Chapter 19
Dana
Hutch decided it would be best if he spent some time alone with Blu and explain to her one-on-one about me leaving the ship to go home with them. He seemed confident that she’d be thrilled, but I wasn’t so sure. In any case, I left it to him and went to go start delivering word to the band and the rest of the crew and, of course, to my father.
I was making my way through the ship, which was oddly quiet without a full compliment of passengers. But the stores were all still manned, grim-faced men and women standing bored behind the counters of the jewelry and clothing shops, the restaurants and bars all empty, deserted. The commotion on the ocean had become the wheeze on the seas, graves on the waves. It was kind of sad to see Oceania virtually silenced, like a ghost ship, and it was with a definite melancholy that this would be my last impression of the place I’d called home for over a decade.
I walked across the mall and into one of the long, narrow hallways lined with currently empty cabins. I was alone, but a dull thunk somewhere nearby caught my attention. I looked around, seeing nobody and nothing to worry me, so I walked on. A few more little creaks startled me again, unusual even for a cruise ship at sea. But the Atlantic was calm and Oceania massive. She wasn’t given to settling on such calm waters. But I looked around and there was still nobody around, so I told myself I was worrying about nothing and pushed on toward the bow, where the band was rehearsing.
But a chill up my spine told me that I wasn’t alone, an instinct I couldn’t explain but still couldn’t deny. I walked faster, heartbeat picking up a bit as my feet passed one another, carrying me closer to the end of the hall and to one of the many empty but still functioning banquet halls.
I walked in and looked around, empty tables and chairs set and ready for nobody to sit and eat. I walked toward the center of the big room and looked around, only a few busboys glancing at me from behind the kitchen doors.
I took a deep breath, collected myself, and crossed the banquet hall and into another long stretch of shops. That vacuous quiet returned, a sudden feeling that I was entirely alone, even though clerks stood in the shops, looking at me like I was crazy. I was beginning to think they were right.
I made it to the elevator, but decided to take the stairs. Something about being stuck in a closed box just didn’t appeal to me, for reasons I could hardly understand at the time. But there was a stairwell nearby, and I pushed through the door and started the three-flight descent. My rubber-soled shoes squeaked against the metal steps, the sound echoing around me to underscore my own quickening breath.
I thought I heard a second pair of footsteps in the stairwell and I stopped, the sound stopping just a second after I did. I looked up through the stairs, my view impeded. But I couldn’t see anyone up there, and my destination was only a two more flights down. I turned and hurried down those steps, my brain flashing on any of the ugly possibilities.
Is is Caroline? Has she finally lost her mind? No, she wants to seduce my father now, there’d be no reason for her to hurt me. Unless I’m wrong about that. And what about Eric? He could snap at any minute. My mouth went dry as I turned and took the last flight before I could escape that stairwell. Who else might have it out for me now? Who knows! There are hundred of employees on this ship and they all know about me and Hutch, at least they know what happened before we arrived at Bermuda. What else do they know? What various jealousies or greedy schemes might they be harboring? And what about Hector’s dream? Could this be what he was dreaming about? Could it still come true?
I finally made it to the bottom of the stairwell and pushed the bar across the door. The door opened and I spilled out into the big lobby which separated into four different hallways. The band rehearsed in the big room at the end of the third hall.
I walked in as the band was midway through a version of I Heard it Through the Grapevine, and I wondered if they didn’t already know the news I was there to share. I hadn’t told anybody yet, but word travelled fast in a community of that size, especially with nothing else to do and nothing else to talk about.
The band let the song collapse and Barry quieted the band, all eyes on me as I approached the stage. “You don’t have to stop on my account,” I said, too late. It was too late for a lot of things. “Anyway, I wanted you all to be the first to know, I’m on my way to tell my father now, that I’m stepping down as a singer here on Oceania. I’ll be leaving the ship when we dock in Miami.”
Sticks nodded to himself from behind the drum set, and Barry tried to smile at the piano. Eric just slumped on his stool, folding in around his bass guitar.
Barry said, “Congratulations, Dana, really. It’s ... it’s not terribly surprising, I suppose, but honestly, you two seem like a great couple, and we know you’ll make a very happy family.” The other members of the band all nodded and muttered and clapped, Sticks hitting a few rim shots and cymbal crashes.
But Eric took off his bass, set it on his stool, and walked quietly across the room past me, his eyes not finding me at all as he passed and stepped out of the room.
I followed Eric into the hall, but only because I’d been relieved to find him rehearsing with the band and not stalking me through the bowels of the ship. “Eric, wait -- ” But he just kept walking, waving me off and shaking his head. “Eric, really, wait a minute, please.”
I got close enough to him to reach out and touch the back of his shirt, he spun; quick and hard with a wild look in his eye. I had to stop myself short to keep from knocking into him. Physical contact with Eric was the last thing I wanted.
“What, Dana, what? You’re gonna tell me what a nice guy I am, how I’m gonna find a real sweet girl, maybe right here on this ship, is that about right?”
He took me off guard, but I stayed on my feet and stood my ground. “Well yes, Eric, that’s right, that is what I was going to say.” The moment was tense between us, the air thick with his frustration. Visions of what drastic and violent action could still fulfill Hector’s prophecy burst in my imagination.
Eric said, “Sure, keep lying. Why not? You’re been lying to us all every day since I’ve been onboard, probably every day of your life.”
“That’s not true, Eric, it’s not true and it’s not fair. You don’t know anything about me.”
“Well that’s the first true thing I’ve heard you say. I don’t know anything about you, not the person you truly are. I know the girl you pretended to be, sweet and virtuous, sweet, shy ... I thought we were alike, that we had a lot in common.”
“I always did too, Eric, and I always thought we could be friends. But we were never going to be more than friends -- ”
“No, because I didn’t have enough money. I’m just some band chump, not the king of the fucking world.”
“You’re not a chump,” I said, “and Hutch isn’t a king. He’s just a man, but he’s a man I’m very fond of, a man who’s changed my life. I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. I wish you could just be happy for us, wish us luck.”
He spat out a contemptuous huff. “You know what they say, ‘When you wish upon a star, some other poor guy gets screwed.’”
I tried to chuckle, but it didn’t take. “Eric, I know it’s gonna be hard to believe, but you really are a great guy. You could be out there charming the girls on deck, flirting with them from the stage. You’re a great musician, and you’re really cute, Eric. You don’t have to be so shy. And you don’t need to put all your eggs in one basket, if you know what I mean. You’re young, you’re a musician on a party boat, Eric! Why would you even want to fall in love?”
Eric shook his head, a bitter smile twisting over his chin. “Want to? It just happens, you can’t help it. That’s what makes it love! See? That’s the person you really are, ‘I’ll just decide to fall in love when it suits me. Love’s just a game, go out and play the field, enjoy your youth.’ Where was all that when you were hiding away in your cabin, turning down drinks and tearing up phone numbers?”
“I was the captain’s daughter, Eric, it’s different. Anyway, I had other reasons for ... for sheltering myself a bit. I was really sad when my mother died, my father and I both were. I guess we both decided it was easier just to cling to one another than take a risk with anybody new. But that was misguided, Eric, I see that now. If I’ve changed at all, and maybe I have ... no, I’m certain that I have, Eric, but that’s the change. I’m not afraid anymore, or at least ... at least I can see now how afraid I was. But I didn’t have to be. And you don’t have to be either, Eric. You really don’t.” He stood there, eyes sinking to the floor. I said, “Eric?”
“I guess, whatever.” He pushed past me, eyes fixed dead ahead. “I gotta get back to rehearsal.” He nudged me aside with his shoulder as he slumped past and shuffled down the hall, back into the rehearsal room.