CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“Turned out the monster was welcome all along…” – Hawk

 

As Gia watched Hawk gripe at Krusher for not using his cane again and hovered over the older man until he limped into the main area of the Renegade Souls clubhouse, her heart turned over. A lovely soft roll of love for Hawk and how he reluctantly showed care for someone else.

Gia smiled gently, with her belly doing all kinds of happy flips of affection for the hardened man who gave the impression he had no fucks to give about anyone and here he was taking care of his elder with patience and understanding. Perched on a bar stool she continued to watch while Hawk made Krusher sit at the table while he brought him coffee and the right number of sweeteners. “You don’t need sugar, old man,” he told him with a scowl etched on that gorgeous face, Gia stifled a giggle. “You wanna die of diabetes before you’re a century old?”

Though Krusher grumbled a complaint Gia could tell he held fondness for Hawk and enjoyed his company by how happy he’d looked when he’d seen Hawk stride through the doors.

It was only meant to be a stop by, for Hawk to square things away with the president Ty and to pick up anything he might have left behind. Instead, Krusher called out to Hawk and with surprise, he’d told Gia he’d be right back and began to attend to the elder club member.

“I ain’t decrepit just yet. I could still run circles around you, just thank yer lucky stars I don’t, sonny.”

Hawk snorted rolling his eyes. “Fine. Let’s go now.” He offered and Krusher smirked, winking over at Gia. “Nah. Don’t wanna embarrass you in front of your girl.”

Your girl. Her insides flamed and for a second when her gaze clashed with Hawks, he too looked as dazed and heated.

The men who appeared to be most monstrous often had the softest hearts they hid behind broken walls.

She was learning so much about him.

He cooked, he took care of her, he guarded her without complaint.

But as good as a babysitter Hawk was he’d been keeping her at arm’s length intimacy wise the last couple of days. Rather than being despondent about it, Gia used it to her advantage by choosing their time together to bombard him with questions, finding out what kind of man he was beneath his surly attitude. And when he retreated into his rock-hard shell she didn’t mind at all.

It was Hawk.

And she was completely in love with the kind of man he was. Because as much of a mean spirited, monstrous personality he tried to convey, she’d seen something different in him.

His silent understanding of someone else’s care was staggering.

She smiled over at him and watched how his lips quirked.

It was as close to a grin as he’d gotten so far.

Delighted, she didn’t look away.

And he didn’t look away.

The air practically sizzled between then. No matter how much emotional distance he’d been putting between them, she wasn’t the only one invested.

 

******

 

“Quit making the goo-goo eyes at her and claim the girl already, give her your patch claim, boy.” Krusher whispered nudging Hawk’s elbow. Hawk turned a scowl on him ready to tell the old man he didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about, but the words trapped in his throat. He took another look over to Gia and found her watching him with her little smile.

He was in deep. He’d love to give her a Property of Hawk patch.

Be with her.

Let her calm him.

See to her happiness.

She even amused him and that was hard to do. With her silly little quirks and her innate ability to see the good in everyone and the trickery she went to make him smile.

Of course, it meant he was fixated on her.

Soaking up her smiles and her tinkling laugh like she was the fountain of youth.

It was how addictions worked.

Forget his patch. He wore an invisible Property of Little Bit brand.

He couldn’t only have a little now he was in deep. It was far too late to retreat.

With his belly aching to stride across the room, in front of all the club boys and stake his claim on his old lady. Make it known whoever dared lay an eyeball on her would be losing a limb soon thereafter.

It was the dream of a madman.

“It’s not like that,” he answered finally, tearing his gaze away from Gia.

“Bullshit,” laughed the old man.

“I do that, and Mad-dog buries me ten minutes later.” He confided suddenly.

He could deal with a disgruntled father. Who in their right mind would choose a man like Hawk for their baby girl? So, he got it.

 Ajax thought he knew shit. He didn’t know shit. It stopped Hawk all these years.

Like she felt his weighty depraved gaze on her again, Gia cocked her head and smiled the kind of wattage to burn straight through his soul.

He grunted his pleasure.

“Seems to me it’s already a done deal, sonny. And back in my day, —”

“When was that?” Hawk asked. “The stone ages?”

“—we respected the fathers, but we didn’t let it stop us getting the girl.”

The moment slowed to sludge.

 “Seems to me,” Krusher went on like he had a trap door for teeth and couldn’t keep them shut. Hawk’s brows folded down and rather than tell him to shut the fuck up or better still, walk away, he leaned in to listen. “She’s just waitin’ for you to claim her. Sweet thing is Gia. Deserving of a good man at her back who would make sure she’s good, you know?”

Hawk snorted and rose to his full height. Good man? That put him out of the running. “I’ll catch ya later, oldie. Keep out of trouble and stay away from those groupies, you know it’ll excite you too much.”

Krusher belted his old man laugh and rolled a lanky shoulder wearing a black Tee and his cut. He might be retired from club life, but the club ran in his veins. “It sure’s been a pleasure knowing you, Hawk. Don’t be a stranger, y’hear?”

Something like emotion grabbed hold of Hawk and he paused, turned back around. “You too, Krusher. Colorado isn’t that far. They allow dinosaurs in the state you know?” Krusher grinned toothily. “Just might do that, son.”

Gia hopped down from the stool and met him half way.

Their fingers touched, and Hawk let his pinkie twine around hers.

 “C’mon, if you got those million errands to run.” He scowled. She had a list long as his dick. His sour mood didn’t deter her one bit. In fact, her smile was just as bright when she slipped her arm through his. “It’s only five more.”

That’s how their day went.

 

******

 

He scowled the entire shopping trip and Gia had never felt so spoiled with attention before.

The fear of losing him no longer superseded. Not when he was looking at her in the ways he was. Burning hot gazes that turned her on and inflated her at the same time.

Nope. Colton Hawk could run this time all he wanted, but he wouldn’t get away from Gia. She’d seen what he wanted. And it was her.

Besides which, who’d carry all her bags from now on?

She’d been ruined a long time ago.

It was Hawk or no one.
 

******

 

“I don’t get why we gotta watch this shit again,” Hawk could see Gia had a six-page speech already on deck to tell his dumb motherfucking face just why they were on her couch about to watch episode four of a show she was fanatical about, and he thought was one step up from pig shit coating his boots.

So, he went on quick, bone tired from all the million miles she’d made him walk today in his biker boots while she’d cooed in store after store. No fucker would believe he’d spent all day looking at baby clothes. Him, the fucking MC pain giver. He’d rather Lawless pluck out his eyeballs than go back there again. “But If I gotta, then get your ass over this side and lie on top of me, little bit.”

There were no other words for it other than he watched her eyes light up and her face dissolve into a shy smile. Fuck, he loved that look on her as she kneel-walked her petite self over the cushions and situated across his chest while she pressed un-pause on the DVR and the crap he said he hated started to play. Maybe he was interested to see what was gonna happen. He was four fucking episodes deep now.

Air expelled his lungs. Contentment like nothing he’d felt before swamped him.

He needed her weight on top of him.

And the way she burrowed in like a rabbit? Too fucking good.

He got hard in a second.

This feeling wasn’t new.

It wasn't instant love some sappy shit Hallmark would write about. It was blow his heart to smithereens and watch him die on the floor kind of love. It belted an unchangeable myriad of sensations inside Hawk and from that day on he was changed.

Oh, still fucking deranged as they come.

But in love.

He loved a little bit of a thing with every piece of his fucked-up self.

He acknowledged it. Ignored it. Hungered for it. Obsessed over it. Berated himself about it.

He jerked off so much to that one, first glance over the years he almost wed his left hand.

From what he understood, love was crazy, and he was already halfway to madness as it was. Some called him a sociopath because he liked hurting people who had done wrong. They talked and said his stomach was stronger than a lead balloon for the violence he exacted, and they'd be right.

Nothing much turned Hawk's stomach.

Except, seeing Gia smile at a man that wasn't him.

Except watching that man place a hand on her.

That prim and proper cocksucker Leo with his groomed hair and designer glasses carrying his goddamn leather satchel like a dickhead had lived on borrowed time for weeks and hadn’t known it, He’d earned Hawk’s hate, all for knocking on Gia's door and getting himself invited inside.

Now he couldn’t wait to get her to Colorado out of the way.

 “Am I too heavy?” She asked bringing his head back to the present and away from the murder shack back home. Pity. He was two deaths in with that Leo fucker at that point.

“Nope. I’ve carried carpets heavier.” He told her, and Gia laughed poking his ribs.

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome, little bit.”

A few minutes went by.

Trailing his fingers along her spine he got lost in the sensation and every time she did that little snuggle-wriggle.

Fucking tortured heaven.

“Colton?”

“Hm?”

She untucked her hand from underneath her and drifted fingers against the side of his cheek.

Hawk almost came.

“Why do you call yourself a monster?”

“That’s what I am.”

“But why? Did something happen to make you think that way?”

When he couldn’t reply. For one, her fingers were driving his cock mad, this lying on top of him had been a piss poor idea hadn’t it? And for two, if he explained why he was a monster, tell her all the things he’d done to stay alive, she’d run a mile. She wouldn’t be curled on top of his chest content like a baby cat to have his hand stroking the knobs of her spine.

Gia tugged the short hairs of his beard. “If you cracked open a book, or even tapped into google, you’d see you have it all wrong. The very definition of a monster is; a large, ugly, and frightening imaginary creature. While you are large, you’re far from ugly, I’m not frightened of you and you’re not imaginary, if you were, we’d be doing a helluva lot more kissing than we do.”

Somewhere in the middle of that his lungs stopped working.

How was it this small little bit of a thing was the only person to ever affect him in ways even he didn’t comprehend past the base level emotion of want?

If he were normal he’d have all the answers.

He’d be able to fucking recognize emotions if nothing else.

Moving her gently to the side so she landed against the back of the couch he swung his legs to the floor and rose. Edgy bones. Nervous fingers grabbed at his hair. He faced Gia after a minute with his version of the truth stinging his skull.

She wanted to know how he was a monster?

His quiet rumbled voice box opened. “You want full disclosure, Gia? Here it is that makes me a monster, see the depraved prick I really am. When I couldn't stand myself any longer, when it was hard to concentrate, to fucking breathe without wanting to do you nastily, until all I could taste was that one kiss, Gia. You remember how I fucking crushed your seventeen-year-old lips. That kiss. I'd tell Rider I needed to get away, he thought I was going to find some hot bitch to screw, or worse, to kill something. I rode all through the night to Austin and I would stand for days, nights, outside your building, watching you going inside, coming out to go to the coffee shop, I'd follow you home and stand outside watching your lights pop on and off. I'd stand there until I could breathe again, Gia, until the noise in my head retreated into the back. You had a monster stalker and never knew it.”

“Oh, god, Colton.” Her baby blue eyes dark and turbulently stormy. “How—how often did you do that?”

“Four, five times a year. For ten years, give or take.”

Maybe now she’d understand he was a sick monster and she needed to kick him out.

“Oh, god, Colton.” Her voice broke.

He waited for her, tethered to the wood flooring, his guts hanging out it seemed, he was exposed to the woman he loved just waiting for her to finally realize what kind of man he was. All wrong for her.

His head hung low on his neck.

“Why didn’t you ever come in?” His eyes flipped up so fast the room spun. Surprise stabbed him. She was constantly surprising him. “I would have always welcomed you in, Colton. Always. God. All this damn time wasted.”