Chapter Sixteen

 

“YOU need to shower before you go to your appointment,” Carter said. “You’re starting to attract flies.”

Ethan lifted his arms to sniff himself. He hadn’t felt like taking a shower since his first night when Carter had suggested it. He preferred to stay in his T-shirt and underwear. It was more comfortable. “I don’t want to.”

“As a favor for me, would you please? You have to get dressed to go, so you might as well shower.”

Ethan lifted his T-shirt to scratch his stomach. He did feel kind of gross, now that Carter had mentioned it. Ethan gave it some consideration. Mom had brought him more clothes. They were freshly cleaned, and he didn’t really want to put them on while he was dirty. “Okay.” Getting up from the couch, Ethan started for the stairs.

“That was easy,” Carter said.

“Uh-huh.”

In the shower, Carter had placed a sign on the wall. Ethan noticed it when he stepped inside the tub and drew the curtain.

How to Have a Great Shower

1. Wet and shampoo your hair.

2. Rinse until water runs clear.

It continued with the familiar steps from the list at Ethan’s house, although some of them were condensed. Ethan didn’t know if he should be happy or depressed. He’d made a stupid mistake by not rinsing his hair the first night. Sure, Carter had said it could happen to anyone, but if that was true, why would Carter put that list there when it wasn’t before? Maybe making things easier for Carter hadn’t been a good idea because now he had time to think about how Ethan was brain damaged. Ethan knew he’d always need some help, but at Carter’s house he could forget sometimes that there was something wrong with him. Carter never treated him like there was.

He glanced back at the sign. He was upset now, so he might as well use the list or else Carter would think he was hopeless.

5. You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever known. Thank you for being in my life.

Ethan read it again. And again.

He tore the sign off the wall and raced downstairs, being sure to hold onto the railing. Seeing Carter on the couch, Ethan dove on top of him and kissed him.

“So you saw it?” Carter asked. He rested his hands on Ethan’s wet hips.

“I saw it.” Happiness wanted to burst from him. It welled up and spilled out in tears. Maybe this was why Carter had cried the first time they had sex. Thinking of Carter happy like this made Ethan even happier. “Thank you.”

“Did you finish your shower?”

“No.” He started for the stairs, stopped, and picked up the sign. In the shower, he put it back in its spot.

Over the next couple of days, Ethan found other notes. “I love you.” with directions for working the microwave. “You’re perfect.” alongside the entertainment system; “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” next to the breadbox with directions for making grilled cheese sandwiches.

Ethan scrawled out his own notes and stuck them between the pages of Carter’s scores. “You make me feel like there’s nothing wrong with me.” “I want you every day.” “Your ass is amazing.” He put a smiley face on the last one. Each time Carter found one, he gave Ethan a big kiss.

 

 

“ETHAN!” Vera threw her arms around Ethan’s neck, going on her tiptoes to do so. “You’re here!”

“Yeah,” Ethan said. He took his apron down from its hook and put it on. He didn’t know why she was surprised. She’d come to Carter’s house in the morning, stamped her tiny foot and said, “Everyone misses you. Get your ass back to work.” Ethan hadn’t even had a chance to tell her “no” before she slammed the door and left.

He wouldn’t have been able to come if not for his meetings with Dr. Sorensen. She helped Ethan understand what he was feeling toward his parents and talked to him about Mike and Douglas. He was angry at them too, but mostly he felt betrayed.

“Your friends and family love you,” she said, and they worked on helping him go outside again. His parents came over every evening. Ethan had started looking forward to it. Elliot came sometimes, or else he came after school. Carter seemed happier too, which was great. Dr. Sorensen said they could talk about medicine to help Ethan get hard, but first they should focus on what Ethan was going through. Carter came in for a few sessions and said he didn’t mind about Ethan not being able to have sex with him; he just wanted Ethan to be happy.

“Sex makes me happy,” Ethan said.

“I thought I made you happy.” Carter rubbed Ethan’s hand.

“Sex with you makes me super happy.”

Dr. Sorensen cleared her throat. Ethan beamed at her while Carter turned red.

He glanced over to Mike and Douglas’s table. A woman sat there now with her head buried in a book. Carter had driven him, but instead of dropping him off, Carter had taken a place at his usual table, which he’d covered with music sheets. He bent over a notebook with his pencil. Ethan walked over to him. “You don’t have to be here. I’m fine.”

Carter looked up. “One, I like it here. Two, I know you’re fine. Three, boyfriends visit each other at work.”

“They do?”

“Yes. Now go away so I can get some work done.” Carter squeezed Ethan’s hand.

“Okay.” Ethan headed for the counter to pick up another order. Andy was glad to have him back, too, which he said was because he was sick of doing Ethan’s work for him, but he gave Ethan a big hug and said, “Missed you, man,” and looked teary when he let go.

Pepper rubbed against Ethan’s legs when he went into the back, and she wouldn’t let him move a box until he stroked her. “Sorry I was gone so long.” She glared at him and nudged his hand with her head.

He recognized a lot of the customers too. They all asked how he was doing, so he told them how he found out he wasn’t hit by a car after all, but that made him think about everything that had happened since he learned the truth, so he started to get upset and Vera took him into the back so he could pet Pepper and calm down. Carter had left by then.

“Do you want me to call him?” Vera asked.

“No. I’ll be fine. Dr. Sorensen says I can’t hide from it. I just need a minute.”

“Take as long as you need.”

“But not too long,” Andy said, “there’s a spill in the back.” But he squeezed Ethan’s shoulder and pushed him down when Ethan started to stand. Pepper dug her claws into Ethan’s lap.

“I don’t think Pepper’s done with me,” Ethan said. He picked her up and hugged her against his cheek. “I’ll be out soon.”

“You know,” Andy said, “you could try not telling people the whole story, since it makes you feel this way.”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“How about, if they say it’s good to see you back, you say ‘thank you’, and if they say ‘what happened?’, you say ‘I needed to take some time for myself.’ That’s the truth, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. But it feels like lying not to say everything that happened when they ask me.”

“There’s a difference between lying and protecting yourself.”

Ethan jerked his head up to stare at Andy. “That’s what my mom said.”

Andy pressed his lips together. “Well, I’m not saying what your parents did was the right thing, but maybe it’s something you should try for yourself.” Bending down, he kissed Ethan’s cheek. “Come out soon. That spill might have dried by now.”

When he returned to the front, the customer who had been talking to Ethan before he started crying walked over to him. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said. “I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I cry sometimes and I can’t help it.” The woman was a regular, so she probably knew that.

“I’m still sorry. You know we think a lot about you. Everyone here does. We never want to see you upset.”

Ethan hadn’t known people felt that way about him. It almost made him want to cry again, but this time because he felt loved. “Thank you.” She made a sound like “eep!” when Ethan hugged her, but then she gave him a big squeeze in return. Ethan went back to work. He took Andy’s advice and only said “thank you” when people said “welcome back” to him and didn’t go into what had happened. It helped.

When he went home to Carter’s house, they sat curled up on the couch together.

“How was the rest of your day?” Carter asked.

“I got upset because I talked about Mike and Douglas.”

“Oh, Ethan.”

“I’ll talk to Dr. Sorensen about it.” Ethan patted Carter so Carter wouldn’t get upset too. “But after that, a lady told me how much everyone loves me.”

Smiling, Carter tugged him close by pulling on Ethan’s shirt and kissed him. “Of course they do. But not as much as me, right?”

Ethan pretended to think about it. “Well, I don’t know. She said they love me a lot—” He laughed as Carter pushed him onto his back with a fake growl and pounced on top of him.

“I’ll show you love, mister!” Carter said. Ethan flung his arms around Carter and hooked a leg around Carter’s. If they couldn’t have sex, kissing was the next best thing. Sometimes, Ethan thought it was better than sex. He loved Carter’s little sounds and the way he alternated between short kisses and long ones that made him gasp for air because he forgot to breathe during them. After one of those long kisses, Ethan made Carter stop. Carter hovered above him, his lips pink and his mouth open. “Huh?”

“I believe you,” Ethan said. “And so you know, I love you the most too.”

“I know.” Carter’s grin was huge. Ethan studied it, wanting to remember it always, and to always have Carter happy like this. Ecstatic, he pulled Carter back down so they could kiss more.

 

 

CARTER looked up from his desk as Ethan burst into the living room. Alice was coming up for the weekend to stand over him while he finished a late score, and he wanted to get as much done as possible before she arrived. Elliot lay on the couch, headphones on, reading.

Ethan wasn’t wearing any pants. He stopped behind the couch, his smile brimming with joy. “My penis is hard!”

“I can see that,” Carter said. Ethan’s dick wagged beneath the bottom of his shirt.

Elliot pulled his headphones off and covered his eyes. “Please tell me he’s wearing pants.”

“Nope,” Carter opened his arms for a hug. Ethan raced around the couch. Carter grinned back at Ethan, too happy in Ethan’s joy to be embarrassed that it was all happening in front of Elliot.

Ethan dove into Carter’s embrace and lifted him to his feet. “I was just touching it like usual and then all of a sudden it happened!”

“I’m outta here. See ya.” Elliot fled, shielding his face with his hand to block them from view. Carter didn’t even pull back from Ethan’s hug to see if he’d closed the door properly.

“You want to do me right now, don’t you?” Carter asked.

“Yeah.”

Carter joined in with Ethan’s laughter. He kissed Ethan’s lips. “Go get the condom and lube. We have to be fast. I don’t want Alice walking in on you screwing me over the couch.”

Ethan held onto the banister for balance and ran up the stairs as fast as he could go. Carter went to check that the front door was locked.

When Ethan got back, Carter had his pants off and, as promised, was bent over the back of the couch so Ethan only saw his legs and ass. When Ethan didn’t touch him, Carter pushed himself up to look over his shoulder. Ethan was staring at his ass. “You’re beautiful, too,” Ethan said.

“You’re always looking at my butt when you say that.”

“Uh-huh.” Ethan moved closer to touch it. He lubed Carter up, stretched him with his fingers, put the condom on, and pushed in.

“Do it fast,” Carter said. “I want it hard. We’ve both been waiting for this.”

Ethan grabbed Carter’s hips and did everything Carter said.

Carter wished he was flexible enough to twist around and kiss him. Settling for stretching backward to touch Ethan’s arm, he said, “I love you, Ethan. You know. Love you.”

Ethan groaned out as his orgasm took him over. Carter felt Ethan’s heart pounding against his back as he collapsed down and pulled Carter backward to take him in hand. Carter came after a few fast strokes. “Love you too,” Ethan said. He caught Carter as Carter stood and turned around to land against Ethan’s chest. “So much.”

 

 

IT WASN’T fair that Ethan had to go to work. He wanted to stay home and have more sex, but Carter had work to do too, and Ethan had to be responsible. Plus Alice was visiting, and she said Carter was really behind. Carter told Ethan that his butt hurt from being “out of practice,” but that was supposed to be a secret between Ethan and him. The shift dragged, even though Carter was there at his usual table. Near the end, Alice came in, waved at him, and headed for Carter’s table. She’d stayed in the guest room the night before, and Ethan was pretty sure she’d heard them because Carter was loud, and her face was scrunched up through breakfast like she was trying not to laugh.

“Ethan, can you take the trash outside?” Vera pointed at the overflowing trashcans, and distracted him from wondering if Carter would say yes if Ethan asked him a fourth time to come into the back and suck his penis.

Every other time Carter had said, “Mom’s rule,” meaning the one about not having his penis out in public places, and Ethan had wandered off to sulk.

“Sure.” Going to each of their three trashcans, he tied off the full bags, replaced them with new ones, and dragged the garbage out the back door. The dumpster was in the back of the parking lot, three car spaces away. He pulled the bags down, wrinkling his nose against the dumpster smell as he got closer. Opening the dumpster lid, Ethan hefted the bags in and slammed the lid closed.

“Ethan.”

He froze as he recognized the voice, that same voice that had made him cry—and that was before he’d known what Douglas should really mean to him. Douglas was not allowed to be here.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

He could throw something from the dumpster… but no, it was empty except for his bags, and he couldn’t reach them now. Turning around, he faced Douglas.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know. Look, I’m staying back. I heard you were working again.” Douglas indicated that he had no intention of moving forward. He stood in front of the car closest to the coffee shop’s back door, while Ethan stood in front of the furthest car. “I just wanted to talk to you. Can I do that?”

Ethan didn’t see how he could get past Douglas, so he nodded. “Just don’t touch me.”

“I won’t. I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. Not only for what we did, but for coming back. I told Mike it was a bad idea, that you’d find out and it would hurt you worse if you thought we were friends.”

“It did,” Ethan said.

“He wouldn’t listen to me. He thought, I don’t know, if he could come in and be nice to you, it would make a difference for what we did to you.” He wiped his sleeve across his nose. “It just… it made it worse.”

“You didn’t like me. You were always telling him not to hang out with me.”

Douglas laughed, but he didn’t sound happy. “I don’t have any fucking right to like you. I knew what being nice to you would do to you when you found out. When, not if, Ethan. I knew you’d find out eventually. Mike’s a fucking, I don’t know, he’s got ideas about how to make everything better that don’t mean much in the real world.” He stepped forward, but stopped when Ethan stepped back. Douglas scooted backward again. “Sorry.”

“So, you were mean to me because of that?”

“I wasn’t mean to you. Telling Mike not to hang out with you isn’t the same as being mean to you.”

“Yes it is.”

Douglas glanced at the sky. Clear blue day, the day that normally made Ethan see music. Today the notes hung drained and unsung. “I guess you would see it that way. It wasn’t how I meant it. I knew this would happen, and I wanted to stop it.” He tugged his sleeves down. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t.”

“You didn’t have to come back,” Ethan said.

“That’s what I told Mike.” He shrugged. “He was always the fucking ringleader.”

“Always? He was…?” Ethan struggled to ask who had attacked him first. Whose idea it had been.

“That was both of us,” Douglas said. “We were out looking for trouble and we were stupid kids filled with too much hate. You know how kids are.”

“My brother’s fifteen. He’s not like you.” Except. Except Elliot was always angry. Maybe Elliot could be like that.

“Right.” Douglas scrubbed his hand over his forehead. “Right. Well, messed up kids, then. We didn’t know, we just… aw, fuck, I never thought I’d be standing here saying this to you.”

“Was I… why me?”

“You were there and you were wearing these….” He gestured down his legs. “…leggings. Black. And a chiffon scarf and….” He turned away. “Do you want to hear this?”

Dizzy, Ethan nodded. No one else would tell him what had happened. Getting the truth from the person responsible made him feel sick, but he couldn’t back away from it.

“We went after you at the same time. Back then, we read each other’s minds. I had my baseball bat—we’d come from a game—and he pulled a broken umbrella out of the trash and… you were on your rollerblades going against traffic. You paused at an intersection. Mike swung at your head and I took out your knee.”

“My limp?” Ethan asked. His knee throbbed in response to its mention.

“From that or because once you were down we jumped on you and kicked you. I don’t think you were awake for most of it. You fought back for a few seconds, but Mike clocked you again and, well….” He looked away.

“How long?” Ethan asked.

“Maybe thirty seconds. Maybe longer. I don’t know. We got pulled off. Some fat guy sat on me until the police came. He pinned me to the sidewalk. I couldn’t see you because of the people gathered around, but your legs stuck out. You had blood on your leggings. I remember that.”

Ethan braced himself against the dumpster. The smell was secondary now. Thirty seconds. It had taken thirty seconds for his life to change. “I could have been… I was good in school. And with everything. You took my life away from me. I could have been amazing.” His family and friends would respond with “You are.” Douglas didn’t say anything. Any moment, Vera would stick her head out to see if he’d gotten lost. She’d say it as a joke, but from the look in her eyes, the spark of honest worry would give her away.

“I think you should go now.”

“Yeah.” Douglas rubbed his arms. He fidgeted more than Carter. “Look, I’m not going to talk to you anymore, but I can’t guarantee Mike won’t try. He had a turn-around in prison. I know this is hard to believe, but we came out reformed. Flying colors and all that.”

Ethan didn’t answer.

“I know it doesn’t matter to you. But we… we learned a lot in there.”

The door opened. Instead of Vera, Andy stuck his head out. “You get lost out—?” Seeing Douglas, he grabbed the broom that was kept against the wall inside and came out. “I’m skilled in broom combat.” Andy weighed a fraction of Douglas’s weight, but Douglas put his hands up and stepped back, bumping into the car.

“I’m going.”

“Ethan, are you okay?” Andy asked. He thrust the broom stick at Douglas.

“I want to go inside.” Andy stood guard as Ethan walked past Douglas. Once inside, Andy closed and locked the door.

“Sit down. I’ll go get Carter.” He ushered Ethan onto a box of imported coffee. “You okay here?” He brushed his thumb over Ethan’s cheek. Ethan moved away from the touch.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be right back.”

There was never enough light in the backroom. A bulb had burnt out three years ago and never been replaced. It hung in the socket, providing a reminder of the light it used to give. Ethan felt like that bulb sometimes. He wondered if Douglas had left or if he stood outside still. Pepper emerged from behind a shelf. She sniffed his knee and walked away. All this time Ethan had thought Douglas hated him. Now he didn’t know what to think. Carter would know.

“Ethan? What happened? Andy said Douglas was here.” Carter rushed to him, arms out. He squeezed onto the box to sit beside him. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

Ethan put his arm around Carter’s shoulders so Carter could wrap around Ethan’s midsection. “I want to go home. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Okay. I’ll take you now.”

“Thank you.” Ethan got up and took his apron off. Carter talked to Vera and then Ethan walked out without a word to anyone.

“See you tomorrow,” Vera said.

“We’ll see,” Carter answered for him.

Carter drove the wrong direction. “Where are we going?”

“The beach,” Carter said. “You’re not going to hide in bed.”

Ethan couldn’t think of a reason to say no, so he didn’t. Carter reached across the console for his hand. Ethan reviewed the reasons for Carter to hold his hand now. He wasn’t about to walk into traffic, he wasn’t distracted. He was sad.

“Boyfriends comfort each other,” Carter said.

“So do moms.”

“Am I your mom?”

Ethan couldn’t resist a smile. “No.”

“Are you sure? Can moms do this?” At a traffic light, Carter touched Ethan’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. He grinned as he released him.

“No.” Ethan smiled big. “Moms do not do that.”

“Darn right,” Carter said.

Ethan squeezed Carter’s hand. He had Carter. That was a good thing. It didn’t matter what Douglas had said, didn’t matter that Douglas had confused him even further. Everyone said to be angry. They’d hidden him from that anger for so long and now that he knew the truth, they expected him to feel it.

He didn’t feel anything like anger. He only felt grief, deep and horrible sorrow for what he’d lost, even if he didn’t remember much of what Before felt like in his brain. He couldn’t remember walking without trouble, or having a mind that could focus for more than thirty seconds at a time. But he must have been able to once because he remembered doing certain things, like singing and acting and schoolwork, and all that took concentration and precision that he no longer had.

“We can make it a short night if you want,” Carter said.

“Okay.” It wasn’t even four o’clock. “Can we just see?”

“Yeah. Whatever you want.” Carter pulled into a parking spot behind the caravan. They headed for the fire pit together. When Carter took Ethan’s arm, it was to help him walk over the sand dunes, a necessary touch, but it felt nice anyway, like Carter wanted to do it. He put his other hand on the small of Ethan’s back and scratched a little. Ethan pulled his arm free from Carter’s and put it around his shoulders. That was better.

“Like boyfriends,” Ethan said.

Carter smiled up at him. “Perfect.”

 

 

ETHAN emerged from the dogpile of his friends frazzled but beaming. “I think they missed you,” Carter said. He reached up to help smooth the sand out of Ethan’s hair.

“Yeah, hey, sorry for all the shouty calls.” Frankie gave Carter a hug as Ethan wandered toward the campfire.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get him to come sooner,” Carter said. Ethan seemed at home now, sitting next to Rolla and holding a stick out for a hotdog. Carter went to join him.

After they ate, Horatio played a few songs. Carter leaned against Ethan’s warm side. Horatio was crazy talented, and Carter recognized how lucky he was to be able to hear him play. Ethan put his arm around him and lazily dragged his finger up Carter’s leg. Knowing Ethan as he did, Carter didn’t have to ask if Ethan was aware of how arousing that simple motion was. He had an uncanny knowledge of how to affect Carter with his touches. Carter was about to suggest that they head home when Horatio stopped playing.

“Come on, Carter. Today’s the day you show us what you can do.” Horatio held the guitar out. Carter peeled himself away from Ethan’s side. The fire and Ethan’s attention had made him pleasantly warm, sleepy, but he still hesitated. Frankie had shaved his head except for his bangs, which flopped into his face. Horatio had a pink ribbon braided into his goatee, and Rolla wore what appeared to be a brown grocery bag as a dress. Somehow, it looked fantastic on her. She had bedecked her light brown arms in thin gold chains that crisscrossed from her wrist up to her shoulders and across her collarbone.

“I don’t like to play in front of people,” Carter said. “Except for Ethan.”

“You play in front of Elliot now,” Ethan said.

“That’s different. He’s not paying attention.”

“Please?” Vera asked. “Ethan’s told me so much about your music. I’d love to hear it.” Vera had arrived an hour ago after ending her shift. Alice had come with her. She sat on the log next to Jules, looking happy as a clam. The beer probably helped. With the show she had Carter working on now, her stress level was as high as Carter had seen it. The composer was alive for this one and called every thirty seconds to check on everything from staging to costumes, down to the buttons.

“No need to have stage fright with us,” Horatio said.

“It’s not stage fright. I don’t like it when people look at me. I don’t know why I’d do something that encouraged people to do that.” Admitting it made him want to hide, even though this group would never judge him. No one paid any attention when he twitched. He’d given himself over to them after failing to stop the first few jerks and seeing that no one cared or commented.

“I like to look at you,” Ethan said quietly. “Please play something, Carter.” Keeping his gaze on Ethan’s warm expression and drawing courage from it, Carter reached for the guitar. He brought it to his lap. He cleared his throat and forced himself to glance around the fire. “Any requests?”

“Something you wrote,” Vera said.

“Play the one you wrote before you moved here,” Alice said.

“Have I heard that?” Ethan sounded eager.

“No,” Carter said. “It’s not very good. I’m not as good as you,” he said to Horatio.

Horatio waved his protest off. “Few people are. Play.”

Carter played. It was a slow song, perfect for sitting by the fire under the stars with the distant sound of water lapping the shore. He didn’t have all the lyrics yet, but he hummed and sang the verse. The second time around, Ethan hummed with him. Horatio picked up another guitar and played along as Frankie tapped out a rhythm with a stick against the log.

“You should perform at Pepper’s,” Vera said when he finished. “We do open mic on Wednesdays.”

“I know,” Carter said. “That’s why I never go there on Wednesdays.”

“You would do a really good job, Carter. I know it,” Ethan said. He gave Carter a one-armed hug.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Either be there or never have coffee again.” Vera gave the ultimatum.

“Well, when you put it that way….” He didn’t get to finish because Ethan tackle-hugged him and knocked them both off the back of the log.

“My guitar!” Horatio yelled.

“It’s fine!” Carter held it up with one hand as he caressed Ethan’s face with the other. Ethan shoved the guitar into Frankie’s outstretched hand and rolled on top of Carter.

“Somebody get a hose,” Rolla said. “But aim it away from my dress.”

Carter laughed and hooked his arms and legs around Ethan. When they got up, Ethan turned him around and dusted him off. Apparently most of the sand had stuck to Carter’s ass. At least, that was where Ethan concentrated his attention. “Okay, I think you got it.” Carter fidgeted away as Ethan, grinning, slapped him one last time.

Horatio started to play again. He was a professional guitarist, and his skills showed it. He could do anything, rock, classical, metal. Anything. If Carter could sit at his feet and soak in his knowledge and talent, he’d do it in a heartbeat. There was no need for him to do that though, because talent like that needed to be shared, and that was something Carter could never do. Never mind that he’d just been good-naturedly bullied into an open mic night. Horatio played on stages. Big ones. He led a crazy life, one that involved hotels and stadiums and then coming back to a caravan by the ocean. Carter had watched videos of him online after Ethan told him where to find them. Horatio was as comfortable onstage as he was sitting on a log. Carter would never be like that.

Although, the fact he was thinking about it might say something. He wasn’t sure what. But he hadn’t given a thought to himself onstage for years. Those thoughts had stopped at age sixteen when he’d treated his entire high school to an unadulterated chorus of nerve-amplified tics instead of the rendition of “Blackbird” that he’d intended.

“I saw Douglas today.” Ethan interrupted Carter’s thoughts.

“What?” The question, from Rolla, came out sharp. Carter touched Ethan’s leg, trying to soothe him if her tone had alarmed Ethan. Everyone grew quiet.

“And?” Frankie asked. “What did he say? What did you do?”

“Did he touch you?” Jules asked.

“He told me what happened. No one else told me that.” Ethan sounded dull. Worried looks passed between the others. Carter understood. Ethan drained was a different person.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alice asked.

“You already knew what happened to me? All of you? Not Carter and Alice, but all of you?” Ethan looked around.

“We didn’t know, Ethan,” Horatio said. “We met you after, remember?”

“I knew,” Vera said. “But I didn’t think it was my business to tell you. I mean, why would I tell you something like that?”

Ethan kicked the sand at his feet. A bit hit the fire. It flickered and went out in that section. “I don’t know who knows anything. My parents lied to me.”

“We’ve never lied to you,” Frankie said.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but we’re all here for you.”

“Thanks.” Ethan gave him a watery smile.

“So, did Douglas stop by only to tell you what happened?” Alice asked. Alice was good at getting to the heart of things.

“He wanted to talk about Mike.”

“About anything in particular?”

Ethan kicked the sand again. “No.”

“Ethan.” Carter turned to him and took his hand. “Do you want to talk about it later?”

Instead of answering, Ethan hugged him. Carter held on until he stopped shaking. As he pulled away, Ethan whispered, “I miss Mike being my friend but I don’t want to see him ever again.”

“Oh, baby.” Carter kissed Ethan’s cheek as Ethan slid out of his arms.

“I think it’s time to call it a night,” Alice said. “Early start tomorrow.” She chugged the rest of her beer and tossed it down.

“You riding home with us?” Carter asked.

“Vera goes in the other direction once we get to the city, so yeah. That all right?”

“Of course.”

“Hey.” Alice took Carter’s other arm. Ethan sleepily walked with his arm draped over Carter’s shoulder. “It’s funny, you know.”

“What?” Carter asked.

She rested her head on his shoulder and against Ethan’s hand. “You came out here to get away from people and now you’re surrounded by more friends than you’ve had, probably in your life. You’re playing original music for them. And you’ve agreed to do an open mic night. In public.”

“The coffee is really good,” Carter said. Ethan murmured in assent.

“I can’t argue with that,” Alice said.

Carter hugged them both. In the car, Alice curled up in the backseat and fell asleep. Carter remembered the last time they’d made this drive at night, when he’d told Ethan that he loved him. He wondered if Ethan was thinking about that, too. Ethan yawned and turned a sleepy smile to him.

Seeing that the road was clear ahead, Carter grabbed a quick kiss. “I’m glad we came out here tonight.”

“Me too.”

It was a beautiful night. Even if the moon hadn’t been shining overhead and the sky a dusky blue, Carter would have looked at Ethan dozing beside him and thought so.

From the backseat, Alice snored.