SHANE. Having friends is one thing. Having friends and actually enjoying spending time around them is another. I’ve often asked myself, who wouldn’t enjoy an afternoon at the bar with Mike Ripton? He’s a one-of-a-kind individual, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Standing beside the table, Ripp stood with a beer in one hand, and the other acting as if he were pushing a swing, “So, I push the swing forward, and he just farts like a fucking elephant.”

“And I step back, because the swing is stirring this funk up and swinging it into my face. And Vee screams, Michael, don’t abandon him there,” he said as he waved his free hand in front of his nose.

“So, I step back into the war zone and pull his stinking little ass from the swing. Now, I’m a pretty god damned good babysitter if I do say so myself. So I lay this little fucker down, and I…”

“I have a question,” A-Train interrupted as he raised his hand in the air.

“What ya got, bro?” Ripp asked.

“Do you cuss like this in front of the kids?” A-Train laughed.

“Oh, hell no. So, let me see. Yeah, I lay this little fucker down, and I pull down his diaper in the back and look down in there. And nothing! He didn’t shit, he didn’t shart, he didn’t piss, nothing. He just farted. Could have cleared the stadium at the football game, I guarantee ya,” he said as he raised his beer and took another drink.

“Well, I’m sure Jessie’s farts stink like hell,” I laughed.

“Nope. Can’t even smell ‘em. I tell you what, that little girl has an ass smells like roses,” Ripp nodded his head as he spoke.

“You puked hot dogs on her because she smelled so bad,” A-Train shouted.

“When she was little. Now that she’s grown up she doesn’t. Not like that fuckin’ Casey,” Ripp chuckled.

“Hey…” I said.

Ripp nodded his head again, “It’s true.”

“And grown up? She isn’t grown up, she’s eight months old,” I shook my head and rolled my eyes as I reached for my glass of water.

“Well, she’s sort of grown up,” Ripp smiled.

“I suppose,” I agreed.

“Okay, so there’s more,” Ripp paused and placed his beer bottle on the table in front of where he stood.

“Ripp…” I pleaded.

“Shut up, Dekk. I got this,” he laughed.

“Okay, you listenin’ Train?” Ripp asked.

A-Train nodded his head, “Both ears.”

“Okay, so we get done at the park, and we load up the kids. Vee and I stop at the liquor store and get a bottle of wine because we’re going to get our fuck on later in the night. You know – like married folk do – when the kids are in bed asleep,” he turned toward me and raised one eyebrow.

“So I get the wine and toss it in the back, and we take off for Dekk’s place to drop off the stinkin’ kid,” he paused and reached for his beer.

“And we pull up in the drive and Vee pushes the door opener Dekk gave us. The door starts opening, and I see socks. Nothin’ but white god damned socks,” he tipped his beer and took a sip.

A-Train turned toward me momentarily, as if wondering what was next.

Ripp lowered his bottle and began the story again, excitedly, “So the door keeps coming up, and I see ass. White ass. And then I see white ass running. And then, I see it all. A naked assed Shane Dekkar, running for the garage door opener, with a fucking knife in his hand,” Ripp paused for effect.

“Naked?” A-Train asked.

“As the day he was fuckin’ born. Plus socks,” Ripp nodded.

A-Train turned toward me, “With a knife in his hand?”

“Yep, a big fucker,” Ripp responded.

A-Train shook his head and turned toward Ripp, “Please continue.”

“Well, so then he just turns around. Mr. World Champion isn’t scared of shit with his fifty million dollars and I ain’t never got to work again so fuck the world and every poor no money havin’ ass in it. He turns the fuck around,” Ripp hesitated and thrust his hips in the air and held them there.

“So now,” Ripp looked down at his crotch.

“I got Shane Dekkar naked with about ten inches of half-hard cock swinging between his legs,” Ripp looked up from his crotch and raised both eyebrows.

“Oh shit, say it ain’t so,” A-Train laughed.

“It’s so, brother. Wait it gets even better,” Ripp chuckled.

“So Vee screams. Like she’s been shot. Screams and covers her eyes. But she’s driving, ‘cause we got the kids, and they’re too young for the Chevelle. So she opens ‘em. And Dekk just walks across the garage. And that’s when I see it,” Ripp raised his beer to his mouth again and finished what was left in the bottle.

“Well, what was it? Was he skinnin’ a deer?” A-Train laughed, “Naked?”

“Nope. It was Kace. She’s in the back of the truck. In the fuckin’ bed, naked as fuck. Arms and legs tied up. All strung out. Tits and twat and ass everywhere. All spread eagle and shit,” Ripp turned to face me and shook his head as he spread his arms as wide as he could.

A-Train turned to face me, “What the fuck, Brother?”

“It wasn’t like that,” I said, shaking my head.

“Well?” he asked.

“Ripp and Vee got the kids, and Kace and I fucked in the garage. Eventually, we ended up in the bed of the truck and I tied her up, I was getting ready to cut her loose and the door opened. There wasn’t anything I could do,” I shrugged.

“Hmmm,” A-Train said as he rubbed his chin with his hand.

“Explains the knife, I suppose. Why the socks?” he asked.

I shrugged again, “Not really sure. Kace wanted me to wear them.”

“Okay. And if you got an empty house, why were you fucking in the bed of your truck?”

I shrugged again, “Not sure. It just happened.”

“Everything I said is true, A-Train. Naked assed motherfucker had a knife in his hand and stood there with his cock swinging in the breeze,” Ripp said as he waved to the waitress.

“Oh, I believe you. I’m just trying to find out why,” A-Train said as he continued to rub his chin and stare at me.

“Hard sayin, A-Train. Rich fuckers do weird shit,” Ripp responded as the waitress dropped off our beers.

“Here you go, Mr. Ripton,” the waitress said.

Ripp nodded his head and smiled at the waitress.

As I looked up at the new sign dangling from the upper canopy, I smiled. Ripp has never had anything in his life. Always struggling to get by, and barely making ends meet. It seemed only fitting, considering the amount of time and money he spent here.

The sign was simple. I glanced up at it again.

“Ripp’s”

A-Train caught my eye, and glanced up toward the sign as well.

“They damn sure do,” he nodded.

They damn sure do.