“Hi,” she says, and I know she’s caught me staring. I can’t help it. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She’s got eyes so blue, they look almost violet, and soft caramel hair that shines and falls in waves around her face. Her lips are plump and covered in a gloss that makes me ache to know what they taste like. My gaze is drawn to them as I watch her smile. It feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach, and all the air has been forced out of my body.

“Hi,” I tell her, leaning on the fender of my old truck, trying to act cool because right now I’m anything but. “You waiting on someone?” I ask like an idiot, but needing to know if she’s alone.

“I was waiting on you,” she admits, her smile deepening. Her words answer dreams I didn’t know I had, and yet they confuse me at the same time.

“On me?” I ask as she takes a step closer to me. My heartbeat quickens.

“You were watching me instead of the football game,” she says boldly. She’s not wrong. We’re outside in the parking lot. Night is beginning to fall, and back out on the field the action is still going on. I walked out here to smoke a cigarette and get away from my buddies. They’re all looking to get laid, and while that would be fucking great, I have to report in at five in the morning to start my police training, so getting laid and staying out all night isn’t on the table.

“And if I was?” I ask her as she gets even closer and brings her hands up to my chest. The instant she touches me it feels as if fire is under her hands. It feels like she’s branding me—and maybe she is.

* * *

Present:

Tani leans in to kiss me. I see it. I see her body leaning into me, and I fight the urge to turn away. She’s a good woman, and this is what I’m supposed to be doing: moving on. She’s a good woman, I repeat in my head. She’d give me exactly what I want—a home, a woman I can be proud to have by my side, and someone I could trust with my son. She’s perfect except for one thing: she’s not Petal. Tani’s lips touch mine. I take them, I taste them, I drink from them, and they leave me… full of regret.

What the hell is wrong with me? Petal left me. No. She divorced me. Fuck, if I’m being honest, she destroyed me. She lied, she kept secrets, and still I forgave her. I fought to keep her with me, and in the end, even that wasn’t enough. I was her fool. I’ve always been her fool from the moment she walked into my life.

Tani pulls away, and I can tell from the look on her face that she realizes I wasn’t there in the kiss with her. I give her a tight smile because shit, I don’t know what to say to her.

“Sorry,” she whispers, her face tinting with embarrassment.

“Tani. It’s just—”

“I know. The whole office knows. I was just hoping since you asked me out that it might have changed.”

Shit, isn’t that spectacular? Just what every man wants to hear. His entire office knows he’s hung up on his ex-wife.

“I’m going to go freshen up while it’s your turn,” she says with a fake smile.

This was a mistake. It’s all a mistake. My father keeps on to me about leaving Mason. He’s pushing that damn letter the FBI sent to me down my throat. Maybe I should agree. At one time, all I wanted was to be accepted into them. That was my goal in life. Then, Petal got pregnant and I had River in my life and everything changed—my thought process, my wants, my whole way of life stood on its rear. But without Petal, I’ve been slowly dying inside, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better. I thought time might heal, but a year later, here I am still pining over a woman who lied to me and walked away from me. I can’t ever seem to do anything but wish my family was whole. I need to accept that it never will be that way again. It’s past time I give up and move on.

I’ve been so lost in thought since Tani left for the restroom, I didn’t hear anyone come up to me. That’s not a good thing for a sheriff. Not paying attention can get you killed, even in the small town of Mason where the largest ongoing crime has been Shaster Johnson’s illegal homebrew. I don’t know what the hell he puts in that stuff, but it could strip the hair off your back.

“I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Our sheriff is out pissing the night away while criminals are running the streets of Mason causing nothing but trouble.”

I jerk my head up to see Black standing over me. He was my brother-in-law, and though I liked all of the family—with the exception of Ida Sue, the mother-in-law from hell—Black was probably the one I was closest to.

“Jesus, when did they start stinking up the joint by letting assholes like you in?” I joke, standing up. His hand comes out, and we slap them together roughly in a handshake that feels more like two brothers coming together.

“About the same time this county elected our current sheriff. Damn place is going to pot,” Black jokes.

“Funny. What are you doing back in Mason? I heard you got a promotion to detective. You can’t tell me Dallas has suddenly gotten boring.”

“Nah. I got a week off before I start the new gig. Came home to spend time with the family. You know how Mom gets if we don’t come celebrate birthdays with her.” I ignore all talk of Ida Sue. I begrudgingly respect the old woman for how she raised her family, and they’re all great people. But that woman helped destroy my marriage, and that’s something I will never forgive her for.

“Shit. That’s right, it’s yours and Blue’s birthday. Where’s Blue?” I ask, looking around briefly before bringing my attention back to him. “When Petal said she had a family dinner tonight, I didn’t put it together. What are you guys now? Sixty?” I ask him with a smirk as I take a pull from my beer.

“Fuck you. You are practically the same age. Blue had to go to Amarillo to a Cattleman’s Association meeting.”

“That sounds like fun. At least he won’t be overdoing it on his birthday. You might want to try and be home by nine though. At your age, it’s not good to stay up too late. You need plenty of rest.”

“You’re just a laugh a minute. I’ll remember that when your birthday comes up. It’s, what, in just a week or so, right? You’ll find that shit ain’t nearly as funny as you think it is.”

“Whatever,” I laugh. He’s just telling the truth. I became the youngest sheriff in Mason County history at twenty-seven. Now, I’m just a few weeks from turning thirty, but fuck, some days I feel like I’m fifty.

“Why don’t you come join us? Nothing more pitiful than a man trying to bowl alone.”

“Nah, man, I’m here with a date. Tani just went to the restroom.”

“Date?” I hate that I feel guilt bubbling up inside of me when he questions me. I shouldn’t. Fuck. “Damn. I was hoping with the time you’ve been spending with Lotus Petal, you two might be working things out.”

His words cause my stomach to curl in bitterness and anger. Petal would kill him if she heard him use her whole name. She hates it. Ida Sue is a bitch, at least to me. If she didn’t have such great kids, I would figure she was insane and needed a padded cell. As it is, she fucked them over by giving every one of them crazy ass names. Her daughters are all named after flowers and her sons after colors. It was a family tradition that Petal wanted to add to. I was completely against it, but we managed to settle on elements around us. We named our son River and one day hoped to name our daughter Lake. That’s not going to happen now. I need to face that. Black wasn’t the only one hoping Petal and I would find a way to work it out. I’ve been longing for that since the day she left, and the last few months, we’ve been spending so much time together that hope has come back to life.

We’ve been trying to help River because he’s having trouble in school. At first the dinners and meetings were good, but the more time I spend with Petal, the more fucked up my head becomes. Tonight when she called to cancel our meeting—all because her mom demanded she attend a family dinner—I finally decided I had enough. Again, I was getting pushed aside for her mother. Again, I was on the outside looking in. I used to live for the day when she would proudly take me to these dinners—the man by her side, one she was proud of—and tell her mom to fuck off. That day never came. I’m nothing but the father of her son, and I swore to myself that I was done begging her to stay with me and fight for our marriage. There’s only so much a man’s pride can take. She left me. It’s over. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

That realization is the reason I asked Tani if she wanted to go out for a drink. She suggested bowling, and I agreed without thinking. I look up beyond Black and see the family there, but I don’t see Petal. Instead, my gaze lands on Ida Sue and the smug look she’s giving me. I wish to fuck I had said no to bowling.

When Petal comes around the corner, I wish it even more.

“That ship has sailed, brother,” I tell Black, then prepare myself for Petal. I watch as she approaches, and Black must notice I’m distracted because he turns around too. She’s changed so much since I met her. The one thing that hasn’t changed is that she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She’s tiny. When I say that, I mean at 6’1” some of her brothers are a good three to four inches taller than me, but Petal’s not tall at all. She’s 5’5” and curvy as hell. She’s got an hourglass figure that has always brought me to my knees. Having River only made those curves deepen, her breasts larger, and fuck me, even with everything between us, she makes my heart speed up when she smiles. Tonight she’s got her warm caramel hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head, and every time she walks, it bounces and swishes around her. I have to tighten my hand into a fist to keep from physically reaching out to grab it. The times I did that when we were together will always be burnt into my memory. Her blue eyes remind me of cornflowers, deep in their hue and bright. Her eyes always make me think the sun itself shines out of them—unless she’s unhappy; that’s a look I can remember all too easily. Right now, I don’t have to remember because she’s looking right at me, and those eyes are dull and lifeless. I instinctively want to reach out and try to bring the light back into them. I have always wanted to do that. She never let me.

“Hi, Luka. I didn’t know you were coming here tonight,” she confesses, her soft voice diving deep inside of me like it always does. God, how this woman haunts me. We’ve been apart for over a year, and still it feels as if she lives inside of me.

“I suggested it,” Tani says, picking that moment to pop back in. She comes to stand beside me, and that feeling inside of me festers again when she puts her arm around my stomach, leaning into my side. How can it be cheating if the woman you love isn’t yours anymore? How can I feel guilt when Petal was the one to push me out of her life? I wish to fuck I knew, because the guilt is there just the same.

“Hi, Tani.” Petal smiles at her. “Nice to see you again,” she adds, and that fucking pisses me off. So adult. So fucking grown-up about it all. Would it be so much to ask if she could show just a little bit of jealousy? Something to let me know I’m not the only one who grieves over what we lost?

“You too, Petal. How have you b—?”

“Daddy! Daddy! I rolled the ball and knocked over pins!” River cries, running toward us. He doesn’t stop until he’s thrown his little body into me. I pick him up, instant warmth spreading through me. My son is everything good in this world and the one thing I’ve done that I take genuine pride in. He’s the best of me. I look over at Petal and see the love in her eyes shining for our son. River’s the best of both of us and the one thing that will always connect us.

The pain of that thought feels like it’s going to cut me in two. When her eyes lock onto mine, I see that same pain reflected back at me.

Why the fuck does this have to be so hard?