Remy
“Okay, Sergeant, we have been working on the intel for this mission for months now. We’ve figured out who has our three missing soldiers and where they’re hiding them. We finally have all the info we need to bring our guys home, so let’s finish this mission. All we have to do is deliver the intel so our troops can storm in and rescue our guys. Then you and I can get the hell out of here,” I tell him with confidence.
“Hooah,” Sergeant Stamford yells to me.
“Hooah,” I reply before he takes off to grab our Humvee. Tonight is the night we take off on our mission to deliver this information. This can’t be trusted to anyone else because lives are on the line. If this info is leaked in any way, or if they find out we know where they’re hiding our captured soldiers, they’ll either take off with our guys or worse—they’ll kill them.
“Captain Bennett, the Humvee is loaded and ready to go, sir.” I sling my M4 rifle over my shoulder, grab the folder, and climb into the back seat.
“I’m ready. Let’s do this,” I say to my driver, who looks over to his A driver, Sergeant Slater.
“Let’s roll,” Slater says.
We take off into the night. The air is cold and crisp, and though I’d rather travel during the day, this location is top secret. No one is supposed to know about it. Slater is busy making sure that Stamford stays on the right path. The last thing we need is to get lost or arrive late because we took a wrong turn.
We arrive at the base safe and sound an hour-and-a-half later. The two guys from the front jump out to ensure all is safe. Slater opens my door, and we hurry inside to deliver the information we have on the captured soldiers. My meeting with the colonel is a brief one, and as soon as we’re done, he calls in to have the men rescued. We shake hands and are about to leave, but no sooner do we step out the door then all hell breaks loose. We were careful not to be followed, so our undisclosed location was clearly leaked prior to us leaving. I hear Slater scream out in pain. He’s been shot. “Medic,” I scream as I watch the young sergeant bleed out in front of me. He’s been hit twice and it’s not looking good. There’s a pool of blood beneath him. I jump up to take a shooting position, and as I’m dropping I’m hit in the side. “Fuck,” I scream out as I lie on the ground and take aim. I don’t give a fuck that I’ve been shot. These mother fuckers are going down.
A sniper takes out the final shooter, and all goes quiet. I roll over to see red sand stuck to my gut. This isn’t good. Crawling over to Slater, I pull him to me and tell him to hang on. I’m not losing a fucking guy today. This mission is about saving lives, not losing them. He hiccups and takes his last breath. His body goes limp in my arms. He’s gone.
“Fuck.” I jump up in bed, sweat pouring from my face. I’m panting as I try to regain control. These nightmares have to fucking end. I look over to see Kenzie watching me. I can see the fear and concern etched all over her face. “I’m sorry.” I climb out of bed and run to the bathroom, where I empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths and then turn on the shower, so I can wash away the remnants of this nightmare. Thank god I have an appointment today. As much as I do not want to discuss this, I have to figure out how to gain the control over these nightmares. I haven’t slept a full night in a while. I didn’t have this problem in the hospital, but for some reason, they have come back with a vengeance and I’ve had enough.
When I get out of the shower, I find Kenzie sitting up in bed waiting for me. I slip on some shorts and a t-shirt and then sit beside her. “Listen, I have an appointment with the doctor today. I’m going to talk with him about these nightmares, but until they’re under control I think I’m going to stay at my parents’.”
Her chin begins to quiver slightly. “You’re pushing me away.”
“No, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you, and I promised Nana I wouldn’t. I promised her I would get myself better so I could take care of you, and if I don’t get my head on straight I’ll never be able to keep that promise.” A tear rolls down her cheek. “I promise we will talk every day, and we’re only a few days away from the New Year’s Eve party my mom has been planning. We’ll bring in the new year together. Okay?”
I wrap her in a hug, squeezing her tight before I walk out the door.
“I love you, Remy.”
Placing a hand on either side of her face, I look into her beautiful hazel eyes. “I love you so much, McKenzie. Please trust me when I tell you, I’m doing this for us.” I smile. “Plus, Nana told me if I hurt you there’s no hiding from her.”
A giggle escapes her as tears continue to roll down her cheek. I press my lips to hers one last time, then run out the door in search of the help I need.
I pull up to my parents’ house at six-thirty in the morning to find Mama in the kitchen with my father. “What are you guys doing up so early?”
Mama’s brows shoot up. “Maybe we should be asking you the same question.”
I take a seat at the snack bar as Mama puts a cup of coffee in front of me. “My nightmares are getting worse instead of better. I told Kenzie I was going to stay here until I can get them under control.”
“What did she say?”
“She’s scared, I think. At first she thought I was pushing her away, but I explained that I’m afraid I’ll hurt her and that’s the last thing I want to do. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of her.” I sip my coffee. “I promised we would talk daily and that we would still celebrate the new year together. I only have a few days to start getting my shit together, and I think it’s time I make it happen.”
“I’m proud of you, son.” My father slaps me on the shoulder. “It takes a lot of courage to admit when you’re struggling with something and need someone’s help, but it takes even more courage to walk away from someone you care so deeply for to take care of yourself.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Mama comes over and says, “Kenzie is a strong girl. She will be just fine. You just focus on taking care of yourself.”
“I think once I’ve met and spoken to him, then I’ll be okay seeing her again. I just need to know I have a plan in place, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I think I do,” my father says as my mother hands me a plate of food. We all eat breakfast in comfortable silence, but I can’t seem to get the look of hurt Kenzie had on her face out of my mind. Maybe walking away was the wrong decision, but I’m seriously afraid I’ll hurt her. She has so much on her plate right now. She doesn’t need my nightmares too. As soon as I’m done eating, I decide to shoot her a text.
Remy: I really do love you. Please have some patience with me. I need to talk to the doctor and then I can decide a course of action.
Kenzie: I love you too and already miss you. Please get better soon.
My appointment is early, so I run up to my room to get changed into something more suitable for meeting this doctor. It’s about a forty-minute ride to the base, and I don’t want to be late.
I pull up to the medical center and head straight in. I tell the receptionist that I have an appointment with Dr. Nielsen, and she gives me directions on how to find his office. I quickly check in and take a seat in the waiting area for my name to be called. My hands are clammy. I’m getting nervous and starting to sweat. You’d think I’m going in for major surgery. All I have to do is tell him about my nightmares, I remind myself. My leg starts to bounce as I wipe my hands down the leg of my shorts.
“Remington Bennett,” I hear called out, but I have a hard time standing. She calls my name again, and I look over to her. “It’s okay, come on,” she says, sensing my nervousness. I slowly stand to walk toward her. “Follow me,” she adds as we walk down a hallway. She checks my height. “You’re five feet nine inches,” she says, looking at the wall chart I’m standing in front of.
“Yes, ma’am,” I confirm, stepping away from the wall.
“All right, on the scale please.”
I step on the scale and she nods her head jotting down my weight. “All right, you can step down and follow me.” She walks me into a room and tells me to have a seat. “The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.” I thank her, and she leaves me by myself. I’m looking at the pictures around the room. It’s a small room with some cozy chairs and a small desk, where I assume the doctor will sit to take notes on our session. I found it weird they took my height and weight at first, but now, thinking about it, they probably did it for meds, which I want no part of unless it’s absolutely necessary.
There’s a knock on the door, then it opens. A tall, thin male walks in with his hand out to me. “Hello. I’m Dr. Neilson, and I’m going to be working with you.”
“Nice to meet you.” I shake his hand.
“So tell me a little about yourself.” He takes a seat across from me.
“You mean like me personally?”
“Yeah, tell me about your family life and things like that.”
“Okay. My mom’s a teacher, and my father’s a doctor. I have three siblings. My older brother is also a doctor like my father, and he works at the family practice with him. I’m next in the line of children. I had decided at a young age that military life was what I wanted. Then it’s Keaton, who owns his own construction company, and my baby sister, Brooke, who works at the local veterinarian clinic and is going to school to be a vet.” I shrug, not knowing what else to say.
“Are you a close family?”
“Very close,” I answer.
“Are they supportive of your decision to join the service?”
“Oh yeah, my parents are extremely proud of me.”
“Good, so how many deployments have you been on?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I lost count a long time ago. The last two were the toughest though. I was injured during them both.”
“Can you tell me about them?” He continues taking notes as I go into the story of my last two deployments. I tell him my first injury and what happened the day I had to meet with a general to deliver intel. Then I go onto the latest deployment. I explain how everything was going smoothly until we were about to leave and we were fired upon. “That was the day we lost Slater,” I say in barely a whisper.
“What are the nightmares about?”
I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes. I start to speak but a yawn slips out. “It varies,” I tell him, closing my eyes as I replay that day in my head.
“Captain Bennett, I’m going to be honest. I think your nightmares stem from many places. First, you’ve been through a lot during your time in the service. Second, you lost someone this time, and I think deep down you feel guilty about that.” He puts his pen down and adds, “But to be perfectly honest, I think you need to start talking about them and how they’re affecting you.”
“It’s affecting my relationship. I left my girlfriend’s house this morning and told her I couldn’t spend the night any more until I had some control over this.”
“Why can’t you stay with her?”
“I’m afraid I’m going to hurt her.”
“Physically or emotionally?” he asks, picking his pen back up.
“Both. I snapped at her yesterday, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. I’m not worried about physically hurting her while I’m awake, but what if I do something in my sleep?”
“Have you ever been caught sleepwalking or anything like that?”
I shake my head and go back to wiping my clammy hands on my shorts.
“I don’t think you would physically hurt her. If you have no record of sleep walking or moving around in your sleep, I don’t think it’s likely you would start now. You would have been already doing it.” He puts his pen back down. “I do think you need to talk to her instead of pushing her away.” He moves the mouse around on his computer. “I want to see you again tomorrow so we can get more into the heart of these nightmares, and see if simply talking them out will help you.”
“What if that doesn’t work?”
“Let’s take this one step at a time,” he says to me. I nod in agreement. “I’ll see you tomorrow at ten-thirty.”
I stand, shake his hand, and walk out the door.
As soon as I’m in the car, I let out a deep breath. That felt like a really quick forty-five minutes. I already feel a bit better knowing he doesn’t think I’ll hurt her, but I’m not sure I can talk to her yet.
I’m about to start my car when my phone buzzes.
Kenzie: I hope your appointment went well.
Remy: It was okay. I have another appointment tomorrow. Heading back to my parents’ for lunch. I’ll talk to you later.
Kenzie: Okay.