Dennis

I could hear the desperation in my own voice and I hated the sound of it. How had it all gone so wrong? I felt like I did when we were together before, like I was young and still not able to handle my emotions. I had spent years perfecting it, to feel nothing or at the very least to show nothing, but I never could with her. I didn’t want to.

“I know that this is all of a sudden Kendra, but I know you feel the same way as I do. Ten years or fifty years won’t change that. What we had, the pleasure we shared, that doesn’t go away with time.”

She smiled at me and looked away. “Well I am glad you didn’t take fifty years. I would have hated to not see you like this. You have really grown up Dennis. You are bigger now and a man.”

I felt the same way and I liked the feel of her eyes appraising me. I was equally glad that she liked what she saw. I certainly did. Kendra really hadn’t changed but in subtle ways that seemed to make her more womanly. Her hips were a bit rounder, as well as her top. Everything about her now was curves and valleys. It would take all day to get to the bottom of every change and I was eager to start such an assignment.

Her eyes flitted from mine and away. They were still the color of the sky on a perfect day. It made me remember all of the times I was inside of her, getting lost in those eyes of hers.

“Well like I said before, you look the same. I can’t get over it. I thought you would have changed, but now you are even more beautiful. You should be a model, not working in the inner city.”

Kendra bristled at my comment and I could tell that she wasn’t flattered by it. She had always been hard headed and a woman that had her mind made up with what she was going to do. She wanted to help people and she was doing just that. If nothing else, I was happy that she had followed her heart. I just didn’t like the idea of her working there, or anywhere for that matter.

“It’s not as bad as it looks and I wouldn’t trade it for any other job in the world. I love those girls and since I don’t have any of my own, it is nice to be around kids.”

I wanted to ask her why she hadn’t been married and why she didn’t have kids. I thought even back then when we dated that she was going to be a good mother and it seemed like a waste for her not to be one.

“So why are you single?”

Kendra shrugged. “I don’t know. Why are you single? Still picky as ever, huh? Or you just can’t get enough women? You always did have an insatiable need.”

“Of course, but it wasn’t about being picky. I just didn’t find any one that I could truly love. Not really and you are right, I have tried.  So what about you? I am sure you were asked by many men. You were a wildcat in and out of the bedroom. You were wife material.”

“A couple of times, or maybe a few more than that, but it never was what I wanted either I guess. I never felt the spark that you always hear about and if I was going to get married, I want that spark.”

I sat back and smiled at her. I had forgotten how much of a hopeless romantic she was. I was glad to see that side of her still existed. It meant that there was some hope for me and her yet. I hadn’t even taken the time to realize when everything had changed. I was thinking about her in the long term and I am not sure when that happened. How did I get here when a couple of weeks ago she wasn’t even on my radar? I don’t know what changed, but seeing her again changed everything.

“So you haven’t found the spark yet? You haven’t found someone else to make you scream and come like I did?”

Her face turned bright red and I was wondering when she was going to respond to my comments. I had been baiting her for a while to see how much she was thinking about the past.  I know that all I could think about was what we had been together, alone in the bedroom and everywhere else we could manage when the need had struck, which was quite often back then. I wanted to see if that naughty girl was still in there.

“Not really.”

“Not even with me Kendra?”

“Ours was young love Dennis. We were both too young to really know what love was. I don’t think that is what I am looking for anymore. What we had was intense, but at the end of the day it couldn’t have been that strong or we would still be together. It was a mistake or just fun will it lasted. I will always have fond memories of us.”

“Is that how you look at us now? That we are a mistake.”

Kendra was finding it hard to meet my gaze again. “Well I am certainly not as young and stupid as I used to be. Neither one of us are and at least we can see it for what it is now.”

“I know now what I missed out on Kendra. I don’t think of us that way. I still think of us as the one thing that I messed up. I would do anything to get back in those panties.”

She sighed and took a drink of her tea. “This is a lot to take on Dennis. I thought we were catching up? it seems like you have something on your mind.”

“We are. I want to catch up and get back to how things used to be. You have to know that this is what is supposed to happen. If it wasn’t supposed to find you, why are you here?”

“I’m not so sure that is a good idea. I know what kind of guy you are Dennis. I have read a lot about you since we talked. I don’t think we are looking for the same things. We never were. Besides, we don’t even know each other anymore Dennis. We live in two different worlds. Back then it wasn’t so bad because we didn’t care, but things are different now, aren’t they? I mean look at you. How could this be anything?”

All of what she said was true and if I wasn’t under her spell, I might have seen it that way, because that’s the way it was. There was something holding me back from that thinking, some small voice in my head that told me this was the girl I was supposed to be with.

“We all different and you are right about that, but it was always that way. We can’t help how we were raised and who are parents are. What does that have to do with us now though?”

Kendra sighed. “And you still don’t like no as an answer I see.” She smiled and looked away. At least she wasn’t annoyed when she used to say the same thing back then.

I chuckled a little and nodded my head in agreement. “I never have liked it one bit. You were the only one that ever told me no Kendra. I don’t want to take that as an answer this time. Maybe I came on too strong, but damn it’s been a while and I can still feel you underneath me. Seeing you like this brings back all of the old feelings. Do you not feel it as well?”

Her cheeks got pink and I could tell that she was thinking of the very same thing that I was. “While you paint a rosy picture Dennis, I seem to remember it a little bit better. That was a long time ago. I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it. You were my first love, but like I said, it was a long time ago and a lot has changed.”

“So you won’t even give me a chance?”

“What is the point?”

She was exasperating me and I finally pulled her to me as I leaned across the table and kissed her. I felt like that would give us both the answer that we wanted. I knew that I wanted her and I knew from the past that a kiss would seal it for us both. As soon as I felt her lips on mine, all of the familiarity came back and then I heard a sigh from her and a softening of her lips. It was all that I needed to know that she was mine. I wasn’t going to apologize for it. I wanted her and it didn’t matter how I got what I wanted, as long as it happened.

A sound behind us made her pull away and she sat back down, straightening out her dress like it was rumpled from what I had just done. “That is the point Kendra. I have missed you so damn much and you are the only girl that makes me feel this way. I am rock hard and I would almost bet an insane amount of money that you are soaking wet in those little panties right now and I haven’t even touched you yet.”

She was stunned, her lips a little red because I hadn’t been gentle. I smeared her lipstick and she didn’t even try to wipe it off. I wanted to do it for her, but it wasn’t advisable. I didn’t know how she was taking the kiss yet or my comments, even though I knew the latter was the truth. She had never been able to deny me, her body always responding to me, eve when she was so mad at me. It was something that she couldn’t help and I think I went too far with the reminder. How badly I wanted to check and see if I was right,

“I have to go Dennis.” She got up abruptly, grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

Kendra was fleeing and I wanted to stop her, but I knew that I should let her go. She needed some time and space to think things through and there was no rushing the process. When I told her I was leaving for college and I was going with or without her. I hadn’t seen her for three days before she told me that she wasn’t going to change her plans for mine. We talked about long-distance, but she had already had her mind made up. Now I was just going to have to wait for a verdict, seemingly the hardest part of it all.

I watched her leave and shook my head to myself. Nothing had changed. Kendra was still the same and I was going to have to wait and see. It was the worst part of all of this.