Chapter Ten

A PUBLIC high school played host to the event, and its auditorium was packed, likely due to the high-caliber celebrities playing the main roles. Residents of a women’s shelter filled out the supporting cast, as the benefit was for the shelter. Carter sat in the third row behind Will Smith, and next to Ethan’s family. Ethan had spent all day in rehearsal.

“He wouldn’t let us come,” Liz said, her voice a whisper below the anticipatory murmur of the audience. “He wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Not like he wasn’t practicing ever since he heard the line,” Elliot said, but he seemed happy about it.

During the day, Carter had popped in and out of rehearsal and had glimpsed Ethan talking with Alice, but hadn’t been able to do more than wave. He’d spent most of his day making last-second changes to the transposed songs. “I’m sure he’ll be great.”

“Of course he will be.” Liz looked affronted that any other possibility might exist.

Carter opened his program. He hadn’t been able to read any of the production notes, but with ten minutes before curtain it was a good way to kill time. He was reading the dramaturge’s notes when the woman next to him cleared her throat.

“Do you mind?”

Carter turned to see her glaring at him. “I’m sorry?”

“You keep bumping into me. Can you sit still?”

“I, um.” His words to explain that he hadn’t known dried up. He stared at her helplessly.

“Look. Just stop fidgeting, okay?”

“I’m suh-suh—I’m—”

Elliot leaned across Carter. “He can’t help it. If you’ve got a problem, move.”

“We paid for these seats.”

“I didn’t know I was doing anything,” Carter said, addressing his apology to his knees. “I’m sorry.” He glanced at Elliot. Elliot is helping? Not only was Elliot helping, he looked like he was going to punch the woman.

“How could you not know?” the woman asked. “You jostled me so much I feel like I’m on a fucking boat.”

Carter kept his gaze down. Shoving his hands under his thighs to stop them from jerking only made his elbows fly out. He wanted the conversation to end. “I’m sorry. I don’t always realize.” If she would just leave him alone, he would spend the entire performance concentrating on holding his tics in.

“I told you, he can’t help it. Are you deaf?” Elliot asked.

“Elliot!” Liz leaned into the conversation. “What’s going on?”

Carter tried to sink into the floor.

“Your son,” the woman pointed at Carter, “won’t stop fidgeting.”

“Carter, trade seats with me,” Liz said.

“I’m not her son,” Carter said. He got up anyway and resettled between Elliot and Nolan.

Liz smiled at the woman. “Now, you and I are going to have a little talk about consideration for other people’s situations.”

“You can fidget now; it’s cool,” Elliot said.

Sharp tears gathered in his eyes. He focused on the stage. When the performance started, he had relaxed enough to enjoy it. The new actor pulled off his sudden role superbly. But for Carter and the Harts, Ethan was the star of the show.

He delivered the line “More tea, sir?” with perfect timing and an adroitly arched eyebrow at the moment the hapless lead learned he’d accidentally dated his own sister. The line got a huge laugh. Ethan remained on stage, pot extended with both hands, and Carter was close enough to see the smile tugging his lips. He looked amazing too. Carter guessed that the costume was the surprise Ethan had been saving. Ethan was dressed head to toe in Victorian manservant’s clothes, which emphasized his long legs and torso. His hair was slicked up and back and when he moved a certain way, it caught in the light as if glitter had been thrown in. He looked like an angel. When the laughter stopped, the other actor delivered his line dismissing Ethan’s character, and Ethan left the stage to a round of applause. Carter looked down the row and saw tears glistening in Liz’s and Nolan’s eyes. He glanced back at the stage, at the closed door where Ethan had exited. No one would know he was brain damaged from what he’d just done. Maybe they were thinking about that.

At the curtain call, Carter leapt to his feet and didn’t even mind that he released three hoots without meaning to. He stomped too, and let himself go for those few seconds because Ethan deserved all of it. Ethan had apparently, unsurprisingly, befriended the entire cast. Ten minutes passed before he could get offstage as everyone hugged him and kissed his cheek.

“Did you like it?” he asked, coming up to Carter and his family with that breathless, eager smile.

“Oh, Pal, you were amazing!” Nolan said. He clapped Ethan on the shoulders. Liz smiled and blew her nose.

Ethan turned to Carter. “Did I do well, Carter?”

Carter looked into Ethan’s bright eyes as emotion he couldn’t control washed over him. “You did, yuh, uh uh yuh—” He couldn’t talk, the feeling was so strong. It was happiness and pride—I know this guy, this awesome, amazing guy—that made Carter want to jump up and down and point and have everyone know. Ethan’s face started to fall; Ethan hated it when Carter was too uncomfortable to talk and he probably thought that he was responsible for Carter’s stuttering and Carter didn’t want Ethan to ever think that, to ever have his face fall when everything was amazing, he was amazing and… Ethan’s lips were soft and slick with gloss; Carter’s slid over them when he gave up on words and decided on action. He started to pull away because they were kissing in front of everyone, oh shit, but Ethan grabbed his upper arms and kissed back. When they broke apart, Ethan’s grip was the only thing keeping Carter upright and the taste of Ethan’s lip gloss replaced the remnants of popcorn in Carter’s mouth. “I luh luh,” he tried again, meaning to say he’d loved the show, but since words still weren’t coming, he kissed Ethan once more. Ethan loosened his death grip on Carter’s arms and slid his hands around Carter’s back and it was about as perfect as a kiss could be.

This time, the kiss was interrupted by other people surrounding them. Carter pulled back to see members of the cast joining in with a hug. “Is this your boyfriend?” the girl who’d played the maid asked.

Ethan looked at Carter. His eyebrows arched upward in a silent question. “It’s, uh, we’re thinking about it,” Carter said. Looking into Ethan’s shining eyes, he wanted to say yes, but his head was jumbled from the excitement of Ethan’s performance and the unabashed enthusiasm of their kiss. Ethan was probably in a similar state, and they needed to be clearheaded about this. He smiled to let Ethan know that right now the matter was open for discussion.

“You two look cute together,” the girl said. She gave Ethan a squeeze. “See you at the after-party?”

Ethan turned to Liz. “Can I go, Mom?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

“Carter can come too. Right, Carter?” Ethan turned his smile toward Carter.

“Yeah, I’ll go and make sure he gets back to the hotel all right.” The girl pushed directions into Carter’s hand. Carter stared at them. He’d just volunteered to go to a party. With people. He lifted his gaze to Ethan, stunned.

“Hey, Superstar!” Alice appeared and touched Ethan’s elbow. “You were amazing!”

“Thank you.” Ethan beamed.

“Let’s get you back to the dressing room. The wardrobe staff is missing that coat.”

Ethan clutched it around his chest, protective. “I like it a lot.”

Alice smiled. “Well, maybe we can talk them into letting you keep a cuff link. Would that be good?”

“Yeah.” Ethan brightened. “Can Carter come too? He’s going to the after-party with me.”

Alice raised an eyebrow. “A party, Carter?”

“Yeah, well,” Carter said. He tried not to shuffle his feet like a big kid.

Alice touched Ethan’s chest over his heart. “Well, I’ll be. You’ve got some kind of magic, Ethan Hart.”

Ethan shrugged as a look of confusion crossed his face. “I just like Carter.”

“I think we’ll head back to the hotel,” Nolan said. “Don’t be too late at the party. Home by midnight. We have an early start tomorrow to get home.”

“Okay,” Ethan said.

“Sure thing,” said Carter.

“It’s about time,” Liz whispered as she gave Carter a hug. “We’ve been waiting for you boys to figure things out.”

“Thanks,” Carter said. He wasn’t sure how to feel about Nolan and Liz having a stake in when he’d come to his senses about Ethan.

Nolan and Liz led Elliot and Jennifer out, and Alice pushed Ethan and Carter toward the hallway to reach the school’s band room that doubled as a dressing room. The hall was relatively deserted apart from a few people waiting for their friends. “I have to see to some things. I’ll see you guys later,” Alice said. She ran off, unhooking a walkie-talkie from her belt as she went.

Ethan was quiet as they walked on. Carter took his hand, not knowing what to say, or, if the quiet was due to Ethan needing to soak in the experience or because of their kiss. “Ethan….”

“I don’t know anything special to do, Carter.” Ethan’s head and shoulders drooped.

“What do you mean? You don’t have to do anything special. You are amazing just being you.”

Ethan stopped walking. He held onto Carter’s hand, so Carter stopped too. “You kissed me the first time because I sang and you really liked it. I wanted to kiss you again, but you wouldn’t let me.” Ethan’s eyes settled on the wall over Carter’s shoulder. “And now you kissed me because I did a good job in the play. What do I have to do to get you to kiss me again?”

The observation slammed into Carter’s gut. Ethan was the astute one, that was for sure. Between him and Carter, he’d been the only one unconfused, but that was because Ethan saw things in black and white, and Carter’s world was a panoply of grays. But now that distinction between their outlooks had caused Ethan to stop in the middle of a hallway painted in school colors, minutes after getting a standing ovation, with an expression so destitute that Carter wanted to bang his head against the wall for being so stupid. Not everything needed to be over-thought and analyzed. He wouldn’t regret doing it; at the time of their first kiss, he hardly knew Ethan, so waiting and getting to know him better was the right thing. But now, he knew Ethan. He wanted Ethan’s arms around him and to protect and be protected by him.

Ethan bit his lower lip and kept his gaze over Carter’s head, focused steadfastly on the wall.

“Don’t chew your lip. You’ll hurt yourself.” Carter skimmed his thumb over Ethan’s mouth and plucked Ethan’s lip free.

“Don’t care,” Ethan said.

“Ethan.”

Ethan looked down, but he didn’t meet Carter’s eyes. Carter wished he would. This would be a lot easier.

“You don’t have to do anything special to get a kiss from me. I’ll kiss you whenever you want. I’ll kiss you when you’re doing boring things. Like standing in a hallway waiting to change your clothes.”

Ethan’s smile returned, though with an edge of disbelief in his eyes. “Really?”

“Really.” Carter put his hand on the back of Ethan’s neck and brought him down to his lips so he could prove it.

“I can do a lot of boring things,” Ethan said. He turned his head to brush his stubble against Carter’s cheek.

“Then I guess you’ll be getting a lot of kisses.” Carter brought Ethan back to his mouth. Ethan withdrew slightly.

“Are we boyfriends?”

“Do you want to be?” Carter asked. Someone at the end of the hall flashed the lights, a signal to get moving. Carter stayed where he was, halfway between the auditorium and the band room with Ethan’s body an inch from him and Ethan’s blue eyes searing into his. He clutched Ethan’s arms, holding onto him just like Ethan gripped Carter in the middle of the night. This was no nightmare though. This was weak-kneed hope.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” Ethan said.

“Me too.” This time, the kiss pushed Carter against the wall. He locked his arms around Ethan’s neck. Ethan stroked his hair. It was shock and comfort all at once; belonging and terror; resiliency and relief. Carter clung on as Ethan did the same. They kissed until someone bumped into them and knocked them out of their haze.

AT THE after-party, Carter and Ethan danced until Ethan’s bad leg made him need to sit down. Ethan couldn’t drink because of the medication he had to take, so Carter stuck to soda too. He returned from the bar to see Beyoncé walking away from Ethan and Ethan looking like a kid on his birthday morning.

“She said I did a good job!” Ethan said. Then he dove into Carter for a hug, which sent Carter’s heart rate skyrocketing.

As they waited for a cab on the curb outside, Carter slipped his hand into Ethan’s.

Ethan said, “I’m not wandering off,” because, of course, that was what he associated with someone holding his hand on the street.

“I thought maybe I could hold your hand because I’m your boyfriend now,” Carter said, but he started to pull away in case Ethan didn’t like it.

“Oh.” And there was Ethan’s smile again, surprised and delighted. “Oh, yes, that’s fine. I like that.”

Carter grinned up at him. “Good.”

When the cab arrived, Carter opened the door for Ethan. He gave the cabbie directions to Ethan’s hotel and asked that the second stop be John’s apartment. Ethan cuddled against him. He tugged on Carter’s shirt. Carter squeezed his hand.

“Not in front of the driver,” Carter said. He tried to keep his voice soft, but the driver still glanced at them in his mirror.

“No hanky-panky,” the driver said.

“Kiss?” Ethan asked.

The driver made a motion that seemed to say kissing was okay. “Clothes stay on!”

Carter put his hands on Ethan’s shoulders. “You all right with that?”

“Yeah.” They kissed until the taxi stopped at Ethan’s hotel. Even trying to follow the driver’s rules, Carter’s shirt had ended up around his midsection and Ethan’s was pushed up his back. The driver banged on the window.

“Here. Out.”

Carter grabbed another kiss. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?”

“No. I can do it.” Ethan looked defensive. It didn’t sit well on his kiss-swollen lips. Carter had clutched Ethan’s hair for most of the ride, and it looked like it had been through a wind tunnel. He reached up to smooth it down.

“I didn’t mean you couldn’t. I meant if you want another minute with me, I could walk you in.”

“Oh.” Mischievous desire took over Ethan’s expression.

“I’m not waiting. My shift’s almost over.” The driver settled the debate.

“See you tomorrow.” Carter leaned out of the taxi to give Ethan a final kiss for the night. He fell back into the seat after Ethan stepped away. Ethan waved and walked into his hotel.

“We just started dating tonight,” Carter said. He felt he owed the driver an explanation.

“Yes, yes.” The driver waved in a circle. “You are lucky. Not every driver is as open-minded as me. Your ride could have been different.”

“Thank you,” Carter said.

“Other drivers, they might refuse to take you and your boyfriend. I’m not like that.”

“We appreciate it.”

The driver continued to tell Carter what he might have faced with “those other drivers” and Carter continued to thank him until they arrived at his building. Carter gave him a twenty percent tip. He exited still being told how lucky he was.

Inside the building, Carter eased open the door to his old apartment. The squeaky hinge announced him anyway. John, on the couch, muted the television. “How’d it go?”

“The performance was great,” Carter said. He waited a beat. “Ethan and I are together now.”

“Wow.” John raised an eyebrow. “Must have been some play. What was it about?”

“Victorian socioeconomic class disputes.”

“Of course it was.” John got up. “I’m happy for you, man. See you in the morning.”

“You were waiting up for me?” Carter asked.

“What?” John feigned insult. “I’m not your mother.”

“Right.” Carter grabbed his bag to find his pajamas. “Good night.”

“Night.” John went into his room and closed the door.

Carter decided he was too tired to change. He pulled his pants and shirt off and fell onto the couch in his shorts and undershirt. The last thing he remembered before sleep was the softness of Ethan’s lips against his and the scratch of Ethan’s stubble against his cheeks.