CHAPTER NINE

“With this lick I thee own …” - Hawk

 

He couldn’t even claim a depraved dream woke him.

Not when he hadn’t closed his eyes yet.

It was 2:30 in the morning according to the clock on his cell phone and Hawk was so fucking hard he was clawing at the inside of his own brain for relief.

A flashback of many nights in this situation over the years where a thought of Gia would escalate so fierce and fast he was left to resort to screwing any bitch to expunge the one woman he couldn’t have.

Even if he were at the club, no chick would appeal. No one interested him in months, and even then, it was a stretch to say he felt any true arousal because whoever was bent over for him. They were a means to an end.

It was always Gia. Beginning, middle and the end.

He’d used scores of women’s bodies for his sickness and still here he was in her house, his addiction scratching the inside of his chest cavity.

If he were in the clubhouse he’d find a bottle of whatever liquor was closest to hand. Or he’d smoke until his head was occupied with anything other than his addiction.

He was far too aware she was sleeping just beyond that thin wall. Probably in a pair of shorts with her butt hanging out of them. Or naked. So damn naked his mouth dried up.

Hawk shot up off the bed, grabbed the pair of sweat pants and yanked them angrily over his legs leaving them hanging on his waist.

She was in there now, burrowed in the downy comforter, warm and possibly, gloriously naked. Her skin warm to the touch.

Inviting.

Scraping both hands over his perverted face, he paced.

Needing a bullet to the brain. Or a fucking muzzle for his thoughts.

The room was no bigger than eight feet by eight feet. Perfect for Gia’s office, but not so much for a man of his size to track away his anxious jitter. He could do the full room in a few steps. Still he paced.

2.34am.

Her coconut scent was everywhere. At one point during the night he’d lifted his arm to sniff to make sure it wasn’t embedded in his own skin. The scent was soothing and tormenting at the same time.

Gia has always been top shelf Macallan 25 on gorgeous legs. His own walking, seducing compulsion put on this earth to show just how weak of a man Hawk truly was when every minute of every day he’d wanted to dive head first into her and never recover from the trauma loving her caused.

He was so hard. His dick was aching in heartbeats against his thigh demanding it be taken home inside Gia.

He paced some more.

There was no chance he was jerking off to ease the pressure, not with Gia right next door. The heel of his hand found its own way to his groin, pressing hard, willing the hard-fucking traitor to calm his shit down.

2.37am.

He needed air. He felt like he was choking in coconut. The window pushed wide did nothing to put oxygen in to his lungs.

It was no good. He was climbing out of his goddamn sick skin thinking of her just feet away. He’d wake her real nice. He’d always fantasized about kissing her awake. Just streaking his mouth from one end of her to the other and stopping in the places in the middle to lick full attention right there.

Would she cry out? Would she wake moaning and gripping his hair tight enough he’d be bald? Would she beg him to keep going with his hard tongue-fuck?

Without realizing it, ten deep in his sick fantasy, he prowled over to the bed, plonked his ass and fished out his cock in a tight, craving palm.

Air shot out of his throat with relief. Fuck, yeah. Head cranking down as he folded in on his knees and rolled his hand.

He was stroking before he knew it.

Slow. Easy. Strokes. From tip to base.

Unlike usual, Hawk went easy on his cock. He didn’t punish himself for wanting Gia. Something about being around her freed his desire. Listening to all her stories as they packed her boxes side by side and hearing her laugh over every little thing had been eye opening. She had a story for each book, where she bought it, who gifted it to her, and what it meant to her. He’d hung off her every word like one giant love sapped dickhead.

Even smiled a time or two when she wasn’t looking his way.

Jesus. Oh, fuck. Electricity climbed through him. It felt too good. He couldn’t have these filthy thoughts in his head about her, could he? Stroke it out. Stroke it out. Thoughts of watching her wrap her pink lips around the tip he was powering through his hand. Watching her give him the suck until he hit the soft part of her throat.

Now wouldn’t that be something?

Heaven in his own part of Hell.

Would she suck hard with a bit of teeth?

Would she lick tentatively at him? He’d never wanted a mouth on his cock before.

He’d let her, too. Just let her explore even if it meant she drove him to his knees. What in the good Hell was he lying to himself for? Hawk would beg for it. Oh, baby, suck me in hard.

As much as he had always quarantined himself from Gia, he’d known one thing.

One thing never changed. His body would always belong to her.

He could screw a thousand women and that fact wouldn’t change. Because while he got a fast release that was as empty as it was unfulfilling, one smile from Gia was surmount to an all over body climax. He felt it days later whistling through his blood, making him higher than any amount of weed could match.

Noise whirred in the back of his skull.

The dirty bastard part of him wanted her to hear him groaning low in his throat, to walk in here and watch. Watch how incredibly hard his cock was for her. How it dripped from the tip into his fingers, he used the wetness to pull tighter and picture that image.

Oh, fuck. That was good.

If he closed his eyes he could see the younger version of Gia. Wide eyed. Perpetually happy. Innocent. Too beautiful for her own good. The girl he’d had sick fantasies about were put to shame compared to the woman she was now at twenty-seven.

Stunning.

Breath-taking.

The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Maybe if he didn’t think she was so perfect he could have her. But he did, and she was.

Too perfect for him.

And his thoughts only become filthier with age.

The fastest climax hurried through his spine, tightening his balls to two hard rocks, he pulsed streams of come over his hand, spurting up his torso. Hawk groaned keening noises, chewing on the inside of his cheek to stop from calling out her name.

When the spasms worked through him, he took a long breath almost falling over his lap.

He cleaned up fast, and knowing he was no more relaxed than he was two minutes ago he rifled through his holdall, found the rolled spliff and a box of matches, he opened the bedroom door lightly, creeping through her house he took the stairs, unlocked the back door and stood out in the yard.

Melancholy in his unrequited love he tugged hard on the smoke, feeling the weed shunt straight to his lungs and spread the manufactured happy gene into his bloodstream. Tossing the blown-out match into the yard he didn’t hear the porch door opening until he did.

The object of his jerking not ten minutes ago was standing right there.

And he was goddamn right. She was wearing teeny booty shorts that shaped everything. Standing like a sweet innocent rubbing her eyes. Thank Christ it was dark out there and she hadn’t popped on the yard light or he feared he’d take one look at what the cloth was cupping at the apex of her legs and fall to his knees and lick her furiously.

Leaning a shoulder on the porch post, teeth gritting to keep his dickhead-self in check he looked her over, eyelids hooded with a massive surge of lust, greedy for any sight of Gia she’d allow him. He was one monstrous motherfucker to grow hard again.

Fuck. She was so lovely. Her hair swinging over her shoulders and as she approached she brought the scent of coconuts with her.

Her voice was husky from sleep. “Couldn’t sleep?” Had she awoken and come looking for him? Pleased heat inflamed his torso with a deep breath.

“Too wired.” He told her truthfully. “You should be sleeping.” His fingers twitched to carry her right back to her bed and crawl in with her.

“Yes, daddy.”

Hawk’s head came up fast. Fire and acid burned in his belly. He shouldn’t like her sassy words.

She saved him from answering by walking closer. “Are you going to share that?”

“Since when do you smoke pot?”

“Not since college.” She boldly plucked it from his lips and he let her. Curious if she would, he watched her.

She took a bigger toke than she should have and coughed up a lung in front of him. Hawk sprang into action and rubbed her back, a grin twitching the corner of his lip. “Breathe, that’s it. Give me that back, little girl.”

“It just surprised me, I got it.” She told him and placed it back in her lips. This time she didn’t die.

They shared the spliff between them.

“When did you smoke in college?”

Their fingers brushed as she handed him the joint. On the second sweep when she lingered he knew she was doing that shit deliberately.

“A few football frat parties.” Under the moonlight Gia began to smile. He could see the pot loosening her up. Her warmth invaded him. She was the sun. “It was at one of those parties I lost my virginity.”

Hawk’s blood turned to dust. “Jesus, you went to college at fifteen.” He didn’t know what she found so funny. Who the fuck was this punk? He’d find him. “Relax, Dad. I only took a few college classes then. I didn’t go to the dorms until I was eighteen. I was nineteen by then.” Blowing smoke in his face, her smile lit up the darkness. “It wasn’t even good. I couldn’t even party right.”

“Keep calling me dad and watch yourself put over my knee,” what in the fuck was he saying? Shut up, dickhead.

His head buzzed like a swarm of moths about her virginity and the prick lucky enough to earn it. The claw of jealousy in his throat was terrible. It should have been me.

When he looked up from flicking the smoke butt out into the yard she was standing at his shoulder. Smiling. “Yes, please.”

Hawk was a man of few words but when he spoke those words he usually made them count. He had nothing. No sardonic comeback because she was all up in his space and everything in his brain was either illegal or downright depraved and he had just the right amount of pot high going on to say all that shit and scare the little bit into running off back to her pretty bed with the door bolted behind her too scared to let a monster ram her into a wall with his desperate cock.

One finger caught her under the chin and lifted. “Careful what you ask for.”

Struggling through the mist of longing she created in him, it was easy to let her shuffle forward on her bare feet and crush her chest to his. She was warm and soft and so fucking there for the plucking he didn’t just lose his mind he tossed it across the yard.

There was a lot of reasons why Hawk hated being touched. None of which applied to Gia.

She had her own set of rules he lived by. Or at least, the Gia of his fantasies did. She did whatever the fuck she wanted to him and he allowed it. It was the only time he’d let himself have her.

The real live version seemed to believe along the same lines when she traced down his bare chest with a fingertip. Along the ridges of his belly and up again.

Oh, fuck. He knew what she was touching.

It had gone clean out of his mind.

A dry mouth, just high enough he didn’t care to hide anything. He allowed her to trace the tattoo over his left pec. Under the nipple was an inked wound torn open by barb wire. It coiled half way around his chest to show a bloodied, mangled heart inside the 10-inch wide gaping hole. It was shaded in black and gray and about the only time he’d let someone else touch him and even then, he’d been so fucking stoned he barely remembered it, only describing to the artist what he wanted.

“This looks … traumatic and beautiful.” The fingertip swept left and right.

Coconut filled his nose.

His libido kicked him right in the nuts. He wanted her so badly and she didn’t know how she tormented him.

“I can’t see what this part is.” Without looking he knew she was fingering the inside of the heart. Thank fuck for the moon behind a cloud.

He cleared his throat. “It’s nothing. Time for bed, Gia.”

She giggled, her full palm laid against his sternum. Why did it feel so good?

“Is this where I say yes daddy again?”

He growled his frustration, and she giggled again.

“Do you know what I love about the dark and this time of night? It is its own moment out of the ordinary where anything could happen. It’s still and peaceful, almost like you can hear all your wishes in the air. Can you hear your wishes, Hawk?” Lifting her face to the moon he saw her lightly freckled nose reflecting with shadows.

His beautiful little bit was his wish. She was all wishes ever prayed for, hungered over, tormented by. And without thinking he spoke his own truth.

“Yeah, little bit. I do.”

The smile she gave him was enough to spark his nerve endings to life and push enough blood between his legs to keep him hard for months.

The witching hour. He’d heard that said often enough, hadn’t he? When the devil was his most powerful, if you believed that bullshit like his mother did.

He felt the night envelope them. As if they were the only two people left. It might be the pot talking, but he felt pretty good about that. He’d hunt and gather for her, wouldn’t he?

Gia didn’t speak, just kept right on looking up at him, her fingers dancing over the tattoo, her touch burning in all the good ways he never thought possible.

I'm a man among boys, that's who you need.

She’d talked about losing her virginity in a pithy way. And somehow, he knew she’d had more experience in relationships than him, mainly because he’d had none to speak of and maybe just in his own twisted thoughts he knew because the only relationship he’d wanted was with her, if he’d been capable.

But he was far from worthy.

Hawk saw Gia needed a man to make her feel good.

He could do that much.

He’d work his fucking balls to dust to make sure she felt good. The little bit of a girl who was no taller than his breastbone and who had the most expressive dark blue eyes that bore a hole down to his spleen, needed a man to explore that hunger lurking under her lashes.

He realized as he used hands on her hips to turn her around, to walk her backwards, that he was thinking out of his ass and contra-fucking-dicting himself left and right.

But then the lust he’d always had for her never made any fucking sense so why should he try to make it appear normal now.

Not when he saw her as a teen and wanted to climb off his bike and claim her for himself by pushing his face into her neck and inhaling her sweet, baby scent.

“Tell me to stop touching you,” he issued in a rough timber pressing her body into the deck post.

“I won’t.”

He fell to his knees. The oak deck creaking underneath him. The whoosh of sucked air came from Gia.

Was she scared?

On his knees his head came up to her midriff. Fingers crept under that teeny top. Felt her stomach ripple. Her hand came to rest on the top of his head.

“Tell me to get the fuck off you, Gia. Tell me I have no right to put my depraved hands on you like this.” The higher he pushed her shirt, the shorter her breathing became, and he was lost.

“I want you to touch me, Hawk.”

His thumb circled her navel. “Do you?” Back and forth he stroked that little dent and then he moved his two hands down to her hips, in the dip, he pressed his thumbs and she moaned.

Oh, hell. If she was turned on from his thumbs poking her hipbones, then she was going to love where he put his mouth.

His empty mind was intoxicating. He heard nothing but the shallow breaths from Gia. No voices, no self-reproach. Every corner taken up by his little bit.

“Yes. Touch me. T-touch me anywhere you want to.” She did some of her own and he got lost in the feel of her fingers on his shoulders.

Leaning forward he pressed his mouth right between her legs, over the material covering her pussy.

“Oh, god.”

He can’t help you, now, there’s only a deviant monster dying for you. Drowsy, he nuzzled his nose along her slit, pressing the soft fabric in between her lips. She was bare under those shorts. So, fucking bare he smelled her sweetness, felt how wet she was.

Ten years was a long time to hunger for the same thing.

There had been murders, torture and as much crime as a man could fit in to one lifetime, but nothing felt as bad as unrequited love. The pain of it, swirling constantly in his rib cage, was its own madness.

He supposed he lacked in a lot of ways. Under-fucking-statement of the century. But he knew there were few things more fundamentally erotic than listening to Gia pant his name through parted lips and rip the fuck out of his scalp at the same time as pressing him closer to the heaven nestled at the top of her thighs.

Hawk used the flat of his tongue to lick through the material. A leisurely exploration. Unsure why an unlucky sonuvabitch like him would be given access to paradise like this.

“Is this what you want?”

“Oh, Jesus. Please.” Tug. Tug. He was going to be bald. And he loved it.

Another intimate nuzzle with his nose, he inhaled her hard, drunk on pussy, he felt the shift of her legs widening with a personal invite and her puffy lips parted under his mouth and fuck he nearly died at her feet soaking in her wetness seeping through to greet him.

Incredibly hungry, he licked her harder. “I need the words, Gia.”

“Yes,” she cried. The devil’s hour eating up the echo. “Yes, I want this, please. Put your mouth on me, Hawk. I ache for it.”

He needed no other prompting when he slid down her shorts, letting her kick them off, he pried her golden tanned thighs apart and … fuck him.

Air punched out of his lungs. He couldn’t do anything, he was frozen looking at the most perfect pussy of his disgusting existence.

“Hawk…”

“Shhh, little bit. Give me this. I haven’t ever seen anything so pretty before.” And to prove it he used both thumbs to open her up.

Holy hell, that husky half moan half laugh, and that prolonged hum, the way she sounded like she knew exactly how incredible he was making her feel.

She was soaked. Dripping on his fingers.

There was no shortage of brain cells Hawk was losing, they fell like soldiers of war. He felt like bombs were blasting his skull from all corners, because nothing could be this good, shouldn’t feel this good. If this was a dream he’d kill the fucker who woke him.

One lick after another he sampled her sweetness, grunting after each strike of his tongue. Slow and easy, he let his tongue get acquainted with first her pebbled clit hiding under its hood all shy and pretty, it was wet and swollen and so damn friendly he circled around it to the count of one hundred.

He was tonguing Gia.

Tonguing his fantasy woman in her yard in the dead of night.

Fuck him, if Hawk died now he couldn’t be happier.

He hooked her leg up over his shoulder, both hands palmed her ass to hold her steady. The hunger was a beast inside him, rising through his bones to claim its food.

Feeling alive, he breathed through his nose and opened his mouth wide to devour her.

She’d cracked something in Hawk and he feasted on the emotion.

Pressing his face deep into her pussy, Hawk ate Gia, one wet kiss at a time.

Over and again, her mewls were fire in his gut. Her hands fisting his hair as she pumped her hips were all the encouragement he needed to keep right on sliding through her silky lips. The way she gasped his name and whispered words inaudible, but he caught their meaning that she was feeling good and it had Hawk fifty feet tall there on his knees in front of her.

He wanted to hold her on the brink for a long time, but he was too far gone in pussy heaven to know how to play her right this first time when he felt her splinter apart against his tongue buried deep inside her entrance.

Hawk lapped greedily at her, upholding the pace that brought her to the peak. She tilted her hips forward against the fingers holding her open, pushing his mouth deeper and he was happy to oblige her silent ask. He tortured with lips, tongue, and caresses of his thumbs along either side of her clit until she cried out his name. It was a heady sensation hearing her in the husky, pleasured tones.

It was a high he couldn’t have prepared for, how could he? Hawk had no fucking clue an hour ago he’d be tongue deep inside Gia and lapping like a mad man, taking her taste into his belly.

Wrapping a free arm under her thighs, he enjoyed every quake of her legs, he devoured her as she bucked and rode out her pleasure against his seeking mouth. A rough, keening sound erupted from her, and Hawk, flattened his tongue instinctually to aid in giving her the most of everything as he sucked down her come as it slipped into his mouth.

She cried out to the sky. Her entire body trembling as she came for him.

The sense of pride was nothing he’d experienced before.

He brought her back down with a circle of his thumb on her clit and a slow lick.

 “Oh, Hawk. That was incredible. God.”  It was more a gasp than words. Something about it is just…fucking hot as hell.

He wanted to take her over again and again and again, drain her, wreck her for any other punk who couldn’t make her feel this good.

His wet lips brushed the fine curly hairs, down her slit and pressed a last kiss to the place he’d only think of as paradise from now on. Thanking her silently for the best gift of his life.

The only reason he’d stopped was he saw her shiver. He needed to get her inside the house.

Rising, he hooked up her shorts from the floor, tucking them into the waist of his sweats, he picked up the melted woman next, “put your legs around me, little bit.”

She instantly complied with both legs and arms, her face found his neck like she was born to fit in that exact spot.

Hawk shuddered.

She’s wrecking me. I’m destroyed.

His heart rolled over and flopped at her feet.

He’d done it now.

He’d crossed the line he’d set for himself to never touch.

And as he strode back inside, the warmth of Gia’s house greeting them. He kept one arm tucked under her ass while he locked the door behind with the other, taking steady steps through the hallway, and up the stairs, he took the turning down to her bedroom where her arms locked tight enough to choke around his neck.

“Don’t leave me, Hawk. Not now. Please.” Her soft-spoken pleading made the cock, not doing a very good job at hiding in his pants, even harder, and a twinge of guilt attacked his chest, because her helpless desire turned him on even more. A decent man wouldn’t feel good about hearing his woman beg.

The hell was his thinking. She wasn’t his woman.

Guilt punched him in the side of the head.

Not because of what he’d done.

But that she expected him to ditch and run.

It was the only thing she’d known him for.

He’d crossed that line. Having lived by his own rules and his own code since he was fifteen he always thought he was doing the right thing in not letting her get entangled with someone like him. He wasn’t good and nor was he decent. He’d eat her alive morning, noon and night if she let him until there was nothing left of her. He’d thought he was doing the right thing. He was either punch drunk on Gia’s pleasure, or he’d made a monumental fucking mistake.

Sandpaper dry mouth, he placed her down on her bed.

She was a goddess looking back at him.

One that made him hard as stone and had his heart galloping straight down to his belly. The taste of her filled his mouth and he searched for ways to express how fucking grateful he was she’d given that to him, she’d allowed a monster inside her perfect body.

All words that mattered failed him.

He wasn’t versed in expressing his feelings and when he saw her frown as if she anticipated him to walk out the door, he did the only thing he could to show her.

Hawk prowled across her bed, the mattress depressing dramatically under his weight, her shy grin lit him up. Pounding blood to his starved cock.

He showed Gia he was right where he wanted to be, and nothing was moving him, when he slid his two hands up her legs, widening her thighs and he bent over her again, licking from top to bottom and back again on her slick sex. She was so fucking incredible, her beauty eclipsed all.

He just wanted to mark his territory.

Claim what a dirty piece of shit like him didn’t deserve.

“You have no idea what it’s like to have a fantasy come to life.” He moved over her, sucked the delicate skin on her neck, taking starved kisses up her throat to her ear. “Gia …” more licks, this time heading south he pushed his shoulders into place, his hard cock lodged into the bed. It wasn’t about him. It was all for his Gia.

“I’m going to make you scream again. Can you handle that?”

“Oh, god.” Her whimper and body shimmer were music to his dead soul, he smiled against her pussy, licking his name one letter at a time. “Give me the words.”

“Yes.” Impatient was his little bit, when she dragged fuck out of his hair again, hooking both her legs around his shoulders. His scalp tingled with lust and love and pain. “Fuck me with your wicked mouth.”

“So wet,” lick. Suck. So, mine.

And that’s what he did. Until the sun rose, and Gia fell into an exhausted sleep and Hawk lay at her back with his mouth swollen and saturated in sweetness, he tongued his fantasy and made her come over and over. Until her screams were the only sounds he heard.

He whispered dark and carnal things into her pussy. Starved, filthy dreams he could have only seen behind his eyelids were coming true one pussy suck at a time.

He claimed it.

He made her clit his own toy by washing it with his depraved love.

The way her legs pinned his ears he was gonna be deaf tomorrow.

He didn’t care. Just kept right on licking her.

Crossing that line between them meant Hawk slept steadily for the first time in a long time.