CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
Later in bed that night, Sam and I are reflecting on our moments together as he holds me in his arms. “It’s crazy, right?” Sam asks. “That all this happened in such a short period of time?”
“Yes. Crazy is one way of putting it.” Nuts . . . loony tunes . . . ridiculous . . . insane . . . take your pick of synonyms.
“You don’t regret it, do you?” He looks down at me.
I angle my head up so I can look into his eyes. I want him to see how truthful I’m being. “Never. I could never regret any moment I’ve had with you.”
“Even the ones when I was rude?”
“You were never rude.”
“Yes, I was.” He sounds sad and his eyes have gone dark and moody. “When we first met. I had such a big chip on my shoulder. I took it out on everyone, but especially you. There was just something about you . . . I wanted you to care, I think.”
“Yeah, I saw that chip there . . .” I play with his beard as I think back on that time. “But I ignored it. I figured you had your reasons. And you were easy to care about. I got a strong sense that you were someone special, right from the first time I saw you.”
He kisses my head, his mood lightening. “I’m glad I finally talked to Ty about everything that went on back home . . . back when we were kids growing up. That helped me get rid of the anger I’d been harboring toward him.”
“I’m glad for both of you. It’s hard when you’re young. You look at what someone’s doing, like Ty staying friendly with your parents even after all the abuse you suffered, and sometimes it’s impossible not to take it personally. You feel like they’re being disloyal to you or agreeing with the abuse.”
“It was hard for me, but I should have known better. Our father was worse on Ty than he was on me. Ty was just sticking it out for our mom. But I couldn’t. I was so mad at her for letting it happen . . . for being so weak. I was disappointed in her and then in myself for being so cold. I thought I didn’t have a heart. Not until I fell for Sadie, anyway. And then I thought it was only limited to her.”
I feel a tiny nanoparticle of doubt sneak in. His mother was weak and I can be weak too. “You’re not worried that I’m like her, are you?”
He pulls away so he can see me better. “Are you kidding me? You’re the strongest woman I know.”
I laugh at his sorry attempt to placate me. “Ha, ha.”
“No, seriously.” He gets up on his side, propping his upper body on his bent arm. “You are . . . incredible. I mean, look at you.” He shakes his head, ignoring my reddening face. “You’re beautiful, yeah, but you’re you; you’re independent, smart, brave . . .”
I have to stop him right there. “Brave? No, Amber’s brave. I’m a lily-livered chicken poop.”
“Bullshit. You’re fierce. You do what needs to be done, and you don’t let fear get in the way. Someone who never has fear in the first place isn’t brave when they do things; they’re just being who they are. You take fear and make it your bitch. I admire the hell out of that.”
I giggle like a little girl. He really knows how to flatter me. “I was scared shitless when I thought Drake was at your door.”
“Yeah, sure, but you didn’t let it stop you, did you? You packed up and got the hell out of there instead of panicking and hiding in the closet. I get the fear, believe me. I know I didn’t help the situation by telling you he was after me. But it doesn’t matter anymore; he’s in jail now and he’s going to stay there. Patty sent me an email with the link to that news story, and I confirmed it with the detective on the case, so it’s done.”
“But they’re saying he killed someone.”
“Yeah. Another drug-dealing gangbanger who probably deserved it, and he got caught red-handed. The only thing that matters is we’re safe. Madison’s debts are not my debts, and the man who was claiming otherwise is gone.”
“He’ll get out eventually.”
“Maybe in thirty years if he’s lucky. They’re throwing the book at him. He’s a career criminal they’ve been trying to get off the streets for over a decade. Trust me, we’re fine.”
“I know we are.” I reach up to kiss him. “We have each other.”
“And we’re creating a family together,” he says, his voice dropping and his hand coming down to rub my belly. “I’m totally committed to you and our kids. And one day I want to marry you, but only when you’re ready.”
I want to weep with happiness. We have plenty of time for the marriage stuff. I’m still not quite believing the fact that I even found this man in the first place. “I love you, Sam. Thank you for helping me find my courage.”
“I love you more, Emerald Collins. Thank you for helping me find peace and love in my life.”
We move in closer and our lips touch. His tongue comes out to lick me and sends a spark right into my heart.
“You know . . . we have to get up really early to do the chores,” I say, smiling against his mouth. “We should probably go to sleep.”
“I can be quick,” he whispers, smiling back devilishly.
“Well, then, what’s stopping you?”
He leaps onto me and growls into my neck, sending peals of my laughter out into our bedroom. I am so in love with this incredibly talented, complicated, and emotional music man, and I’m overjoyed to have finally found my place in the world. I thank the Lord above and all the Fates with a hand in my destiny that my place—the place where I feel free and confident about who I am, the place where I will raise my own family and get to know the one I was denied for twenty-five years—turned out to be right here at Glenhollow Farms.