Chapter 35

Josie broke the news to Annette over breakfast the next morning. It was unnerving how calm Annette was about it. She was understanding and reassuring, even encouraging. She seemed excited for Josie. If only Josie could muster the same enthusiasm.

There was no trip to the bookshop for coffee with the girls that morning. Instead, Josie called Lizzie and gave her the news. They discussed finding a replacement for her at the kennels. That made it all seem real. She was leaving. Suddenly, she was terrified by the prospect. What if she’d made the wrong decision?

She wanted to speak to Sam, needed him to wrap her in a big hug and tell her everything would be okay. With his reassurance, she’d be able to breathe easily again.

It wasn’t that simple, though.

When she perched on his couch that evening, he took the armchair. There was distance between them already.

“You accepted the job, didn’t you?”

She nodded and moved to the arm of the chair. “I need to give it a try. I feel like I’ll regret it if I don’t. I’ll forever wonder.”

“When do you leave?”

She bit her lip at the hurt in his eyes. “A couple of weeks.”

There was silence for a moment before he spoke. “I thought you liked working for Annette. I thought you were happy here.”

“I was … I am. But I—”

“You’re never happy.” He stood and crossed the room, turning back to her when he reached the window. “Max did try and warn me.”

“Warn you of what?” she demanded.

“That you wouldn’t stick around. That you never stick at anything.”

She couldn’t help the tears then. It was partly true, of course. She hadn’t been great at sticking at jobs. She’d spent a long time drifting from one thing to another, always looking for something better.

“This is what I wanted for so long,” she said tearfully.

“I thought you wanted to be with me. What was this, just a bit of fun for you?”

“No.” She went to him, reached for his hand. “I love you.”

“Don’t,” he said bitterly, snatching his hand back.

“But it’s true.”

“It’s slightly hard to believe when you’ve already decided you’re leaving me.”

“I’m not leaving you.” She took a deep breath.

“I’m not moving to London, Josie.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to. But we don’t have to split up.”

“So, what’s the plan? You’ll come back here on weekends? Didn’t you recently have a similar conversation with your ex?”

“It’s not like with Jack,” she said.

He stood rigid. “I told you I won’t have a long-distance relationship.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks. “You said you didn’t want one. I know it’s not ideal …”

“It’s not just that I don’t want it. I won’t do it.”

She frowned, biting her lip as her chin quivered. “But I love you. And I thought you loved me.”

His features softened. “I do. Of course I do. I just know long-distance won’t work. Not for me. I need to see you more than just a couple of times a month.”

“So what are you saying, that it’s over between us?”

His eyes pleaded with her. “I’m saying don’t go.”

There was a short pause. She knew if she stayed for Sam, she’d end up resenting him. She hated that he’d even ask. “London isn’t the other end of the world. It’s only a drive away.”

He moved away from her and sat on the couch. “A five-hour drive.”

Her brow furrowed and she could feel her blood pulsing faster. “So you claim you love me but not enough to drive five hours to see me? You don’t love me enough to make that much effort?”

He hung his head and rubbed at his temples. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Tears streamed steadily down her face. Every muscle in her body was tense. He only wanted to be with her on his terms. How could he say he loved her and then ask her to give up her dreams? When he finally looked at her, there were tears in his eyes too, but she couldn’t rustle any sympathy. Wiping her cheeks, she walked to the door. He called her name, but she didn’t stop and he didn’t come after her.

She was still crying when she got back to Annette. She sat at the kitchen table and hugged Macy when she jumped into her lap.

Annette gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. “You talked to Sam?”

Josie nodded miserably. “He asked me not to go. Said it’s over between us if I go to London.”

Annette switched the kettle on and joined Josie at the table. “Give him some time to get used to the idea. Talk to him again when he’s calmed down.”

“I don’t want to lose him.” More tears appeared. “Maybe I shouldn’t go? I might be making a huge mistake.”

“I think you should go,” Annette said.

“Really?” Josie wasn’t sure whether to be happy at the support or offended.

“You’re following your dreams. How can that be a mistake?”

“But if I lose Sam …”

“If you give up on your dreams for Sam, things won’t work out anyway. You know that. He should never have asked you to stay.”

“I know. I’m so angry with him.” She sniffed. “But he looked so hurt, and that’s because of me. I never wanted to hurt him. And I really can’t stand the thought of losing him.”

Annette patted her hand. “He loves you. You won’t lose him.” She stood and began to make a pot of tea. “Everything will be okay in the end. You’ll see.”