Track 21: Side B

18 Regrets

 

Lincoln

I pounded at Jace’s front door, bouncing on my toes, about to burst from excitement. When he finally opened the door, I swept him into my arms and spun him around until he laughed with the same joy I felt. I was eighteen years old, and that was the last time I could remember being truly happy.

“What’s up, baby?” he asked when I finally set him down.

“Something amazing happened; you’ll never believe it.”

“Tell me already, the suspense is killing me.”

“You remember when I told you that record producer guy happened to be at a bar we played at a few months back?”

“Yeah,” Jace nodded, his eyes lighting up in anticipation of my big news.

“He listened to the demo we sent him, and he just called. They want to offer us a contract. This is the real deal—we’d start recording an album as soon as next month and go on tour as the opening band for Last Weekend starting in a few months.”

“Oh my god!” Jace screamed, jumping up and down with me. “My boyfriend is going to be a rock star.”

“This is crazy; I can’t believe this is happening,” I mused, tugging Jace’s hand and leading him down by the lake so we could sit down and talk about everything.

“I can believe it. You guys are amazing,” he boasted. “Wait, where are you going to have to go to record? And how long will you be on tour? Are you still going to go to college in Michigan with me?”

I blinked in surprise at his question. I hadn’t even thought of those things; I’d been so caught up in the thought of getting signed by a real record label.

“The recording studio is in New York, so we’d have to go there, and then the tour is eight months long. I guess college will have to wait? It’s not like I need college if I’m a rock star, right?”

Jace’s face fell for a moment before he recovered his smile.

“Sure, of course. And it’s not like we don’t have practice spending long stretches apart.”

“Right,” I muttered, my good mood souring quickly. “But we were looking forward to being together for real after this summer. I made so many promises to you…”

“Hey, I know; I can come with you. How cool would that be to go on tour with my rock star boyfriend? I’m sure it won’t be long before everything settles down for me to go to school.”

“But, you want to be a doctor,” I argued, feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of him giving that dream up. Jace was going to cure diseases and change the world. He couldn’t give that up to listen to me sing some stupid songs.

“I don’t want to be away from you again so soon though. I’ve been looking forward to having time together. It’s okay, school will be there.”

“Jace—” I shook my head, but he put his hand over my mouth to stop what I was going to say.

“No arguing, I’ve made up my mind.”

 

The creak of my window opening put a smile on my lips and made my dick hard. But then reality washed over me. This would be the last night I’d have Jace in my arms, the last time I would kiss him. My mind was already made up, and even though my heart was in pieces, I knew there was no other choice.

My decision was solidified earlier in the night when Jace told me he would put off college to come to New York with me. He’d said it might be fun to go on tour with the band. He’d go to college in a few years when things settled down. School will be there; this is your big break.

I rolled over and held the sheet up for Jace to slip in beside me. The moonlight streaming through my bedroom window danced over his skin, and the smile on his lips was like a knife to my gut. He climbed in beside me, and I shuddered with pleasure at the feel of his heated skin sliding against mine beneath the cool sheets.

My lips sought the curve of his neck, the spot that always made him shiver and whimper. I gathered every breath and moan that fell from his lips that night, hoarding them away greedily, knowing I would need them to get me through the rest of my life.

I know most people have many loves throughout their life. Few people end up with the person they fall in love with at fifteen years old. But as Jace always said, I have a sensitive, artist’s soul. I knew from the moment I gave my heart to Jace that I’d never get it back. Not whole or otherwise.

“Promise we’ll be together forever,” Jace gasped as I wrapped my hand around his erection and pumped it slowly.

The shattered pieces of my heart wept at his request. I’d never lied to Jace, and I wasn’t going to start now.

“I love you,” I whispered because it was the truth, and it was all I had to offer him in this moment. “I will always love you.”

 

 

Jace

I woke up with a smile, stretching my pleasantly sore muscles and thinking about Lincoln’s hands and mouth all over me last night. There was never a time when we were together that wasn’t filled with passion, but last night had been a whole new level. Lincoln made me come over and over, whispering an endless stream of love as he did it.

I shivered with pleasure at the memory, wondering where Lincoln was this morning. When I woke, I assumed he had run to the bathroom, but after a few minutes, I was starting to wonder if he was coming back at all.

I got up and pulled on my clothes, putting my ear to the door to see if I could hear Lincoln or his parents. When I didn’t hear anything, I decided to climb out the window and go knock at the front door.

I stood on his porch, goosebumps on my skin from the cool morning air, waiting for someone to answer. When they didn’t, I walked home, confused and starting to worry. Did Lincoln’s parents take him somewhere for some reason? When would he be back?

“Where were you this early?” my mom asked as I walked inside, in too much of a daze to remember to climb in through my window so she wouldn’t know I was out.

“At Lincoln’s.”

“Lincoln’s? But they left hours ago.”

“What?” I gasped, certain I misunderstood.

“I saw all three of them pack up the car and leave about two hours ago.”

I shook my head, refusing to believe Lincoln would leave without waking me. He said he wasn’t leaving at all. Yesterday, we talked about going to New York together in two weeks when he was supposed to start recording. We were going to look at apartments together.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Lincoln’s number. It went straight to voicemail. With shaking fingers, I typed out a text message to send.

 

 

Jace: Where’d you go? You’re worrying me, please call me ASAP.

 

 

The text message was never answered and a week later the number was disconnected. The next time I saw Linc was on T.V., playing “Cherry Lane”, and I hated him.