19
THAIS
When I woke the next morning, Atticus wasn’t in the room. The door was unlocked but I didn’t take advantage. I was a prisoner of Lexington City, yes, but not of this man who although I did not trust, I began to feel like…maybe I could. He had given me hope. But I decided that once he helped me and Sosie out of the city, we’d make a run for it, and get far away from him, too.
“One thing at a time,” I said aloud, peering out the window into the bustling city streets.
I spent the entire day in the room. No one came to bring me breakfast or lunch; no one came to escort me to the restroom, so I held it until I couldn’t anymore, and then I slipped into the hallway and went to the restroom alone. I was alone well into the evening hours, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. What was this conflicted man, who was as frightening as he was interesting, doing all day? Where was he, and did he even plan to come back? Did he intend to help me, or had he only told me what I’d wanted to hear?
And where was Sosie?
Always Sosie.
“We’ll be out of here soon,” I said, wishing Sosie could hear me.
Darkness fell, and with it came a downpour; the streets emptied of people as they scattered into their homes. I sat on the windowsill, watching the rain thrust into the streets and the sidewalks; I watched the glow of lights burning in the windows of nearby buildings, and heard an acoustic guitar playing somewhere close. My stomach rumbled and my mouth was dry and my heart ached for my sister and my father and my mother. I dreamt of a time before The Fall, when my family was together, sitting curled up on the sofa watching television; our smiling faces; my mother’s enchanting laughter. And I thought of my father, of the way he smelled, like aftershave and cherry cigars, even though he never smoked cherry cigars. And I thought of Sosie’s confidence and her beauty and how she’d prance through the living room, practicing her model walk, and—
The soft patter of footsteps just outside the door in the hall woke me from my memories. And then I heard voices raised outside the window, carrying over the sound of the heavy rain. A commotion in the street somewhere, perhaps? I knew something was going on. I looked back and forth between the door and the window, deciding that whoever was on the other side of the door was the more important matter at the moment.
“Thais,” a young woman’s voice called out, followed by a soft knock.
My hands clenched tight at my sides. I swiped the gun from the desk and held it close.
“Thais, please open the door.”
I stood at the locked door with the gun gripped tightly. I knew it wasn’t Farah—I’d recognize Farah’s accent anywhere—but I also knew that none of Rafe’s wives could be trusted, that any of them could’ve been sent here to kill me.
“Who are you?” I called out through the thick wood.
“I’m Kate—Farah sent me,” said the woman, and my body went rigid.
“What do you want?”
“I was just sent to give you news.”
“Well, what is it?” My cheek was pressed against the door. “I’m not letting you in.”
“It’s about your sister.”
My heart stopped; it was as if all the oxygen had been sucked right out of the room. Sosie? I knew this was bad.
Furiously I fumbled the lock, swung the door open in one swift motion. The girl, petite and cherub-faced, seemed nervous, standing with her delicate hands tangled in front of her, her long fingers fidgeting; the corner of her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth.
“What about my sister?” I prompted.
The girl averted her eyes, which further filled my heart with dread.
“Please, put the gun away,” she said, eyeing it nervously.
I had forgotten it was even in my hand, and while I didn’t trust this girl, I wanted to know what she had to say about Sosie, so I set the gun down on the shelf near the door.
“Your sister is the blind girl?”
I nodded short, rapid nods, and my chest filled up with air.
“She’s in the window,” the girl said, and before she could say anything else, I pushed past her, practically knocking her over, and ran barefoot on powerful legs down the stairwell and eight floors.
Seeing the door on the lobby floor, I didn’t even slow down to see if it might be unlocked; I went toward it like a bullet and shoved it open, darting out into the pounding rain; every part of me was drenched before I made it around the corner of the building. And I ran, hard and fast and without awareness of the things around me, to where, I didn’t know, but instinct forced me to follow the commotion in the street. My bare feet pounded against the concrete, splashing through water; my lungs felt heavy but I couldn’t stop to catch my breath. I ran all the way to the end of the block where a crowd had gathered, and after I pushed my way through them all, shoving people aside, the world stopped turning on its axis.
A body dangled lifelessly from the window of a third-story room; arms hung limply down at the sides, hands open, fingers uncurled; thick strings of rainwater streamed from Sosie’s bare feet; her long, white hair was plastered to her face.
For a short time that felt like eons, my legs wouldn’t carry my body anywhere. I stood beneath my sister, my beautiful Sosie, looking up at her as if it were all just a nightmare. The voices of the people standing around me faded into the back of my mind; their movements blended with the shadows cast by their shuffling bodies. Even the rain sounded far off, muffled, though it pierced the concrete with violence all around me.
When I felt a hand on my shoulder, it woke me from my daze, thrust me back into the horror of the truth.
I dashed across the sidewalk and ran into the building, shoving a woman into the doorway. “Hey! Watch it!”
“Sosie! Sosie!” I cried her name all the way up the stairs.
A smaller crowd gathered around the door to one room: soldiers smoking cigarettes, half-naked women wearing sad faces; I burst through them all like bowling pins and rushed into the room.
“Sosie!”
“Get her out of here,” a man snapped as I darted past and ran right over to the window, shoving someone else to the side.
A soldier was at the window, pulling a rope bit by bit, one end tied to a metal shower curtain rod. The other end…to my sister’s neck.
“Shh,” a woman said, taking me into her arms, holding me against her breasts; the smell of thick perfume and cigarettes engulfed me. “You shouldn’t be here, sweetheart.” She patted my wet hair with a motherly hand.
I pushed away from her, grabbed the rope from the soldier, but Sosie was too heavy; the palms of my hands burned as the rope slipped from my grasp.
“Someone get her!” The soldier snatched the rope back from me.
The dark-haired woman tried once more to comfort me, but I didn’t want her comfort; I pushed her away and stood beside the window, waiting for the soldier to bring Sosie’s body back inside. And when I finally caught my first close-up glimpse of Sosie’s head as she was pulled over the windowsill, I fell to the floor on my knees and screamed into my hands. Nothing had ever hurt so much, the pain was cruel and mocking, twisting in my chest, tearing me apart.
“Sosie! Oh, Sosie!” I cried, as I dragged myself over to her and took her into my trembling arms. “Oh no…Sosie…” I buried my face in my sister’s soaked and tangled hair.
It was over. Everything was over. Sosie was all I had left in the world, the only family I had left, and I couldn’t protect her. I’m sorry, Momma, I couldn’t protect her…I couldn’t protect her! My eyes squeezed shut; black and yellow spots danced behind the lids.
I rocked back and forth with Sosie in my arms, crushing her against me, and every part of me that still believed in hope drained out of me in that instant. I wailed. And I cursed God. And I wailed more until my voice was hoarse. My fingers dug into Sosie’s arms. I held on and wouldn’t let go, not even when I heard Atticus’ voice as he entered the room—I only gripped my sister tighter.
ATTICUS
“Get the fuck out of here!” I roared to the onlookers. “NOW!” My voice was deep and angry and held no leniency.
Within seconds, the room, and the entire third floor emptied out, leaving only Evelyn and me and Thais and her dead sister. My God, what have I done? What the fuck have I done!
I paced the floor for a moment, trying to get my thoughts and words together, trying to understand what had happened even though I already knew. And as hard as I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to look away from Thais, the way she clutched her sister, how she trembled and sobbed against her lifeless body, how nothing in this godforsaken world would ever make this better. I knew this more than anyone…
I shot a glare at Evelyn, wanting to blame her, but the blame, I knew, could be cast only on myself.
“What happened?” It was all I could say.
Evelyn shook her head, and then lowered it in shame.
“Atticus, I…”—she raised her eyes to mine—“…you told me to say whatever I had to, to convince the girl to cooperate.”
“What did you say?” I moved across the small space to stand in front of Evelyn with a quickness that frightened her. “What did you tell her?!”
Evelyn sighed.
“Atticus, you told me to lie if that’s what I had to do. And that’s what I did.” She looked down at Thais briefly. “I told you she couldn’t be broken—I told you.” She pushed the words through her teeth, throwing the blame back on me where we both knew it belonged.
Then she turned her back.
“I told her that her sister was dead,” Evelyn admitted in a soft, distant voice full of regret.
I bent down in front of Thais, but she wouldn’t look at me. She was lost; she knew only the body in her arms. Back and forth she rocked, combing her fingers through her sister’s wet hair; she pressed her shuddering lips to her forehead. “Sosie, I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry,” she whispered against her cheek. And the sight of them brought back dark memories I had for so long been trying to bury.
I stood and turned my attention to Evelyn.
“I want only Peter Whitman and Mr. Wright from inventory to bury the girl,” I said in a quiet voice so Thais might not hear. I knew Peter would see to it that she’d be given a proper burial.
Evelyn, tearless but not guiltless, nodded her acknowledgment of my orders.
I looked down at Thais once more, my soul filling up with a darkness I’d only felt one time before, when I found my mother and two sisters dead, and on the brink of death. But it wasn’t for Sosie I felt these feelings—she was already dead, and such feelings wouldn’t do her any good, just as they didn’t for my family—but they were for Thais, the one whose pain, I knew, would never go away. It’s only the living who suffer.
“What are you going to do, Atticus?” Evelyn asked.
“Whatever I have to.”
I scooped Thais into my arms and carried her out of the room, down the stairs and out of the building. Dozens of eyes were at my back as I made my way through the crowd. Thais’ light weight wasn’t heavy in my arms, but everything else was: the weight of my heart, my soul.
What can I do? How can I help this girl out of the city without getting her and myself killed? Does she even care anymore?
Do I?
Yes. I do.