Braxxon
I observe everyone moving around our family compound through the sliding glass doors leading to our pool, while I sip a glass of bourbon. The portable, two-bedroom trailers weren’t cheap on short notice, but my wife said they’d be a good investment. I know she’s right but fuck if I ain’t pissed I had to turn my family compound into a cults wet dream. We tried to hide four of the trailers behind the pool house, but I know they’re there. The other four sit to the left side of my house, all behind the security gates. Eight fucking trailers now reside on my personal property because of our safety concerns.
I scrub a hand down my face trying to figure out where everything went so fucking wrong; it doesn’t matter how many times I run different scenarios through my head, we always end up back here. At the now.
I spot Lana standing over the concrete where she was shot, and my frown deepens. Another woman hurt by her association with us. Not one woman has made it into this family unscathed, and it sickens me to the core.
I drain the contents of my glass in one gulp.
I shouldn’t be drinking when I have a ton of shit riding on my shoulders, but I need an escape, if only for a little while.
“Are you ready to talk to me,” Winter timidly questions when she enters the kitchen.
I move away from the sliding doors and sit down at the island bar. “Is our daughter asleep?”
My wife picks up the bourbon and refills my glass. “She is.”
“I didn’t ask for more.”
“You deserve it,” she says quietly.
I snort. “Now you suddenly understand? It took me flyin’ off the fuckin’ rails and screamin’ everythin’ atcha for you to get it?”
I’m sick of all the attitude I’ve been getting over the choices I’ve made when it pertains to the club and to everyone we love.
“I’m sorry, Brax. I didn’t understand, but I do now.”
I don’t fucking cry, and it took a mental breakdown with tears in my eyes for my wife to fully understand the weight I’ve been carrying around on my shoulders. Alone. All by myself, while taking the heat from my brothers about my attitude, an attitude I had because of all the pressure I’m under to keep everyone alive.
“I said I forgive you though,” she offers up when I say nothing.
Unfuckinbelievable.
“You don’t get it, Winter. If you did, you’d know there’s nothin’ to forgive.” I hiss through my teeth when the scotch hits my throat. “I take care of peoples needs, babe. That’s what I do. You didn’t see her layin’ in that sterile room. She was dead on the inside. Nothing left. Defeated. I weighed all the options,” I sigh, emotionally frustrated. “All of them. Lana needed me to let her go, she needed me to give her an out. And I did. Why? Because I knew my cousin, well, brother.” I shrug, my eyes on the verge of watering. “Her need outweighed his. He didn’t need her as badly as she needed to be free from it all. I take care of everyone as individuals first, because all of us are individual people. Each person in our family is what makes us who we are, what we fight to protect; each person is their own separate leaf on our family tree, each person is entitled to make their individual choices and life decisions; even if their individual leaf needs might shake a few others leaves in the family tree. It’s their right.” I empty the glass once more and refill it myself since my wife is silently crying. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t fuckin’ decide everything on my own, and I’m sick of everyone not seein’ it.” I glance back to Winter when I put the bottle down. I hate upsetting her, even more so when she’s pregnant. “Do you see and feel me now?” I ask her, tired of it all. “Do you?” I pound on my chest for emphasis. “Cuz I could really use my wife,” I choke out, the tears flowing freely.
Winter quickly rounds the island. I turn my body and wrap my arms around her, burying my head into her chest as she sobs into my hair and I cry into her shirt. I strengthen my hold on her when the pressure on my chest finally recedes, and I can breathe again.
It’s been so long since I could fucking breathe.
“We are the biggest fuckin’ assholes.”
I stiffen.
“I’m the biggest asshole.”
I don’t loosen my grip on my wife. It’s been months since I’ve been able to hold her and I’m not moving when I can finally catch my breath.
“Pyro… he needs time now,” my wife speaks up. “We need time.”
“I wasn’t tryin’ to interrupt. Jinx said all the prenatal vitamins are with you. It can wait. She isn’t due for any until the mornin.”
Angels chest rises and falls with relief. “Thank you.”
I didn’t even hear him come in, but I hear him leave.
“I’m so fuckin’ tired,” I murmur.
Winter lifts her chin from my hair and pulls me to a standing, her stunning gold eyes shine with her tears. “It won’t happen again.”
“What won’t?” I croak, my voice exhausted.
“Losing sight of you,” she vows, and I know she means them.
Those words bring me back to her, and I don’t even care its only dusk outside, I only want to cuddle and fall asleep with her in my arms and worry about all the other bullshit tomorrow.