if you didn’t raise her.” He looked down and asked, “You told me you know who her father is, right?”
“Yes. The timing of the pregnancy thankfully narrowed it down to one boy. His name was Ethan. He wanted nothing to do with me at the time. I didn’t even want to tell Ethan, but my grandmother made me. We both went to his parents’ house one night, and they practically kicked us out when we told them. I don’t know whether they didn’t believe us or whether they just didn’t want to.”
“At least you tried.”
“It was a very messy time.”
We were still parked. Landon stared contemplatively at Lilith’s house. “I wonder if he ever thinks about it now, if he ever wonders if his baby is out there somewhere.”
“Honestly, I would say that he probably deserves to feel that regret, but I wasn’t that much better of a person or much more responsible back then.”
“You definitely weren’t responsible, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.” He looked down at his phone at a picture he had snapped of her. “I worry about her reaction if she finds out, though.”
Blowing out a long breath, I said, “You’re not the only one.”
“I think it could go either way, Rana. It could be really good or really bad.”
“The only reason I haven’t told her is because I’m not allowed to. Her parents have to agree that it’s in her best interest to know.”
“I just remember thinking that I wished my parents had told me the full truth sooner. It felt like I’d been living a lie. In her case, she knows she’s adopted you said?”
“Yes. Her mother told her that she’s technically not her birth mother. So, at least that part won’t be a shock.”
“What does her adoptive father do?”
“He’s a psychiatrist, actually. Both of the Allens are very well-educated. They’re good people.”
“What did her mother tell her about her birth mother…you?”
“I honestly never asked Beth how she explained it, and Lilith doesn’t talk about it. In a way, that’s a relief because I don’t know how I would handle it if she did…you know…if she talked to me about me.”
“I can imagine that when she’s a bit older, she’s going to start digging,” he said. “Once I found out, it was like I couldn’t rest until I knew exactly where I came from.”