“Mom, are you here?”

“I’m in the kitchen,” she answers, and as I walk into the room, her gaze rakes over me. I know she’s taking in my disheveled appearance and definitely the circles under my eyes.

“You look like hell, baby girl.”

“Gee, thanks. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

“Are we going to discuss how you should have never married that asshole you—?”

“Are you going to tell me the real reason you dislike Luka so much, Mom?” I ask her right back, my heart hurting.

“Other than the fact that he knocked-up my underage daughter, convinced her to marry him without telling me, and obviously isn’t taking good care of her now? Other than those reasons, Lotus Petal?” Mom asks, and I know she’s more upset than normal because she used my full name.

“How many times do I have to explain that Luka didn’t know how old I was? If he had—”

“It wouldn’t have changed a thing. He’s just like his father. He goes through life taking what he wants and doesn’t give a damn who he hurts in the process.”

“That’s not true. Luka is nothing like his father.”

“You’re blinded by love. Sooner or later you’ll see it, my girl, and when you do, it will be too late.”

“You’re never going to like Luka. I get that, Mom. How about we talk about something else?” I suggest, wringing my hands together.

“Like what?”

My breath stalls in my chest before I force it out and bring my gaze up to her face.

“Like what the real reason is that you hate Luka’s father so much. What happened between the two of you, Mom?”

* * *

Present:

“Luka? What are you doing by the side of the road? Your car break down?” my brother Blue asks.

I curl against the truck, adrenaline firing through me.

I have two choices here. I could stop this game that Luka and I are playing. That’s probably exactly what he expects. It’s what I would do—what the old Petal would do. Honestly, this wouldn’t have even been a game. The old Petal would never be giving Luka a blowjob on the side of the road. It wouldn’t have happened. I know that’s what Luka thinks too, and I hate it. I hate the person I was when I was married to Luka. It’s that complicated, and it’s that simple. I got married as a child. I was pregnant, but I was still a child. I didn’t have time to become the person I should have been, and before I had time to figure out who that was exactly, I ran up against life and… Luka’s dad.

In that life, I was weak, but I’m not now. Not really. Yeah, I’ve not accomplished a lot, and I live with my mom, but I’m a damned good mother. I survived losing the love of my life, and maybe being a hairdresser isn’t what most people aspire to be, but I happen to love it. I’m also really good at it. I stay booked up a month in advance. When did I become this person? This woman who is afraid to jump without looking?

I ask myself that, but I don’t need to. Immediately the answer comes to me. The last time I jumped without looking was when I saw Luka Parish and decided I would make him mine. Maybe it was because of the lie—because that wasn’t the way I should have handled things, I’ll be the first to admit that. Maybe it was because of the people I was forced to deal with. Maybe it was because of the secrets of the past, or the fact that my ex-father-in-law is a bastard of epic proportions. Maybe it is quite simply all of those things rolled up together. Whichever answer I choose, the result is still the same.

I began to lose myself when I fell in love with Luka Parish.

If I think about that too long, it will remind me that Luka never knew the real Petal. Not really.

“I thought I saw a bear. Old man Duncan has had cattle going missing,” Luka lies, pulling my thoughts back to the here and now. “You can’t be too careful.”

“True enough. Do you need help?” Blue responds, but I have my thoughts on other things. I tune my brother out because if I think about him being here, I’ll stop. Luka’s dick is already starting to soften. There’s no way I want that. I want him to see me as a new woman, one who knows what she wants… and the only thing similar between the woman I know I am now and the girl Luka married is one thing.

The one thing I’ve always wanted: Luka.