6
Edward and I had reached an impasse. It wasn’t like I didn't want to do anything sexual with him. That was the furthest thing from the truth. Every time I was around Edward I had to readjust my pants, if you know what I mean? He was hands down the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my life; regardless of gender.
I thought about it every time we went out, and every time I left him to go home. I didn’t know what it was that was stopping me. I guess I was afraid of doing something that would ruin what we had.
I could've gotten any guy any time I wanted. I had a cell phone full of groupies, both girls, and guys, who I normally called for a late night rendezvous. That was just one of the perks of being in a band. But since I'd been with Edward, their random phone calls had gone unanswered, and I was deleting them one by one. Every time my phone would ring, and I’d see a random number, I wouldn’t feel a thing. My heart used to pump, and my pants would tighten. But now, nothing.
Edward was that special to me.
Aaron was the most surprised by this. He knew what I was like and how I had a penchant for slaying random groupies. So, when it stopped, he didn’t know what to make of it. That went for the band as a whole. It was that that they knew I was serious about who I was seeing… whoever that may have been.
The thing is, is that Edward wasn't just some guy to me. From the beginning, I felt like I was flying whenever he was near. Even after all these weeks, my heart still caught in my throat when I saw him. Every time we went on a date, it felt like our first one, where I had to work to impress him; where hours passed in seconds.
I knew could live the rest of my life with him. In fact, I often wondered how I'd lived without him for so long. Thinking on that, I realized that what I was doing before that wasn’t called living.
I didn't want to have some quick affair. I wanted to explore every facet of our relationship, and that went beyond sex.
I wanted to know him inside and out, see what made him moan with delight, what brought him joy, and what made him feel a glimpse of what I felt every time he was near. I knew he felt the same way as me; I just had to get him to show it.
We were two messed up kids in a tornado of painful memories trying to grasp hold of something long enough to get through the day. He was my shield, and I was his sword. Together, we complimented each other perfectly, able to survive anything.
Maybe we were the blind leading the blind? Maybe we were two drowning victims trying to save each other?
But if Edward was going down, I was going down with him, do or die, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. We were far too strong together for that.
That was Edward though. The love of my life did that to me. He kept me stable. He gave me a reason to care about someone other than myself. He gave me a way of forgetting the past so that I could look forward to the future.
I wanted to show him how much I loved him, how grateful I was to him in a way that only a man who truly loved him could show him. I was constantly worried that he didn’t know just how much he meant to me, and I was desperate to let him know.
But even then, I still wanted more. I wanted to please him, to touch him, to hold him and make love to him; to heal him from the pain of any man who'd ever hurt him. He had helped me so much, and I only wanted to return the favor.
It was strange. He must have liked me, but he didn't seem all that interested. Like his fake break up with me, he was always testing my boundaries. It was as if he didn’t believe that I actually liked him and he wanted to get out before he got hurt.
Any move I made toward him, like putting my arm around him, he'd only move away. The furthest I'd gone with him was kissing, and it was great, but I was ready for more.
So much more.
It had been a good three weeks since we'd been dating and he hadn't even invited me to his place yet. He hadn’t even suggested the possibility. For all I knew, if I hadn’t seen it for myself, he lived in limbo… or heaven maybe? That would be a far more likely scenario.
His alienation worried me. I wondered what he was hiding. Did he have some boyfriend that he was sneaking around with? Or worse yet, was I the other guy? Was I just a side piece being played?
It was stupid, I know. But those thoughts were running through my head constantly. I couldn’t help it. This guy drove me crazy, and until I had my answers, I knew that these questions would haunt me.
Until that night.
We were spending another night watching movies in my apartment. It was something that we both loved. It allowed for us just to enjoy being around each other, without having to talk or entertain. Just two people that love being in each other’s company.
In fact, whenever he wasn't working at that fashion boutique shop, and I wasn't with the band or at work, we'd watch something on TV. It became a little ritual of ours; him in my arms, leaning against my chest, snuggled on the couch in the darkened room. It was heaven. I often found myself getting upset when the movie or show came to an end as it signaled the end of our time together.
But as long as the movie played, it was Edward and me. Giving him baby kisses on the side of his head and nibbling on his ear.
He'd smack me and tell me it tickled, but I couldn't help myself, and I didn’t even care. Every part of him was munchable to me. It served him right for being so adorable.
We were watching Almost Famous, you know—the one with Kate Hudson—and eating a Hawaiian pizza with thin crust. It was in the middle of the first concert when he broke the silence of the movie.
"See? That should be you," he said.
I smirked. "You've never even heard me sing before."
"I heard you doing the background with your band."
"That was nothing," I said.
"I told you, I can tell things about people. You should be on stage with bazillions of fans."
The thing about Edward was that it was so clear that he meant every single word of it. There wasn’t an ounce of modesty in it. I wasn't used to all this praise, and I quickly changed the subject to the film.
"Did you know this film is based on Cameron Crowe's years hanging with Led Zeppelin?" I asked him, trailing my finger down the side of his arm, loving the way it gave him goose pimples.
"Did you know that Britney Spears is my favorite singer?" he asked, looking at me.
"Singer? That's a stretch." I snorted derivatively, pecking him on the cheek.
"Oh, and Elvis Presley, I'm in love with him."
"Yeah? Me too. What's your favorite song?"
"Love Me Tender. You know it?"
"Of course, I know it."
"Sing it to me."
I blushed red. There was no way I was going to do that. Sure, I could sing behind instruments and in the background; as long as I had Aaron to cover me. But one-on-one? I just couldn't.
"Did you know Britney Spears was supposed to play Daisy Duke in Dukes of Hazzard?" I asked, changing the subject.
He sighed. "Fine. Did you know Dukes of Hazzard was my favorite TV show?"
I squeezed him tighter, loving his off the wall humor. "Did you know my favorite TV show is watching you sleep?"
"Like Hannibal Lecter? Did you know you have parsley in your teeth?"
"Did you know that I don't care and that The Rolling Stones are my favorite band?"
"Duh, your place only looks like a Rolling Stone museum. Did you know your breath smells like pizza?"
He broke loose and scurried toward the other side of the couch.
On my knees now, I crawled over to him, my eyes locked on his. He bit his lip teasingly as I asked him, "Did you know pizza wasn't originated in Italy? It came from—"
"New York," we both said at the same time, inches apart now. I could feel his warm breath on my lips as I closed my eyes, ready to taste those lips of his again. Instead, I got a finger, pressed against my puckered lips, "Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds?"
I busted out laughing. "Jerry McGuire? Real original."
"So, Cody," he said, folding his arms as he leaned back further.
"What's up, babe?" I asked inching myself closer to him still.
"Do you have some disease?" he asked, flat-out.
"What?" I laughed, thinking it was a joke, at first.
"Yeah, some highly contagious disease? Or are you asexual like Michael Jackson was?" He gave me a serious look.
"I don't think Michael Jackson was asexual, but what are you talking about?" I leaned around him, picking up another slice of pizza as I stuffed it in my mouth.
"Well, it's been almost a month—"
"23 days, 14 hours, 27 minutes," I said, winking at him. Of course, that wasn’t the exact amount of time… but it wasn’t far off.
"Same thing and you haven't even fucked me." He pouted.
I almost choked on my pizza. "What?"
"What? Am I not allowed to say that word?"
"No, it's fine. It's just… I've never…" I babbled, still in shock. I had never expected him to confront me so brazenly like that.
"What? I'm not allowed to be sexually dominant?"
"No, dominant is cool, real cool," I told him with a smirk on my face, getting turned on thinking about it. The fact that he had brought it up was more of a turn on than I would have expected.
"Good. I hope you're not a one-minute man because I've really been looking forward to this." He got up, stretching as he strutted toward the kitchen.
Laughing, I scrambled to my feet, following him there like a lost puppy. "Most of the time, they can't get enough…"
"They? Well, that really puts me in the mood. Never mind." He groaned, throwing up his hands as he spun around to face me. "Clueless."
"I was just talking about the past," I explained. Pretty typical of me as it seemed like I never could say the right thing sometimes.
"Don't ever bring 'they' up again. I told you, I don't share." He poked my chest as he stepped closer to me.
I could feel the sexual tension rising in the room with every poke of my chest. He made sure to press it hard against me, and slow to pull back as if he were penetrating me with his finger alone.
"And I told you, I don't share either," I said, grabbing his finger as I backed him against the wall, only one thing on my mind. He was only too happy to comply.
A smile curved on his face as his back hit the wall. "I hope you know what you're doing."
"You be the judge," I whispered, kissing him on his neck.
"And you better… oh, that's nice…" He moaned.
"Go on… what were you saying?" I teased as I ran my hand down his shoulder and back, still on the outside of his shirt.
"I don't want you to… oh… I guess you do know what you're doing," He purred. I could feel his back contract as my hand ran up and down it.
With my nose buried into his neck, I could smell his sweet natural scent; it was intoxicating. I pulled back, looking into his eyes now. They were seductive; daring me for another kiss. I held my stare for a few seconds, letting the gravity of the moment sink in between us. His heavy breaths were shaking the room as I wedged myself further into him; it was just two of us, without a care in the world.
Then, when the moment threatened to break, I took his face in my palms, my lips massaging onto his.
He kissed me back as if hungering for them; as if we had never kissed before. Our lips moved over one another’s in perfect rhythm. I could have done it for hours, rolling on top in between those soft lips of his.
"You know, Edward, I've been dying to make love to you since the moment I saw you."
"Mmm," he responded.
My knees parted his legs, as I rubbed my five o'clock shadow against his neck, rumbling in his ear as I tasted it.
Edward moaned, his lips opening as he gasped for breath. Had I known it was one of his spots, I would have done it a long time ago.
That was what I enjoyed the most; the chance to explore every part of him.
The best kind of love was when you did what pleased your partner the most, what lit them on fire, what took them to another realm until they couldn't take anymore. And then, when it was all said and done, you did it again.
Edward tossed his head back, arching as I reached behind him, my hand sliding up underneath his shirt now, stroking his soft skin.
The touch of his skin did things to me that I can’t explain. All I knew was that I wanted more. I could feel him starting to sweat and shake beneath my touch, and that only turned me on more.
I loved the scent of him, a feast for my senses.
My free hand glided from his knee up between his legs, spreading them further. I couldn't wait to feel how hot and hard he was down there. But I wasn’t going to rush down there just yet. I wanted to earn that privilege.
The worst part was that no matter how much I stroked and kissed, it just wasn’t enough. There was so much more I wanted to feel, so much more I wanted him to experience. I could have done this for hours, days even and still not been satisfied.
My kisses led down from his neck to his shoulders as he told me breathlessly, "Oh, Cody, yes..."
He lifted my chin, my eyes met his, and he smiled at me—that sexy smile of his that drove me wild. That was perhaps the hottest part of all.
He caught his breath and kissed me back. My hands, unable to control themselves, grabbed him by his firm rear and lifted him up until his legs wrapped around my waist. I was pinned between his legs, and I only wished that he would never let me go.
I breathed into him while his hands draped over my shoulders to my neck. His fingers combed through the back of my hair, grabbing it and pulling it down in ecstasy.
"God, you're gorgeous," I told him with a twinkle in my eye.
I lifted him on top of the kitchen counter, falling to my knees as I smelled his minty lotion scent from his calf to his waist. How I wanted to taste his goodness, to see if his skin was as sweet as I imagined. The pizza was the appetizer. He was going to be the main course.
I rubbed my face against his stomach as the prickles of my beard drove him wild, and he moaned.
"Goodness," he panted. "It's so soft."
I moved closer to him still, continuing to rub my face against his body. I could feel him getting excited as I did; his crotch now right below my chin.
His staggered breath told me he was enjoying this as much as I was.
I kept massaging and circling him until he was breathing so hard, I thought he might pass out.
He screamed with delight as I did, gripping the back of my hair firmly in his palms; acting like holding onto that was the only thing that kept him from passing out.
I wanted to do that to him, to get him excited, to get him overjoyed, and to let him experience a taste of what our life could be like together.
I wanted endless nights of making love, of kissing, of loving him the way he deserved. Even though I knew that we had the rest of our lives together, I knew that wouldn’t be enough.
The moment became too much as I couldn’t control myself any longer. I gripped his pants by the waist, yanking them down in one forceful movement. Then, eyes closed, his legs spread, I slid his underwear down with my teeth. Inch by inch.
He moaned. "Oh, Cody..."
I wanted to suck his toes. I wanted to kiss him from his feet to his neck, licking him until my mouth ran dry, kissing him until my lips were sore.
I did that and so much more.
Each moan of his, each pant encouraged me to give him more of what we'd both been longing for. I knew that I could pleasure him in ways he had never been pleasured before. And I knew he could do the same to me. This was so much more than just sex. This was love making in every sense of the word. Two parts finally making a whole.
My girth was both a blessing and a curse. Most men said they wanted someone that had what they needed to fulfill them. I had heard that, or similar words, a hundred times. But in reality, most couldn't last long enough with me for me to feel truly satisfied.
And I lasted a long time, a very long time.
But with Edward, it was different. I shouldn’t have worried. I should have known he would be. As tight, slick and warm as he was, he couldn't get enough.
There was nothing better than the feeling of sliding inside him the first time, our bodies moving in perfect harmony; him balanced and wrapped perfectly around my large cock.
He was so warm. It was difficult to contain myself, but I didn't want to miss a minute being inside him, not a second. He'd given me the privilege of his entree, and now I was savoring the main course.
I thrust inside him in every position I could think of; wanting to make sure that he got the most of it. I rolled my hips, bucking him from side to side. I pumped, slowly at first, letting him slide up and down on me. Then, as he got used to this, I would slowly build up until he was bouncing off of me, squeezing me, gripping me, riding me like a bull at a ranch.
He tossed his head back, begging and pleading for more like he couldn't get enough. And neither could I.
For hours we made love. In the living room, on the washing machine, the kitchen floor, the couch and back again. We wanted to try everywhere as if we were making up for years of lost time.
I lost track of the time too. Minutes? Hours? I couldn’t have been sure. By the time he was ready to come, gripping the sides of the cabinet for balance, he said, "Cody, I'm going to... I'm going to... Ooooh," the birds were chirping, signaling the rising of the sun.
He moaned as his body shook and his knees quivered. I could feel his satisfaction all over my body, hot, moist, and sweet. And as I did, the release that I had been holding back ran through me like electricity.
"Jesus!" I groaned as my dick vibrated inside of him; shooting out.
It was only when we were both completely done and satisfied, more than I had ever been in my life, that we both collapsed on top of the dining table, gasping for air.
"You're sweaty. I wanted to make you sweat."
"Gentlemen don't sweat. We perspire," he said, cracking a smile, his hair drenched. Every word was a struggle as he still breathed heavily.
"No? Then, I haven't done my job yet."
My hands traced over his sweaty chest, loving the way it moved up and down as he breathed. I could tell by the perkiness of his nipples and the way he gasped for breath as I did it that it pleased him.
"You're perfect," I whispered in his ear. I meant it too. It was as if God made his body perfectly to fit mine. I had been with a lot of different people, men and women, but never before had it felt so right. Like my dick literally belonged inside of him.
"I'm fat," he said, blushing into a smile as he prodded at his stomach.
"I want to live inside you," I murmured. "I love every inch of you. I wouldn't want you any other way."
"I love you, Cody," he said. It was the first time that he had told me that and it made my heart beat faster than it had during our love making session if that was possible. I had to work to contain my smile.
"Baby, I've been in love with you since the first second I saw you. I want to love you ‘til the moon's no more. You complete me."
"Cody?"
"What baby?"
"Isn't that from Jerry McGuire?"
"Yep."
"Real original," he joked.
"Hey, what can I say? I know when I see something good."
"Am I good?" he teased.
"Baby, you're more than good. You're perfect."
He traced his fingers along my chest and trailed them up my tattoo until he reached my scar; his finger circling it softly as if it still might hurt me.
"Does it hurt?" he asked me.
"Still?" I forced a smile then sighed. It was a physical representation of a very difficult time in my life. Maybe the worst part of my life, period. It was something that I never talked about, not even with Aaron who had been there for it. But I knew he wasn't going to let it go until I told him. And something told me that this was the perfect time, which somehow might make the night even better. "Only in my head."
"Who did it to you?"
"Let's just say my dad wasn't always the nicest guy."
"I'm sorry. You ever see him?"
"Only when I want to piss on his grave."
"How old were you?"
"I don't even remember. Three, maybe four. He wasn't around much, only when he wasn't working and ran out of booze."
The nightmares of hearing his rumbling truck come up to the trailer still made me jittery. I often found myself waking in the night, covered in sweat. Although I could never remember the dreams, I knew who they were about.
"You ever tell anyone?"
"My mom did the best she could, but... Aaron used to hide me in his dad's shop. That's how we became best friends. He was the only friend I really had."
Edward hesitated before he spoke his next words. He was a caring soul, and I knew he didn’t want to say anything to upset me. "Lucky you, I was two hundred pounds when I was twelve."
"You?"
"Yep. I didn't have any friends. Not a one."
"I would have been your friend," I told him earnestly.
"You are my friend, my best friend."
This made my heart melt as leaned across and kissed him deeply; looking into those gorgeous eyes as I did.
He shuffled slightly, laying his head on my chest, resting on top of me. "No one should ever hurt a child. No one should ever hurt anyone."
I kissed him on the head. Whenever he was compassionate like that, it got me so excited. Even after the night we just had, I felt like I could go another round, just as long… and then another after that.
He smiled as he felt me against his leg. "Well, someone's up."
"Why do you do this to me?" I smiled back. "I'm so happy to have you."
"And I'm happy to have you too," he said, throwing his leg over me as he climbed on top of me again.
I didn't even want to call what happened between us that night sex. That wouldn’t do the night justice. Even making love didn’t quite justify what we did and what it meant to me. It was so much more than that.
Most of the time with men, I was aggressive, dominant. I’d make them scream, begging me for more and then I’d pack my bags and get out of there as quickly as I could.
But with him, I couldn't get enough.
I wanted to take my time to savor and devour every inch of him until I was full, which I knew would never happen. His pleasure was my pleasure; his pain was my pain. As I entered him, it felt like I was being entered too. It was as if we were two halves finally being reunited. Sex is what two horny people do to get off. This wasn’t about getting off.
His moan was my moan. His orgasm was mine. Every quake of his body, every beat of his heart I could feel as if it were my own.
I tried things with him that I'd never tried with anyone, and it wasn't only positions.
I looked him in the eyes as I was on top of him or he was mounted on top of me.
It was a spiritual experience that I'd never had before. His breathless kisses drove me to the edge.
There was no front. No pretending. I wanted to make him feel safe, to feel loved, to feel protected. I wanted to take away the hurt that he felt and replace it with love and trust. I wanted him to forget the past and look to the future. A future with me.
I wanted him to feel fulfilled more than he ever had been. I knew that then, only then, could I be satisfied too.
It was at that moment, as he mounted me, looking into my eyes, a silence so perfect that I never wanted it to end, that I knew we'd be together forever.