“Those are nice notebooks,” Lizard said, eyeing my stolen booty.

“They’re mine,” I said, snatching them up and putting them into my Hermès briefcase. I shouldn’t have brought the damn notebooks with me, but I liked looking at them. “Don’t touch them. Don’t even look at them. Coveting my notebooks will result in decapitation. Do you feel me?” I informed him flatly.

“Roger that,” Lizard said with a grin.

The idiot was clearly in a good mood due to having relations—for lack of a more palatable term—with the horrifying Martha and Jane. Conveniently, he was exactly where I wanted him to be. Although, unfortunately, he was wearing a beret, sandals and a tracksuit.

I’d decided to call the meeting at Astrid’s abode. The Cressida House was a neutral place to convene with the Fairies. Plus, Astrid’s mate, Ethan, had a fabulous array of office supplies.

The Kev and Gemma were expected shortly. I’d requested Tiara, Astrid and Ethan be present as well. Tiara was part Fairy and Astrid would most likely keep me from doing something that would fuck me and ruin my chances of getting the Fairies to cooperate. Ethan was simply a courtesy since he was the Vampyre Prince of the North American Dominion and this was his compound…

Lizard was in attendance because I wanted someone in the room who was completely loyal to me and me alone. I also had a few suspicions about my violent, gum-smacking, bat-wielding Demon that I wanted confirmed. Having to look at his attire would be a small price to pay if I was indeed correct.

“Will I be needing my bat for the meeting, my Liege?” Lizard asked, seating himself at the far end of the room with his back to the wall so he had an excellent view of all who entered and exited.

“I certainly hope not,” I said with a raised brow and a laugh. “Quite soon this room will be filled with more power than should be legally allowed. It would be a shit show of epic proportions if it degenerated to violence. It would be delightful, but probably not good form since I want something from this gathering.”

“May I be so bold as to ask what the meeting is about?”

“You may. I want information and possibly more, but that will depend on the price,” I replied perusing Ethan’s desk with delight. It was always a veritable smorgasbord of the latest in office supplies.

“Very good, my Lord.”

A lovely thing caught my eye and I froze in my tracks. “Sweet Hell in August on a sunny day. What is that?”

“I do believe that’s an onyx mesh desktop organizer with five vertical and three horizontal shelving sections,” Lizard replied.

My man definitely knew his office products. I was impressed.

“Shall I steal it for you?” he asked.

“No. I prefer to abscond with my treasures personally. I’ll steal it myself at the end of the meeting. I’ve just never seen anything quite like it. It’s fabulous.”

“It is lovely,” Lizard agreed. “However, I’m partial to that nice pencil holder cup. Looks very homemade.”

“Yes, as much as I’d like to pilfer it for you, that one is a no go. It was made by Samuel, Astrid and Ethan’s son. Might cause an explosion that I don’t have time for right now. However, I can put in an order for you and me with Samuel. The child is fucking brilliant with crayons and glue.”

“I would appreciate that,” Lizard said and then proceeded to stare at the wall.

I wasn’t quite sure what he found so fascinating about walls, but I refused to ask. Didn’t want to hear another phallus diatribe like the one he gave earlier in the week. I could live the rest of my eternal life without hearing that again.

Since everyone was late, I thought it only fair that I help myself to some of the smaller items in the room. Ethan had far too many Mont Blanc pens for one person, so I took ten. After pocketing all of his paperclips, a few highlighter markers and a lovely stainless steel stapler, I felt much better. I wasn’t looking forward to the gathering, but stealing the onyx mesh desktop organizer with five vertical and three horizontal shelving sections would definitely make the entire trip worth it.

* * *

“Lucifer,” The Kev bellowed joyously. “I’d say it’s good to see you, but I’ll reserve judgment until after our little chat.”

The Kev was the most powerful Fairy in existence. I actually enjoyed him even though I’d never admit it. His deadly fighting skills made him a feared being by the general immortal population. It was simply too bad he had such a damned friendly personality. The Fairy usually took on some hideous façade because his true face was too beautiful for most to look upon. Of course, I was prettier but that was neither here nor there at the moment.

Today he came as his true self. And as per usual, his dress sense was appalling. He made Lizard look like he’d walked off the pages of GQ. The jean shorts and sleeveless midriff top were almost enough reason for me to incinerate the Fairy, but that would be counterproductive right now. I needed him—horrible taste and all.

“Come now, The Kev,” I said with a grin. “It’s always good to see me.”

The Kev shook his head and laughed. For all his happy demeanor, I knew he was going to be a hard sell. So be it. I loved a good challenge. And I loved winning.

“Congratulations on the book. Laughed my ass off,” The Kev said, giving me a thumbs up.

It was all I could do not to sever his thumb and shove it up his ass. What the Hell was in my book that was so damned funny? Instead of dismembering him, I graced him with a tight smile and a nod. Astrid should be proud. It was not easy for me to be civil.

Ethan entered the office and scanned his desk with displeasure. The covert irritated glance he shot Astrid was proof he could tell my delightfully sticky fingers had been busy in their absence. She simply shrugged and rolled her eyes. They were an exquisitely handsome couple and Ethan was a deadly force of nature in his own right. The Vampyre Prince tolerated me because he had to. I was the Devil and his mate’s loving klepto uncle. It was so much fun to watch him try to behave.

My visits to the Cressida House usually ended in a loss of property. It was only fair since most of Astrid’s visits to Hell ended in property damage. In my opinion, I was a far better guest than my niece.

Although one could argue that I’d been a bit destructive here last Christmas… Whatever. Life sized nutcrackers deserved boners. I’d stand by my tasteless decisions always. Besides, aroused nutcrackers were hilarious.

Tiara joined the group and everyone took seats on the array of sumptuous leather couches. If I thought I could get away with pilfering a few of the couches, I would. They were very much my style—black and expensive.

“Where is Gemma?” I asked. I wanted both her and The Kev here. As Gemma was the reincarnated, and soon to be reinstated Queen of the Fairies, it was to my advantage to have the power of both.

“She’ll be with us momentarily,” The Kev said, watching me with interest. “You called us at an opportune time. We plan to go back to Zanthia soon.”

With a glance to Lizard to see if he reacted to the news, I sighed. He didn’t. My guess was incorrect. Too bad. I despised being wrong.

“Will Gemma have to retake her position by force?” I asked, pulling my gaze from my Demon and back to The Kev. It was so damned ridiculous that I wasn’t allowed in Zanthia. I’d love to personally witness a bloody Fairy war.

“Remains to be seen,” The Kev replied darkly. “I’m cautiously optimistic until I have to choose a new route.”

In the blink of an eye the air in the room changed and bursts of glittering silver, pink and gold Fairy dust arrived just before the woman in question did. It was far too happy for my mood, but I knew beforehand that meeting with Fairies was going to be a teeth-grinding experience. I wanted something so I had no choice except to play nice.

“Gemma,” Astrid squealed as she literally flew off the couch and tackled her friend in a hug that would have crushed a mere mortal.

“Dude!” Gemma shouted, punching Astrid in the arm and laughing. “I’ve missed your sorry undead ass. So what’s the scoop? Why are we here?”

Gemma was as stunning as The Kev, if not more so. They were both blonde, but The Kev’s eyes were a bright blue while Gemma’s were a sparkling silver and her skin had an otherworldly glow. Apparently none of the idiots in the room had seen each other in a while if all the kissy-faced endearments were anything to go by. All the hugging and backslapping were starting to make me itchy. I had business to accomplish—no time to watch ridiculous overtures of affection.

And then it got weird.

“I am not worthy,” Lizard shouted and dropped to his knees causing the entire room to stop and stare at him.

Crawling over to Gemma on all fours while smacking his gum like his immortal life depended on it, the Demon prostrated himself at her feet. His body trembled and if I wasn’t mistaken the dumbass was crying.

What the Hell? He’d never cried for me…

Bending down and raising his chin, Gemma eyed the bizarre man. The smile she bestowed upon him caused bursts of silver magic to explode around her head, giving her a halo look. Lizard grasped her hand and kissed it reverently.

“My Queen,” he whispered. “I am not worthy.”

“Of course, you are,” Gemma replied with a giggle and patted the top of his beret kindly. “You’re a mix aren’t you?”

“I am, my Queen,” he said. “I’m not worthy.”

“I call bullshit on that,” Gemma chastised Lizard. “I’m just a person who leaves glitter everywhere. Are you good?”

“Define good,” Lizard said, sheepishly.

Gemma considered him for a long moment and then winked at him. “Well, your aura is pretty dang dusty around the edges, but I can see you have caretaker and a sense of justice inside you. Your methods might need a bit of polishing up, but you are not bad. What’s your name?”

“Lizard, my Queen,” he said, staring at Gemma with such adoration I thought I might heave.

Damn, I loved being right. However, I didn’t like potentially losing one of my own to another species. Well, at least I’d been proven correct. Fairies could morph into other creatures—or monsters, if you will.

Lizard’s transformation had reminded me of other Fairies I’d seen over the centuries. However, a Fairy-Demon was indeed rare, but not as rare as one might think, considering Demons weren’t allowed in Zanthia.

Two anomalies were in the room right now. Both Tiara and Lizard had Fairy and Demon blood running through their veins—a fearsome combination and one that I was counting on to come in handy.

“Shall we get down to business?” I inquired before Lizard could pledge his life to the woman and make me look bad. I brought him because he was supposed to me loyal to me.

Astrid nodded and came to stand beside me. Damn, if the child didn’t feel my discomfort. Making pleasantries wasn’t in my wheelhouse. But today would be an exception. Elle meant more to me than my ego—a fact that never ceased to surprise me.

“I need to go to Kismet. I understand you know how to get there,” I said, not beating around the bush.

“You understand wrong,” The Kev said, coolly. “No one knows how to get there.”

“Yet your kind can survive in Kismet?” I asked.

The Kev nodded slowly.

“Then it stands to reason, if you know Fairies can endure in Kismet then a Fairy had to have gone there and come back to tell others about it,” I stated, staring straight at The Kev.

The Kev stood and approached warily. “Why do you want to go to Kismet? It’s a death wish.”

“I beg to differ. It’s my death wish if I don’t go. In fact it may be a death wish for all of mankind if I don’t go,” I shot back flatly.

“What in the ever loving heck is Kismet?” Gemma asked, moving to stand beside her partner.

The Kev ran his hands through his hair and gave me a dirty look. “It’s the land of the Sirens,” he told her. “Also as the myth goes, it’s also the home of Fate. No immortal can exist there for more than a day and Fairies can go a week… possibly.”

“What about True Immortals?” Astrid asked.

Sighing, The Kev shrugged. “I would guess that a True Immortal could survive. But the legend of l’appel du vide is very real.”

“Translate,” Gemma said, wrinkling her nose.

“It means the call of the void. In Kismet, one has desires of self-destruction and the enchantment on the island urges the intruder to act on them. Hence, even a True Immortal could end up stuck in Kismet for eternity.”

“Umm… not following,” Astrid said.

I was glad she said it. I wanted to, but I needed to play my hand wisely. Lack of knowledge was not a smooth move or in charge way to proceed.

“With repeated self-inflicted wounds a True Immortal could get caught in a cycle of harming and healing—repeatedly. Forever,” The Kev explained.

“That would so suck big ass,” Astrid said.

“My thoughts exactly,” The Kev agreed with a small smile directed at Astrid. “Although I might have phrased it a tad differently.”

“I don’t care,” I said with a dismissive wave of my hand. “I’m going. I’m far too selfish and self-absorbed to harm myself. Fate is there and she’s gone bat shit crazy.”

“Is that where Elle and Sadie have gone too?” Tiara asked.

I nodded with a grim expression on my lips. “Yes. And I’m going to get her.”

“The woman you love?” Gemma asked, carefully.

“Yes,” I hissed, annoyed that everyone was aware I had feelings. It didn’t sit well with my reputation. “She’s absolutely dreadful and I can’t live without her. You happy?” I snapped.

“Yep,” Gemma said with a laugh. “Even the mighty fall.”

“Did that at the beginning of time,” I muttered. This was turning out to be a waste of energy. None of them knew how to get to Kismet.

The Kev sighed and began to pace. “I haven’t been there, but my sister has.”

“Where is your sister?” I demanded.

“She was cursed for twelve hundred years,” he replied with pain in his voice. “I have no idea where she is.”

“Are you talking about The Shelia?” Astrid asked

“No, Krumecaca, I don’t have a sister named The Shelia,” The Kev said, confused.

“Actually you do. Her name was The Fru Fru, but she changed it to The Shelia because she was my diary and I called her Shelia. I thought it was kind of cold to address all my entries Dear Diary. Besides, the word diary made me think of milk which led me to think about ice cream and that made me feel stabby. I needed an outlet when I was writing Uncle Fucker’s autobiography slash romance and…”

“We can really stop using the Uncle Fucker endearment,” I said shaking my head and closing my eyes in pain.

“Whoops, sorry,” Astrid said with a giggle. “So anyhoo, I didn’t realize my diary was freakin’ alive. I mean who in the fuck would think a book was alive? You feel me?”

“Umm… no,” I said, pressing the bridge of my nose. “Does this story actually have a point?”

“Hell to the yes,” Astrid said, getting excited. She snapped her fingers and produced her diary. “Normally, I wouldn’t share my diary, but this part I didn’t write. The Shelia left me a note at the end. Shocked the shit out of me, but it was totally cool. It says… and I quote…

Dear Astrid,

I hope you’re seated. And before you get your designer panties in a wad, just know that I will never betray your confidence. However, all bets are off if you try to kill me.

My given name is The Fru Fru—which completely sucks. My mother was a dumbass, not murderous like yours, but a total jack hole nonetheless. I’m a cursed Fairy that has to live in inanimate objects for twelve hundred-ish years because I had a horrid little habit of bitch slapping the wrong people—a lot.

Being stuck as an inanimate object, I haven’t gotten laid in centuries. When the damned curse is lifted, I shall make up for lost time. Returning to my natural form of a Fairy with extremely loose morals is appealing at this point. I will be back to borrow your black stiletto Prada boots when the time comes. Pretty sure they will get me laid.

I’m going to go by The Shelia now. I like it and it fits me. My mother can bite my ass.

“Oh my God,” The Kev gasped. “That sounds exactly like my sister.”

“Wait, there’s more,” Astrid said excitedly, scanning the pages. “Some of this is damning and will earn me an ass blasting from Uncle Fu… Lucifer, so I’m just gonna read the pertinent parts.”

“Wise choice,” I said dryly.

“Okay, this part isn’t really important, but it’s a nice compliment to me so I’m gonna read it. Do you want to hear it?”

“Do we have a choice?” I inquired.

“Nope,” she said with a laugh.

I’d first like to point out that you have an unhealthy obsession with threatening death. You should work on that along with cleaning up your poop language. Just a suggestion. However, using the word “fuck” as a noun, verb, pronoun and adjective is wildly impressive. I’d like to congratulate you on that.

And yes, your uncle does secretly like being called Uncle Fucker. I saw him grin with delight when you weren’t looking. Keep up the good work. If you want to vary your endearments, try Uncle Fester. That would be hilarious.

“I will go on record now saying that is a very bad suggestion,” I cut in before she could list off more names that would end in decapitation.

“Roger that,” Astrid said, still scanning the pages and then found more.

My assmunch fourth cousin on my mother’s side put this curse on me. I’ll be gunning for her ass in a thousand years or so. I signed a whopper of a contract without reading it and now I’m stuck as an inanimate freakin’ object for twelve hundred years. I thought I was signing up for a new cell phone plan. What the ever lovin’ fuck? Right?

I’m glad you trained with The Kev. What I’m going to tell you now might shock you so sit your ass down. The Kev is my brother. He tried to save me from my inanimate punishment, but alas it was my own fucking fault for not reading the fine print of what I thought was a steal of a deal on a cell phone plan.

The Kev is a wonderful person and I love him dearly. You can tell him this and let him know I owe him dinner in about a thousand years. I can’t cook, so I figured I’d take him to that hamburger joint you talked about… Humphrey’s Hamburger House. I’d like to try that rabbit turd ice you spoke so fondly of.

I won’t be staying in your closet or as your diary for the next thousand years so your secrets are safe. I’m thinking about becoming a bed at a brothel for a while. It might subdue some of my horniness—or not. I’ll let you know how that works out when we meet someday.

Oh, and ask The Kev to find out if The Dave has a mate. I’m hoping that hot piece of ass is still available when I get sprung from my inanimate Hell. That Fairy is all kinds of sexy and all kinds of mine.

Be good my friend or I’ll have to kill you.

Just kidding. I’m not into bloodshed except for maybe offing my fourth cousin on my mother’s side and anyone who thinks they can have The Dave.

xoxo Shelia

“I have to find her,” The Kev said with an urgency that set the devious wheels of my mind into motion.

“Umm… I would like to point out that there are probably a lot of brothels in the world. Might be kind of difficult to find her,” Astrid offered up.

“Not for me,” I replied cryptically.

The Kev was speechless. He was very clearly torn. Owing the Devil was never a good idea. While The Kev might have been speechless, I was not. I saw an opening and I took it. Always.

“You’re sister has been to Kismet?”

The Kev nodded.

“I can break her curse,” I said watching for his reaction.

He didn’t disappoint. For a brief second, he looked as relieved as a man could look. Then his expression grew unsure and his eyes narrowed dangerously. “And what is the price, Lucifer?”

My smile spread slowly across my lips and I paused. There was power in silence and I was about to take the upper hand.

“Your price?” he repeated in a strained tone.

“I will remove the curse permanently. Your sister will be free. However, the price—as you so aptly put it—is that she will take me to Kismet.”

“And leave you there?” The Kev asked, realizing there was probably more.

There was always more when the Devil was cutting a deal.

“No. She will stay with me… and you, Gemma will accompany as well,” I finished and waited for the Fairy to come at me.

“What about me?” Tiara asked.

“And me” Astrid added much to Ethan’s displeasure.

“And me?” Lizard asked.

“Astrid, you have no Fairy blood in you and you are not nearly as selfish as I am.”

“Thank God,” Ethan muttered.

Ignoring him, I went on. I was winning. Zapping the Vampyre’s ass would not be a smart move. I really wanted to, but refrained.

“Tiara, you have Vampyre and Demon in you as well. I won’t risk it. Lizard, you are only half-Fairy and half-Demon. You’re also male. Sirens are probably not good company for you. As much as I would like you with me, it’s not a good idea.”

“Sire, if I may?” Lizard inquired respectfully.

At least the idiot remembered I had a title. With a curt nod I let him speak.

“I would give my life for both you and my Queen. My bat skills are unrivaled and I beg you to let me come. I will not be affected by the l’appel du vide. As far as the lure of the Sirens, it will not be an issue. I have mates now and I am committed to them. But most importantly, because of my past, I’m impervious to pain.”

Gemma’s sharp intake of breath made Lizard stare at his feet in embarrassment.

“You’ve had a tragic past,” she asked sadly.

“Actually, I’d have to argue his present is pretty tragic since his mates are Martha and Jane,” Astrid muttered under her breath.

“My past is my past,” Lizard said emotionlessly. “It’s made me who I am right now. My Liege has been good to me—better than anyone in my many centuries. I will die for him gladly—and for you as well, my Queen.”

“So be it. Lizard will come. Your answer?” I asked, turning my attention to a seething The Kev.

“No,” he ground out thorough gritted teeth. “Not Gemma.”

“Wait,” Gemma said, placing her hand lovingly on his arm. “We’ll need help—all the help we can get when we go to Zanthia. We have no one there we truly trust except The Dave. The Shelia could mean the difference between life and death for us.”

“I will fight for you,” Lizard said, putting his hand on his heart.

My eye roll was enormous, but even my Demons had free will. If the Demon wanted to go die for a glitter throwing Fairy, it was his choice.

“And I will defend you with my life as well,” Tiara said, putting her arms around Gemma and hugging her tight.

“While all this is outstandingly gas inducing, there is a deal on the table. Take it or leave it,” I said, feeling a headache coming on. All of these Immortals were too lovey-dovey for my sanity.

“We’ll take it,” Gemma said. “However, we will be even. We will owe you no favor for any of this.”

“Done,” I said. “Give me an hour. I will find your sister.”

“You have an in at all the brothels in the world?” Astrid asked with a raised brow and a smirk.

“I’m fucking Satan,” I said throwing my hands in the air. What did I have to do to get respect around here? “Of course, I do.”

“Can he really do that?” Gemma asked with a giggle.

“Find The Shelia?” I asked. What was wrong with these people? Was everyone hard of hearing?

“Umm… no,” Tiara said with a wide naughty grin. “Gemma is wondering if you’re a contortionist.”

Closing my eyes, I sternly reminded myself that killing everyone in the room was a really fucking bad idea. I’d just cut a deal that could potentially save Elle’s life and damn Fate’s. Mass decapitation would screw everything up.

Playing nice was going to kill me.

Note to self… Think before you speak. It will cut down on dismemberment, decapitation and incineration of others. Possibly…

At least I was going to leave with the onyx mesh desktop organizer with five vertical and three horizontal shelving sections. That certainly made an annoying hour more palatable.