The puppies didn’t stand a chance against Lizard and his bat. However, the short but bloody battle was definitely no picnic. The monsters fought with a vicious and soulless rage. I’d sustained more blows in the twenty minutes that it took to take them out than I had in centuries.

“Die, you heinous green son of a bitch,” The Shelia bellowed as her golden tusks pierced the monster that was gunning for her.

The Shelia was a shimmering gold death machine. If I wasn’t completely besotted and committed to my Siren, I’d definitely have given The Shelia a spin. Her unbridled savageness was invigorating. She gored her foe and split the bastard clean in two. The high-pitched shrieks of the abominations were not something I would be able to forget anytime soon. Hell, if these were the creatures that protected the barren ice plains, what exactly were we going to be up against when we reached the Ice Palace?

“No more,” The Kev shouted as he decapitated his nightmare.

The Kev moved so fast I wasn’t even sure he’d moved at all. However, the enormous head of his foe separated from its grotesque body was proof the Fairy had indeed moved with deadly precision.

The Kev was an incredible sight—twice the size of his sister and Gemma. He was a mesmerizing bronze with sparkling golden horns and claws as sharp as daggers. Gemma was no slouch in the Fairy monster department either. The Fairy Queen was magnificent. She glowed an iridescent silver and became the size of a large SUV. Her fangs were positively obscene and silver and golden scales covered her bulky frame.

Gemma and Lizard had dispensed of their targets with precise and lethal blows. Of course I was the winner. My motherfucking nightmare had perished first. Even though my creature had taken a chunk out of my leg and chest, I’d incinerated him to a goopy pile of guts and ash within moments of his attack. My body would mend quickly. My sweater? That was another story.

The blueberry cashmere sweater didn’t make it through the melee. I was more terrified of conjuring up a new outfit than I was of destroying another monster. There was simply no telling what I would end up wearing.

“I’m going shirtless,” I announced to my battered crew as I took back my gorgeous form. “I think it’s a tad more manly.”

“You gonna wipe off the lipstick?” Gemma asked as she shifted back.

“No. It matches my pants,” I said before I could stop myself.

Letting my head fall back, I groaned in agony. I needed to get my own fucking soul back very soon or I was going to have to turn in my man card.

“Do the finger suck,” The Kev advised with a smirk. “You’ve got some on your teeth.”

Raising an eyebrow, and reminding myself it would be a horribly counterproductive move to cremate The Kev, I did as instructed. I really didn’t understand how women did this all the time. There were so many fucking things to worry about.

“That felt great!” The Shelia announced as she too shifted back. “I’m no longer afraid of those things.”

“I still have an aversion to puppies,” Lizard commented as he wiped his bat clean and shoved a few more pieces of gum into his already full mouth. “But I think I might get a kitten when I get home. It will show my glorious concubines, Martha and Jane, a softer side of me.”

I had nothing for that, so I simply stayed silent. It was difficult but doable. However, if the idiot continued to wax poetic about his love life, I’d be forced to castrate him—or at the very least electrocute him. He’d live, but it wouldn’t be pleasant.

“What exactly are they?” Gemma said eyeing the dead heap of monsters.

“Trolls,” I said, taking a closer look. “Mutated Trolls. My guess is that Fate has fucked with the fate of the Trolls—amongst other species. It appears they’ve been spelled to draw out intruders greatest fears.”

“Crafty,” The Shelia commented.

“Shitty,” Gemma added in disgust.

Running my hand through my hair, I was ready to put this little part of our excursion behind me. “I believe we’re all in agreement here. Shall we move on?”

“Are we flying to the Ice Palace?” The Kev inquired.

Looking to Gemma, I waited. My instinct was to fly, but I hadn’t seen the lay of the land.

“We fly until we get about twenty miles out and then I’d suggest we make the rest of the journey on foot. No need to announce our arrival,” she said.

“We may have already done so,” I replied glancing at the carnage surrounding us. “However, I think it’s a sound plan.”

It was definitely odd for me to take orders from anyone. I gave orders. Period. Although, if I had to admit it—which I never would—it was almost a relief to be working with intelligent creatures who could fight almost as well as I could.

“On three,” I commanded as I called to my wings and felt the delightful sensation of the onyx feathers unfurling and bursting from my skin.

The Fairies followed suit and we took to the air. We were getting closer, but winning felt a million miles away. It was a somber flight over the diamond like glaciers, but we were headed toward our destiny.

Or perhaps the end of the world…

* * *

“I like the name John,” Lizard said after thirty minutes of silent walking. “Do you guys like that name?”

“For what?” Gemma asked kindly.

“My kitten. I think a kitten named John would be quite nice,” he replied.

“What if it’s a girl?” The Shelia inquired as she fell into step beside my strange Demon.

“Well, I would name it Gemma then—after my Queen,” he said, sheepishly while chomping on his wad of gum a mile a minute.

Gemma’s laugh rang out through the desolate, ice covered terrain. “That would be lovely. I think you should most definitely get a female kitten. I would be honored.”

Lizard nodded and grinned like the dumbass that he was. Why wasn’t he naming his damned fur ball after me? The lack of respect I was having to endure was ridiculous. A cat named Beelzebub would be fabulous.

“I can see the Ice Palace,” The Kev said finally, putting up his hand and halting our forward motion. “How do you want to proceed?”

Scanning the horizon, I spotted the Palace. It was as stunning and as cold as the rest of Kismet. I had a difficult time picturing my Siren living within those frozen walls.

“Do you see Trolls?” The Shelia asked, levitating to get a better look.

“No, but there’s no way in Hell the Ice Palace has been left unprotected,” I warned.

“Are we just seriously gonna walk right into the Ice Palace?” Lizard asked, rolling his bat in his hands and looking a little crazier than usual.

“Yes, we are. We’ll wait here for a bit to see if there is any movement around the Palace and then we’ll go in.”

“Together?” The Shelia inquired, sitting down on the ice to regroup.

“No man—or woman—is an island,” I said with a small smile. “We will go together.”

“Kind of profound coming from the most egotistical man in existence,” The Kev commented with a laugh.

“Yes, well, I can’t actually take credit for that one. Elle told me that in a dream.”

“Wait one freakin’ minute. Elle’s a Dream Walker?” Gemma asked, getting excited.

I nodded my answer. Gemma danced around like an idiot. She was reminding me more and more of my mother…

“Go to sleep, Satan. Go find Elle and tell her we’re here. See if she’ll give you any more clues,” she insisted and leaned against a pillar of ice preening with victory.

“I do believe you shall make a very fine Fairy Queen,” I said meaning every word. I was not an island. Maybe needing help wasn’t a weakness.

No. Fuck that friendship shit. After we were done here, I was going back to working solo.

As much as these Fairies were helpful, if I had to spend too much time with them it would end in dismemberment. I would always cut my losses before they bit me on my very fine ass.

“Oh my God,” Gemma gasped and jumped away from the pillar in horror. “I thought that was a tree.”

“Holy shit on fire,” Lizard hissed, raising his bat and scanning the area for danger then gaping at the pillar of ice.

It wasn’t a tree—not even close. It was a frozen Siren. Her mouth was open in a silent scream of terror and her eyes were unseeing. Her fists were clenched tightly at her immobile sides and her once lovely skin had turned greyish blue. It was awful to gaze upon. Fate was not the punisher of evil. I was. She had no right to incapacitate an entire species—her own species to be more specific.

“That is some fucked up shit,” The Shelia whispered, walking around the frozen statue. “Can you release her? She might be able to help us.”

“The Kev and Lizard, are you both quite sure you’re impervious to the charms of a Siren?” I asked.

Both The Shelia and Gemma had made good points. If I took a quick nap and we had a Siren with us, the entire mission might go faster and with less collateral damage.

“I am impervious,” The Kev said. “Their charms will not affect me.”

“Me too,” Lizard added. “When you’re boinking the best, there’s no need to poke the rest. Martha and Jane are my destiny—my life—my loves.”

“Is he freakin’ talking about the same Martha and Jane that I know?” Gemma asked in shock.

“Indeed, he is,” I answered with a wince and a small dry heave. “Stand back. This could be messy.”

With a deep breath and a wave of my hands I focused on the ice and chipping it away without incinerating the Siren within. The spell was woven so tightly I was having difficulties. If I could just blow the goddamned thing up it wouldn’t be a problem. Although, it would definitely be an issue for the Siren as she wouldn’t live through it.

“I can’t do it without killing her,” I said flatly and wildly displeased. I was the Devil. I could break spells like a champion—but not this one.

“The Kev, can you bust through it with brute strength?” The Shelia asked, running her hands over the ice and searching for any imperfections that we might take advantage of.

“I can try,” he said.

And he did.

And it didn’t work.

“All together?” Gemma suggested. “Maybe if we all tried at once it could work.”

“Fine,” I replied in a clipped tone. I was highly doubtful. As powerful as the Fairies were, I was stronger than all of them put together times infinity. And that wasn’t even my ego talking. It was the plain truth.

We tried. We failed.

I’d been correct. However, this time I wasn’t pleased to be right.

Our combined powers didn’t even put a dent in the ice. Fate had created the perfect spell. I could only think of one person who might be able to counteract it, and he and I weren’t on the best of terms.

“Not going to work,” I stated the obvious. “I shall take a quick nap while you four keep watch. Wake me immediately if something seems off.”

“You should take off your makeup before you go to sleep unless you want to wake up looking like a raccoon,” Lizard suggested, backing away when my hands began to spark black fire.

“And you know this, how?” I snapped.

“Commercial. I saw it on a television commercial,” he choked out in fear. “But you would still look devilishly handsome even with raccoon eyes.”

“Is this true?” I demanded of the women present.

“That you would look handsome as a raccoon?” The Shelia asked with a devious little snicker.

“No,” I hissed. “Do I need to remove the makeup?” It was bad enough I was clad as a woman. I didn’t need a horrifying makeup job to add insult to injury.

“Yes,” Gemma said with a giggle as she snapped her fingers and produced some kind of lightly scented wet towelette.

“And what do I do with this?”

“Here,” Gemma said, gently wiping my face. “Close your eyes. I don’t want it to sting you.”

I really couldn’t believe this was happening. I was going to have to blackmail these Fairies into a cone of fucking silence after we left this frozen wasteland. However, if it did get out, no one would believe it. I was the most beautifully masculine specimen in the Universe—maybe not at the moment, but generally speaking.

“All better,” she told me with a quick hug.

With another snap of her fingers she conjured a bed for me to nap in. Unfortunately, it was covered in glittering silver sheets. I preferred black, but the Fairy had been so accommodating I stayed silent. My newfound pleasantness was slightly horrifying to me, but it felt right.

“Don’t let me sleep more than an hour,” I instructed, waving my hand a black silk sleep mask appeared. “We still have a tremendous amount of shit to get done.”

“Understatement much?” Gemma asked with a laugh.

With a dramatic roll of my eyes, I laid on the bed and willed sleep to come. I’d never forced a Dream Walk. I hoped I could do it today.

We really fucking needed something good to happen.