Kieran couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something different about his office. He’d been back at work within a day of returning, and a week later he still found himself looking for what had changed. Logic told him no one had touched his office and Dane would have made sure no one tried to enter it. It didn’t change the fact that whenever he entered his office, it felt as if something were out of place.

If it were just his office, he would have shaken the feeling off like it was nothing. He had been gone for over a month, and he wasn’t surprised he felt a little odd being there. He could have even passed it off as a cleaner having shifted things around in their efforts to keep his empty office clean. However, he had the same strange sensation whenever he was at home as well. No one else had access to his apartment, and the alarm company would have told him if anyone else had been there while he’d been gone.

In truth, everything he did felt a little off. While he’d thought throwing himself back into work after being gone for so long would help, he hadn’t quite been able to get comfortable back in his old routine. There was nothing specific bothering him, he just couldn’t quite seem to find the rhythm he’d once had. No one else seemed to notice anything was wrong, though he noticed a few more odd looks than he used to get. It wasn’t that he was disinterested in work, he just couldn’t settle into the flow he’d had before he left.

He was also prone to taking his lunch breaks out of the office. It had earned him a startled look from Dane, who’d met Kieran at the door as he’d been leaving on his first day back. Normally, Kieran simply ordered out for his lunch, when he remembered to eat. It had been Dane who generally remembered and would take care of the ordering for him. It wasn’t just his lunch break either, he’d noticed he was willing to take it easy with his work more than ever before. The first time he’d left work on time, everyone he passed on his way out the door had given him a strange look.

Huffing in annoyance, he leaned back in his chair and fiddled with a pen between his fingers. As much as he’d always felt he’d enjoyed his work, he just couldn’t focus on it quite as hard as he once had. As the day drew on, he found himself thinking about either going home and relaxing with a book, or walking through one of the nearby parks. He’d taken to enjoying the more natural setting of the parks more than ever, being that they reminded him of the retreat, and of Cole. Cole took up a great deal of his thoughts in his idle, and sometimes less than idle moments. In quieter places, or in more natural ones, he felt a little closer to Cole than he did when he sat in his office.

Dane stood in the open door to his office, watching him with a raised brow. “I was going to ask if I was disturbing you, but I see I’m not.”

Kieran chuckled, leaning forward. “Sorry, lost in thought. What did you need?”

“Honestly? I was taking a moment to come see if you were alright,” Dane said.

Kieran frowned. “Me? Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, because you disappear for a month and then you come back and you’re acting weird,” Dane told him with a disbelieving look.

“It’s the first real vacation I’ve had in ages. I’m not acting that weird,” Kieran scoffed.

“You leave work on time, you actually take lunches, you’ve even taken your tie off halfway through the day. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure I heard you laugh at someone’s joke the other day,” Dane said.

“What, the dog at the bar joke? It was funny,” Kieran protested.

“It was, by far, the most unprofessional joke I’ve ever heard told in this place,” Dane continued.

“It was funny!” Kieran said.

Dane raised a brow. “Yeah, and it totally went against any workplace rules too. Since when do you condone that sort of behavior?”

Kieran shrugged. “I don’t know, it was funny at the time. Why, are people complaining about it?”

“No, but I know a few people, especially myself, are wondering what the hell happened to you out in the middle of nowhere,” Dane said.

Kieran rolled his eyes. “It was a retreat to help me deal with my stress issues. Obviously I’ve learned a few things. It’s not like my work is suffering for it, right?”

It was Dane’s turn to shrug. “I haven’t heard any complaints. The bosses don’t seem to have an issue with your new attitude. It’s just weird to not see you hyper focused on getting your work done at your usual inhuman pace.”

Kieran smiled. “Okay, so I definitely learned a few things about calming down.”

Dane eyed him. “And who have you been talking to on your cell phone so much lately?”

Kieran eyed him suspiciously. “Have you been keeping tabs on me?”

“You never use your personal cell during work hours! Wait, is it a guy? Did you find a guy while you were out there?” Dane asked, his voice rising in excitement.

Kieran winced and motioned for him to quiet down. “Good lord, are we going to announce my personal business to everyone in the building?”

Dane’s eyes went wide and he stepped further into the office. “So you did meet someone out there.”

“I might have,” Kieran admitted with a slow smile at the thought of Cole.

“Holy shit, Killer Kieran is actually into someone? Boy, you better tell me about him,” Dane asked in disbelief.

Kieran snorted at the nickname, shaking his head. “His name is Cole. He works at the retreat helping people like me. He’s very good at what he does, and probably the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

“Mm, sounds boring,” Dane said.

Kieran narrowed his eyes. “He’s not boring. Nice doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a personality.”

Dane held his hands up. “Sorry, I was only teasing. So he works and lives out there? How’s that going to work for you guys?”

Kieran didn’t have an answer for that, because he still wasn’t sure himself. Though he’d meant it when he’d told Cole they would find a way to make things work, he still wasn’t sure how. He knew Cole was probably waiting for Kieran to do exactly what Lance had done, but Kieran was determined never to let it happen to him again. Honestly, he didn’t know how Cole’s ex had managed to stay away from him for so long without a word. It was difficult for Cole and Kieran to talk, with Cole only having use of the satellite phone in short bursts. It wasn’t enough for Kieran’s liking, and there was an ache in his gut when he realized that when he went home, Cole wouldn’t be there waiting for him.

“I don’t know yet, but I’m going to figure it out,” Kieran said finally.

“Geez, you really like this guy, huh? You’ve known him for what, a month? And you’re already trying to figure out how to make your life fit his?” Dane asked in surprise.

Kieran grunted. “You don’t have to make it sound so weird.”

Dane shook his head. “I don’t mean it’s a bad thing. I always thought you could do with having someone in your life to take the edge off, and it looks like you’ve found someone. Hell, I’m pretty sure I walked by your office the other day and you were humming to yourself. Anyone who’s got you humming is someone worth keeping, right?”

Kieran smiled. “Yeah, he’s definitely worth keeping. I just don’t know how to keep him. We both live completely different lives, and I wouldn’t ask him to move out here anymore than he would ask me to move out there.”

Dane nodded. “I mean, you could always quit.”

Kieran glanced at the door to his office. “Say it a little louder why don’t you? What, are you crazy?”

Dane chuckled. “Look, if he’s out there happy helping people, then there’s not much of a chance he could find that here. But you, with what you do, you could find a job just about anywhere practicing law. Sure it wouldn’t be as ‘prestigious’ as working here, but if you can do what you love and be with the man you want to be with, building the life you want, then isn’t that a better option?”

Kieran raised a brow. “Is this the same ‘married to his work as me’ Dane I’m hearing right now?”

“Look buddy boy, I’m devoted to my work because I was raised to have pride in it, and I get paid by the hour,” Dane said with a smirk.

Kieran let out a bark of laughter. “Hardworking and loves his money, a man after my own heart.”

“Sounds like your heart is already reserved. Plus, I’m only doing this so I can get through night school and get my GED, once that happens, my ass is off to culinary school rather than here,” Dane told him.

Kieran looked at him in surprise. “I didn’t know you wanted to go to culinary school.”

Dane shrugged. “You never asked.”

Kieran thought about the intricate meals Dane brought with him for lunch and nodded, “You’re right, I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

Dane’s look of shock was almost comical. “For what?”

“You’ve always gone above and beyond the call of duty when it came to helping me around here and I never thanked you for it. We’ve spent plenty of time around one another, but I never bothered to even ask the most basic questions. I really hope you get through night school soon. It’d be nice to see you out of this place and doing something you love instead,” Kieran said.

Dane’s wide eyes blinked rapidly. “I…wow, thank you Kieran. That’s the absolute kindest thing anyone has said to me in quite some time. They really did a number to you out there, didn’t they?”

Kieran grinned. “I learned quite a bit about myself, and a few things about other people too.”

“Huh, maybe I should get their number and take a trip out that way someday. And for the record, it hasn’t exactly been terrible working around you, you know. There are some definite nice things I could say about working with you,” Dane assured him.

Kieran eyed him. “Are you saying that because we slept together?”

Dane pointed at him. “Okay, the sex was great, but it wouldn’t be enough to make up for the fact you were a shithead or annoying. You know, I never realized how hard you can be on yourself sometimes.”

“You never asked,” Kieran said with a grin.

Dane laughed, flicking a pen at him across the desk. “You’re a dick, that’s a fair point, but you’re still a dick. I hope you figure out what you want to do soon though, I want to leave this place knowing you’re happy.”

“Thank you Dane, that means a lot to me,” Kieran said warmly.

Dane stood up straight, taking a more professional tone. “And now that we got our emotional nonsense out of the way, you have an appointment waiting for you.”

Kieran raised a brow. “I not only have a clear schedule, but you came in here just to talk to me, I thought.”

Dane shrugged. “Guy showed up unannounced a couple of hours ago and I’ve been making him wait. Since he waited, I figured I would let him see you, you can always have him thrown out if he’s trouble.”

Kieran sighed. “Should have at least told me, he might have broken up the monotony of the day.”

“Now there’s something I didn’t think you’d ever say. Anyway, just so you know, the guy’s name is Martin,” Dane said as he disappeared around the doorway.

Kieran jerked in surprise at the name but smiled when the instructor came into his office moments later. “Martin, I’d completely forgotten to drop by and thank you.”

Martin gave him the kindly smile that had once irritated Kieran. “Kieran, it’s good to see you, and looking so well too. It seems your time in the twin’s care has done you a great deal of good.”

Kieran nodded with a light chuckle. “You could say that.”

Without asking, Martin closed the office door behind him. “I’ll admit, I was concerned after I sent you out there that it might not be of any help. I’ve heard of more than a few in your position who simply don’t take to their help.”

Kieran thought of Tristan when he snorted. “They have a nice system in place to make sure people like me don’t fail easily.”

“So I see. The spirit I sensed buried within you is…considerably less buried now,” Martin noted.

Kieran looked down at himself. “You can see it?”

“Mm, not in the way you can see me or the rest of the world. It’s like seeing, but with an eye I have within my mind. I could sense the spirit in you before, but only briefly and for moments at a time. Now it seems to be all around you, and it seems very content,” Martin told him.

Kieran nodded. “What they did for me has…freed me in ways I didn’t know were possible. I slept a full night this week, I haven’t done that…ever. Who would have thought discovering the animal inside you would help you find peace, but there it is?”

Martin chuckled. “You discovered a part of your soul you hadn’t known was there, that’s why. When you are more at ease with yourself, you are more at ease with the world.”

“You know, I know what you’re saying is true, but I just can’t help but cringe at the New Agey sound of it,” Kieran said with a laugh.

“So, I take that to mean you won’t be coming back for meditation lessons?” Martin asked with a smile.

“Well, that’s a generous offer and all, but I’ll take finding out what I am instead,” Kieran said.

Martin nodded. “And I hear you found more than just self-knowledge while you were out there.”

“You’ve been speaking to Artemis then?” Kieran asked, not knowing if he should be amused or exasperated at the woman’s gossiping.

“I spoke to her briefly and she informed me of the progress you made while you were away. I decided I would let you settle back into the flow of your own life before I visited,” Martin said.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do ever since I got back but it’s been harder than I thought it would be. Everything should be exactly the way I left it, but it feels like someone moved a painting in here or something. There’s something at the back of my head that’s convinced something’s wrong. I think I was gone too long,” Kieran chuckled.

Martin shook his head. “A month is no time at all without something significant to mark the occasion. You did more than simply go on vacation, you discovered a large part of yourself you had been hiding. Add in everything that comes with it, and with this new budding relationship of yours, of course your worldview has shifted dramatically. I have no doubt more changes will come into your life as you become accustomed to this new viewpoint of yours.”

“Maybe, I just don’t know what sort of changes I want to make. This is my home, this is my life, but it doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore,” Kieran told him.

“Does anything in your life feel like it’s yours?” Martin asked.

Kieran felt a pang as he thought of Cole, waiting for him on the other side of the country. “Some things, just not anything here.”

“Are you asking for my advice?” Martin asked with a grin.

Kieran grimaced. “I feel like it’s going to be wrapped in riddle and enigma. No, I’m good thank you. I might not be as good at dealing with emotions as you are, but I’m better than I used to be. I’ll figure it out.”

Martin shifted, bringing a folder out. “Then perhaps I can help by showing you a very real and pragmatic problem you can face.”

Kieran took the folder, reading over its contents, his brow slowly rising. “Did Artemis tell you to give this to me?”

Martin shook his head. “No, as a matter of fact, she told me the complete opposite. She insisted that since you’d left, I should not involve you.”

Kieran looked pained. “Ouch.”

“You misunderstand, she didn’t mean you’d left them behind and were no longer important to them. She only meant that their intention with lost pups has been to help them return to their lives, healthier and happier than before. Artemis didn’t wish to involve you in their problems when they were supposed to be the ones helping you in the first place,” Martin explained.

Kieran flipped through the pages. “But you chose to bring this to me anyway?”

“She’s not in a position to tell me what I should or should not do,” Martin said with a chuckle.

Kieran tapped the papers. “You know, I think you just helped me again.”

Martin blinked looking mildly confused. “Did I?”

Kieran grinned as he reached for his business phone. “Yep, because I know exactly what I’m going to do.”