UNCONVENTIONAL
I was probably the least traditional bride in the world.
My flowers were picked from the garden my father had grown at Landon’s and my house. My dress, while designer, was snagged from a secondhand store. And it wasn’t white; it was champagne, a lace, vintage style. I didn’t have bridesmaids, either, because close female relationships had somehow evaded me.
A lack of adult female companionship was not something I was happy about. I’d let a lot of my high school friendships fade away after the pregnancy and hadn’t developed close bonds with any women in my twenties. It didn’t help that most of my co-workers at the restaurant were old Greek men. Aside from a couple of female cousins on my father’s side that I’d see once in a blue moon, there simply weren’t many trusted females in my life, no one I considered bridesmaid material—of course, aside from the one obvious female who was missing today. There was definitely a hole in my heart without Lilith here.
So, it was just Landon’s mother, Marjorie, and me holed up in the private room reserved for the bridal party in the church. Landon was around somewhere with his father and Ace, who’d flown in from California. My groom hadn’t seen me yet, and I was trying my best to keep it that way.
Landon and I didn’t want a big wedding, but my father asked if we would get married at St. Cecilia’s. It was the least I could do for Papa, considering I’d pretty much broken all the premarital rules he’d ever set for me. I knew the church wedding would mean a lot to him. We invited about fifty people, mostly from Landon’s side—relatives and friends of his parents. There would be about ten people from my side, including my grandparents.
Marjorie adjusted the thin, floral headband atop my head. As much as I loved her, I couldn’t help wishing Lilith were here with me instead. I’d hoped that she would come today, but it didn’t look like that was in the cards. We sent her an invitation, but that might have been pushing it, considering we still hadn’t even spoken since the night she found out the truth. According to Beth, she just hadn’t been ready to face me. That was something I had to accept.
I wasn’t expecting to feel this emotional. Even thoughts of my mother were creeping in. As much as I tried not to think about the woman who abandoned us, a part of me wanted her to at least know I was getting married and to tell her about all of the things she’d missed in my life. She didn’t even know she had a granddaughter. I just couldn’t swallow my pride long enough to try to find her. That was mostly because I truly believed she didn’t care and that I would end up even more upset.
Marjorie looked alarmed when she noticed me starting to cry. I didn’t even know what exactly had prompted it because the thoughts in my mind had been constantly changing by the minute.
“Rana, what’s wrong?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Do you want me to get Landon?”
“I really shouldn’t see him. It’s bad luck, right?”
“Well, I’m pretty sure that’s a bunch of malarkey.”
The truth was, I really did want to see him. We were running early with an hour to go until the ceremony. That seemed like forever to have to wait, especially in this state of mind. He was truly the only person on Earth who could ever make me feel better with merely his presence.
“You’re going to ruin your makeup,” she said.
“I think I already have.”
“Let me go get you a tissue.”
Rather than Marjorie returning, I heard Landon’s voice behind the door.
“My mom told me you need me. I’m coming in.”
“Wait. Are you sure you want to see me?”
“There’s nothing more in the world I want.” He didn’t wait for permission when he opened the door.
Landon stood there, taking me in. “Wow.”
I stood up, looking down at the skirt of my gown. “You like it?”
“Rana, you’ve had many looks that worked for me over the years, but you truly look like a Bohemian princess right now. So freaking beautiful, baby.”
Tugging at his silk tie, I said, “You look so handsome in this vest.”
He noticed my tears. “Don’t cry.”
I sniffled. “It really hit me today that all I have for sure in this life are you and my father. I’m just feeling really emotional, especially when I think about Lilith.”
“I knew you would be. I know you want her here more than anything.”
“I do. I hate that it’s taking away from the happiness of this day.”
“You can’t help it. I’ve been thinking about her, too, and even Beverly more than usual today. I think it’s normal to think about the people we love who are missing from our lives when something happy is about to happen. It’s in our nature to feel undeserving of joy when there are unresolved feelings of sadness or guilt within us.”
“I’d just hoped she’d come around by now.”
“I know. To be honest, I really did, too.” He wiped a tear from my cheek and tried to brighten the mood. “Can we talk about how amazing you look?”
“My makeup is runny.”
“We’ll fix it.”
“You’re gonna fix it? My makeup lady is long gone.”
“Sure, I can do it. Sit down.”
I did as he said. Landon then sat down in front of me and twisted the end of a tissue that he’d had in his pocket to dab the sides of my eyes. He was wearing a white shirt beneath the champagne-colored vest and had his sleeves rolled up.
“Where’s your eye stuff?”
I grabbed the makeup bag and took out the mascara and liner. “Here.”
“Close your eyes.”
I breathed in and out, trying to calm down as he reapplied my liquid liner. I really could’ve done it myself, but honestly watching his tattooed arm moving across me as he did up my eyes—this was just too amusing to stop.
“Who needs a bridesmaid when I have you?”
“Too bad we couldn’t call Lana. I bet she’d know how to do your makeup.”
I snorted. “You’re gonna make me cry tears of laughter. You’ll have to do me all over again.”
“I like the sound of that.” He placed the cap back on the liner. “There. How’s that?”
I turned to look at myself. He’d done a pretty damn good job. Add “using the groom as a makeup artist” to the list of unconventional things about this wedding.
Smiling at him from behind me in the mirror, I said, “You make everything better. I may have really gotten gypped in the mother department, but I got the best husband in the world.”
“I love the sound of you calling me your husband, and I’d kiss the shit out of you right now if I didn’t care about messing you all up again.” He flipped me around and said, “Fuck it” before planting a big kiss on my lips.
Landon and I stayed in the room alone together for the rest of the hour. He had to keep fixing my makeup because either I was crying, laughing, or he was kissing me again.
Finally, there was a knock at the door.
Marjorie stuck her head in. “The priest is saying it’s time.”
He took my hand. “Are you ready?”
Nodding, I said, “When I walk down the aisle, try to pretend like you’re seeing me for the first time.”
“Pretend I didn’t just do your makeup? I bet I’m the only groom who can say that.”
“You probably are.”
He kissed me lightly on the lips, so as to really not mess up my lipstick this time. “I love you, Rana.”
“I love you more.”
Hand in hand, we entered the foyer of the cathedral, and for a quick moment I thought I might be seeing things.
Beth was standing there with her hands on Lilith’s shoulders. For the first time ever, Lilith looked nervous to see me.
“Thank God,” I could hear Landon whisper behind me.
She was wearing a beautiful, white dress and had flowers in her hair.
I could barely get the word out, “Hi.”
“Do you need a flower girl?” Lilith asked.
Walking slowly toward her, I said, “There’s only one position open for that, and it’s always only ever had your name on it.”
“You did promise me.”
“I did.”
“Don’t cry,” she said. “You’ll ruin your makeup.”
“It’s okay. I can redo it,” Landon said as everyone momentarily turned to him.
Lilith called him out on it. “What?”
“Never mind the makeup,” I said as I wiped my eyes and hugged her. “I don’t care about the stupid makeup.”
Seeming a bit uncomfortable, Beth smiled. “We got stuck in traffic. We thought we would miss it.”
Looking up at her while still embracing Lilith, I mouthed, “Thank you.”
“Of course.” Her eyes lingered on mine as she gave me a look that only she and I could understand as two women unified in our love for this little girl.
“I would’ve stopped the whole thing and started over for you, Lil, if you’d gotten here late.”
She gazed up at me in admiration. “You look really pretty.”
“So do you.”
“This was the only white dress they had at the store. I didn’t know you were wearing beige. That figures. Anyway, I got it at Macy’s. I know that’s where my grandmother used to steal from.”
“You read the book?”
She blushed a little. “Yeah.”
Beth looked at her. “We’ve read it several times.”
My father, who’d been talking to some relatives, finally emerged. His eyes lit up when he spotted Lilith.
She must have recognized him immediately when she said, “Hi, God.”
Papa held out his hands then cupped her cheeks. “Lilit.” He then pulled her into a hug.
It was the first time my father had ever held his granddaughter. I couldn’t think of a better wedding gift than to be able to witness that.
And suddenly, I wasn’t the only one crying anymore. Landon had lost the battle against his own tears upon the sight of my father holding her.
I asked Lilith if she wouldn’t mind walking down the aisle with Papa and me. It was another unconventional thing to add to the list.
With my father on one side and my daughter—yes, my daughter—on the other, I made my way toward Landon that day, feeling more complete than I had in my entire life.