SHANE. To describe my life as different in the months which followed the fight would be a grotesque understatement. The phone calls, offers for endorsements, magazines, book deals, movie offers, and potential challengers coming out of the woodwork were an almost daily occurrence.

In the past I didn’t necessarily need a manager, therefore I didn’t have one. Kelsey was my trainer, and Joe was the manager of the gym, but I never felt a need to have a manager who decided what it was I did or should intend to do. Now, life was different.

Much different.

After a reasonable amount of persuasion, and an unreasonable amount of money, Kelsey agreed to become my manager. I trusted Kelsey with my best interest and deciding to allow him to make decisions which would benefit us both was something I felt he could do without much thought or influence from me. I preferred to be out of the lime light, and make my best effort to live a life of solitude without the recognition.

Contrary to what I expected, at least for now I intended to defend the title. I would allow whoever Kelsey felt was a reasonably talented opponent challenge me for the Championship sometime in the future. Right now, I wanted to relax and take it easy for a while and enjoy living life.

My wife and son had become the two most important elements in my life, and I had no expectation of ever allowing this to change.

Although it has never been one of my favorite things to do, Kace and I have enjoyed several movies together. From time to time, we will see a rather suspenseful movie. In watching the movie, it’s never totally clear to me just how intense the movie really is – or how engrossed I am in the story – until it’s over, and I exhale. Slowly, I’ll release the seat cushion from my grip, and realize I was a ball of tension for the entire movie.

Winning the championship was a similar experience.

I never felt as if I were acting any differently during the months in preparing for the fight. After the fight was over, however, I exhaled. In doing so, I realized my life prior to the fight was one big tense moment, over and over. Now, looking back at my then life, and the differences I see…

I’m glad it’s over.

I feel as if I am a totally different person. Not someone I was before, and certainly not someone I ever expected to be. Today, I look at the world through different eyes. Eyes capable of seeing everything and not only what I choose to allow before me. Today, I look into the future and attempt to make decisions based on what I feel is best for Kace, Casey and I. I never felt as if I were selfish prior to now. Today, however, I have my reservations regarding my previous behaviors and wonder whether or not I was doing what was in everyone’s best interest.

Ripp’s church had a wing they intended to use for Sunday school for the children in the church. Poor attendance and a loss of parishioners left the wing all but abandoned over recent years. They had expressed interest in remodeling it into a refuge for homeless teen girls – a place for them to be able to stay if there was nowhere else for them to turn. After several unsuccessful attempts to raise money they abandoned the idea, and the wing remained empty and somewhat rundown.

In learning of the desire the church had for the unoccupied area, I donated the money to remodel it entirely. I didn’t want my name attached to it, or recognition for doing so. All I wanted was a place for the runaways and homeless teens to feel they could turn if there was no other direction for them to go. I felt if I could make a difference in one person not turning to drugs or prostitution, it would all be worth it.

In the past, I received satisfaction from beating another man half senseless for doing something I perceived as being immoral or wrong. Now, I know I am not God, and I have no place attempting to right the wrongs of this world. Making a difference one idiot at a time would never make a big difference. Now, having the ability to make a real difference allowed me to feel everything I did in the past was not only unnecessary, but possibly somewhat selfish on my part.

There is still no place in my heart for a man who abuses a woman, and I will never stand aside while someone attempts to or actually does abuse a woman.  I will not, however, seek justice on my own for every man who steps outside a moral line I have scratched into the sand.

Today I have the ability to make a difference one major decision at a time. And the differences I make just may last longer than I ever will. The satisfaction I received from causing an abuser to walk the other direction from the abused was short-lived, and happened whenever the opportunity presented itself. Typically a few times a year I felt I made a difference in the life of someone who may need it. Now, every morning when I wake up I know it’s possible for me to make a difference without so much as getting dressed.

And I breathe easy knowing so.

What I am left with is the ability to live a life I have always yearned for – one without reservation, regret or a weight of some sort crushing down on me.

I sat on the edge of the bed staring at the display on the wall – in the center, a large photograph of me standing over the fallen champion, my hands held high in the air. Although professional photographer took the photo during the fight, I have no recollection of raising my hands while Brock was down on the mat. The photo, however, tells a different story. A great piece of artwork to represent a memory I will carry with me for a lifetime.

On the left side of the photo, a shadow box with my black hoodie, cleaned and pressed. On the right, a black silk robe I wore with the name DEKKAR on the back over the shoulders in grey block letters.

Memories.

I clenched the dog tags in my hand and stood from the foot of the bed. In turning toward the display on my way out of the room, I smiled. Life has the ability to change, and sometimes we’re the beneficiary of these changes. When the differences we experience clearly make our life or our person better, it becomes increasingly difficult to question a God I more than once doubted the mere existence of.

I walked out to the garage, draped the dog tags over my head, and looked down as they came to rest in the center of my chest. I pressed the remote door opener on the wall and walked to the corner of the garage and grabbed a shovel. As I dropped it into the bed of the truck, I sighed slightly.

Some changes in our lives are self-imposed, while others simply happen. We’re forced to accept the changes which occur in our life naturally. When we choose to make changes we’re always left to wonder if our decision to do so is in our best interest.

There’s only one way to know for sure.

Make changes.

And live life.